When God speaks....

I left my office feeling totally stupid. Shall not go into details but on my way to my CG's prayer meet, I keep telling myself "Past is past, over already. Lord, give me peace & anoint me with more wisdom.".

Went to CG with a heavy heart but hey! unexpectedly God spoke tonight! No thunderous voice from above nor chill down my spine. Just this very gentle comfort that surrounds me. I left, comforted.

A dear friend's birthday celebration

Today, CG celebrated Nelson's birthday through a whole chunk of lies. *don't ask me what lies* But basically, he has no idea that we are celebrating his birthday today. Hahaha!!! Happy birthday dear friend...!! Anything more, wait for card. ^.~


Not going to blog much cause I am super "seh"... Before that, this is my messy workstation. If you look closely, beyond my CPU is the glass panel that I get "knocked" often. Very small table & I wished that I could saw the bottom of my table off so that I can put my CPU below. But below my desk, is already filled with books. *argh* But then again, I am hardly at my desk. HAHAHA!!! Nights...

Godsons are sick

Both my godsons are down. When I went to visit them yesterday, Matt was sleeping soundly. John was wide awake. Matt was then awaken by a nightmare and thereafter, it was nightmarish for us; chasing after him to have his meal. Literally like what Ps Jeff has said before, the only time when we see adults behaving totally un-themselves is when they are entertaining kids. It was a joy to see! Though Matt's eye was still swollen & what was relayed is simply a "viral infection" and no other info, I was really glad and at ease to see Matt still able to play and run around.

Visited them today again. When I arrived, John was sleeping soundly and Matt was in his lovely piggy pajamas bought by Er-gu. Today, their parents were down too. Whole time whilst I was there, I was answering to his "Whys" questions. "Godmummy, why are you in white and green? Godmummy, why your hair long? Godmummy................." Basically, it was a repetition of my conversation with Pearly.

Keeping all of them in prayer.

Kowloon Walled City

"A born-again Christian English woman called Jackie Pullinger, who arrived in the 1960s, was quick to spot the potential harvest of souls to be had among the addicts and the downtrodden, and since then has been weaning addicts in the City off heroin with amazing passion and success."

The "City" was Kowloon Walled City. What remains now is the Kowloon Walled City Park. The above is an excerpt from a picture-cum-information book on the history of KWC.

When I was chatting with a Christ believing social worker from another center a few months ago, he told me "If you want to do Youth Work in rural areas, read the book by Jackie Pullnger - Chasing the Dragon.". I kinda brushed it aside back then. Little did I know that it will be a birthday gift from a dear sister.

Jackie Pullinger received a calling from God in 1966 and she sailed to Hong Kong & stayed at the KWC. KWC was a place that was filled Triads, gang fights, drugs & what have you. She went in and told the triad leaders that Jesus loves them. Soon, she realized that telling them that Jesus loves them is not enough. She went the extra mile to love them too. Be involved in their lives & lived amongst them. Soon, gang leaders just converted one by one. Drug addicts kicked their addiction by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I am amazed & I am really in awe of this lady of courage. What touched me was her total lack of knowledge of Cantonese yet she went in by faith through obedience. And by faith, God bless her abundantly.

Today at the prayer meet, I prayed for courage & wisdom.

Breakdown of communication ^.^

I had a good afternoon nap today. The Brisbane radio station, 4KQ, was blasting over my PC causing me to reminisce about the good times (and bad times) I had there. :) And so, I slept. I slept so well that I keep snoozing my alarm clock. 2:15pm, 2:30pm, 2:45pm and finally I decided that it's really time to wake up. I promised to prepare dinner at 3pm. And so, I woke up.

Whilst I was cooking, I was deep in thought about the email disputes I experience recently at work. It all started with a simple question asking what happened that caused the fall through. The reply was then, somewhat unpleasant. The reply back at that reply was even more unpleasant. Being one of the recipients, I was feeling angry yet at the same time, I hope so much for it to stop. Finally, someone brave replied that email reprimanding them. I was so happy cause it just relayed what was in my heart.

To me, it's a classic example of how escalation of anger had taken place due to the lack of good communication. It really started with a simple question. It ended with nasty language used. It really started with a good intention. I don't know how things just went out of hand. Bad past track records? Bad experiences before? Bad impression?

Emails, smses or any sorts of communications that isn't face to face somehow tends to have a higher chance of misunderstandings to take place.

Yesterday, I spent about 4 hours just to draft an email that is even shorter than this entry. An email that could either break the support that I already not yet have or build that support into something greater. The last thing I ever wanted was a misunderstanding. The last thing I ever wanted was for them to feel that they are alone. I wanted them to know that if ever needed, I & my co-workers along with other workers on the case is together with them. With great courage, I click the "Sent" button and prayed for good reply. When I returned home last night, I was welcomed by the principal's reply. A positive one. *PHEW*

Anyway, as I was cooking today, it just hit me that actually, everyone really start off with good intentions in mind. The first email with a simple question really started with good intentions in mind. However, intentions misread, anger escalated.

Love is patient
Love is kind
It does not envy
It does not boast, it is not proud.
It is not rude
It is not self-seeking
It is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects
Always trusts
Always hopes
Always perseveres
Love never fail

New Environment

Today was my official first day in my new office at 350. Before I go on, we address the different departments in my org by the Block/Building that they are in. So now, I am in 350.

Have I ever mentioned before that I have about the BEST place in the office? My seat faced directly into the Residential Home that I am working with. Constantly, I will have kids making funny faces in front of me. While I was working hard at delivering an email, I heard a faint knock! At Blk 5, when someone knock, someone wants to get into the office. Thus, I turned and look around but there was no one. The faint knock continued then I realized the knock was JUST right in front of me - a little kid waving frantically in front of me.

Now, I also have the flexibility to visit the kids, them being next door now. That's a luxury which I did not have whilst I was still at Blk 5 (my old Dept). The past 2 months, I have to specially dedicate certain time to be at 350. Not forgetting that I have to travel there. Physically, I do get tired & sometimes, I don't travel as religiously as I ought to. Now, whenever I am tired facing the PC or when I feel like being involve in the kids' life, I pop next door and go "HALLLOOO!!!"

At the same time, I also got a few more nicknames (or names) to my dictionary. At Blk 5, my colleagues call me "3-Claw", the direct translation from "Sun-drua". At 350, the list continues. One girl told me "Hey.. your name sounds like Santa Claus! Sandra, Santa Claus, Sandra Santa Claus, sounds alike right? Can I call you that?" Then the little ones who are weaker in pronunciation calls me Zandraaa.

Kids also got very curious. "Sandra, your office will be here already ah?" "Sandra, your car is the black one right? Ya la! Must be that! Don't bluff." "Sandra, you staying tonight?" There are 2 girls who is giving me more friendly smiles lately.. One even gave me her favorite "Water Babies". Basically, water baby is this small little round thing that will grow as you put them in water. After awhile, it breaks forth into smaller ones. To me, it's Sago seeds. To the kids, it's a BIG thing. So, I also learn how to get excited with them.. There's Yellow, Blue, Purple & even the transparent ones!

Then there is this kid who gives me "secret" eye movement. That's because when I brought him out one day, I allowed him to play the games in my phone. To me, who's a control freak, took me lots of guts to pass him my personal items. Yet on the other hand, I think of closing that relationship gap as more important. Control freak took 2nd place. Tactic kinda helped a little. I've got this "secret" eye thingy with him.

The close proximity that I am having now is truly a luxury. I get to work more directly with the kids & I can see how the physical move to 350 has caused the kids to be more open. Perhaps, it's only now since things are still new to them and to me, getting excited and all. & I am sure that things are going to get even more exciting!

Tomorrow will be my first weekend off after a month. While I was working, I was thinking of the many things that I could do during the weekend. Now that I got my off, I do not know what to do!! Instead, I am thinking "What are the kids doing now?"... Gosh.. I better get a good break! Ok, I shall go for a swim then repair watches & clock then have a good lunch. YUM...! Bye....

Colorful

A day filled with strong emotions today.

Early in the morning, I read an email from work that caused me to be really really mad. I was so mad that I was to the point of tears. Angry tears. I was really that close to sending a reply. But I know that if I were to reply, it would be nasty. It was really hard to control my emotions though I keep going back to the verse (paraphrased) "In my anger, I shall not sin." Took me about 1 hour to cool down.

Concurrently, I also chatted with an overseas friend (through MSN) and very encouraged by how God has spoken.

Feeling hungry already, I went to cook my lunch then finally settled down to re-read what I have prepared for tonight's discussion at CG. After a couple of hours, I started to prepare dinner. **very proud to say that though I have not cooked for a long time, it was YUMMY!!! Dad tucked himself in!**

Then made my way to CG. Due to unforeseen circumstances, another CG joined in as well. Though I knew about it yesterday already, seeing SUCH a huge circle, I started to panic. Then hmm.. I think I flushed. Nervous la..

As I was driving home, I was kinda thinking through my whole day. Life does seem very colorful. First, I experienced anger over email. Encouraged. Then calmness while preparing discussion. Then happiness having parents enjoying what I had cooked. Finally, nervousness. & now, I felt like I had taken a HUGE breath in throughout the whole day & I am breathing out now.

Postcards that caught my eye

Lovely postcards that caught my eye. It is SO lovely.. Best part? Free. *CHUCKLE*

A Milestone at work

Today marks a milestone for me at work. I joined the organization on 27th Jan 2006. After one year and about 7 months, I finally say goodbye to the department where I first started - Family Services.


I remember when I first joined, I had a hugest culture shock. In my sheltered life, I have NEVER really know how poor Singaporeans could be. I have never once seen a 1-room rental flat. I have never ever seen how tight-spaced a house could be. I have never shared a packet of rice with my entire family. Back then when I started, my emotions were riding on a roller coaster. I never knew when I was down and the next minute, I was up again. I get down easily yet I get my high almost easily too. When I realized that I relied too much on my feelings, I try to learn how to stop & check myself.

Since Jan 06, through my ups and downs, I have grown very close to a few of my colleagues as we support each other quite a bit. As I left my office with 3 boxes (only), I really do not know how to react. The WHOLE office went out to the carpark. [Makes me wonder why is everyone in the office!!! And I purposely DID NOT announce my departure!!! Only t selected ones... *sigh*] Soon, some kids from our centre also came out wondering why the whole office is out staring at this lady placing the boxes in the car. I really do not know how to handle it so all I did was to walk straight & not turn back. When my "mummy" asked me to just turn my head, I refused for I know that to turn back & see all saying farewell will definitely bring tears rolling. So I just give a quick wave, hugged mummy & made my way.

It's funny. It's funny really. It's funny that I am still in the same organization yet it feels as though as I have left the place altogether. Even as I am typing this, I am still having the queer yet exciting feeling within me. Missing old place.. yet embracing new challenges!!

God's perfect Love.

Isn't it good to know that even when we don't love with a perfect love, He does?

God loves me simply because He has chosen to do so. Amen.

Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:8

Act Busy

Grabbed this off Carol's blog.. *chuckle*

A visit to the vet for Spanner & a car ride for Sparkle. One struggled like mad. One prying his nose into a sleeping Jie. One slept like a pig. One was just busy snapping photos & holding onto a struggling dog. Actually, all 4 very busy. Hahaha!!!

Joyful Always? Really tough... But will TRY! *GrrRRrrrRR*

One thing I truly detest are people who are irresponsible & today, in the midst of my meeting this afternoon, I had to answer a call that threw me overboard. I got really hopping mad & seriously, I could feel my blood boiling & pressure rising. I will NOT elaborate what was it that made me so mad.

What I'd like to share, though, is this. At my workplace, there is this thing called the Beyond's Compass. Out of 12 compasses (directions), I chose "I choose not to whine and complain about what we have no control over but to make the best of the situation." Coincidentally, I also did share with God that I will do my best to live out 1 Thess 5:16 to be joyful always in all circumstances!

I can testify that it's hard. It's REALLY hard to be joyful in ALL circumstances. It's really hard to not whine, to not complain. It's really a wonder how to make best of situations. At that moment when I received that call, it was HARD to maintain my coolness & not scream. It was really really really really a testing for me. All I could do best was to keep silent over the phone for I know... I know that if I were to speak, it wouldn't be unpleasant words. *sigh* I was just glad I at least, at that moment, I controlled my angry words.

Well, I guess I live in a real world facing real issues that is no different from anybody else. Honestly, even now, after a good 9 hours, I am still, well..., feeling upset. The question for me then is how can I live a life that I can truly proclaim that Christ is in me?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23a

p.s. To be fair, it wasn't a total 9 hrs that I was upset. I totally enjoyed the 3-hr King & I musical!!! *SMILE*

Let there be L.O.V.E

I really have wanted to celebrate my birthday quietly cause it probably is the only time that I could have a good break/rest before work gets busy. However, I had a HUGE birthday bash in store for me by my CG.

We started the day with just the girls at the National Museum of Singapore watching 6 plays showcasing the history of Singapore. After which, we made our way to Park Mall & decided to settle for Fish & Co. though our initial plan was Hans. =) Along the way, we found this brightly-colored carpark entrance at Wesley Methodist Church. The drawings were just calling out to me to take photos!!



By the time we hit Merchant Court Hotel, Nelson has already checked in, showered & resting. Poor fella was actually ill. Plans to dine at The Central were all perished as birthday girl got TOO lazy. Instead, we ordered Pizzas & enjoyed the NDP on Ch 5.

Watching NDP in a hotel was my first time. Watching NDP at a hotel that was close to where all the action is was absolutely awesome. Basically, we were dashing in & out of the room to the balcony to watch the helicopters, jets & fireworks.

When show was over, everyone was quick to leave the hotel for ice cream. Made me wonder why but well, which birthdays has no sabotage right? I kinda guessed they had something up their sleeves. Reached The Central & found a group of Filipinos singing acapella & CG got them to sing me a birthday song & the song by Nat King Cole "Let there be Love."





This is NOT my birthday song but the only video I have of them singing to a kiddo. *smile* When all the focus were on me, all I could do was to simply smile & blush. (Though... I was rather tempted to grab them for a dance! HAHA!!!)

Finally, CG revealed that I am really given ONLY 2 choices. One - Singapore River. Two - Reverse Bungy at Clarke Quay. Obviously, there was ONLY one choice actually. Got up onto that Bungy feeling my heart thumping madly.

After "torturing" me, we went back to the hotel for a sharing session. Affirmation time + CG Sharing time. I shall not speak too much about the CG sharing time but I just wanna say thank you to all my friends in the CG when you affirmed me that every word that was spoken remains in my memory & heart. For some reasons or in some ways or another, I am SURE that I have failed you guys. & I am also very sure that we disappoint one another here & there. However, I would also believe that with failures, comes success. Trusting the process to run the friendship race! Some silly photos below... :P

Proposed to by 3 guys. HAHA!!
The different expressions... Act Cute, Angry, "Buay Song", Pondering, Scared... *sigh*... I think we were really quite "high" while taking these photos. HAHAHA!!

Hmm... 30 is not really a huge number. However, somehow, I feel that as I age, it seemed that it's the little things in life that matters most. Every word said, every action made is etched in my memory & heart. As compared to the other years, the gifts I received are lesser but somehow, I appreciate this year much more. Not because it was celebrated with a huge bang, neither was it because I had a hotel room to stay over, neither was it because I have gifts. I really think it's because I learnt (& still trying) how to appreciate things more.

Big Three

WooohooO!!! I am finally 30 years old. Well, officially, I just passed 30 eighteen minutes ago.

I really had a fabulous time today. Despite a tiring day at work, the evening was good. DESPITE feeling sleepy during dinner/tea/coffee session, the night was relaxing over laughters.

Today was Beyond's Red White ONE party in celebration for Singapore's National Day. The performance by the kids were heartwarming. For me, I was just trigger free snapping away. I was caught by my colleague who then got me to be the official photographer. Suddenly, I was just consciously aware that my photos are somewhat "important".. Hahaha!! Photos here.

After the party, 4 colleagues and I made our way to TCC at Circular Road. Relaxed was the only way that I can describe the whole night. We yakked & laughed & yakked & laughed. When all of us let our hair down & let it out, we found out that we are not only a bunch of hardworking people (Heehee.. Like I very hardworking like that!) but we do know what is call FUN.

Off to sleep so that I can have more fun. Zzzzzz....

A birthday celebration

When kor & I were much younger (say very early 20s), birthday celebrations were always held in chalets side by side. He will have his group of friends & I will have mine. Singing of songs & cutting of cake will always be held together. I remember, there was a year that we celebrated 3 birthdays altogether. We had a HUGE ship-like cake. After the cake cutting session, it'll basically be party time. Haha!!! He will have his own party cum mahjong session. I will have mine.

As we grew older, we led different lifestyle & I went overseas and we never celebrated together anymore.

.... after a 15 year long friendship, today is the very first time we are celebrating our birthdays just the two of us. Of course, I would say that age plays a HUGE part. I can never see myself holding chalet parties & having a ball of a time without thinking that it's extra money spent & efforts spent in sending invites. Hahaa...

Now at age 30, a simple dinner and movie suffice. A chat over a drink warms the heart. Catching up with each other's dreams & ideals in life is a luxury considering how "often" we meet up.

Keeping my life on Track

Not only young lives... but learning to keep my life on track with God too...

Gratitude is an option!

I had 3 slips of paper giving me a kewl 20% discount at Borders. Last Friday, I made my way happily to Borders NOT knowing what books to buy. I only know that I finally had "extra" cash to buy books!! Woohoo!!! On my way there, my colleague text me telling me that she will not be joining her friends for dinner so she'll like to join me at Borders. Told her to call me when she arrive and I'd let her know where I will be.

While I was reading, a head suddenly popped behind some stranger & said "I don't need to call you to know that you will be in this section!" *Chucklez* It's a "职业病" (Job sickness). I was in the section looking for books to improve myself in my knowledge at work. I was specifically looking for books on child's placements. I am always disappointed actually. The range at borders for books as such is limited.

However, the itch of getting books was getting to me so I thought hard what books I'd really like to get??? Suddenly, I remembered a friend telling me that there's a devotional bible with the gentle wisdom of Max Lucado's input. I made my way then to the Religion section. SADLY, the last copy was just sold out. Placed my order & hoping that it will come before the discount ends. Then I thought "I still want to settle my itch!" (N.B. It's not often I have itches to buy things ok???) I decided on 2 books by Lucado.

Now, am reading Lucado's Everyday Deserves a Chance. I bought this book simply because it was very colorful. Unknowingly, it has lots to give.

Excerpts of the stories in it...

"Gratitude is the firstborn child of grave, the appropriate response of the blessed."

"When Sidney Connell's brand new bicycle was stolen, she called her dad with the bad new. He expected his daughter to be upset. But Sidney wasn't crying. She was honoured. "Dad," she boasted, "out of all the bikes they could have taken, they took mine.""

Lucado taking from Matthew Henry when he was robbed of his purse:

"Let me be thankful first, because I was never robbed before; second, because, although they took my purse, they did not take my life; third, although they took my all, it was not much; and fourthly, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed."

Something that is applicable to me (& those who complain about the mountain heaps of work is this by management consultant Robert Updegraff:

"You ought to be glad for the troubles on your job because they provide about half your income. If it were not for the things that go wrong, the difficult people with whom you deal, and the problems of the working day, someone could be found to handle your job for half of what you are paid. So start looking for more troubles. Learn to handle them cheerfully & with good judgment, as opportunities rather than irritations, and you will find yourself getting ahead at a surprising rate. For there are plenty of big jobs waiting for people who are not afraid of troubles."

Having the heart of gratitude is indeed an option. As I was walking wearily to work yesterday, it just hit me that I am indeed grateful simply for the fact that though I am tired turning up for work, I have had a job amidst the many others who are jobless.

I do, I do, I do...

"I, (name) take thee, (name) to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part.

This ring I give you, in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love."

Sister & my official brother-in-law, Ivan, said that pledge of love yesterday.

It was a rather hectic day. I wanted to surprise sis with a bunch of balloons (she loves balloons). Went to pump the balloon with helium at my office then fetched the make up artist to my place. (When Susan did up my face, I got a shock looking at myself!!) Then Jan & I with my parents made our way down to ROM slowly (cause dad was making sure the needle point do not go beyond 80km/hr).

While I was driving to my office, the clouds were REALLY threatening. It was not only dark but it was very very windy. I said a quick prayer & told God "Hold the rain!!!!!" Then after one traffic light, I changed - "God, if really there is a need for rain, bring the rain down now & bless us with good weather later!" True enough, it poured in less than 5 mins & stopped in about 15 mins. Weather thereafter was perfect!!!

Though it was a quick "I do" session, it was a rather emotional one. Even without knowing that sis or my parents teared, I teared slightly too. Seeing my sister from baby (of course), knowing her struggles, going through some of her pain, scheming together with her, quarrels, childhood playtime of pretend-pretend, to where she is now, it was a wonderful 28 years of journey. Seeing her marry someone who honor & love her (so far from what I see & hear. Heehee..) puts my heart at ease.

At the end of the day, what captured me ultimately was the Marriage Vows.

Through the lives of my parents, I saw how my mummy honored her vows taking care of my daddy in sickness or in health. Not a look of frustration, not a word of anger. She simply cared, love & honor.

Through a conversation with Carol's ex school mate of about the same age, she shared that (paraphrased) marrying early only means that from young, I have to learn to give up things girls at my age is doing & enjoying. When my friends ask me out, I have to think twice because I am no longer living for myself. I have to think of my role as a wife & a mother. Marriage is really for life. You stick through it despite quarrels. Wise words from someone younger than me.

Of course, what beautify an entry are photos. Here are some. More at Multiply.