I finally completed my re-reading of Life is Tough but God is Faithful by Sheila Walsh. It has been a VERY difficult book to read. Not that the words are hard to understand. She used simple understandable words. However, it's a book that caused me to search and dig my heart real deep on my love for God. Each time I pick up the book to read, I am bound to have tears welled up in my eyes. She is a speaker at the Women of Faith Conferences and creator of the popular Children of Faith Conferences. She wrote in humility on how she has learned through the many people whom she has rendered help. She wrote in humility also how tough life can be yet how God has shone His light on her path.
There are times when this huge blanket of negativity just plonk down on me. There are times when I wake up feeling that nothing will ever go right. There are times when I simply drag my feet to work. There are times when the day started right but the rest of the day is just one big wrong. There are times when things just simply don't work out for me. There are times when I don't feel like doing anything. There are times when I just want to hide in my room behind closed doors. There are times when I feel distant from God. There are times when I feel angry. There are times when I don't feel like responding to anybody.
Yet, it's in those times when I feel so "ugly" could I hear Jesus asking me what He asked Peter "Sandra, do you love me? Do you love me? Do you love me?" And I felt in my heart "HOW can I out-love God? HOW can I outgive God?"
I ask "God, can I trust you?"
God ask "Sandra, I know life is tough but can I trust you enough to trust that I am always faithful?"
- Heart rendered -
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Monday, October 30, 2006
Something encouraging
"When you live in reaction, you give your power away. Then you get to experience what you gave your power to." - Author Unknown
Have you ever noticed the similarities between the words "react" and "create"? Though arranged differently, the same letters are used in each, with only an extra letter added to the one. We can choose to see that extra "e" as standing for effort, reminding us that instead of giving our power away by reacting to what appears to be, we can use a little extra effort to create a new and better
experience for ourselves and those around us. All we have to do is choose to see the situation differently.
It's worth the extra effort. It really, truly is.
Credited to Kate Nowak.
Have you ever noticed the similarities between the words "react" and "create"? Though arranged differently, the same letters are used in each, with only an extra letter added to the one. We can choose to see that extra "e" as standing for effort, reminding us that instead of giving our power away by reacting to what appears to be, we can use a little extra effort to create a new and better
experience for ourselves and those around us. All we have to do is choose to see the situation differently.
It's worth the extra effort. It really, truly is.
Credited to Kate Nowak.
Sunday, October 29, 2006
A refreshing Sunday
Ps Ben shared a powerful analogy today.
A little boy came to the piano before a huge audience. As he sat before the piano, he started to play. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. The audiences was "awed". Then, the "Grandmaster" came out and told the little boy to continue. He sat beside the little boy and played together with him. Together, they played a piece of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star that simply enchanted the audiences.
Analogy: Many of us are unrefined. However, when God comes INTO the picture, the things we do simply becomes a Masterpiece.
See.. It is God's business that we, as HIS children are IN the Freedom Business! God is our Super-Partner in wherever we are!
Together with a powerful sermon is a powerful testimony! I was very touched by the testimony that a brother shared. He used to be a very angry person and people often don't like him. He shared about how angry he was with his father and how he changed when he got to know God. He learned how to love people in general and how to love his father. Honestly, if he didn't share, I wouldn't have known that he was an angry person in the past. What I see is a guy who is joyful from inside out!
As he shared, my thoughts turned to the clients whom I am serving. His story is so similar to those whom I am serving. I ask myself - What can I do for them? What can I do to motivate them that there is MORE to life then what it is already been giving to them? How can I motivate them to look beyond their poor status (poor in general) and keep going!!! Many times, people are trapped in thoughts like - Nothing I do can ever change my situation. Since I have been living like that and survived, I am sure that my offsprings can too. What's the point of working hard? I am glad for the brother for he has found God. In God, he has found freedom. In God, he has found love. In God, he has found strength and wisdom and capability.
When it's altar call time, I responded to wanting to serve the urban poor in Singapore. More so than ever, what God reminded me was this: My heart has always been towards the people and especially the children in the 3rd world countries. I always thought that I would want to do overseas mission there. And today, God reminded me that NOW, currently, I am in the BEST place there could ever be in Singapore. I am in an organization that serves the lowest 4% income. The poorest of the poor in Sg - The urban poor. I am convinced that where I am working right now is where God wants me to be in so that HE can lead me to an even greater place. I responded to the altar call that I want to make God's business my business. I want HIM to lead me. May HE grant me HIS wisdom and joy in every part of my life.
*blessed*
A little boy came to the piano before a huge audience. As he sat before the piano, he started to play. Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. The audiences was "awed". Then, the "Grandmaster" came out and told the little boy to continue. He sat beside the little boy and played together with him. Together, they played a piece of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star that simply enchanted the audiences.
Analogy: Many of us are unrefined. However, when God comes INTO the picture, the things we do simply becomes a Masterpiece.
See.. It is God's business that we, as HIS children are IN the Freedom Business! God is our Super-Partner in wherever we are!
Together with a powerful sermon is a powerful testimony! I was very touched by the testimony that a brother shared. He used to be a very angry person and people often don't like him. He shared about how angry he was with his father and how he changed when he got to know God. He learned how to love people in general and how to love his father. Honestly, if he didn't share, I wouldn't have known that he was an angry person in the past. What I see is a guy who is joyful from inside out!
As he shared, my thoughts turned to the clients whom I am serving. His story is so similar to those whom I am serving. I ask myself - What can I do for them? What can I do to motivate them that there is MORE to life then what it is already been giving to them? How can I motivate them to look beyond their poor status (poor in general) and keep going!!! Many times, people are trapped in thoughts like - Nothing I do can ever change my situation. Since I have been living like that and survived, I am sure that my offsprings can too. What's the point of working hard? I am glad for the brother for he has found God. In God, he has found freedom. In God, he has found love. In God, he has found strength and wisdom and capability.
When it's altar call time, I responded to wanting to serve the urban poor in Singapore. More so than ever, what God reminded me was this: My heart has always been towards the people and especially the children in the 3rd world countries. I always thought that I would want to do overseas mission there. And today, God reminded me that NOW, currently, I am in the BEST place there could ever be in Singapore. I am in an organization that serves the lowest 4% income. The poorest of the poor in Sg - The urban poor. I am convinced that where I am working right now is where God wants me to be in so that HE can lead me to an even greater place. I responded to the altar call that I want to make God's business my business. I want HIM to lead me. May HE grant me HIS wisdom and joy in every part of my life.
*blessed*
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Grace
Bible says that iron sharpens iron thus a friend sharpens another. In today's shepherding session, though I was delivering a teaching, I felt that I learn lots from it. I taught about pride and as I was preparing for it, I was reminded to check myself first. What is the degree of my pride? Is pride leading me away from God? When God gives me my giftings & talents, how do I use it for self-glorification or God's glorification? Am I self centred or am I others-focused?
On my way home, I read this solid phrase:
Love that goes upward is worship, love that goes outward is affection, love that stoops is grace
- Donald Barnhouse
Personally, being humble is something that I need to learn ALL the time. Pride is one thing that will often bring one down. Never underestimate a humbling experience.
On my way home, I read this solid phrase:
Love that goes upward is worship, love that goes outward is affection, love that stoops is grace
- Donald Barnhouse
Personally, being humble is something that I need to learn ALL the time. Pride is one thing that will often bring one down. Never underestimate a humbling experience.
Wednesday, October 25, 2006
The power of Unity
We had a casual, non-formal CG today. We met at Cineleisure for dinner then proceeded for drinks at Maestro Bistro at Level 2. After evaluation of Chen Su Lan, we started to plan a CG outing in November. We had lots of suggestions but yet to decide on anything yet.
Towards the end, Penny shared about relationships in CG. She gave us something to ponder: Many of us accepted Christ when we were students. Would we have accepted Christ NOW when we are already working? What will be one thing that can attract us about this person called Jesus Christ? Then Penn went on and shared about the article below - The Power of Unity. Thinking about it, I think if I am a pre-believer and am searching for God, a United group will attract me ALOT. When a group is united, I will wonder - What is so good about this God that can cause unity to take place? What is one thing that is so GREAT that all agree upon?
I came home and prayed about this. Relationship is a BIG thing for me since my Language of Love is Quality Time. God led me to this verse in Amos 3:3 that says "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?"
The Power of Unity
...at all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in Me and I am in You. May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. - John 17:21
What is the greatest power that allows the unsaved to make a decision for Jesus Christ?
It isn't prayer, though this is important. It isn't good deeds, though deeds indicate a fruitful relationship with God. It isn't good behavior, though Christ commands us to be obedient as sons. The greatest power God's children have over darkness is unity. Jesus talked a great deal about His oneness with the Father and the importance of unity in the Body of Christ. It is the most difficult command Jesus gave to the Church, because it wars against the most evil aspect of our sin nature-independence.
In the last days we are seeing God's Spirit convict His children of the lack of unity among His Church. We are seeing God move between blacks and whites, ethnic groups, denominations, and parachurch groups. There is much work to be done. The walls of division and competition among His Body are a stench in God's nostrils. He sees the competition and the pride of ownership and weeps for the lost who cannot come to Him because they cannot see Him in His Body. When His Body is one, the unbelieving see that Jesus was sent by God. It is like a supernatural key that unlocks Heaven for the heathen soul. The key is in the hand of Christ's Church.
When there is unity, there is power. Scripture tells us five will chase 100, but 100 will chase 10,000 (see Lev. 26:8). There is a dynamic multiplication factor in unity of numbers. We are a hundred times more effective when we are a unified group. Imagine what God could do with a unified Church.
Jesus prayed that we all might be one, as the Father and He are one. He wanted the same love God has for Jesus to be in each of us. When this love is in us, we are drawn to each other with a common mission. The walls fall down. The independent spirit is broken. Competition is destroyed. Satan's accusations are thwarted. Our love for each other is manifest to the world around us. Lost souls begin to seek this love that is so foreign to them.
Have you contributed to an independent spirit within His Body? Are you seeking to break down walls of competition among Christians, churches, denominations, and ethnic groups? Until we walk in the spirit of unity, we will hinder those in whom God has reserved a place in Heaven. Pray for His Church to be unified.
Towards the end, Penny shared about relationships in CG. She gave us something to ponder: Many of us accepted Christ when we were students. Would we have accepted Christ NOW when we are already working? What will be one thing that can attract us about this person called Jesus Christ? Then Penn went on and shared about the article below - The Power of Unity. Thinking about it, I think if I am a pre-believer and am searching for God, a United group will attract me ALOT. When a group is united, I will wonder - What is so good about this God that can cause unity to take place? What is one thing that is so GREAT that all agree upon?
I came home and prayed about this. Relationship is a BIG thing for me since my Language of Love is Quality Time. God led me to this verse in Amos 3:3 that says "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
The Power of Unity
...at all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in Me and I am in You. May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. - John 17:21
What is the greatest power that allows the unsaved to make a decision for Jesus Christ?
It isn't prayer, though this is important. It isn't good deeds, though deeds indicate a fruitful relationship with God. It isn't good behavior, though Christ commands us to be obedient as sons. The greatest power God's children have over darkness is unity. Jesus talked a great deal about His oneness with the Father and the importance of unity in the Body of Christ. It is the most difficult command Jesus gave to the Church, because it wars against the most evil aspect of our sin nature-independence.
In the last days we are seeing God's Spirit convict His children of the lack of unity among His Church. We are seeing God move between blacks and whites, ethnic groups, denominations, and parachurch groups. There is much work to be done. The walls of division and competition among His Body are a stench in God's nostrils. He sees the competition and the pride of ownership and weeps for the lost who cannot come to Him because they cannot see Him in His Body. When His Body is one, the unbelieving see that Jesus was sent by God. It is like a supernatural key that unlocks Heaven for the heathen soul. The key is in the hand of Christ's Church.
When there is unity, there is power. Scripture tells us five will chase 100, but 100 will chase 10,000 (see Lev. 26:8). There is a dynamic multiplication factor in unity of numbers. We are a hundred times more effective when we are a unified group. Imagine what God could do with a unified Church.
Jesus prayed that we all might be one, as the Father and He are one. He wanted the same love God has for Jesus to be in each of us. When this love is in us, we are drawn to each other with a common mission. The walls fall down. The independent spirit is broken. Competition is destroyed. Satan's accusations are thwarted. Our love for each other is manifest to the world around us. Lost souls begin to seek this love that is so foreign to them.
Have you contributed to an independent spirit within His Body? Are you seeking to break down walls of competition among Christians, churches, denominations, and ethnic groups? Until we walk in the spirit of unity, we will hinder those in whom God has reserved a place in Heaven. Pray for His Church to be unified.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Life is tough BUT GOD is FAITHFUL
I took out this book by Sheila Walsh and read it all over again. I got it as a birthday gift from my dear friend in 2004. I have read it once then already. Then when I read it, I enjoyed it thoroughly. However, this time while reading it, it seemed to pull my heart. The testimonies used in this book never fail to tug my heart. Just to share something that hit me:
When the heat of problems and pain burns into our very souls, we can crawl away and hide when it gets too hot, or we can chooise to be living sacrifices who stay on the altar for His sake.
Sheila shared a testimony of a lady who clung onto God in all circumstances. While preparing to go overseas for missions, she and her husband lost their first child to an inborn disease. Then, they still decided to serve God though they postponed their trip. When they were overseas, they adopted a child and continued to serve. One day, they lost their second child when he downed some poison accidentally. Then, though agonized, they still choose to focus and serve God. And, finally, she lost her husband in an helicopter accident. She said "Every time I thought I had given it all to Him, I found there was more to give." and she continued saying "If we believe in God only for the blessing He can give us, our belief in Him is not based on love and trust but on our own selfish desires and our own concept of what we think God owes us."
In my job, I am unable to share my faith to any of the clients I am working with. I can't share the joy of Christ and I can't spread His good news. But I know that I can live out His name by living a life God wants me to live. Because I wear a cross around my neck, I have clients asking me "Are you a Christian?". One client who was a believer did went on to ask me "Why did this happen to me since I believed in God?" [Shall not describe what happened]. However because of that, I want to prepare myself more for such questions - (1) If your God is SO good, if I believe in Him, can my life be better? (2) If God is so good, why is life still so unfair?
Fact is, God did not promise us a life that's smooth sailing. He DID, however, promised us a life that will NEVER be WITHOUT Him. When the problems get heated up in our lives, what do we do? Do we crawl away? Or do we continue to trust in His love for us?
Just a heart-searching thought.
When the heat of problems and pain burns into our very souls, we can crawl away and hide when it gets too hot, or we can chooise to be living sacrifices who stay on the altar for His sake.
Sheila shared a testimony of a lady who clung onto God in all circumstances. While preparing to go overseas for missions, she and her husband lost their first child to an inborn disease. Then, they still decided to serve God though they postponed their trip. When they were overseas, they adopted a child and continued to serve. One day, they lost their second child when he downed some poison accidentally. Then, though agonized, they still choose to focus and serve God. And, finally, she lost her husband in an helicopter accident. She said "Every time I thought I had given it all to Him, I found there was more to give." and she continued saying "If we believe in God only for the blessing He can give us, our belief in Him is not based on love and trust but on our own selfish desires and our own concept of what we think God owes us."
In my job, I am unable to share my faith to any of the clients I am working with. I can't share the joy of Christ and I can't spread His good news. But I know that I can live out His name by living a life God wants me to live. Because I wear a cross around my neck, I have clients asking me "Are you a Christian?". One client who was a believer did went on to ask me "Why did this happen to me since I believed in God?" [Shall not describe what happened]. However because of that, I want to prepare myself more for such questions - (1) If your God is SO good, if I believe in Him, can my life be better? (2) If God is so good, why is life still so unfair?
Fact is, God did not promise us a life that's smooth sailing. He DID, however, promised us a life that will NEVER be WITHOUT Him. When the problems get heated up in our lives, what do we do? Do we crawl away? Or do we continue to trust in His love for us?
Just a heart-searching thought.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Deepavali worth remembering!
Deepavali 2006 was made special because it simply was special.
Morning
CG together with our visitors went to Chen Su Lan Methodist Children's Home. There were about 16 of them perhaps. *shrug* I didn't exactly do a count. We played games and we mingled with them. I felt that 3 hours is like so short. I felt tears brimming on 2 occasions.
i) When we close eyes to say grace, the children sang grace. Honestly, I do not know why I dropped a few drops of tears. I was just really glad that these children know God. I was even questioned by a few little ones (age 8 & 10) - Are you a Christian? Which church do you go to?
ii) When we say goodbye. Saying that goodbye seemed to be the longest time of my life. By 3 hours, I have already grown quite attached to a few of them. I had a few serious talk with 2 of them and without revealing much, my heart goes out to them.
Personally, after the event, I wonder - What's their story? I reckon that for children to be in a Home, something must have happened. I wonder - What is their story? What's IS that story behind that smile on their faces?
One day... One day after gaining my experience in the FSC (Family Service Centre), I will want to branch into specialities. My heart is still very much steered towards children in homes. Children always intrigue me. They are at an age that is SO absorbing YET, some have to face the impact of a practical & cold world (in their context).
Yesterday, I truly felt the reality of this statement - There is always a story behind a face.
Evening
If you have followed my blog long enough, you may have remembered my blog on a Saturday Rendevous. In it, I wrote about my meet up with my friends from Brisbane and I specifically wrote that we meet up ANNUALLY.
Well, we broke it the record this year. Yesterday evening, we met up (as a group) for the 2nd time. This time, there were more additions - 3 partners were "showcased"! (",)
Last couple to stroll in.. Girlfriend very shy initially.. But warmed up real fast. Friendly and beautiful girl to talk to! Very real..
Ivan, meet Ivan. The world is really REALLY round. Or rather, what goes around, comes around! Gosh.. these two guys know each other. On the left with the "永" word on the T-shirt is Carol's darlingz.. The other's Val's darlz. (Val's the gal on the most right).
3 beautiful couples..
Me & Jan, Me & Chantel. [My friend saw my pic on MSN and ask me who is that guy! Gosh.. He long time never see me with Bandana man!!] Yesterday was real windy.. I was so glad I had a Bandana on to keep my bad-hair in place!!
Realised that there isn't much photos taken during this outing. Heeee... we were all busy setting fire or chatting OR BBQ-ing. Simply no time to take photo with oily hands and charred fingers!!!
Overall
I came home and chatted with a friend. She reminded me of the course that my Old Friend told me before - Specialist Diploma in Counseling at Nanyang Polytechnic. After much thought, I decided that I will go for it (Esp when there is funding)!! I think in my line of work, I cannot stay still. I will need to always upgrade myself to learn new things. Sometimes, I do feel stuck. It's like, I do Social Work but when I meet my clients who may need counseling, I don't know how to counsel. (Though I must admit that it does improve with experience)
On the overall, before I slept last night, I prayed and ask God for wisdom. Increase my wisdom so that I can be more of an assistance to those who seek me for help. So that I can truly be a vessel. Before I slept, I wonder again - What is the story behind those smiles on the faces of the kids? And I thank God for what I have.
Morning
CG together with our visitors went to Chen Su Lan Methodist Children's Home. There were about 16 of them perhaps. *shrug* I didn't exactly do a count. We played games and we mingled with them. I felt that 3 hours is like so short. I felt tears brimming on 2 occasions.
i) When we close eyes to say grace, the children sang grace. Honestly, I do not know why I dropped a few drops of tears. I was just really glad that these children know God. I was even questioned by a few little ones (age 8 & 10) - Are you a Christian? Which church do you go to?
ii) When we say goodbye. Saying that goodbye seemed to be the longest time of my life. By 3 hours, I have already grown quite attached to a few of them. I had a few serious talk with 2 of them and without revealing much, my heart goes out to them.
Personally, after the event, I wonder - What's their story? I reckon that for children to be in a Home, something must have happened. I wonder - What is their story? What's IS that story behind that smile on their faces?
One day... One day after gaining my experience in the FSC (Family Service Centre), I will want to branch into specialities. My heart is still very much steered towards children in homes. Children always intrigue me. They are at an age that is SO absorbing YET, some have to face the impact of a practical & cold world (in their context).
Yesterday, I truly felt the reality of this statement - There is always a story behind a face.
Evening
If you have followed my blog long enough, you may have remembered my blog on a Saturday Rendevous. In it, I wrote about my meet up with my friends from Brisbane and I specifically wrote that we meet up ANNUALLY.
Well, we broke it the record this year. Yesterday evening, we met up (as a group) for the 2nd time. This time, there were more additions - 3 partners were "showcased"! (",)
Last couple to stroll in.. Girlfriend very shy initially.. But warmed up real fast. Friendly and beautiful girl to talk to! Very real..
Ivan, meet Ivan. The world is really REALLY round. Or rather, what goes around, comes around! Gosh.. these two guys know each other. On the left with the "永" word on the T-shirt is Carol's darlingz.. The other's Val's darlz. (Val's the gal on the most right).
3 beautiful couples..
Me & Jan, Me & Chantel. [My friend saw my pic on MSN and ask me who is that guy! Gosh.. He long time never see me with Bandana man!!] Yesterday was real windy.. I was so glad I had a Bandana on to keep my bad-hair in place!!
Realised that there isn't much photos taken during this outing. Heeee... we were all busy setting fire or chatting OR BBQ-ing. Simply no time to take photo with oily hands and charred fingers!!!
Overall
I came home and chatted with a friend. She reminded me of the course that my Old Friend told me before - Specialist Diploma in Counseling at Nanyang Polytechnic. After much thought, I decided that I will go for it (Esp when there is funding)!! I think in my line of work, I cannot stay still. I will need to always upgrade myself to learn new things. Sometimes, I do feel stuck. It's like, I do Social Work but when I meet my clients who may need counseling, I don't know how to counsel. (Though I must admit that it does improve with experience)
On the overall, before I slept last night, I prayed and ask God for wisdom. Increase my wisdom so that I can be more of an assistance to those who seek me for help. So that I can truly be a vessel. Before I slept, I wonder again - What is the story behind those smiles on the faces of the kids? And I thank God for what I have.
Friday, October 20, 2006
Of family & love
Of family
I took leave today so that I could coincide with my sister's off-day to bring our parents out for a meal. When I told my mum about my leave 3 weeks back, we were deciding on places like Suntec City or Marina Square or Ngee Ann City. However, due to a pain in my dad's leg, a very bad hazy weather AND me who fell ill on Tuesday, we decided, no where far - Changi Airport. Yet another change of plans brought us to Army Market.
Yum yum!! We had prawn noodles, char guo tiao, beef hor fan, beef noodles, tang yuan, chin chow drink, sugarcane, sour plum drink. Yumz!! Did I mention that I am in a family of 4?? Gosh.. I am amazed at the amount that we ate!
We were out only 2 hours or 2.5 hours at MAX. Dogs went crazy. Mum found Sparkle peeing on the papers and tearing it up. Talk about rebellious.. I think I have a VERY rebellious dog!!
Anyhow, my sister had a "revelation". I was happily on my bed watching CSI dvds and she came sauntering into my room with her bolster and huge pillow. She says "Now I know why Sparkle always like to sleep with me whenever I am sleeping. Having a companion feels good." D-uH.. Now I know why she's always in my room sleeping when I am at home.
Of love
Before going out with my parents, I brought Spanner for his afternoon walk and I was pondering on the love letter that God has given to us - 1 Corinthians 13. Before the afternoon walk, I was having a MSN chat with my ex-boyfriend (groom-to-be in January to a wonderful lady). Poor guy got his car window smashed. Well, if I had my car window smashed, I will be on trains or bus. This guy has to be on cabs! And so, I scolded him a spoilt brat. He remarked - Didn't you loved me before cause I am a spoilt brat? I thought about it and said to myself "No. I hated that." Then he remarked again - cause I am cute, adorable and lovable? And I thought to myself "NO WAY MAN!" Well, lovable yes. Adorable and cute, no.
You know, I have been questioned by friends before (long time ago) - Whatever made you love that guy? My answer then and now is still - Him for being him.
Don't worry.. I am not digging up past memories (which was REALLY a long time ago) and reliving them or missing them or anything. It was really a pure conversation that we have.
However, that conversation led me to wonder - Why does God loves me despite me having SO many flaws? While walking Spanner, it just hit me. 1 Corinthians 13 says it all. Love, in essence, is the characteristic of God. Love IS God and God is Love. There's no two ways about that. For Love, God came down as Man to die for me, for the sins that I have borne in me, for the many wrong things that I have done. I guess God sees me as a whole package. I am not dissected like "This is 10% of ugly thoughts, this is 20% of lies told, this is 25% of laziness, etc." Yes, God will be angry with me if I continue to lie and all but I believe God sees me as Sandra and loves me as Sandra.
It was a great annual leave taken!
I took leave today so that I could coincide with my sister's off-day to bring our parents out for a meal. When I told my mum about my leave 3 weeks back, we were deciding on places like Suntec City or Marina Square or Ngee Ann City. However, due to a pain in my dad's leg, a very bad hazy weather AND me who fell ill on Tuesday, we decided, no where far - Changi Airport. Yet another change of plans brought us to Army Market.
Yum yum!! We had prawn noodles, char guo tiao, beef hor fan, beef noodles, tang yuan, chin chow drink, sugarcane, sour plum drink. Yumz!! Did I mention that I am in a family of 4?? Gosh.. I am amazed at the amount that we ate!
We were out only 2 hours or 2.5 hours at MAX. Dogs went crazy. Mum found Sparkle peeing on the papers and tearing it up. Talk about rebellious.. I think I have a VERY rebellious dog!!
Anyhow, my sister had a "revelation". I was happily on my bed watching CSI dvds and she came sauntering into my room with her bolster and huge pillow. She says "Now I know why Sparkle always like to sleep with me whenever I am sleeping. Having a companion feels good." D-uH.. Now I know why she's always in my room sleeping when I am at home.
Of love
Before going out with my parents, I brought Spanner for his afternoon walk and I was pondering on the love letter that God has given to us - 1 Corinthians 13. Before the afternoon walk, I was having a MSN chat with my ex-boyfriend (groom-to-be in January to a wonderful lady). Poor guy got his car window smashed. Well, if I had my car window smashed, I will be on trains or bus. This guy has to be on cabs! And so, I scolded him a spoilt brat. He remarked - Didn't you loved me before cause I am a spoilt brat? I thought about it and said to myself "No. I hated that." Then he remarked again - cause I am cute, adorable and lovable? And I thought to myself "NO WAY MAN!" Well, lovable yes. Adorable and cute, no.
You know, I have been questioned by friends before (long time ago) - Whatever made you love that guy? My answer then and now is still - Him for being him.
Don't worry.. I am not digging up past memories (which was REALLY a long time ago) and reliving them or missing them or anything. It was really a pure conversation that we have.
However, that conversation led me to wonder - Why does God loves me despite me having SO many flaws? While walking Spanner, it just hit me. 1 Corinthians 13 says it all. Love, in essence, is the characteristic of God. Love IS God and God is Love. There's no two ways about that. For Love, God came down as Man to die for me, for the sins that I have borne in me, for the many wrong things that I have done. I guess God sees me as a whole package. I am not dissected like "This is 10% of ugly thoughts, this is 20% of lies told, this is 25% of laziness, etc." Yes, God will be angry with me if I continue to lie and all but I believe God sees me as Sandra and loves me as Sandra.
It was a great annual leave taken!
Thursday, October 19, 2006
Professionalism
As I was walking home today, I can't help but smile to myself. I feel (thick skin a little today) that I have grown in my professionalism at work. What got me smiling was that I could ask my client, a family, about how they do family planning - Condoms, Contraceptive pills, Birth control patch, Ligation, etc - WITHOUT feeling embarrassed.
I used to hate asking this question. I often think that they will feel "Why is this young gal trying to ask me about my sex life?" However, along the way, I learnt : When I have to ask, I HAVE to ask. Sometimes, I just have to ask the obvious. (Of course in a subtle and gentle way la!!)
Well.. I guess we do learn how to be more trained as days/weeks/months go by... Trained to be more thick skin. Now.. Does Social Workers portray as a KPO now? Haaaaa...!
I used to hate asking this question. I often think that they will feel "Why is this young gal trying to ask me about my sex life?" However, along the way, I learnt : When I have to ask, I HAVE to ask. Sometimes, I just have to ask the obvious. (Of course in a subtle and gentle way la!!)
Well.. I guess we do learn how to be more trained as days/weeks/months go by... Trained to be more thick skin. Now.. Does Social Workers portray as a KPO now? Haaaaa...!
Monday, October 16, 2006
Thank you Lecturer
Question: If a client start talking loudly at you, what should you do?
Answer: You should do the opposite. This is because if you talk loudly as well, your client will just talk louder. But if you talk slower and softer, the tone and the speed of the voice will sooth the person.
Well, as I was serving my client this afternoon, the above just came into my mind! I had been serving this client for close to 5 months already and today, was just the same ordinary day as before. Client is a very angry and loud person. Today, I replied just as loud cause I was hoping that I will be listened to. But no matter how I tried, I couldn't get the attention of my client. Suddenly, what my lecturer taught me in my Grad Dip course just came alive!
I changed tactics. I spoke softly and gently. Instead of talking at all, I simply listened. I allowed verbal vomit to take place. After all is said and done, I talked, paraphrased and suddenly, my client just started to drop tears. When the session is over, what I had accomplished is that my client was finally interested to know what is my chinese name. So that my client will know who exactly to look for. Finally... After 5 months, I think I have established that rapport.
Guess what? For once, I felt that my $4000 worth of studies is all so worthwhile!! But more so than ever, I really want to thank the few lecturers who have taught by imparting their knowledge and skills. Thank you...
Answer: You should do the opposite. This is because if you talk loudly as well, your client will just talk louder. But if you talk slower and softer, the tone and the speed of the voice will sooth the person.
Well, as I was serving my client this afternoon, the above just came into my mind! I had been serving this client for close to 5 months already and today, was just the same ordinary day as before. Client is a very angry and loud person. Today, I replied just as loud cause I was hoping that I will be listened to. But no matter how I tried, I couldn't get the attention of my client. Suddenly, what my lecturer taught me in my Grad Dip course just came alive!
I changed tactics. I spoke softly and gently. Instead of talking at all, I simply listened. I allowed verbal vomit to take place. After all is said and done, I talked, paraphrased and suddenly, my client just started to drop tears. When the session is over, what I had accomplished is that my client was finally interested to know what is my chinese name. So that my client will know who exactly to look for. Finally... After 5 months, I think I have established that rapport.
Guess what? For once, I felt that my $4000 worth of studies is all so worthwhile!! But more so than ever, I really want to thank the few lecturers who have taught by imparting their knowledge and skills. Thank you...
Sunday, October 15, 2006
The First Family
Today in HopeKids, we learned about our First Family from Genesis 2:18-25. This is about how God created Adam and the animals. After Adam named all the animals, Adam could still not find a suitable partner. Thus, God put Adam into a deep sleep and out from one of Adam's rib, God created Eve who was named Woman for she was taken out of man. From there, the first family was formed. From Adam and Eve came many many of descendents. However, the main emphasis was not really how God created Adam and Eve. It was about how we, as children, should obey our parents. From Ephesians 6:1-2, we are reminded that honouring our parents is the first commandment - with a promise.
As we broke into our CGs, we emphasized a little more about this tough thing called Obedience towards parents & Love towards siblings. I shared with the Pri Twos my session at the Children's Home yesterday. What I saw yesterday was this: I was with my client waiting for the child to be back from excursion. When all the children came back (about 20-30 of them), my client hid and wanted me to guess who the child was. When the children saw my client, they shouted to my client's child "Your parent is here, your parent is here!!" (Don't mind me. I don't want to reveal the gender of my client and child. Heehee...) When I saw that, hmm..., my heart broke. The rest of the children were longing so SO much for their parents to come and pick them up. Some may not even know who their parents are. I was amazed from the response that I received from the kids. As I shared, the Pri Twos showed alot of emphathy towards the children whom I had described. They even described how sad it is for them not to have brothers, sisters or parents. They shared how they often quarrel with their siblings or tell lies. But they shared even more of how much they love them and how miserable life will be without them. Simplicity is really to be thankful for the simplest things in our life - Family.
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for giving me parents who love me that I never had to know what it feels like being an orphan. I thank you for my lovely sister whom I don't know how life will be like without her. Dear God, I pray that you teach me how to honor my parents more. Teach me how to love my sister more. I pray that your Holy Spirit will always teach me and guide me. In Jesus name, Amen.
As we broke into our CGs, we emphasized a little more about this tough thing called Obedience towards parents & Love towards siblings. I shared with the Pri Twos my session at the Children's Home yesterday. What I saw yesterday was this: I was with my client waiting for the child to be back from excursion. When all the children came back (about 20-30 of them), my client hid and wanted me to guess who the child was. When the children saw my client, they shouted to my client's child "Your parent is here, your parent is here!!" (Don't mind me. I don't want to reveal the gender of my client and child. Heehee...) When I saw that, hmm..., my heart broke. The rest of the children were longing so SO much for their parents to come and pick them up. Some may not even know who their parents are. I was amazed from the response that I received from the kids. As I shared, the Pri Twos showed alot of emphathy towards the children whom I had described. They even described how sad it is for them not to have brothers, sisters or parents. They shared how they often quarrel with their siblings or tell lies. But they shared even more of how much they love them and how miserable life will be without them. Simplicity is really to be thankful for the simplest things in our life - Family.
Dear Heavenly Father, I thank you for giving me parents who love me that I never had to know what it feels like being an orphan. I thank you for my lovely sister whom I don't know how life will be like without her. Dear God, I pray that you teach me how to honor my parents more. Teach me how to love my sister more. I pray that your Holy Spirit will always teach me and guide me. In Jesus name, Amen.
Just to be there...
I planned to be with my client for not more than an hour today. That's to meet her at a children's home, say "alo" to her child, chat awhile and then say "bye bye"... My objective is really just to touch base with my client's child.
Sometimes, the things that we plan will not go according to our agenda. When I reached the home with my client, the person on duty told us that the children have all gone for an outing. Thus, it will be 2.5hrs before my client's child is back.
Honestly, I had a personal agenda already planned. I pushed it back and decided that I will go ahead and meet my simple objective for the day - Establish rapport with the child.
I was really glad that I stayed on! I witness a love between a parent and a child. I witnessed the heartache of a parent. One other thing I learned most being a Social Worker is - Just being there for someone.
At the end of 4 hours, I thought I had (1) met my objectives. Rapport established with the child! The child likes me!! Gave me such a tight hug and warm greeting! Melted my heart. (2) Established a greater rapport with my client. One visit is always never enough to gain information. (3) Just being there for a client.
I loved today. I felt it's the most productive day of the whole week. *yawn*
Sometimes, the things that we plan will not go according to our agenda. When I reached the home with my client, the person on duty told us that the children have all gone for an outing. Thus, it will be 2.5hrs before my client's child is back.
Honestly, I had a personal agenda already planned. I pushed it back and decided that I will go ahead and meet my simple objective for the day - Establish rapport with the child.
I was really glad that I stayed on! I witness a love between a parent and a child. I witnessed the heartache of a parent. One other thing I learned most being a Social Worker is - Just being there for someone.
At the end of 4 hours, I thought I had (1) met my objectives. Rapport established with the child! The child likes me!! Gave me such a tight hug and warm greeting! Melted my heart. (2) Established a greater rapport with my client. One visit is always never enough to gain information. (3) Just being there for a client.
I loved today. I felt it's the most productive day of the whole week. *yawn*
Friday, October 13, 2006
A dream that comforted me
Before I went to bed last night, I prayed over one child protection case that I am handling currently. I guess, when you think about something for the whole day, very likely, it will come to you in the form of a dream too. Heehee... Well, I was blessed with 2 dreams!
Part i:
In this dream, I saw myself as a third party looking on a scene of the parent and child. I kept turning to someone asking "How how how? What should I do? I am feeling very lost!!". As I looked, I started to tear whilst seeing the child cried while being pulled away from the parent. I grabbed hold of the person beside me and cried for I felt really very lost. I don't know what I should do.
Part ii:
I was in the midst of VERY BLACK clouds. [The clouds were not grey or dark grey. It literally was black.] I remembered it was black because in my dream, I wondered to myself - How to see my way in such black clouds? To describe the clouds a little further.. The clouds were thick like the cumulonimbus clouds. It was VERY VERY THICK. I was in the midst of it trying to walk through it. I kept turning back asking someone "How to walk? It's too dark." Suddenly, I saw a stream of light passing through the clouds.
When I woke up, this verse from Proverbs 3:5-6 came to my mind - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Personally, I was very encouraged when I woke up (of course). I went to work feeling joyful though there is no change in situation. When I arrived at my work place, honestly, I witnessed a quarrel which I wished I wasn't there. I prayed and I told God - God, I really want to be an influencer. Not an influenced person.
I guess, there will be many situations in life that has the ability to pull us down. However, the art of keeping our heads above the water is worth learning.
Part i:
In this dream, I saw myself as a third party looking on a scene of the parent and child. I kept turning to someone asking "How how how? What should I do? I am feeling very lost!!". As I looked, I started to tear whilst seeing the child cried while being pulled away from the parent. I grabbed hold of the person beside me and cried for I felt really very lost. I don't know what I should do.
Part ii:
I was in the midst of VERY BLACK clouds. [The clouds were not grey or dark grey. It literally was black.] I remembered it was black because in my dream, I wondered to myself - How to see my way in such black clouds? To describe the clouds a little further.. The clouds were thick like the cumulonimbus clouds. It was VERY VERY THICK. I was in the midst of it trying to walk through it. I kept turning back asking someone "How to walk? It's too dark." Suddenly, I saw a stream of light passing through the clouds.
When I woke up, this verse from Proverbs 3:5-6 came to my mind - "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
Personally, I was very encouraged when I woke up (of course). I went to work feeling joyful though there is no change in situation. When I arrived at my work place, honestly, I witnessed a quarrel which I wished I wasn't there. I prayed and I told God - God, I really want to be an influencer. Not an influenced person.
I guess, there will be many situations in life that has the ability to pull us down. However, the art of keeping our heads above the water is worth learning.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
5 minutes conversion story
We were asked to share our conversion story in CG. 5 minutes were given. No more & no less.. Hee.. Basically, this is to help us share our story fast so that we will not "bore" our friends with whom we are sharing with.
I thought about it and thought - Why not? Share online? Here goes.. But it WILL be more than 5 mins. Heehee...
I was born in a Christian family. I attended a Methodist church. It was a family affair to begin with. Every Sunday, my whole family will don ourselves up nice nice then go to church. However, at the age of 9 years old, my parents stopped going. I carried on. It's really not because I love going to church but church gave me an opportunity not to be at home.
I grew up being an angry child. My character is known to have clashed with my dad. Thus, I always clash with my dad. Therefore, because of this, I grew up being, not only an internally angry child, I was also a very quiet person. But they always say "the quieter, the scarier". Indeed, I always crave for a love which I felt, then, my family didn't give me. (Though I was very close to my sister. However, there were days when I felt jealous of her la.. Heehee...)
I attended Sunday School all the way till I was Sec One (13yrs old). However, God still didn't give up on me. He gave me a tuition teacher who brought me to an AOG (Assembly of God) church. It was there that my interest in this man called Jesus grew a tad deeper. I started to join in ministries like dance and children's. BUT BUT BUT, I joined ONLY because (1) I love dance and I love kids. (2) I wanted acceptance from my friends who are in it. (3) I wanted to be away from home for an even longer time.
So, as you can tell, I was a VERY shallow person back then. But next to shallow, I was a person who really craved for love and attention. In which, this led me AWAY from God and led me TOWARDS man. I studied hard to get good grades to earn a "good gal" pat from my parents. Then, I got into a terrible relationship at the age of 15. Broke up at 16. At 17, I "officially" backslided. I refused to go back to church and I refused to even "entertain" my friends who invited me to their church.
That was my polytechnic time already. Well, that was also the time when I broke free from my yucky secondary classmates who trampled on me. Polytechnic speaks of FREEDOM for me! I could like "start life afresh" you know! I got to know cool friends..! But that deep loneliness still remained. At age 18, I got into a r/s that lasted about 4years plus. I really dedicated my life literally to that guy (now my good friend :)). So when we broke up, I was really quite devastated then. Thankfully, I never thought of dying. I only thought of going away from Singapore. So while he returned from UK to Sg, I left Sg for Brisbane.
Sometimes, it's funny when I think back. God has to literally plugged me out of Sg, He has to literally stripped me to ZILCH, for me to know what void was, what darkness was and what loneliness really was. In the stillness of ONE night whilst I was crying, I heard God prompting me back to Him. I told myself - Ok, God. If I call this friend and find out where his church is, I will go only if it's 15mins near my house. I called and well, you've guessed it! It's only 5 mins drive away from my place.
On the first service when I went back, it was a topic on forgiveness. And the next week. And the next next week. For a few weeks, it was on forgiveness. It was a message that drove straight to my heart. I knew I needed forgiveness. I needed to forgive so many people and more importantly, to show mercy on myself. Two verses shared with me from my Brisbane leaders were from Roman 5:3-5 and James 1:2. It's through these two verses that I know that life is ALWAYS hopeful!
I finally rededicated my life to God again.
Is that the end? No.. Life is not suddenly smooth sailing just because I got to know this God. Then, I still struggle with the lack of confidence and security. I backslided again somewhere in 2004. Now.. that was when I really really encountered God. I realised that to be broken and contrite is for me to totally give my life to God. It's only when I give my life to God, can God do something about it. I thought long and hard about it and then, I was convicted to share my deep secrets with my shepherd. Then, that was the turning point of my life. I then knew that my life was really accountable and open.
One thing I learn is the parable of the True Vine. Go read it.. Basically, I learned that pruning is no easy task. I feel painful each time God wanna prune me to be someone better. My character gets tested and moulded. Sometimes, I am "invited" to give up a few rights in my life. However, the promise is simple - Trust and Obey. God will ALWAYS be with me.
So, does being a Christian means the end of life's problem? Nope.. It has never been that way. In fact, being a Christian only means that life MAY have more problems. BUT, the rewards of character building, life learning, etc are far far far more intrinsic. On hindsight as I look at my life, I truly felt that I am greatly loved by the GREAT and AWESOME God. I may have gone one big merry go round, I may have lost my way in the maze for awhile, I may have gotten myself in the midst of a biggest whirlpool of life. But hey.. God loves me SO much to actually bring me back. And also, on hindsight, I have come to realise also that I am GREATLY loved by my parents. They have REALLY loved me to the best that they know how. In the past where there were not much education for parents, they really had loved me to the best that they know how.
I thought about it and thought - Why not? Share online? Here goes.. But it WILL be more than 5 mins. Heehee...
I was born in a Christian family. I attended a Methodist church. It was a family affair to begin with. Every Sunday, my whole family will don ourselves up nice nice then go to church. However, at the age of 9 years old, my parents stopped going. I carried on. It's really not because I love going to church but church gave me an opportunity not to be at home.
I grew up being an angry child. My character is known to have clashed with my dad. Thus, I always clash with my dad. Therefore, because of this, I grew up being, not only an internally angry child, I was also a very quiet person. But they always say "the quieter, the scarier". Indeed, I always crave for a love which I felt, then, my family didn't give me. (Though I was very close to my sister. However, there were days when I felt jealous of her la.. Heehee...)
I attended Sunday School all the way till I was Sec One (13yrs old). However, God still didn't give up on me. He gave me a tuition teacher who brought me to an AOG (Assembly of God) church. It was there that my interest in this man called Jesus grew a tad deeper. I started to join in ministries like dance and children's. BUT BUT BUT, I joined ONLY because (1) I love dance and I love kids. (2) I wanted acceptance from my friends who are in it. (3) I wanted to be away from home for an even longer time.
So, as you can tell, I was a VERY shallow person back then. But next to shallow, I was a person who really craved for love and attention. In which, this led me AWAY from God and led me TOWARDS man. I studied hard to get good grades to earn a "good gal" pat from my parents. Then, I got into a terrible relationship at the age of 15. Broke up at 16. At 17, I "officially" backslided. I refused to go back to church and I refused to even "entertain" my friends who invited me to their church.
That was my polytechnic time already. Well, that was also the time when I broke free from my yucky secondary classmates who trampled on me. Polytechnic speaks of FREEDOM for me! I could like "start life afresh" you know! I got to know cool friends..! But that deep loneliness still remained. At age 18, I got into a r/s that lasted about 4years plus. I really dedicated my life literally to that guy (now my good friend :)). So when we broke up, I was really quite devastated then. Thankfully, I never thought of dying. I only thought of going away from Singapore. So while he returned from UK to Sg, I left Sg for Brisbane.
Sometimes, it's funny when I think back. God has to literally plugged me out of Sg, He has to literally stripped me to ZILCH, for me to know what void was, what darkness was and what loneliness really was. In the stillness of ONE night whilst I was crying, I heard God prompting me back to Him. I told myself - Ok, God. If I call this friend and find out where his church is, I will go only if it's 15mins near my house. I called and well, you've guessed it! It's only 5 mins drive away from my place.
On the first service when I went back, it was a topic on forgiveness. And the next week. And the next next week. For a few weeks, it was on forgiveness. It was a message that drove straight to my heart. I knew I needed forgiveness. I needed to forgive so many people and more importantly, to show mercy on myself. Two verses shared with me from my Brisbane leaders were from Roman 5:3-5 and James 1:2. It's through these two verses that I know that life is ALWAYS hopeful!
I finally rededicated my life to God again.
Is that the end? No.. Life is not suddenly smooth sailing just because I got to know this God. Then, I still struggle with the lack of confidence and security. I backslided again somewhere in 2004. Now.. that was when I really really encountered God. I realised that to be broken and contrite is for me to totally give my life to God. It's only when I give my life to God, can God do something about it. I thought long and hard about it and then, I was convicted to share my deep secrets with my shepherd. Then, that was the turning point of my life. I then knew that my life was really accountable and open.
One thing I learn is the parable of the True Vine. Go read it.. Basically, I learned that pruning is no easy task. I feel painful each time God wanna prune me to be someone better. My character gets tested and moulded. Sometimes, I am "invited" to give up a few rights in my life. However, the promise is simple - Trust and Obey. God will ALWAYS be with me.
So, does being a Christian means the end of life's problem? Nope.. It has never been that way. In fact, being a Christian only means that life MAY have more problems. BUT, the rewards of character building, life learning, etc are far far far more intrinsic. On hindsight as I look at my life, I truly felt that I am greatly loved by the GREAT and AWESOME God. I may have gone one big merry go round, I may have lost my way in the maze for awhile, I may have gotten myself in the midst of a biggest whirlpool of life. But hey.. God loves me SO much to actually bring me back. And also, on hindsight, I have come to realise also that I am GREATLY loved by my parents. They have REALLY loved me to the best that they know how. In the past where there were not much education for parents, they really had loved me to the best that they know how.
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Poverty
Just wondering...
Is it easier to grow up poor in a poor country where prices are low or is it easier to grow up poor in a rich country?
A friend mentioned that she's surprised and shocked by how poor ($700 per household of 4) people can be in Singapore. However, she added on saying that she has seen poorer kids in other under-developed countries.
I just thought to myself...
Which is easier? To be poor in a country where everything are expensive or to be poor in a country where the majority of the community are poor too?
I work very much with the lowest 4%-income of the population and I must say that my heart goes totally out to them. I have whined and groused many times about my financial constraints. Yet, I have a roof over my head, I have a computer to type this blog, I have a TV to watch, I have a happy family who values me, I have a room of my own, I have a mobile phone, I have things which I buy off first hand. Over the past 10 months, I have been taught me more than ever, really, to count my blessings, to be thankful & not to whine.
Is it easier to grow up poor in a poor country where prices are low or is it easier to grow up poor in a rich country?
A friend mentioned that she's surprised and shocked by how poor ($700 per household of 4) people can be in Singapore. However, she added on saying that she has seen poorer kids in other under-developed countries.
I just thought to myself...
Which is easier? To be poor in a country where everything are expensive or to be poor in a country where the majority of the community are poor too?
I work very much with the lowest 4%-income of the population and I must say that my heart goes totally out to them. I have whined and groused many times about my financial constraints. Yet, I have a roof over my head, I have a computer to type this blog, I have a TV to watch, I have a happy family who values me, I have a room of my own, I have a mobile phone, I have things which I buy off first hand. Over the past 10 months, I have been taught me more than ever, really, to count my blessings, to be thankful & not to whine.
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Narrow road VS Wide road
"Don't look for shortcuts to God. The market is flooded with surefire, easygoing formulas for a successful life that can be practiced in your spare time. Don't fall for that stuff, even though crowds of people do. The way to life - to God! - is vigourous and requires total attention" - Matt 7:13-14 (MSG)
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." - Matt 7:13-14 (NIV)
"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." - Matt 7:13-14 (NIV)
Today, Ps Jeff gave us some questions/comments to ponder. My thoughts.
1) We will enjoy our work if it gives us a sense of permanent contribution
Leaving behind a Legacy - Isn't it true? There will always be a sense of satisfaction and ownership if we know that what we do can leave a legacy. My thoughts went to two girls which I "helped" sent to girls' home. Deep in me, I pray that it's a permanent change instead of a permanent scar that's left in their hearts. I guess... In the line of a community worker, we have opportunities to leave our footprints in people's lives. A challenge I gave myself is - How to leave a legacy that is positive?
Then it suddenly dawned on me that in order to impact positively, I have to be positive!
Joy.
2) We will enjoy our work if it is the right fit
Ps Jeff shared his testimony on how he was glad he was thankful for his ex classmates who helped him with his schoolwork during his Engineering days. At that moment, I thank God for Yisheng, Cedric and Geok Hong! They have helped me SO much during my Engineering days! If it weren't for them, I doubt I will get passed my graduation.
I was slow.. Very slow. It took me 3 semesters to realised how much Engineering was the worst fit for me. I thank God for that realization!!
3) Then after lunch, I made my way to Team Rally. Gosh.. it was a MARVELLOUS P&W! Again, God spoke to me the word - JOY. It kept ringing in my mind. Perhaps, it's because we were singing the song "I've got the joy, I've got the peace of mind, ....." that cause me to think of Joy. But I think what God is telling me is that with me seeing so many negativity of lives, I have become burdened unknowingly. With respect to the Gravity theory, it's always hard pulling up as compared to pulling down. Over the past few months of fire fighting in my worklife, I have forgotten what's it like to go slow, take a breather, smell the roses and be still before God.
Ps Jeff taught from Luke 2:52 about how Jesus grew continually.
Challenge to me is : Growth IS intentional!!! Do I think that I am growing or am I REALLY growing?
Question from Ps Jeff : What is the one thing we need to grow in?
Ans : Joy (immediate)
Question : When is it that I feel most close to God?
Ans: When I am on my way home from work. I love the journey home. The minute I step out of office, I will usually say a thanksgiving prayer. Then, I will put on my earphones and listen to P&W. Then I will walk and talk to God about my day. I will run through my whole day with Him and tell Him which part of the day I hate most. This is usually the time when God and I will converse. This is also usually the time when I receive rebukes from God. Heehee.. Sometimes, I will "fight" with God. Sometimes, I will try to justify for my actions. But question my shepherd ask me today is - What is required from us to cooperate with God to receive a Spiritual Breakthrough? Obedience. Is it easier to obey God or to struggle?
A decision has been made within my heart. If growth is intentional, I have to be intentional of keeping that joy and fire and passion within me ignited and burning! Two roads for me to choose - I will go for the Narrow one. There is no shortcut to God.
** refreshed **
Under the "stars" and within the haze
It's amazing how God brings old friends back together. A day before Church Anniversary, I got a call from a girlfriend whom I haven't been contacting for over the past 3-4 years other than the normal birthday and Christmas greetings. I got real excited hearing her voice and it's a good feeling to know that after so long, we could still have so much to talk about. [And today, she kept calling me Aunty thanks to the 5-year age gap!!]
Her passion's very much like mine - Kids. So I got her involved in Child Minding at my org. Heee.. It was her first time today! When I met her at Orchard MRT station, she couldn't recognize me! Can you imagine how long we haven't met? [Or is it because I have cut my hair?]
Anyhow, in the later part of the evening, after Child Minding, we made our way down to Padang to meet other old friends. It was the Nokia Starlight Cinema!! It was such a NEW experience!!! I wished the haze was gone so that I can see the stars!!! It is so rare to be lying on the grass gazing at the sky in Singapore.
Honestly, I initially had no interest in the show (Xmen 2 & 3) at all but we had free tickets - 8 of them! The "We" in the previous statement was my other colleague (aka ex schoolmate) and myself. We had free tix from SMRT so we decided to get our ex-sec sch friends to join in.
Well, they always say that a good company is all you need to make an outing perfect. Yup.. That's what I had. Also, the movie wasn't all that bad la... Just that it's very unreal. Hee... :)
Her passion's very much like mine - Kids. So I got her involved in Child Minding at my org. Heee.. It was her first time today! When I met her at Orchard MRT station, she couldn't recognize me! Can you imagine how long we haven't met? [Or is it because I have cut my hair?]
Anyhow, in the later part of the evening, after Child Minding, we made our way down to Padang to meet other old friends. It was the Nokia Starlight Cinema!! It was such a NEW experience!!! I wished the haze was gone so that I can see the stars!!! It is so rare to be lying on the grass gazing at the sky in Singapore.
Honestly, I initially had no interest in the show (Xmen 2 & 3) at all but we had free tickets - 8 of them! The "We" in the previous statement was my other colleague (aka ex schoolmate) and myself. We had free tix from SMRT so we decided to get our ex-sec sch friends to join in.
Well, they always say that a good company is all you need to make an outing perfect. Yup.. That's what I had. Also, the movie wasn't all that bad la... Just that it's very unreal. Hee... :)
Saturday, October 07, 2006
Probability of finding true love?
I was reading the stack of newspaper from the week. This article got me.
I wonder "Can finding True Love really be calculated?"
The probability of finding true love?
Suddenly, I feel like I am living in the world of statistics. Everything is tabulated.
Friday, October 06, 2006
*stressed*
Ok.. I admit. [I really hate to use this word] but I am very stressed up at work. So stressed up that I had to verbalized it out today. It was quite unknowing really.. My colleague came up with a schedule for us to volunteer child-minding on Saturdays and I was scheduled for next Saturday. My first reaction was a large shout "HUH! Gosh! Xian leh!". Yeah.. I sort of shocked my colleagues cause this is the first time I actually had a reaction since usually I will remain quiet. Thereafter, I explained to them "No la.. Because I was on duty last week, this week and next week.. So I feel very frustrated and just need to verbalized it out. It's ok.. Don't mind me. I am not faulting you. Just allow me to ventilate and I will be fine."
Tsk.. I am frustrated at work really. I am so stuck in a few of my cases that I wish I had time for more training. It's like, I hardly have time to really THINK of interventions. Sometimes, I feel like I am fighting fire already. I don't mind since that's really part of work. It's part of work to feel lost at times then search my way out of the forest or tunnel. But I get extremely frustrated when I cannot even settle my own work already, I am scheduled for child-minding. I wished that there is a good volunteer system that will empower the volunteers so that caseworkers will be more focused on cases. I wished I had 10 days in a week , I wished I had more time.
I often question myself - If this is what I love to do, why do I get so uptight? Then I realised that my stress is NOT that I have to work every Saturday. My stress is that I feel very untrained at work. I have never felt that Social Workers are superheroes and I am DEFINITELY not a superhero to any of my clients. On the contrary, sometimes, I feel that it's a pity that they are under my care cause they have to grope through the process together with me. I need, I emphasize, I NEED practical training.
Today, I went to collect my certificate (finally) and I took a long hard look at it and I asked myself - Why do I still feel so untrained? And then, I thought of all kinds of courses that I could take to enhance my skills. [Ya.. this line of work really need us to upgrade every now and then] I have, with NO DOUBT, totally enjoy (and still enjoying) this job. I love my clients, I love to meet up with them, I learn from them but I really feel that I have so much more to give.. YET, I don't know how to give them practically.
I dropped many strands of hair today cause it was a hair pulling day. I went to the toilet many times because there, I could cry out to God. I took a walk along the canal once because there, I can disappear for awhile.
My friend said it well - I emphathize with you. Simply because there is no Manual to life problems. Each life is unique thus every case is unique. No two interventions are the same. I was glad I met up with my friend after work. Came online just before I knocked off and realised that I hadn't had dinner. Well, I still decide not to have dinner but I chose an ice cream parlour. *chuckle* As I was chatting, I was just thinking how ironical life is - In the afternoon, I was the composed person trying to practice active listening. In the night, I was the frantic person trying to do a verbal vomit.
Ultimately, you know what's the most amazing thing? The most amazing thing is that I feel perfectly safe in that forest. I know that God is with me. Indeed, Life is Beautiful. Life IS beautiful because God's timing is impeccably perfect.
Tsk.. I am frustrated at work really. I am so stuck in a few of my cases that I wish I had time for more training. It's like, I hardly have time to really THINK of interventions. Sometimes, I feel like I am fighting fire already. I don't mind since that's really part of work. It's part of work to feel lost at times then search my way out of the forest or tunnel. But I get extremely frustrated when I cannot even settle my own work already, I am scheduled for child-minding. I wished that there is a good volunteer system that will empower the volunteers so that caseworkers will be more focused on cases. I wished I had 10 days in a week , I wished I had more time.
I often question myself - If this is what I love to do, why do I get so uptight? Then I realised that my stress is NOT that I have to work every Saturday. My stress is that I feel very untrained at work. I have never felt that Social Workers are superheroes and I am DEFINITELY not a superhero to any of my clients. On the contrary, sometimes, I feel that it's a pity that they are under my care cause they have to grope through the process together with me. I need, I emphasize, I NEED practical training.
Today, I went to collect my certificate (finally) and I took a long hard look at it and I asked myself - Why do I still feel so untrained? And then, I thought of all kinds of courses that I could take to enhance my skills. [Ya.. this line of work really need us to upgrade every now and then] I have, with NO DOUBT, totally enjoy (and still enjoying) this job. I love my clients, I love to meet up with them, I learn from them but I really feel that I have so much more to give.. YET, I don't know how to give them practically.
I dropped many strands of hair today cause it was a hair pulling day. I went to the toilet many times because there, I could cry out to God. I took a walk along the canal once because there, I can disappear for awhile.
My friend said it well - I emphathize with you. Simply because there is no Manual to life problems. Each life is unique thus every case is unique. No two interventions are the same. I was glad I met up with my friend after work. Came online just before I knocked off and realised that I hadn't had dinner. Well, I still decide not to have dinner but I chose an ice cream parlour. *chuckle* As I was chatting, I was just thinking how ironical life is - In the afternoon, I was the composed person trying to practice active listening. In the night, I was the frantic person trying to do a verbal vomit.
Ultimately, you know what's the most amazing thing? The most amazing thing is that I feel perfectly safe in that forest. I know that God is with me. Indeed, Life is Beautiful. Life IS beautiful because God's timing is impeccably perfect.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
1, 2 & 3
Monday
For this week's CG, we decided to share a few cards that we received in our lives that encouraged us.
This night, I took time out in the night to search for cards. I had a REAL headache. No joke.. I had a headache on which card to bring! There were so many cards that have touched my life. So many cards that have affirmed me.
There's one particular card that my friend made for me in 1996 which I wanted so much to share with CG. When I took it out and read through the 3-page long letter that came with the card, once again, I teared. That card was sent to me while we were in a midst of a HUGE quarrel. That letter is a letter that scolded me. Words used was really hurting and painful. Yet, I know, the only reason why the words were so cutting was because she really loved me alot and that she was so hurt by me back then. Even in those cutting words, she could still expressed how much she love me.
I remember that back in 1996, I cried so much when I received this card. For one, the pebbles were pasted one by one.. Handmade by her. For two, I cried for I know that she was hurt by me. And I know that no amount of "sorry"s is enough.
Eyes turned slight red again on Monday. Not tears of sorrow but tears of missing. Not because I have hurt her since it's long over but because I miss her lots and practically speaking, things are no longer the same anymore.
Nice heh?? That's 3 of the many cards that I shared... There're more but I shall just share this on blog.
Tuesday
Halfway with my friend, I exclaimed "Hey! It's a Tuesday night today!!!"
I met up with my good friend, Chris, yesterday. We are well-known for our busy schedules. It's either he's flying OR I am busy. I will choose to think that we usually can't meet cause he's hardly in Singapore. He will choose to think that it's because I am busy. Both reasons are technically VERY VERY VERY valid. *chuckle* Thus, we basically only meet up bi-annually.
We met up first at 长城 at Chinatown for cantonese styled porridge. UNFORTUNATELY, I forgot to take out my phone then to snap.. Should have seen the amount of intestines that went into my body system! I tell you.. I have had enough of intestines for awhile...!
By the time dinner was over, it's only 8:30 - A tad early for friends who meet up like bi-annually. Haaa.. The porridge place was TOO noisy for a chat so we decided to walk to Chinatown Point's Coffee Bean. Halfway through, I very much wanted to go to UOB Plaza's Olio Dome though I have no idea what time it close. One thing good about Chris is - Just go. Don't have then see how. Ok.. so we started to walk from Chinatown to Raffles Place.
Along the way, walked through this very "chio" building (dunno what name).. But what attracted me was the many stone seats outside the entrance.. The designer very intelligently incorporate an ashtray within the stone seat. (Hmm.. Do I sound really mountain tortoise even saying this?) Gosh.. But I felt totally at ease with Chris!! It's because he is JUST as Mountain Tortoise as me.
Anybody.. can tell me what's the name of this building?
Anyway, Olio Dome was close so we walked on - Opposite from Boat Quay since it was also too noisy. Walked to Fullerton, walked across the restaurant, walked across the road and landed ourselves into this other beautiful building - A building which I have been curious about for a longest time! The Fullerton Waterboat House. It's a place for wine.
We were contemplating - 2nd storey or 3rd storey? We settled for 2nd storey because it's less lonely!! 3rd storey has NOBODY! At least 2nd storey has the waitresses!! Ordered a bottle of champagne - Fontanafredda. Sweet.. Like grape juice.. hee.. :P Found out from the waitress that we are "lucky" because they are usually open only for functions.
I must agree that upon return from Brisbane, this meeting was one of the best that we had! We chatted and laughed about almost anything under the moon. His girlfriend, his career, his future. My work, church, future.
Wednesday
Thought:
A sk and it shall be given
S eek and you shall find
K nock and the door will be open to you.
Do I knock? Do I have the faith to just ask? God's promise is simple - A.S.K.
For this week's CG, we decided to share a few cards that we received in our lives that encouraged us.
This night, I took time out in the night to search for cards. I had a REAL headache. No joke.. I had a headache on which card to bring! There were so many cards that have touched my life. So many cards that have affirmed me.
There's one particular card that my friend made for me in 1996 which I wanted so much to share with CG. When I took it out and read through the 3-page long letter that came with the card, once again, I teared. That card was sent to me while we were in a midst of a HUGE quarrel. That letter is a letter that scolded me. Words used was really hurting and painful. Yet, I know, the only reason why the words were so cutting was because she really loved me alot and that she was so hurt by me back then. Even in those cutting words, she could still expressed how much she love me.
I remember that back in 1996, I cried so much when I received this card. For one, the pebbles were pasted one by one.. Handmade by her. For two, I cried for I know that she was hurt by me. And I know that no amount of "sorry"s is enough.
Eyes turned slight red again on Monday. Not tears of sorrow but tears of missing. Not because I have hurt her since it's long over but because I miss her lots and practically speaking, things are no longer the same anymore.
Tuesday
Halfway with my friend, I exclaimed "Hey! It's a Tuesday night today!!!"
I met up with my good friend, Chris, yesterday. We are well-known for our busy schedules. It's either he's flying OR I am busy. I will choose to think that we usually can't meet cause he's hardly in Singapore. He will choose to think that it's because I am busy. Both reasons are technically VERY VERY VERY valid. *chuckle* Thus, we basically only meet up bi-annually.
We met up first at 长城 at Chinatown for cantonese styled porridge. UNFORTUNATELY, I forgot to take out my phone then to snap.. Should have seen the amount of intestines that went into my body system! I tell you.. I have had enough of intestines for awhile...!
By the time dinner was over, it's only 8:30 - A tad early for friends who meet up like bi-annually. Haaa.. The porridge place was TOO noisy for a chat so we decided to walk to Chinatown Point's Coffee Bean. Halfway through, I very much wanted to go to UOB Plaza's Olio Dome though I have no idea what time it close. One thing good about Chris is - Just go. Don't have then see how. Ok.. so we started to walk from Chinatown to Raffles Place.
Along the way, walked through this very "chio" building (dunno what name).. But what attracted me was the many stone seats outside the entrance.. The designer very intelligently incorporate an ashtray within the stone seat. (Hmm.. Do I sound really mountain tortoise even saying this?) Gosh.. But I felt totally at ease with Chris!! It's because he is JUST as Mountain Tortoise as me.
Anybody.. can tell me what's the name of this building?
Anyway, Olio Dome was close so we walked on - Opposite from Boat Quay since it was also too noisy. Walked to Fullerton, walked across the restaurant, walked across the road and landed ourselves into this other beautiful building - A building which I have been curious about for a longest time! The Fullerton Waterboat House. It's a place for wine.
We were contemplating - 2nd storey or 3rd storey? We settled for 2nd storey because it's less lonely!! 3rd storey has NOBODY! At least 2nd storey has the waitresses!! Ordered a bottle of champagne - Fontanafredda. Sweet.. Like grape juice.. hee.. :P Found out from the waitress that we are "lucky" because they are usually open only for functions.
I must agree that upon return from Brisbane, this meeting was one of the best that we had! We chatted and laughed about almost anything under the moon. His girlfriend, his career, his future. My work, church, future.
Wednesday
Thought:
A sk and it shall be given
S eek and you shall find
K nock and the door will be open to you.
Do I knock? Do I have the faith to just ask? God's promise is simple - A.S.K.
Sunday, October 01, 2006
A Wild & Wet Fri coupled with a Hippo Sat
It's interesting to know how things turned out the way you never thought it will turn out to be. Beginning of September, Tiger wanted to arrange for a Wild Wild Wet on the first Sat. However, as it turned out to be, only me and Tiger could make it. Obviously, we cancelled it being just the two of us. Haa...
Well, God MUST have known that I have the opportunity to go (No offence to you Tiger. :P)! On Friday, together with many other colleagues, we brought about 30 kids to Wild Wild Wet! Heee... In a way, I was real thankful coz I didn't have to pay for it! Heehee... Yah.. Cheapo me but am saving money la! At first, I was quite skeptical about going cause taking care of children will be hard out in the open when they can run around. However, I found myself to be enjoying more than anything.
Yes.. I had a hard time trying to recognize 5 Malay kids under my wing. AND, I had a hard time running after them and playing the slides with them. They definitely have much more energy than me! But, I am extremely touched when they stopped and waited for me. It was extremely sweet having them to ask me to join them for some of the rides. What I enjoyed was really the simple conversation that I had with them. Things we learn from kids.. are things we may or will not learn from our daily adult routine life.
Well, that was my Friday night. Went home and dozed off while watching a thriller show! (Eh.. can you guys imagine my tiredness?)
Saturday evening!
Now.. this was a happening event for me. (Now.. you guys must know that when there are festivals coming, there will be organizations who wanna bless our clients).
Last night, I observed how a Muslim break fast at a mosque. Well, together with another organization, we arranged for some of our families to be part of the Deepavali Lighting up event. It first took place at a mosque. Honestly, I struggled in going. Firstly, it's a mosque. Secondly, it's my Saturday night and I gotta work!!!! Anyhow, I went, knowing that it will be a good family day out for our families. Didn't do much but brought them there and enjoy just observing.
The MAIN highlight was not really the mosque. It was the HIPPOTour ride! We rode past Little India for the Deepavali lightings, then we went on to Kampong Glam for the Hari Raya lightings and finally, Chinatown for the Mooncake Festival lighting. No prizes for those who can guess which lighting was the most elaborate. :) [Pics to be out a few days later cause Sandra's lazy!]
What was really captured pictorally in my mind was this:
This little Chinese boy was in love with the Malay food in the mosque. He loved the curry and all the kueh kueh. Awhile later, he showed me how Indians greet one another. Awhile later while the Muslims were praying, he wanted to imitate the prayers too.
I was just thinking how "diluted" sometimes things have become. Everything seems so permissible now. Hmm... Just thoughts.
Well, God MUST have known that I have the opportunity to go (No offence to you Tiger. :P)! On Friday, together with many other colleagues, we brought about 30 kids to Wild Wild Wet! Heee... In a way, I was real thankful coz I didn't have to pay for it! Heehee... Yah.. Cheapo me but am saving money la! At first, I was quite skeptical about going cause taking care of children will be hard out in the open when they can run around. However, I found myself to be enjoying more than anything.
Yes.. I had a hard time trying to recognize 5 Malay kids under my wing. AND, I had a hard time running after them and playing the slides with them. They definitely have much more energy than me! But, I am extremely touched when they stopped and waited for me. It was extremely sweet having them to ask me to join them for some of the rides. What I enjoyed was really the simple conversation that I had with them. Things we learn from kids.. are things we may or will not learn from our daily adult routine life.
Well, that was my Friday night. Went home and dozed off while watching a thriller show! (Eh.. can you guys imagine my tiredness?)
Saturday evening!
Now.. this was a happening event for me. (Now.. you guys must know that when there are festivals coming, there will be organizations who wanna bless our clients).
Last night, I observed how a Muslim break fast at a mosque. Well, together with another organization, we arranged for some of our families to be part of the Deepavali Lighting up event. It first took place at a mosque. Honestly, I struggled in going. Firstly, it's a mosque. Secondly, it's my Saturday night and I gotta work!!!! Anyhow, I went, knowing that it will be a good family day out for our families. Didn't do much but brought them there and enjoy just observing.
The MAIN highlight was not really the mosque. It was the HIPPOTour ride! We rode past Little India for the Deepavali lightings, then we went on to Kampong Glam for the Hari Raya lightings and finally, Chinatown for the Mooncake Festival lighting. No prizes for those who can guess which lighting was the most elaborate. :) [Pics to be out a few days later cause Sandra's lazy!]
What was really captured pictorally in my mind was this:
This little Chinese boy was in love with the Malay food in the mosque. He loved the curry and all the kueh kueh. Awhile later, he showed me how Indians greet one another. Awhile later while the Muslims were praying, he wanted to imitate the prayers too.
I was just thinking how "diluted" sometimes things have become. Everything seems so permissible now. Hmm... Just thoughts.
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