2 Sundays ago, I was leading my Hopekids Lifegroup on the topic of Service. I began to think to myself - How can I bring out the point of serving others to 8 year olds? They are kids never in lack. So, how can I bring that point across?
I decided to share with these 8 year olds the work I did in a Children's Home before. I shared with them the mode of entries to the Home - emphasizing more on the orphans. I shared also beautiful these kids are. I then asked them to make Christmas cards to the Children Homes in Singapore.
I love drawing time. I love how they snatch the colors and splash it across their paper. I enjoyed it totally when one kid made a mistake and drew what looked like a H into a star above the Christmas tree.
Now, just as all the kids were hustling and bustling circling around me snatching for colors and paper, there was this one kid that was seated a a corner. He probably lifted his bum off the floor when he needed to change his colors. When my friend and I wanted to peep, he refused to let us see. I kinda just paid lesser attention to him (since he was so nice & quiet).
When all was done and handed to me, I dismissed the class after a prayer was said. I went through every card, amazed at their drawing. When I reached the Quiet Boy's card, I gasp at the beauty of it. In his nicest handwriting, he wrote "I hope that all of you will have a better life in future." At the bottom of his words was a picture of a gift box. He drew and arrow and named the box - Christmas gift of Happiness. On the other side of the card, he drew plenty of cone trees. In between 2 trees, he drew 2 stick men, 1 taller than the other, holding hands, as if it's parent & child.
That was like the best thing that had happened to me that Sunday. That answered my question - What is my capacity as a Christian Social Worker? It's not just to solve problems. It's not just to ensure that their lives is up and running. It's really to show the love of God to whoever we speak to. In all that we do, we do it out of love.
Lord, refresh me and teach me your ways. Help me to see through the eyes of Jesus. Give me the simplicity of a child.
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Wednesday, December 01, 2010
Seasons in life
I have grown to appreciate the different seasons in life. The learning, the letting go, the healing, the pain. The adjusting to new things, the failing, the laughter, the joy, the tears.
I have come to appreciate that I don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to be weak. It's okay not to have answers to all things.
There is, indeed, a time for everything. When I was young, it was the time to absorb and rely on my parents for answers. On the reverse, as an adult with my mother now, I am taking time to appreciate how to answer her questions and fears. When I was young, I thought what it'll be like to be married. Then I went through the roller coaster rides of laughter & tears falling in and out of relationships. Now that I am married, I saw how silly I was in those previous relationships. Yet, somehow, there was this gladness that I went through the pain.
Life at work also has its season. Trained as an Engineer, I never thought how absorbed I could be as a helping professional. It is really one thing to remind myself to 'draw the line' and to really draw the line between a client and a worker. After leaving my alma mater that saw my foundational years as a Social Worker, I finally found myself slowing down & breathe. Irony of it all was that it's in this process that I began to wonder - What exactly is my capacity as a Social Worker? What is my role? Who am I as a Social Worker? I began to cast doubts upon myself on whether am I even fit to be one.
Like an orange, a few months back, I started this peeling process. A layer at a time - First the thick skin then the veins (or whatever that's called). By and by, I saw how closely entrenched in a relationship I was with the children I had worked with. What was not my responsibility, I took it all upon myself. What had gone wrong, I blamed myself. What had been right, I don't remember giving myself more than 2 pats on my own back. Humble? No... Definitely not. Digging deeper then I saw that this IS how I often manage situations in my life. First point of blame often is not others. It's often what have I not done enough, what could have been done better?
It was a humorous process how God sent his healing and answers to my questions. Now, I am more rest assured in this promise made - "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it BUT God made it grow." I am but the hands of God in my workplace. I am glad for the open doors at my current organization where I am also under the umbrella of the Christian faith.
Looking back, I think God has been really kind to me. His grace is so ever sufficient. I may have been like just bumping around but He really knows my needs better.
I have come to appreciate that I don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to be weak. It's okay not to have answers to all things.
There is, indeed, a time for everything. When I was young, it was the time to absorb and rely on my parents for answers. On the reverse, as an adult with my mother now, I am taking time to appreciate how to answer her questions and fears. When I was young, I thought what it'll be like to be married. Then I went through the roller coaster rides of laughter & tears falling in and out of relationships. Now that I am married, I saw how silly I was in those previous relationships. Yet, somehow, there was this gladness that I went through the pain.
Life at work also has its season. Trained as an Engineer, I never thought how absorbed I could be as a helping professional. It is really one thing to remind myself to 'draw the line' and to really draw the line between a client and a worker. After leaving my alma mater that saw my foundational years as a Social Worker, I finally found myself slowing down & breathe. Irony of it all was that it's in this process that I began to wonder - What exactly is my capacity as a Social Worker? What is my role? Who am I as a Social Worker? I began to cast doubts upon myself on whether am I even fit to be one.
Like an orange, a few months back, I started this peeling process. A layer at a time - First the thick skin then the veins (or whatever that's called). By and by, I saw how closely entrenched in a relationship I was with the children I had worked with. What was not my responsibility, I took it all upon myself. What had gone wrong, I blamed myself. What had been right, I don't remember giving myself more than 2 pats on my own back. Humble? No... Definitely not. Digging deeper then I saw that this IS how I often manage situations in my life. First point of blame often is not others. It's often what have I not done enough, what could have been done better?
It was a humorous process how God sent his healing and answers to my questions. Now, I am more rest assured in this promise made - "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it BUT God made it grow." I am but the hands of God in my workplace. I am glad for the open doors at my current organization where I am also under the umbrella of the Christian faith.
Looking back, I think God has been really kind to me. His grace is so ever sufficient. I may have been like just bumping around but He really knows my needs better.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Thank You - Beautiful Exchange
Other than memories gained from Vietnam trip, I also had some leftover bacteria somewhere in my body system. I kinda reckoned that with me being so careful with what I drink, it could JUST be the ice that gave me diarrhea. Well, doctor said it is food poisoning. Quite an interesting way to spend my birthday this year - overseas and living in a toilet.
Anyway anyway... I started this entry not about me being down with food poisoning.
My mind was kind of blown off during church service. I was late, very late in fact. I arrived barely before start of worship section and slightly after praise section, feeling pretty dull & sore from all the diarrhea that I had been having. I quietly sat down in my seat & I prayed. I just wanted to commit my heart to God, knowing that after all, my heart is really all God wants. We begun to sing the song Thank You by Hillsong. My heart melted as I ponder on the lyrics.
Scenes of the Hmong & Dzao & the villagers flashed across my mind. Images from Hanoi city flashes across. Memories of the fishing village people flashed across. And all of a sudden, I felt so so so so immensely blessed. I can't put a word to my feeling but to be able to stand & lift my hands up to praise God was suddenly such a blessing. The ability to have the liberty & freedom to proclaim God in our lives is such a privilege. Tears start to fall. I felt like a baby again. I haven't felt like this for a long time.... and I thank God for being with me all through my valleys deeps and mountains tops.
Anyway anyway... I started this entry not about me being down with food poisoning.
My mind was kind of blown off during church service. I was late, very late in fact. I arrived barely before start of worship section and slightly after praise section, feeling pretty dull & sore from all the diarrhea that I had been having. I quietly sat down in my seat & I prayed. I just wanted to commit my heart to God, knowing that after all, my heart is really all God wants. We begun to sing the song Thank You by Hillsong. My heart melted as I ponder on the lyrics.
Scenes of the Hmong & Dzao & the villagers flashed across my mind. Images from Hanoi city flashes across. Memories of the fishing village people flashed across. And all of a sudden, I felt so so so so immensely blessed. I can't put a word to my feeling but to be able to stand & lift my hands up to praise God was suddenly such a blessing. The ability to have the liberty & freedom to proclaim God in our lives is such a privilege. Tears start to fall. I felt like a baby again. I haven't felt like this for a long time.... and I thank God for being with me all through my valleys deeps and mountains tops.
Friday, August 13, 2010
What pumps the heart...
Taking off & landing always sets my heart pumping. Departing Singapore gives me the joy of being away from a bustling city. Landing in another country sets me excited for what is to come.
Made a trip to Vietnam & back and it seemed like my heart is still very much stuck up north, the very north of Vietnam - Lao Cai. Went to the all-famous Sapa, mountainous area filled with dry rice fields & corn with animals roaming around. There are many tribes in Vietnam & the 2 main tribes in Sapa is the Red Dzao (or otherwise known as the Yao or Dao) and the Black Hmong. The Black Hmong seemed to dominate the area.. Very little Red Dzao seen.
They earn a living with their handicraft skills. Baby carriers, bags, pants, etc. They also grow Indigo plant for their dye. I saw a lady weaving like what was shown in the fairy tale - Rumpelstiltskin!
The Black Hmong accompanied Geo & I down to Lao Chai village. Along the way, we stopped by to rest and the very young children came running to us to sell things like bamboo poles (for trekking), embroidered wrist bands, etc. To a certain extend, I felt pestered. It was pretty much of a heart wrenching moment & mixed feeling for me. On one hand, modernization of the place & being able to bring in tourists brings income to the villagers. Money will definitely bring in better quality of life. Traditions & authenticity might just get compromised.
Scenes of children as young as 5 or 6 years old carrying their sibling babies on their back etched deeply in my mind. I saw this lady, perhaps about 15 years old, held the hand of a little child. The other hand held her handicraft to be sold to tourists, looking lost. Eyes had no life.
I had questions that has no answers. Do they want this life? Do they REALLY want this life? Our guide told us that they will have difficulties working in Hanoi city because of their ethnic language. However, at the same time, guide seemingly assured also that the girls, when grown up, will want to stay on to help their parents in the village. I try to find comfort in that they really want to stay on. Yet, those lost eyes kept calling out to me.
I also wondered how the little girls feel when they accompanied the tourists. I was in a group together with 3 Caucasian ladies and they were accompanied by very young girls who spoke very very good English. When the ladies offered them chocolate, their eyes lit up as they shared it amongst themselves. I wonder then, what thoughts go through their mind, having to serve different tourist every day.
Geo & I were accompanied by 2 ladies. There was a point where I nearly slipped and Shao quickly extended her hand to keep me steady. Her hands were so weathered. It was almost an embarrassing moment for me when she asked me for my age - 33. She was just 5 years my senior but she looked 2 decades older than her age.
All that said, besides my mind being boggled, I really enjoyed seeing how free the children were. We went during the summer holiday so the children did not attend school. We were told that the kids learned how to swim naturally. They played freely in the river and the current just pushed them downstream. Nature became their best teacher. Watching them reminded me of the book - The Little Girl at the Window by Totto Chan. Nature is our best teacher.
Towards the end of my trip, I cannot help but count the little blessings in my life. I know that when I return to Singapore, got back to the swing of the bustling life, the experience in Vietnam is probably just going to fade in my memory. But, I do pray that my heart will remain soft & supple. I do not want to lose the feeling of compassion.
Made a trip to Vietnam & back and it seemed like my heart is still very much stuck up north, the very north of Vietnam - Lao Cai. Went to the all-famous Sapa, mountainous area filled with dry rice fields & corn with animals roaming around. There are many tribes in Vietnam & the 2 main tribes in Sapa is the Red Dzao (or otherwise known as the Yao or Dao) and the Black Hmong. The Black Hmong seemed to dominate the area.. Very little Red Dzao seen.
They earn a living with their handicraft skills. Baby carriers, bags, pants, etc. They also grow Indigo plant for their dye. I saw a lady weaving like what was shown in the fairy tale - Rumpelstiltskin!The Black Hmong accompanied Geo & I down to Lao Chai village. Along the way, we stopped by to rest and the very young children came running to us to sell things like bamboo poles (for trekking), embroidered wrist bands, etc. To a certain extend, I felt pestered. It was pretty much of a heart wrenching moment & mixed feeling for me. On one hand, modernization of the place & being able to bring in tourists brings income to the villagers. Money will definitely bring in better quality of life. Traditions & authenticity might just get compromised.
Scenes of children as young as 5 or 6 years old carrying their sibling babies on their back etched deeply in my mind. I saw this lady, perhaps about 15 years old, held the hand of a little child. The other hand held her handicraft to be sold to tourists, looking lost. Eyes had no life.
I had questions that has no answers. Do they want this life? Do they REALLY want this life? Our guide told us that they will have difficulties working in Hanoi city because of their ethnic language. However, at the same time, guide seemingly assured also that the girls, when grown up, will want to stay on to help their parents in the village. I try to find comfort in that they really want to stay on. Yet, those lost eyes kept calling out to me.
I also wondered how the little girls feel when they accompanied the tourists. I was in a group together with 3 Caucasian ladies and they were accompanied by very young girls who spoke very very good English. When the ladies offered them chocolate, their eyes lit up as they shared it amongst themselves. I wonder then, what thoughts go through their mind, having to serve different tourist every day.
Geo & I were accompanied by 2 ladies. There was a point where I nearly slipped and Shao quickly extended her hand to keep me steady. Her hands were so weathered. It was almost an embarrassing moment for me when she asked me for my age - 33. She was just 5 years my senior but she looked 2 decades older than her age.
All that said, besides my mind being boggled, I really enjoyed seeing how free the children were. We went during the summer holiday so the children did not attend school. We were told that the kids learned how to swim naturally. They played freely in the river and the current just pushed them downstream. Nature became their best teacher. Watching them reminded me of the book - The Little Girl at the Window by Totto Chan. Nature is our best teacher.
Towards the end of my trip, I cannot help but count the little blessings in my life. I know that when I return to Singapore, got back to the swing of the bustling life, the experience in Vietnam is probably just going to fade in my memory. But, I do pray that my heart will remain soft & supple. I do not want to lose the feeling of compassion.
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
God's perfect timing
I remember myself smiling in my dreams this morning, just before I woke up.
I dreamt of daddy and in the dream, I see daddy making effort on his own to stand up and walk. He was also smiling at me and on the opposite side was my mother. I saw her smiling too.
Then, I was startled by my phone ringing tone. I overslept and my father in law called to wake me up.
The dream was queer, at least to me, because since my dad's stroke, I hardly see him make such great effort in his ambulation on his own. To make the dream even sweeter, my dad was smiling so sweetly. I don't know how to interpret the dream but the dream warmed my heart, knowing that daddy's with God. I am sure that he is pleased with his children's life.
---------------------------
Life as a married woman has been very pleasant for me. I often tell my colleagues, friends, etc that I have a more understanding husband than he has a more understanding wife. I guess, at the end of the day, it's not about who is more understanding than the other. It's about giving and taking appropriately with love and respect.
Living apart from my mother didn't seem as difficult as I had envisioned it to be before my marriage. (Trust me, I was preparing for the WORST!) It helped a lot that Geo & I stay over at my mum's place once a week or twice a week. It helped a lot also that my mummy's tech saavy!!! She plays Farmville on Facebook!!! Well, the point is not that she plays Farmville. The point is that Facebook chat, then, became our avenue of communication.
As for staying with my in-laws, I am speechless at how well taken care I am. I now understand why people say "When you choose a husband, get to know his parents first." Geo's parents are such gentle and kind-hearted people. It's no wonder why Geo is so gentle. Although we stay with his parents, we do still make sure that we return home for dinner at least, at least, once a week.
At the end of it all, after 4 months of marriage, one major thing I learn is Time Management. God has given us 7 days in a week. It should be more than sufficient - nothing more, nothing less.
I dreamt of daddy and in the dream, I see daddy making effort on his own to stand up and walk. He was also smiling at me and on the opposite side was my mother. I saw her smiling too.
Then, I was startled by my phone ringing tone. I overslept and my father in law called to wake me up.
The dream was queer, at least to me, because since my dad's stroke, I hardly see him make such great effort in his ambulation on his own. To make the dream even sweeter, my dad was smiling so sweetly. I don't know how to interpret the dream but the dream warmed my heart, knowing that daddy's with God. I am sure that he is pleased with his children's life.
---------------------------
Life as a married woman has been very pleasant for me. I often tell my colleagues, friends, etc that I have a more understanding husband than he has a more understanding wife. I guess, at the end of the day, it's not about who is more understanding than the other. It's about giving and taking appropriately with love and respect.
Living apart from my mother didn't seem as difficult as I had envisioned it to be before my marriage. (Trust me, I was preparing for the WORST!) It helped a lot that Geo & I stay over at my mum's place once a week or twice a week. It helped a lot also that my mummy's tech saavy!!! She plays Farmville on Facebook!!! Well, the point is not that she plays Farmville. The point is that Facebook chat, then, became our avenue of communication.
As for staying with my in-laws, I am speechless at how well taken care I am. I now understand why people say "When you choose a husband, get to know his parents first." Geo's parents are such gentle and kind-hearted people. It's no wonder why Geo is so gentle. Although we stay with his parents, we do still make sure that we return home for dinner at least, at least, once a week.
At the end of it all, after 4 months of marriage, one major thing I learn is Time Management. God has given us 7 days in a week. It should be more than sufficient - nothing more, nothing less.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
What do we have?
"Do not lament for what we do not have. For what we lack, it will be provided in what we already have... Only if we look deeper, harder and learn to appreciate things more."
Often, we look really deep at what we do not have, crave for something that others have, long and desire for things which we do not even know whether we need or not. When we look into our lives, we cannot see what we already have.
Today I was servicing 2 patients. 1 never seemed to have enough. 1 was so thankful even with the little that we are offering to help him with. Irony of it all is that the one who was thankful was very much in lack. Yet, the one who never seemed to have enough seemed to have everything.
I remembered the story of this man who was hanging on to his life at this cliff. He prayed and prayed for God to rescue him. After awhile, this helicopter came. He rejected the help and said "God will rescue me!" Another helicopter came and he rejected believing that God will rescue him. Yet another helicopter came and again he rejected. He finally died and went to heaven. Before God he asked "God God! I trusted in you! Why didn't you save my life?" God answered "I did.. I sent 3 helicopters to rescue you.."
I kinda thought that often we are so focused on seeing results the way we want that we missed out that there are other perspective to it. Often we missed out on the things that we already have and forgot to appreciate them.
Often, we look really deep at what we do not have, crave for something that others have, long and desire for things which we do not even know whether we need or not. When we look into our lives, we cannot see what we already have.
Today I was servicing 2 patients. 1 never seemed to have enough. 1 was so thankful even with the little that we are offering to help him with. Irony of it all is that the one who was thankful was very much in lack. Yet, the one who never seemed to have enough seemed to have everything.
I remembered the story of this man who was hanging on to his life at this cliff. He prayed and prayed for God to rescue him. After awhile, this helicopter came. He rejected the help and said "God will rescue me!" Another helicopter came and he rejected believing that God will rescue him. Yet another helicopter came and again he rejected. He finally died and went to heaven. Before God he asked "God God! I trusted in you! Why didn't you save my life?" God answered "I did.. I sent 3 helicopters to rescue you.."
I kinda thought that often we are so focused on seeing results the way we want that we missed out that there are other perspective to it. Often we missed out on the things that we already have and forgot to appreciate them.
Sunday, March 07, 2010
Work at the hospital has started, sort of. Cases hasn't been assigned to me officially. Last week was orientation that somehow left me a little disoriented. After 4 years of being a community worker, it's quite a bit of change adjusting into the hospital system. The word 'bit' is probably an understatement and there are new processes which I'll need to reconcile. Nonetheless, everything is still too early for constructive feedback of how I feel.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Conversation between godson John and Geo
Last Sat, Geo has got his usual weekly lesson with my younger godson, John. This was what transpired.
John: Uncle Geo, last time you got go godmummy's wedding? *looks at Geo innocently*
Geo: Hmmm.. Yes I got.
John: Er Uncle Geo, will godmummy have another wedding?
Geo: Hmmm.. I don't think so.
John: Huh? No more wedding? *exasperated*
Ultimately to him, a young kid, a wedding's to play and have fun. Oh! Also to get to eat anything on the platter.
John: Uncle Geo, last time you got go godmummy's wedding? *looks at Geo innocently*
Geo: Hmmm.. Yes I got.
John: Er Uncle Geo, will godmummy have another wedding?
Geo: Hmmm.. I don't think so.
John: Huh? No more wedding? *exasperated*
Ultimately to him, a young kid, a wedding's to play and have fun. Oh! Also to get to eat anything on the platter.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
2010
Oh man.. I didn't realized that I have been away from the blogging world for so long. I have to admit that since the last post, I had many draft posts. However, my mind had too much random and all-over-the-place thoughts and the posts remained as drafts. Last year was a pretty uptight and stressful year for me - both personal and work.
After much decision, the Residential Home I worked at closed end December. I took that as a closed door for me finally. I have wanted to resign about a year or two back. The desire to leave got stronger Sept last year but I never got down to doing it for the lack of peace when I prayed. I believe part of me was also the responsibility that I was holding on to. In a very small way, I played a part in piloting this Home project. At the same time, I know the implications of a worker leaving a case. The new worker will have to start all over again - knowing the kid, knowing the family. With the Home closing, I felt more at ease leaving and so... I left.
Amazingly, after resignation, I felt my appetite returned. I knew I was stressed up but I didn't know I was really that stressed up. Recalling last year, I really thank God for His strength and faithfulness in my life. Amidst my dad's passing and grief, there were work issues & politics to manage and wedding to plan. I truly thank God for his presence in my life. I had family who were very supportive. Geo withstood all my mood swings and often was at the brunt of my anger. Thank God for buddies who hear me out whenever I need to. CG who prayed for me.
With my wedding at the beginning of the year is good. I see it as a brand new start to a new phase in life TOGETHER with a new job. I just returned from my honeymoon feeling refreshed inwardly. During the honeymoon trip, I also visited 2 small churches. The size and simplicity of the church was refreshing. The sermon was the back-to-basics type, God's love, God's faithfulness, relying on His Holy Spirit. It brings me back to the basics of God's love.
To say that I am not fearful of what the new job will bring is rubbish.. However, I bask in my new refreshed spirit and want to learn how to rely on God more this year. Resolution of the year is that I will be a good steward of my time. In that, I really mean to say to manage my time well to have sufficient time spent with God too.
After much decision, the Residential Home I worked at closed end December. I took that as a closed door for me finally. I have wanted to resign about a year or two back. The desire to leave got stronger Sept last year but I never got down to doing it for the lack of peace when I prayed. I believe part of me was also the responsibility that I was holding on to. In a very small way, I played a part in piloting this Home project. At the same time, I know the implications of a worker leaving a case. The new worker will have to start all over again - knowing the kid, knowing the family. With the Home closing, I felt more at ease leaving and so... I left.
Amazingly, after resignation, I felt my appetite returned. I knew I was stressed up but I didn't know I was really that stressed up. Recalling last year, I really thank God for His strength and faithfulness in my life. Amidst my dad's passing and grief, there were work issues & politics to manage and wedding to plan. I truly thank God for his presence in my life. I had family who were very supportive. Geo withstood all my mood swings and often was at the brunt of my anger. Thank God for buddies who hear me out whenever I need to. CG who prayed for me.
With my wedding at the beginning of the year is good. I see it as a brand new start to a new phase in life TOGETHER with a new job. I just returned from my honeymoon feeling refreshed inwardly. During the honeymoon trip, I also visited 2 small churches. The size and simplicity of the church was refreshing. The sermon was the back-to-basics type, God's love, God's faithfulness, relying on His Holy Spirit. It brings me back to the basics of God's love.
To say that I am not fearful of what the new job will bring is rubbish.. However, I bask in my new refreshed spirit and want to learn how to rely on God more this year. Resolution of the year is that I will be a good steward of my time. In that, I really mean to say to manage my time well to have sufficient time spent with God too.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)