A different perspective

Recently, I have been working as if my bum is on fire. Ok, that's really a crude way of putting things but I have a parent calling me on my mobile ranting, yelling & screaming. The line she used to call me is a private line. Best part, so is my home line, so is my daddy's mobile.

Today, at a case discussion with my colleague, I received a call from a private line. I took a deep breath, braced myself and told him "XXXX calling." He went "Ok, get ready ah... I am here with you."

It gives me GREAT pleasure hearing my dad's voice on the other side of the speaker.

Honestly, a couple of months back, when my dad called me every other hour, I really do find it so irritating. Today, I learn to appreciate that these calls from my dad is a thousand fold better than a ranting parent.

Joy

1. Hello & Goodbye hugs & kisses from my kids at workplace... Melts my heart each time. Keeps me going in my 'so-called' job for this is more than a job to me. My life & passion.
   
2. Late night chats with mum over my dinner... Makes me feel good seeing her lips break into a smile.
3. Bringing daddy out for meal whenever I am not working on the weekends... I love that chuckle from daddy.
   
4. Bible & Our Daily Journey with God... Gives me great joy when I talk to God or when I hear from Him.
   
5. Daily journal... My way of reflecting & giving thanks & repenting.
6. Pockets of time spent with Geo... It's amusing how we make time for each other in the midst of busy-ness, over an hour of lunch, over train rides even if it's just 4 stops.
7. iPod... What would life be without music??? Tell me.
8. Digicam... I just simply love being trigger free! Every moment should be captured.
9. So many other things that life can offer and has offered!
   

Rest does it

As I grew older, I realized the importance of quality rest. I had it today, finally.

The past week is probably one of the craziest I ever had. I had 1 shift, 2 new cases & 3 discharge cases.

3 days this week were dedicated to shifting the things from one place to another. 3 times, the van was full. Driving in the day was terrible really. The hot sun, the full van, the lack of space at the rear view mirror, gosh... Loading & unloading. Cleaning & drying. Dust & my skin doesn't work hand in hand, developing rashes here there and everywhere. New place means decisions has to be made. It's also in times like these that ideas amongst us will differ. Thankfully there were no arguments as we always go back to our principle of the Home. Thank God that on the 2nd day, Pearly came over to help me with the cleaning. Really appreciate!


*sigh*... Sadly what hit me the most physically is not the cleaning of new place but the uproar of the new case. It's always hard when it comes to dealing with strong emotions. I had it the worst on Thursday & Friday when I was at the brunt of it. Thankfully, I think God knows my limitations. My supervisors came and spoke to me & talked about my role in this particular case. After the chat, I felt clearer & less vulnerable & unprotected.

By Friday, I was more than drained. I couldn't really think straight. My supervisor asked me "what do you think about this case?". I looked at him straight in the eye and told him "I don't know what to think of it. To begin with, I don't have time to think." Good thing he told me "Don't need to think too hard. I don't want you to think so hard." I thought I really have got very supportive supervisors!!

When I went for CG yesterday, really all I could do was to smile. I couldn't really talk much. I was way way way too tired to think of any conversation. Not that I am Mel, as one commented. All I longed for at that time was to disengage from work and when I couldn't, I get irritatingly quiet. Ooops! Sorry folks! =)

Anyway anyway anyway, I had a VERY good rest last night. So today, I am more upbeat so thought I better blog while I go silent again.

Brought my doggie for a haircut today.

Before

In a cage waiting for his turn, begging! (See one of his leg is up!)

Happy dog!

At the mercy of.....

I often feel that I am at the mercy of my boss' temper. However, recently, I have to acknowledge that my colleagues are at the mercy of my temper.

Seemed that the more I pray for self control of my quick/hot tempered-ness, the MORE I get worked up.

I used to think that I am able to cope with stress/multitasking but I realized that I am absolutely lousy at it. Constantly, I keep having to pray to keep calm, keep level-headed. Somewhere midday today, I nearly burst out into tears (my way of coping).

Shifting

When I moved from my previous flat of 15 years to my current place now, I told myself "No more shifting! The next time I shift will be when I marry!"

Little did I know that my next shift is today.

Officially, my office will be shifted up north 2nd June. By 2nd June, the new place has to be FIT for human to live in.

So today, my colleagues & I became a coolie. I really had a TOUGH time driving the van cause it's filled with stuffs! When I arrived at the place, it was SO SO SO SO messy! There were like 30+ chairs, many sets of sofas, etc that people just dump there. Gosh... Spent more than half the day removing unwanted furnitures.

Ubin

My Unit went to Pulau Ubin yesterday. Unfortunately, not all joined in but I am very encouraged to have Leng & Qianfang joining us despite not being able to cycle. They chatted, drank & ate tidbits for 3 hours while the rest of the 8 of us cycled.

At Changi Village for lunch

Classic! Chinese opera on a hot day! I cannot imagine how heavy the costumes are & the amount of thick make up. It was a wonderful sight truly...

"Carefree"

Photographer at work

Finally, at our resting area, we managed to "con" a little boy to sit with us. *chuckle*

Yesterday, at Ubin, was a sight I had never seen before. It was crowded. If I am not wrong, it's a deity's birthday & thus there was a celebration. The community culture in Ubin is really strong. Just an hour sitting there (at the resting area), I see how the people come together to help one another, chat, etc. It's like an open-concept kind of environment. Everyone knows everyone, there is a close bonding between one another. It's a scene that we who lives in a pigeon hole (HDB flat) would probably not enjoy that much.

Very nice indeed... :)

Religiously Maths

One morning when I entered my office, I found this comic strip on my table. I didn't know who left it there or who it was for but I kept it nonetheless. (I LURRVE Calvin & Hobbes!!!)

Later in the afternoon, boss came in. Rattle rattle rattle and then he turned and stared at me and asked "Hey! You received the comic strip I left on your table or not??" Joke has it that boss is very bad with Mathematics and I often tease him because it comes easy to me. He will then always glare at me with his small eye as if he's ready to kill and tell me "What is wrong with you? How can you love Maths?"

Jokes & teasing aside, boss finally shared that how Calvin feel is exactly how our work is like. Often, if not always, we really really do not have the answers for anybody. We just simply have to shrug our shoulders and say "Sorry, I really do not know." We simply have to pray that every decision we make at every crossroads are like Equations that bring about a "Miracle answer"!! Somehow, it just will happen magically.

Child protection work is indeed not easy. The amount of tears I had shed, the pain my heart had gone through, the times when all I could do is to hug the child, times when I feel frustrated when the child is unwanted, times when I had to resolve quarrels or pull apart a fight, times when I feel "Oh! It's the dead end again!". And oooooOooH... Not forgetting times when you get a hair-pulling experience when the child decided to act up and do something funny. Once, I literally feel like slapping the child. Then, at the most appropriate time, the child just drop tears. Aiyoz.... I tell you, my heart is like "ARgh!!! Make up your mind! You want to be naughty or poor thing???" But all I could do was to cuddle the child.

That's the thing about child protection work you see. The child probably has been traumatized and is very very confused. The usual adults in their life have set a bad example and here we are, trying to re-write what they had learn. How so can we, the new adults in their life, re-write what they had learned all their life?

Friends have once commented that the emotional type of persons cannot do this job. However, I often question back - If you don't work with emotions, how can you survive this job? For this job is not a job really.

Aging gracefully????

Weddings always provide the best opportunity to get to know people. This time, Gerald's wedding gave me the opportunity to get to know Geo's relatives.

First time in my life, I am seated at the VIP table. I had quite a fun time chatting with Geo's godma's daughter. In between, I had quite a bit of time to observe. As I saw Geo & Gerald chatting with their godma, I was just visualizing myself old-ER and attending my godsons wedding dinner. I thought it will be a very nice way to age gracefully... :)

Supervising

If you ask me, I get absolutely stressed up having to supervise a colleague or an intern. If the colleague or student fail to perform or fail to understand the processes, I am the one who will be questioned. I'd be more than glad to take on more cases than to take on more underlings. Sadly, life is never all about learning and not imparting so I have been given the privilege to impart.

Currently, I have a co-worker who has been following me for the past 3 months. She is a fantastic helper but I do feel bad because I am unable to coach her in a systematic way. My other colleague has urged me to guide her in every way that I can so what I did (and all that I could offer) was to do it on-the-job. She followed me wherever I go. Unfortunately, every family I am working with right now can only converse in Mandarin. Ultimately, she missed out the work processes with the family but did spend a considerable amount of time seeing me communicate with the professionals (teachers, other social workers, etc).

One day while I was driving, I was wondering "Hmm... it has been about 2 months. Why is it that so-and-so dare not speak up at the meeting even though I have given taken a seat back and zipped?" Then it hit me "Hey! Sandra! You were like that too remember?" When I went for meeting with my boss last time, I dare not speak a word for fear that I will talk wrongly. So I kept quiet and just observe. Just a couple of weeks, when my boss let me swim in the deep ocean holding reminding me that he's holding the float. That was when I really learn. With this knowledge, I went and ask my colleague and she confirmed her feelings were exactly. She said that she'd rather observe me now than to make a mistake at a meeting.

Well, today I told her "Ok, go and swim. There is a new case that's going to be English speaking." Now, I can't wait to observe!

On hindsight as I think about it, I really thank God for this opportunity to impart because it's with imparting my knowledge do I learn more. I will question myself on the things that I long to see in a supervisor then I will be that to my colleague. I do often communicate openly with my colleague and ask her to critic me. I do also tell her very often that we are like iron sharpening one another as our strengths may differ. On the whole, I do appreciate the learning process.

Well, I don't know to count my blessings or what but my boss just dropped me yet another bomb. He told me that he is going to have an intern under him and he has decided to place her under my care. *sigh* So here I am, feeling all stressed again like how can I train this girl? My strength is really not in training.

Here I go again.....

The Peace that Guards my Heart

Recently, I really do wonder - Am I to impact my job or is my job going to impact me?

Of late, I find myself snapping very often. My work schedules are packed almost back to back & my mind is three-quarters of the time very much boggled. I always feel that I am like an octopus. Many things happen concurrently.

I pray simply that God will guard my heart.

Plan for success!

Life for me has been living on the fast lane.

First it was hectic hectic for sister's wedding. Then it was to prepare for my office to be shifted to Sembawang. And then of course a new relationship in my life. Best of it all, it happened all concurrently.

It just hit me that all of it has one common standing - it all needs time to prepare. It seems like it was just yesterday but the planning & preparation of the heart took place even before the start of 2008.

For those who have prepared a wedding before, you would know the entire process. I had a chat with my sister's parents-in-law and they commented that they were rather stress during the wedding. They were worried that things will crop up or something will go wrong, etc. Before the wedding, they were worried about the nitty gritties too. The father-in-law was even sharing that he couldn't get to sleep! For me, just before the wedding, I was trying to get the photo montage ready. *sigh*... I guess my PC is really an old one so the Windows Movie Maker was a super lousy low-version. No matter how I set it, the resolution of the video clip was terrble! Just 2 days before the wedding, I simply couldn't get to bed. Part of me do not want to fail the couple. The other part of me kept wondering what went wrong. Thank God I had a friend who told me to try using the version on Windows Vista. Praise God, everything went on very well!

As for the shift to Sembawang, it ain't just the physical shift that I am most concern about. It's the children under my care that I am most most concern. Moving from Queenstown to Sembawang, it means that the school has to be changed. With that, we have to prepare the hearts of the children, the hearts of the parents, the discharge plans might have to be changed too & not forgetting, along with everything, the financial lack will sit in, etc. I have never in my life advocated so much for someone before. I have never in my life written so many social reports either! I shared with my friend today that the greatest joy being in a Residential Home is that the work is SO intensive that you will definitely know every child well. In return, churning a social report really ain't all that tough cause you are involved directly.

As for the relationship in my life, God has also his way of preparing my heart. Shan't say too much but all in God's own fantastic timing.

A verse came to my mind recently from Proverbs 16:3 that as we commit to the Lord whatever we do, our plans will succeed. I believe that God always will want us to be the head and not the tail. He wants to set us up for success ONLY if we allow Him to take over our lives. I guess the taking over part is the most mind-boggling part of the entire process. To let go & let God can be quite an art in itself.

Back to my comfortable bed now... Cheerios!