A lovely God

For the lack of words, this is a beautiful video.



These days, I have been thinking about Jesus' charge to us - All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of age.

These words are spoken by Jesus to his 11 disciples and from there, we are where we are now - people who know God, people who loves God, people who bask in God's love, people who knows what forgiveness is, people who experience compassion. I was just thinking, if not for the 11 disciples, where would I be now? If they had not taken the charge of Jesus seriously, would I have known Christ?

Back to where I am now, I am in a X-road where I am seeking for direction, simply if I should call it quits in my job or to continue. For the past 3.5 years in this organization, this thought visits me once in a while. It comes and go. Each time it comes, I seem to pray more (Haa!). Nothing wrong with where I am now really. Just that each time I feel stretched, I feel inadequate. Then I'd pray. Pray I did, peace I didn't feel and so, I often took on the challenges and stayed and the cycle continues.

The process might not be an easy one (cause it is indeed easier to just throw in the resignation letter). However, I did learn a thing or two.

• Growth is never easy. I was the only child for 2 years then on my 3rd year, I learned what is sharing my daddy and mummy with this other person called my Sister. Then, I remember when I hit puberty, I had to go through the pains of ugly breakouts and I wished there never ever was this thing called Puberty! And when I hit an older age of adolescence, I go through the pains of getting into a relationship and having my heart broken and I wondered why people ever loved. When I had my first job, the pains of giving the fruits of my labour to my parents and again, I wondered, why people ever marry. Then there are the thousand and one decisions in our daily lives we have to make. Yet thinking back, these somewhat painful yet lovely experience has nurtured me. In every job, there is also a growth chart. We will start out like a baby, then youth, adolescent and then adulthood. I could call it quits but when I go to another organization, it's just the same process I have to go through again.
• I learned that I have not sought God enough. I admit it - I am so human that I want to escape. I don't want leadership. I just want to be a normal person receiving 'orders', do my work and that's it. I don't want to fret about staff matters. I don't want to fret about management issues. As I started my wailing, I began questioning what is my purpose in life, God's purpose for me. I can't say that there is a sudden exclamation of 'Eureka!' in my life BUT I am slowing down my pace, taking a step back, having a breather and pray. During CG yesterday, SF said this so true "We are not natural leaders so all the more we have to seek God." Words rang and ringing now!
• I've learned that There IS a God. A God who cares for every part of my life. For the past week, my iPod is on the repeat mode for the above song. It has been ministering. Lyrics below, translated to the best that I can.

有一位神 (There is a God)
讚美之泉 Live 實況錄音 – 香港伊利沙伯體育館 Live Worship

有一位神 有权能创造宇宙万物
There is a God, He has created the everything in the universe

也有温柔双手安慰受伤灵魂
Yet, He is has a pair of gentle hands to comfort and sooth our pain

有一位神 有权柄审判一切罪恶
There is a God, He has every authority to judge every sin (scary)

也有慈悲体贴人的软弱
Yet, He is compassionate, caring and understands our every weaknesses

有一位神 我们的神
There is a God, He is our God

唯一的神 名叫耶和华
There is only one God, His name is Jehovah

有权威荣光 有恩典慈爱
He is mighty and He is the light. He is kind and compassionate.

是昔在今在永在的神
He is the past, He is our present and He is forever our God.

A time for everything

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from from his toil?
I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
He has made everything beautiful in His time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

Yet another verse that I keep dear to my heart is from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 that encourage all of us to be joyful always, to pray continually and give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

God's plans for us is always one that is for us and not against us. It's always one that has the intention to love us. I hold fast to the promise that as long as I continue to choose to be joyful always, to pray and to give thanks in all circumstances, God is with me. He didn't promise us smooth lives but He did promise us His presence.

Like the prayer of Moses, "Lord if your presence doesn't come with me, I will not go. So Lord, lead. I submit."

Short entry

Woke up to a dripping nose and aching body today. Woke up to Sparkle's backside on my face too.


Today is the start of my spring cleaning. The last I did it, it took me 1 week. I think this time, it's going to be more than a week.

And yes! Announcing the arrival of my 3rd godson, David. I can't wait to see him.. But I think I better do it the week after. Let my nose stop dripping first.

Nights.

Dark clouds and loud booming thunders

"It's easy to be depressed. BUT, it's a choice to still be joyful. As we start giving thanks for the minutest things in life, we will then discover it's not tough to be joyful."

Giving thanks today that God held the rain back despite dark clouds and loud booming thunders because it's a rare outdoor outing for my kids.

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

"Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust"

From the time I saw dad's last gasp of breath to dad's motionless right hand to dad's body being brought to the mortuary and subsequently up the van to Singapore Casket to dad's body returning to the wake after embalming to the pallbearers bringing dad's body to Mandai Crematorium to us clearing up dad's various accounts on earth, the above phrase never left my mind, tears often welled up.

Every birth of a child brings about tears of joy. Every last gasp of breath brings about tears of sorrow. It's funny how memories start filling up empty spaces only after the loss of a person. Even a stick of chicken ball has the ability to bring about tears to my eyes, remembering how daddy used to love eating it. Daddy was, especially, cute after his stroke, amidst him being difficult. He gave us interesting and amusing answers but each time, we know that all he wanted was for the good of his family. 2 weeks before his passing, his birthday, I gave dad a birthday card and asked him what was his wish. He didn't ask for good health, he didn't ask for a painless passing. All he asked for was that my sister and I to be happy and have a good life and of course, for us to take care of mummy. Right till the end, stroke or no stroke, his mind is only for his family.

Where there's life, there's death. Where there's death, there's eternal life. Indeed, we come with nothing, we leave with nothing. As we go about settling dad's various account, I noticed how easy it was that the customer service officer close and transfer the account to mummy. When we came to earth, we brought about a Birth Certificate. When we pass on, we brought about a Death Certificate. 2 papers to mark our life's journey.

Thank you all for your heartfelt condolences. I am truly blessed with friends and loved ones who stuck by me during this difficult time. Many had asked me 'How are you?'. Thank you. I am fine, really, because I know that time will heal. I know that one day, I will see daddy in heaven because I know that daddy's with Jesus now.

Daddy

Daddy passed on on Sunday, 26th April, after his hospitalization on 5th January. Daddy was such a fighter, surviving past a ruptured cyst, bleeding ulcers and 3 heart attacks.

Though daddy is physically no longer with us but I take heart that we will see each other in heaven. God's assurance is that to live is Christ and to die is gain. There will be no more pain and suffering where daddy is now. Only joy and happiness.

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My eulogy for daddy

No one could ever be a 100% ready to accept the death of a loved one, no matter how prepared. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult things that we had to go through especially when it is the loss of a parent.

My daddy was one of those strict fathers whose words are the law of our house. Growing up, my sister and I feared him. Yet, I never could have known that he was teaching me one of life’s most valuable lesson – Fight hard for what you believe in and let nobody bring you down, your family is always behind you. As I grew older, I began to understand that the most important thing that my daddy had was us – my mummy, my sister and I. He loves us with all that he can and with all that he knew how, he protected and shielded us. Yes, for those who know daddy, he was strict but only because he loves us.

I remembered when we were little, my daddy always found time for a game of badminton at night after his work despite tiredness. He was always available whenever we needed him. Once, I fell face flat to the ground and had a bloodied face. Daddy put down whatever he was doing, came straight to school and carried me to the doctor. I remember too that my sister was weak when young, fainting easily and she was brought for various medical checks. Daddy assured her by being with her at all times, reminding her always that no matter what, her family is with her.

Daddy-Daughter time to me was doing handy work at home together. He would be the one standing on top of the ladder and I would be the one handing him the tools, like how the assistant was to the surgeon. I would always know that after drilling a hole, my daddy would need the washer and a hammer. It was often known that I take after my daddy’s handyman skills and my daddy was proud of it. Just 2 years ago when I completed making a lampshade, man! My daddy shows it off to whoever comes to my house.

My daddy was a man of few words but after his stroke 2 years ago, he talked as if he was making up for the lost conversations and unceasingly proclaimed his love for mummy, Carol and I. I remember once, on a very rare occasion, mummy went out, leaving me to take care of daddy. Daddy and I were at the dining table and he started telling me that he might be strict, he might be a very difficult man, but deep down, he really loves his family, he loves mummy, he loves Carol and he loves me dearly. He beamed with joy each time he shared how he courted my mummy.

My daddy is a fighter and he showed strength right up to the end. Despite his ailing health and several heart attacks, my daddy fought well. Towards the last few months, my daddy showed me how he relied on the promise of God. Psalms 27:1 says “The Lord is my light and my salvation, whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life, of whom shall I be afraid?” He was assured each time he hears this verse and this became his anchor verse the last 2 months.

The past 4 months had been a difficult and painful journey for daddy. Yet, before his passing on, daddy looked at peace and he looked heavenward, as if God was welcoming him home. Yes, no one could ever be 100% prepared for the death of a loved one. However, mummy, Carol and I are really happy that though daddy is physically no longer with us, he is home with Jesus, his Lord and Savior.

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