I'm so in love with you...

I am quite a romantic at heart. Don't ask me why I love this song but I love this song. :) To add on, I have always love dancing show.

I often likened my relationship with God like my dancing partner. In a dance, someone has to lead, someone has to follow. In a dance, it cannot be too fast. Neither can it be too slow. It has to be in time.

多麼配合 你共我一對
多麼快樂 你共我相聚
擁抱著我 浸在愛海裡
要是和你 沒畏懼
多麼美麗 有著你跟我
多麼慶幸 我現已清楚
因有著你 再沒有一個
這樣完美 別出錯
* I'm so in love with you
以後連在一起
不管身份 愛著你
願上這一份情的你
I'm so in love with you
以後連在一起
今生都只抱著你
在世間 投入愛也因你
可否以後 愛著我不變
溫馨片段 你共我飾演
所有習慣 也願意改變
你沒難過 沒怨言
repeat * *
(I do have problem translating though... )

Good perk!

"Good friends are like stars...
You don't always see them, but you know that they are always there."

Met my best friend in between our busy schedules for breakfast and had more than a wonderful time just talking about the future, birth 'pains', past joy and sorrow.

A good way to perk my VERY tiring morning with only 3 hours of sleep.

We are weak but He is strong!

I was at home nursing my irritated eye today. Since the last major bout of eye infection, the "system" in my right eye seemed to have weakened.

As I was sitting outside the doctor's room today, I cannot help but thought how a body can easily weaken with time if it's not well taken care of. Thing is - Even if it's well taken care of, it will still break down.

Each time I get an eye infection, each time my eye gets a jabbing sting, there will be this fear that takes away every other thoughts. Will it happened to me? Will I lose my sight? Oh dear, if I lose my sight, what should I do? Must admit that there are moments that my heart skipped a beat when such thoughts cloud my mind.

The Lord spoke very gently, reminding me "My plans are to prosper you my dear daughter... Trust in me and in me only."

Ah huh... I believe that man are weak. We think negative thoughts. We will fall down. We will be disappointed. We will be tugged down by minor setbacks. We will face obstacles. We will be angry time to time. However, it's also said in the Word of God that heaven and earth will fade but God will still remain the same, His promises still stand strong and firm.

Jesus loves me this I know
For the bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but He is strong!

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me, for the bible tells me so.

Nice to be on MC... My dog follow me at my heel! Haa!

Delete and gone

I often kick myself in my head quite often. Today is no exception. I was sorting my files (photos in particular). I was cutting and pasting and of course, deleting. Unfortunately, it became something "habitual" cause I was at it for nearly an hour.

Sadly, sigh.., unknowingly, I deleted a whole chunk of photos.

Angry.
Sad.
Melancholic.
Frustrated.
Exasperated.
Irritated.
Furious.
Raging.
Cross.
Gloomy.
Downcast.

Search deep!

I had given away my guitar.

One day, Geo took out my guitar and strummed casually and man! It sounded heavenly! I immediately threw a "temper tantrum" and said that the guitar is UNFAIR! It sounded so good when Geo touched it and more than terrible when my fingers touched those 6 strings. Right. Crazy or what? I blamed the guitar.

I took up guitar about 7 years ago. There is always this desire to master guitar but my will always defer from my desire. There seemed to be something more important to do, to practice, to attain. 3 years ago, I did try at it again - I set it as my goal for the year. Year end, I still can't get past the one and only song I knew.

Last year, I decided to hand my dusty guitar to the master in music (in my opinion.. Heehee...). Temper tantrums aside, lack of practice aside, lack of will aside, I have come to realize that my guitar is NEVER at fault. The strings are already attached, the music notes are already there, I just need to find it.

Recently, boss sent this email. It's way cool!

Many years ago my friend took guitar lessons from David Bromberg, a recording artist and famous sessions player. When my friend entered David's house he heard beautiful music emanating from his guitar. My friend asked, "How do you make those notes on your guitar? I can't make them on mine." David answered, "All the notes you will ever need are already in the guitar, you just have to find them."

Isn't that also true of children? All the answers we will ever need are inside the child, we just have to find them.

Richard L. Curwin

Expectations

Unexpectedly, I received a call from a friend and it has been a long time that I chatted over the telephone. I was already thinking of keeping my phone to the storeroom.

Expectation.

A word that could bring us to a greater height or bring us down the pit.

I have heard some parents telling me exasperatedly that they do not want to expect anything from their child because the child will never meet it. Then I'd wondered if the child will have any goals to work towards to?

Then I have heard of couples' quarrel 'screaming' exactly like the comic strip below "Do it MY WAY!".

It is very easy to take those close to us for granted and start placing expectations. A balanced expectation will bring about wellness and great height. A lopsided expectation brings a relationship downhill.

25

I was tagged in my FB. Thought I'd just share it here. Not going to tag anyone. Just do it if you wanna think of 25 things! Haha!!

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Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

Right... I have been reading on 25 facts/random things/habits/goals of friends. Tagged once and was a tad lazy. Tagged twice and thought 'Why not try?'

I am pretty what you see what you get kinda person so nothing too new about me that friends do not know.

Here goes...

1. I can be VERY lazy if I want to. Else, I can be overly hardworking.

2. I love jigsaw puzzles.

3. I enjoy TVB serials. Sucker for stories that talk of saving people like firefighting, detectives, etc.

4. I finally bought a new mobile after 7 years. Not that my old mobile lasted me 7 years but in between, I was blessed with VERY usable 2nd PDA mobiles.

5. Working with children's always what I wanted but somehow, bad results landed me in Engineering.

6. I love my family now. Hated them when young.

7. Barely have more than 10 friends (in school) throughout my Primary & Secondary School days.

8. I was in a school choir, Alto group. Was part of the Singapore Jubilee Celebration (25th birthday) as a choir member.

9. Goals: I would still want to work with people in the long run. Social work now is still very broad. One day, I would narrow it down. As for my dream, always want to own a flower shop. =)

10. I love bright colors. But nothing beats the simple black and white.

11. I used to make little earnings from making accessories & wedding decorations when I was jobless. (Anymore lobangs?)

12. I have never been hospitalized before.

13. I am color coordinated. Haa!

14. I love bedsheets from Aussino.

15. I am a word-game / strategic person - Scrabble, Upwords, Boggle, Otello, Cluedo, Guesstures, Taboo. Love it all!

16. I can't do without my iPod, mobile, toothbrush & toothpaste, watch & ironed clothes when I go out.

17. I have a fantastic supervisor at work.

18. I love Hong Kong. Have a pact with a friend that we will do it once in 2 years. (Must check my pocket)

19. I love to take photographs.

20. I love boat rides.

21. I love to work with my hands.

22. I love children. That explains my job.

23. I have a QUITE a huge wardrobe (which Geo got really worried one day).

24. I have sweet tooth, especially desserts.

25. Finally the last one!!! I am reflective.

Daddy

"Critical condition, dangerously ill, still in the woods, not stable, etc"

A few of the dreaded words I had been listening to since 5 Jan. That day, dad was admitted to the hospital for a case of internal bleeding. 14 Feb, he was admitted to the hospital again for another case of internal bleeding.

When I saw my dad lying on the hospital bed yesterday, I can't help but feel sad. A strong man he was. Yet, he seemed defeated and so fighting for survival. As I saw my dad teared, I felt like crying myself but I held back.

Daddy.

I have known daddy for 32 years. Yes, that is my age this year. He has always been a strong man. Honestly, if you ask me, my early childhood memories of dad was not the best. He was very strict with sis and myself - am sure it's because we are girls. He was very well-known for his anger, which I think I might have inherited unfortunately. I remember running around him just so as as to avoid getting caned. I often likened his voice to thunder, scary. I stayed on the 10th storey and my ears were so in tuned to the sound of his keys and car's remote control that I will run straight to my bed and pretend to sleep.

However, the past few weeks, I was trying to recall more memories of my time spent with daddy. I took out some photos of my childhood. The one photo which really captured me was this very cute one at the swimming pool (whoopz! My first naked photo! Hee!)

I remember my parents often say that I grew up being a swimmer because my parents brought me swimming when I was VERY young. Another photo shows me sitting on my daddy's shin in the baby pool. Then, I recalled there was one day (I think I was very young, in Primary school) when my dad fell very very ill. I was so worried that I slept seated on a chair by his bed.

Even as I am typing this, I have no idea how to end this entry. I am just reminiscing and deep in thoughts these days.

Perfect!

I have been advised recently that no matter what happens, always remain firm in God. Always keep His word close to my heart. I got a little reflective, put on my reflecting cap and started to think of the turning points I had in my Christian walk.

Coincidentally, this is the verse of the day from my devotion -

Proverbs 3:5-6

⁵ Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;

⁶ in all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make your paths straight.

I had initially typed out a WHOLE chunk of reflections but here's the short version - the very very first time I am doing this disclosure - but standing TALL and proclaiming that God is good, in ALL circumstances. He has a purpose for me with a blueprint of my life all mapped out. So here goes...

Before REALLY knowing God (born to a church-going family), I was an insecure person. I looked for love in all the wrong places and got into a boy-girl relationship when I was barely 15 years old. Things got worse and we finally parted our ways. When we parted our ways, was also when I stopped going to church. Getting in & out of relationships thereafter became quite a norm to me until I met the ONE (whom I thought would REALLY be THE one). After 5 years, we broke up and I went to Oz to further my studies. Again, I was IN & OUT of relationships. Norm norm norm....

Finally, I surrendered my life to God when I was in Oz but it took me a long time before I digested God's commandment to be equally yoked. Relationships were still a stronghold in my life. Never knew really how to love a person. Also, never really saw the importance of being equally yoked until I realized how difficult life can be when one is unequally yoked.

By the time I realized it, with all my heart, I surrendered myself to God, trusting in Him. I finally decided that it's time to meet God face to face with all my deeply rooted issues and surrendered to him. I fasted from relationship, wanting to learn from the Word of God, what love is, what loving myself means, what loving others means. Not only do I not wish to hurt anybody else anymore, I really do not wish to hurt myself.

Therefore, despite knowing that Geo likes me, I rejected him once because I was not too sure if I, myself, were ready - ready to love and be loved, ready to share of my past. Naturally, there was slight fear that the one rejection might be rejection forever. Thank God, I have found someone who is stubborn, or should I say persistent. A year odd later, last year, Geo asked me again if I would like to bring the friendship to another level. This time, I was more confident of myself, I was confident of the 4-year friendship we had. More importantly, I was sure that it's God's timing.

"Love is too strong a word to say it too early yet, Love is too meaningful a word to say it too late." Nothing is too late in God's eyes because His timing is always perfect. I believe that if I had agreed to being with Geo at first instance, I might still be ironing out my internal issues. People say that God is good all the time, I say God is real and He really really loves us. He WILL grant us the desires of our heart IF we follow His ways.

Our Valentine's date with Francis Yip at Sg Indoor Stadium

Baked Pasta

A friend stayed over a few days back and it was her turn to prepare dinner. The last time, I cooked Luncheon meat & egg noodles. This time, it was baked pasta. When we looked at the done product, we thought we could NEVER finish it. We were absolutely wrong. Every single bit was into our stomach. I could still taste the cheese and egg. We've calculated. The casserole dish is 8.5" in diameter so each of us has about 1.2 litres of pasta, cheese, chicken, egg in our stomach. Haa!

Next round, my turn, it will be Ikea's Swedish meatballs. Till then.

Jerseys

Today I brought a child to CGC and he came in a Juventus soccer jersey. I was playing around with his mobile as he showed me the pictures inside. There was a picture of Liverpool FC, Chelsea FC and many others.

Honestly, all the logos look alien to me. Tell me the name, I know (er, I have never heard of Juventus till today). Show me the logo without the name, I am lost.

Unfortunately, I angered my sister last night. She was asking me for her red Manchester United Jersey but I really cannot recall how the Manchester United jersey looked like. Neither could I remember borrowing it. She must be real pissed cause I did not offer to even look for it in my wardrobe. Usually, I would. However, timing was slightly not right as I was in a grave conversation (to my opinion) with a friend who stayed over.

It is really unfortunate because sister really found it in my wardrobe (my heart must have skipped not one but two beats). Even more unfortunate, the styrofoam-like glued-on logo peeled off because it was folded (and my heart skipped even more beats). My bad, my bad.

A few mistakes made - I forgot it's with me; I didn't offer to search for it; the logo peeled off. Sister must be thinking "Wah liao eh! Everytime lend her something, sure spoilt. I have never spoilt her tops." I guess I must be quite "lucky" in a sense because my clothes were never attractive enough for sister to borrow. "Unlucky" in another sense because even a top that I borrowed can be spoilt from a dripping clothing from above.

That said, I better refrain from borrowing anymore clothes from her. I am blogging this because, well, I really feel sorry. This is also a reminder to myself the consequences of a careless mistake. Naturally, my sister was angry with me and again, we had a mini cold war. Despite the conversation that was still going on with my friend, I was thinking how to ever make up. I guess the best 'gift' I can really give myself is to give myself lesser of such "heart-attacks". I better just stick to whatever I have inside my own wardrobe.

Masterpiece

Geo and I started a personal project - Jigsaw puzzle - yesterday. We had a mini bickering session yesterday. I 'scolded' Geo for choosing such a difficult one. He asked me why didn't I stop him. Nonetheless, we enjoyed spending 3 hours seated on the floor, with an aching bum thereafter.

In the midst of it, Geo passed a comment "Whoever who invented jigsaw very smart hor?"

I can't help but agree. Before we started on this puzzle, I made sure that I counted the total number of pieces. It has to be 1000 exactly. Nothing more. Nothing less. If it's not 1000, we would not even spent a minute on this puzzle. Every piece is so unique. No one shape is the same. No one piece has the same picture on it. However, every piece plays a part in creating a masterpiece.

Life is like a jigsaw puzzle. Every life plays a part to create a masterpiece. Every life contributes their uniqueness.

Stillness

Some river in Tasmania

"Stillness is always the prerequisite for receptivity."

Psalms 46:10 tells us to be still and know that He is God. He will be exalted among the nations. He will be exalted in the earth.

In anticipation & in stillness for God - for great things to happen.

Plans

Ok, I have finally did something which I never thought I would have done - placing my dad in a Nursing Home.

I had to convince myself that this is in the best interest for my dad.

Having to be tube fed, not knowing the capability of Dad's physical movement, the doctors at CGH was a tad unwilling to discharge my dad as the after-care was dodgy. They had to discharge my dad as an Acute Hospital is not the best place for recovering patients. However, the doctors were worried that my mum is unable to assist my dad in his daily care.

A few suggestions:

• For my dad to be admitted to a Community Hospital. Due to my dad's previous track record, the Community Hospital rejected his request for admission two times. Doctors also suggested for us to get a helper.
  
• Getting a helper. However, knowing my dad's character, getting a helper will not be helpful. My dad will not allow a stranger to help him, especially with daily routine.

Finally, when it seemed like it's a dead end, the doctor suggested Day Care. We checked out our nearest Day Care and realized they are also a Nursing Home. Mum & sis spoke to dad asking him if he would like to go for Day Care. Sadly, he said he wants a Nursing Home instead, unfortunately.

After some findings, we were gladdened that the Nursing Home has physiotherapist, doctors and nurses. We are hoping to get a speech therapist in to assess my dad's swallowing.

I am praying against his resistance for therapy.

As I am typing this, I am reminded from Proverbs 16:9 "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps.". So far, many of what is happening are plans that we have in mind. Ultimately, I am committing dad into God's hands.

Loving Beyond Reason

"The test of love is that it gives even when there is no expectation of a return." - Love Beyond Reason, John Ortberg

There is this story in this book that touched me greatly:

It speaks of an 8-year old boy who had a younger sister dying of leukemia. He was told that without a blood transfusion, she will die. His parents asked if the doctors could test his blood to check for compatibility. He tested and it was positive. Moving forward, he was asked if he would give his sister a pint of his own blood as it could be her only chance of living. The brother replied that he would think about it overnight.

The next day, he told his parents that he was willing to donate his blood. They went to the hospital and both brother and sister were hooked up to the IVs. The boy lay silently as he watch the blood dripped from the IV. When the doctor came and asked the brother how he was doing, the brother asked "How soon until I start to die?"

I was very touched. It wasn't the first time I was reading this story. It was probably the 3rd or 4th time. Yet, it still touched me. I questioned myself if I could ever give my life to someone unfailingly. Would I really be able to give without expecting something in return? Would I? Would I be able to love unceasingly?

Jesus asked Peter after his resurrection if Peter loves Jesus. Peter answered "Yes", "Yes" & "Yes", 3 times. After the 3rd time, Jesus told Peter that if Peter really loves Jesus, Peter should feed His sheep.

As the author has put it nicely "Love me, love my ragged dolls." We are like a ragged doll, pained by the baggage of the past, burdened by current issues, hurt by loved ones, made one mistakes after another. I had been a ragged doll before. I still am a ragged doll. Been through struggles before. Still struggling now and then. As I look back at my journal today, reading through the struggles, reading through my sins, I am amazed what a HUGE heart God has.

A tough question I asked myself - Have I, at least tried, to be a good shepherd? Have I fed my sheep?

Quality Time

Festive season is not only about eating (in my 2-cents worth of opinion as I do not snack much). More so, it's about meeting up with friends.

A few days back, it was chatting for about 1.5 hours over a cup of Hot Fudge Sundae. Yesterday, just simply played with my godsons, chatted with best friend. In a blink of an eye, 4 hours was gone. In the evening, I talked non-stop with my buddy for over 2.5 hours over steamboat. As if it wasn't enough, went on further to our favorite Hong Kong dessert. And today, time spent with CG was relaxing at Noel's place over lunch.

Over the years, I have come to realize that my language of love is Quality Time. It really doesn't matter how often I meet my friends. It's more of how qualitative the meet up was.

Anyway, just a few pics to feast the eyes.

A VERY nice restaurant in the heart of Singapore City - McDonalds, beside Bras Basah Centre. Catching up with Chris before he flies off, again.

Again, no words can describe how much I love my best friend and her sons, my godsons. I am very thankful to God for putting her in my life. I am blessed by her friendship. Sadly, I didn't have opportunity to grab a picture of Matt.

In just 1.75 hours, a feast was whipped up by Noel & Yanling. What I did to contribute? Nothing. Heehee...