My 1st Transference

When I was studying my Graduate Diploma in Social Work, my lecturer spoke about this thing called Transference and Counter Transference. Honestly, I can't remember which is which. What I do remember is this. In Social Work, we deal with alot of people and in this industry, it's good to be aware of your surroundings. Not just environment but the people too. An example that was given in a book was this: A social worker is helping one client and this worker reminded the client of her ex boyfriend. Because of the resemblence, there was this great reliance on her worker. I wonder, then, will it ever happen to me? Transference of any kind - NOT just that example.

I had my Child Protection training course last Tuesday (2nd last one) and we had a role play. This role play was about this family where the husband was very violent. He shouted and blamed his wife. He blamed her for not being a good mother. Mother blamed him for always getting drunk and not being a good father. Only placing all expections on her. Son started to hide behind mother and father shouted at son why he only know how to hide? Shouted to him to come out immediately. All the more the boy hid. Suddenly, the mother decided not to protect the son anymore and scolded him for being the problem. "Why are you crying? Why are you always giving problems?"

This was just a role play. However, enough to put tears in my eyes. I could almost relinquish that fear I once had towards my dad. I could almost remember how I hid behind my mum's nightgown. I could remember how I always cry and apologize yet still got beaten. I remember how I was labelled for "always being the one who made my dad angry". I remember how I ran around the table just so that I don't get beaten up. I still remember the heart pounding effect when I got awaken from my sleep to get a scolding and beating. I felt the transference.

When my AD got everyone to go up to the front to be the social worker for the role play, I froze. I spoke. But I froze. After that session, I can't concentrate anymore. When I went for my friend's wedding dinner, I can't help it but that role play was stuck in my mind. In my own mind, I prayed for the fear to go away. In the night when I went home, I thought to myself - Didn't I go through a series of forgiveness? Not only to myself but towards my father too? Before I slept, I kept praying. I prayed that this will NOT be an opportunity for satan to pull me down. I prayed for God's peace that transcends all understanding. I prayed for His joy. When I woke up the next day, it was like a "It's a new day" feeling.

After which, last Friday, I had contact time with my AD. Towards the end, she spoke to me about the role play. She noticed that everybody was quite hesitant to go up front. However, the fear in my eyes and my body language was very evident that I was very very fearful. I told her about the transference that I had.

My first transference - Except that the transference is not from worker to client but client to worker. Either way, no good. But nonetheless, I was glad that I was aware of my surroundings. On a personal note, it helps me to rely on God even more. I know that I need Him to carry me through every single part of my life and I know, that the past can no longer hold captive of me. Amen...