9 months old

MUCH MUCH MUCH changes happened during the past one month.  Significantly especially after a family trip to Lombok and Batam.  Baby F has learnt that her hands can carry the weight of her bottle and she is holding it into her mouth pretty well! Hmm, except that she does get lazy and just drop it off or completely not want to hold it but we are trying to get her hands on the bottle at every opportunity.  Hands! Hands are also for clapping! Whenever she does something well, we clap & during the trip at Lombok, she learned that she can also clap clap! It's so cute seeing her smile from ear to ear whenever she clap, as if she knows that clapping is good. :)  Early at 8 months, Baby F also managed to pull yourself up and stand on the cot.  Since then, bedtime has been very physical for her (& me or daddy) - It's her exercise time! Sit sit, stand stand.. :)

What melts my heart the most last month was when the little one caught on the lovely act of "Kiss mummy, Kiss mummy!" & of course, kiss daddy, kiss yiyi, kiss xxxx... Very wet, very sloppy, VERY NICE!!!!

It has been 9 months.  I have come to realization that as much as I knew I love children and want children, I have never thought I would be a mother.  I suddenly remember declaring to my best friend's aunt when I was 14 or 15 years old "I will NEVER have children!".  On hindsight now, I think even as youth, I knew that raising a kid is challenging!  Was I fearful of having kids due to physical pain or am I fearful of not knowing how to raise a child?  I guess it is a mixture of both.

I know I am someone who set high expectations on self.  If I want to do something, I want to do it really well.  Else, I'd rather not try.  Of course, over the years, I have allowed the grace of God to flow in as well.  It's tiring and challenging always having high expectations.  Raising a kiddo is no joke truly.  I constantly find myself wondering what food to intro to baby Faith next.  What's the next milestone for her? What is the best toys to buy? She's not reading but biting the book! Is that fine? Just last night, I tried getting Baby F to sleep and all she did was to flip right, flip left, sit up, crawl, flip again with eyes half close! After an hour, I was really frustrated. Then I felt God prompting me to put her back into her own cot (we have been getting her to sleep on our bed because since we returned from our trip, she rejects her cot.).  I asked God "Really? She rejected cot for the past few days, how could it be?" Nonetheless, I tried and Baby F went into deep sleep in less than a minute.

I pondered thereafter "What will happened if I had not followed the prompting?" I would probably have another 30mins to an hour of struggling with a flipping restless baby.  Conclusion: There is great assurance that I am, ultimately, not the main parent for Baby F.  God is there watching over the little one.  As Baby F's earthly mother, I need to be attuned & be sensitive to the prompting of God.

As a first time mummy, I also find it a challenge receiving feedbacks that literally challenges me. I constantly find myself not knowing how to balance between maintaining relationships and taking the feedback with a pinch of salt. Still something that I stuggle a lot. I have learnt to just take the backseat and give a smile and zip my lips. :D

And yes, my baby is having a headache on my behalf! Hee... :)