Today was the Family Group Conference Refresher's training and the trainer, Vince, shared on the role of the coordinator. What is the role of this coordinator? What are the values this coordinator should have? Who should this person be? Amongst the many words to describe the role and values, Compassionate and 聽 left a deep imprint in me.
Prior to this training, Compassion, in my perspective is just a word to describe a feeling. Going deeper into its origin and history, the word compassion comes from the Latin stem Compati, meaning to suffer with. 'Com' is 'together', 'Pati' is 'to suffer'. Compassion, then, is more than just a feeling, more than just feeling. It is a together thing. Compassion is to suffer together with someone.
As the word was explained, I felt that all this while, I had taken this word for granted. Now I know why Jesus chose the nails for me. Jesus is described as compassionate. He suffers together with me, He suffers for me. He does not just feel the pain I go through. He goes through together with me.
We also went through the Chinese traditional word 'listen' - 聽. When we break up the word, on the left hand side, is the word ear, 耳. On the right side is 目, describing eyes. 心 means heart and finally 一 means unity, undivided attention. When we listen to someone, we should listen with undivided attention, noting body languages, listening with our heart and ears.
At the end of the refresher, my heart was in a state of having different feelings all at the same time. On one hand, there was a sudden surge of gratefulness in my heart. I was filled with thanks that someone was so willing to suffer together with me, to suffer for me. It is not something I do not know yet today, it somehow struck me so deeply. On the other hand, I do feel a sense of *hmmm* disappointment with myself. Yes, I tend to be people-oriented, friends do thank me for listening to them, friends have commented before that I am compassionate. However, today I ask myself - Do I live up to the word 'compassion'? Am I willing to suffer with someone? Do I really practice the art of listening? Do I listen with undivided attention? With my heart and my every being? Do friends feel they have my total attention when they look for me? Have I over the years grown cynical? Have I? I remember a few weeks ago, I shared with my buddy that I feel very unheard. Have I been hearing others then? Hmmm..
Ok, food for thought. Enough thoughts for today.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Melbourne Afterthoughts
Last week this day, I was on my way back home from Melbourne. Time flies heh? Often I wonder "What my future lies?" Anyway, just want to jot down my afterthoughts from my 14-days trip.
On caring
People would not know how much you care until they see how much you care.
I was teamed with a classmate for a game called "Present upfront". We were given 10 mins to get to know our teammate - Where are you from? What do you do? What do you like to do? After we got 2 mins to present to the rest of the group who is our teammate.
In the 10 mins while I was questioned, I felt interrogated. However, in the next 2 mins, it was presented like I was my teammate's best friend. I felt queer.
I asked myself "Hmmm... How does my clients feel when I speak to them? Sometimes, the work requires lots of questioning and questioning, in essence, can feel like an interrogation. We do social work because we want to care. Yet, does people know we care if we question interrogatively?
Disclaimer: This is NOT a complain. It was just how I felt at that point of time.
On self-awareness
I was having lunch in a Missions House. This Missions House serves the destitute, the homeless, the poor for specific regions by giving out food. Unless we have a card, we would have to purchase our own lunch, which is very cheap.
Inside the Missions House, my colleague and I did the usual - took photos. As we had a classmate who joined us for lunch, we got a little "high" taking photos, posing here and there.
While we were laughing happily, this old man walked to me and in his indifferent slow speech, he said "I have never taken a photo before because I have never owned a camera before."
Immediately, I teared. I felt so sorry. So sorry that I totally forgot where I was and there I was flaunting my wealth, camera, watch, money to buy food, etc. I felt so shameful actually. I don't mean to but donning the hat of a tourist, I totally forgotten where I was.
On passion
7 years ago, I had wanted so so much to stay on in Oz after my studies. Then, I felt I had the burden for the people because I felt that there were many who professed they are Christians but many were just Sunday Church goer.
In this trip, I realized that 7 years ago, I wanted to stay on because hmm... I think I was young. I wanted to be away from family. I wanted my so-called Freedom.
Over the years since I returned, I have developed a passion for my own people. I remember 4 years ago before I started my internship at Beyond, I questioned myself - Can I love people? Knowing that I have my fair share of complains of Singapore, I prayed for compassion. Sitting through the training, I found myself relating things I learned back to how it can be relevant to who I work with. I know, then, that I have grown to love my home country.
On hospitality
In the first hostel I stayed in, there were so many rooms for its guests. Yet, there were only 3 bathrooms. There were one night where I got so tired waiting for the bathroom that I slept without bathing. Also, when I first arrived, we were not very well-received.
In the second hostel, we were complimented with smiles and 4 eggs. we thought that was it but as we went to level 2, I was pleasantly surprised by the hallway. On the left were all the rooms. On the right were toilets and bathrooms. The ratio between rooms and bathrooms were fantastic.
I kinda thought of the facility I have at work in Sembawang. The facility we have is great. Lots of rooms, more than enough bathrooms so there is no need to fight. Perhaps the only thing we are lack of is probably genuine smile? Hmm.. Hospitality maybe? Understanding of whichever family we have there? As a recipient at 2 hostels, I understand the importance of having the reception understanding my needs and having to meet it! What worked well for my heart was also the warm welcome I received.
On appreciation
In the training, we had classmates coming from various countries - almost all classmates were involved in Social Circus.
In one session, a classmate shared about his youths holding onto pistols and knives, not to fight but to protect themselves. There were more sharing made along this line.
I was humbled. Very humbled. Whatever I did face or am facing is nothing nothing compared to their sharing. I began to appreciate where I am living, a secured and sheltered place.
Now, whenever a complain is at the tip of my tongue, I bite it to remind myself how blessed I am.
On caring
People would not know how much you care until they see how much you care.
I was teamed with a classmate for a game called "Present upfront". We were given 10 mins to get to know our teammate - Where are you from? What do you do? What do you like to do? After we got 2 mins to present to the rest of the group who is our teammate.
In the 10 mins while I was questioned, I felt interrogated. However, in the next 2 mins, it was presented like I was my teammate's best friend. I felt queer.
I asked myself "Hmmm... How does my clients feel when I speak to them? Sometimes, the work requires lots of questioning and questioning, in essence, can feel like an interrogation. We do social work because we want to care. Yet, does people know we care if we question interrogatively?
Disclaimer: This is NOT a complain. It was just how I felt at that point of time.
On self-awareness
I was having lunch in a Missions House. This Missions House serves the destitute, the homeless, the poor for specific regions by giving out food. Unless we have a card, we would have to purchase our own lunch, which is very cheap.
Inside the Missions House, my colleague and I did the usual - took photos. As we had a classmate who joined us for lunch, we got a little "high" taking photos, posing here and there.
While we were laughing happily, this old man walked to me and in his indifferent slow speech, he said "I have never taken a photo before because I have never owned a camera before."
Immediately, I teared. I felt so sorry. So sorry that I totally forgot where I was and there I was flaunting my wealth, camera, watch, money to buy food, etc. I felt so shameful actually. I don't mean to but donning the hat of a tourist, I totally forgotten where I was.
On passion
7 years ago, I had wanted so so much to stay on in Oz after my studies. Then, I felt I had the burden for the people because I felt that there were many who professed they are Christians but many were just Sunday Church goer.
In this trip, I realized that 7 years ago, I wanted to stay on because hmm... I think I was young. I wanted to be away from family. I wanted my so-called Freedom.
Over the years since I returned, I have developed a passion for my own people. I remember 4 years ago before I started my internship at Beyond, I questioned myself - Can I love people? Knowing that I have my fair share of complains of Singapore, I prayed for compassion. Sitting through the training, I found myself relating things I learned back to how it can be relevant to who I work with. I know, then, that I have grown to love my home country.
On hospitality
In the first hostel I stayed in, there were so many rooms for its guests. Yet, there were only 3 bathrooms. There were one night where I got so tired waiting for the bathroom that I slept without bathing. Also, when I first arrived, we were not very well-received.
In the second hostel, we were complimented with smiles and 4 eggs. we thought that was it but as we went to level 2, I was pleasantly surprised by the hallway. On the left were all the rooms. On the right were toilets and bathrooms. The ratio between rooms and bathrooms were fantastic.
I kinda thought of the facility I have at work in Sembawang. The facility we have is great. Lots of rooms, more than enough bathrooms so there is no need to fight. Perhaps the only thing we are lack of is probably genuine smile? Hmm.. Hospitality maybe? Understanding of whichever family we have there? As a recipient at 2 hostels, I understand the importance of having the reception understanding my needs and having to meet it! What worked well for my heart was also the warm welcome I received.
On appreciation
In the training, we had classmates coming from various countries - almost all classmates were involved in Social Circus.
In one session, a classmate shared about his youths holding onto pistols and knives, not to fight but to protect themselves. There were more sharing made along this line.
I was humbled. Very humbled. Whatever I did face or am facing is nothing nothing compared to their sharing. I began to appreciate where I am living, a secured and sheltered place.
Now, whenever a complain is at the tip of my tongue, I bite it to remind myself how blessed I am.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Melbourne Menus
I was on my company budget for the first 5 days. Next 8 days, no way am I ever going to spend $15 per meal! So, travelmate and I decided that COOKing is the next best deal!
List of food stuffs purchased for 8 days:
1 bottle of 4 litre water
2 bottles of 3 litre orange juice
2 bottles of 1.5 litre Coke
1 bottle of 330ml Coke
3 bottles of red bull
2 bottles of white wine
2 bottles of Tasmanian Beer
2 packets of Kettle chips
1 packet of Nachos
2 packets of microwaveable Lasagna
2 bottles of Leggo's cream sauce
2 basket of sliced button mushrooms
200grams of shaved ham
2 round bread
1 Double Brie cheese
1 Brie cheese
1 can of Chunky Beef stew
1 packet of DIY Japanese creamy soup (from Singapore's Daiso)
4 eggs (Free)
3 potatoes
4 corns
1 packet of ready-made fried rice
1 packet of Diana's sauce
1 packet of Black Pepper Steak sauce
1 packet of Kangaroo steak
1 packet of beef steak (Too bad the Rump Steak was not on sale)
2 McDonald's lunches
1 McDonald's hotcakes breakfast
1 Vietnamese Beef Noodles from Mekong at Swanston Street
1 plate of Big Breakfast (Omelette, mushrooms, avocado, bread, etc)
2 Fish & chips
Day 1
Lunch: Vietnamese Beef Noodles @ Swanston Street
Dinner: 2 packets of microwaveable Lasagna
Snacks: Double Brie, Penfolds White wine, Chips
Whilst waiting for Wen to arrive, I made my way to the supermaket to settle dinner. Bought a packet of chips to snack and 2 packet of microwaveable lasagna.
Wen arrived, rested and we made our way to the city, with only one goal in mind - Check out if Mekong, the Vietnamese restaurant @ Swanston Street is still in operation. That would be our late lunch! We were absolutely delighted to make our way in, looked at how physically, there isn't much changes. Yet, I was sort of amused that orders are taken from PDAs. The waitresses saved the trouble from shouting the out loud. She doesn't even have to walk to the counter to place our order.
Anyway, lunch was GOOD. The noodles tastes just as good as 8 years ago. It went so so well with the Vietnamese iced coffee. To 'die' for. Haa! Then we went to the supermarket to get some drinks (juice & wine) and cheese.
Dinner was settled via the microwave - 2 packets of lasagna.
Returned to the room to chat over double brie and white wine. Slept really well.
Day 2
Lunch: Big Breakfast (Omelette, mushrooms, bread, avocado, etc)
Dinner: Carbonara Fettucine with ham and mushrooms
Snacks: Remaining chips and 2 Tasmanian Beer (yucky!)
Slept till I decided I need to go toilet pee. Hee! By the time we set off, it was already about 1030am, I think. We took a slow stroll to St Kilda's beach. I felt that I have been to Melbourne 3 times and yet never been to the must-go St Kilda's flea market. The weather was getting quite scorching so we stopped by to purchase a bottle of coke at a rather steep price. Prior to the flea market, we decided that our stomachs were calling out to us so we stopped by for brunch - Big Breakfast.
After St Kilda's beach, we went to Queen Victoria Market and got 4kgs of nuts! On hindsight, if I knew, IF I knew that I would be going to stay at the backpackers opposite QVM, I wouldn't have bought the nuts so early! Gosh! Lugging 4kg of nuts back to Prahan, Chapel Street was hellish!
Anyway, we were SO hungry after all the lugging so we had quite an early dinner, 7pm. Early because sun sets only at 8pm. Haha!!! Made Fettucine in Creamy Carbonara sauce. We added about 100gms of shaved ham and load of fresh button mushrooms, a MUST.
Now you see it. Now you don't! Yup! I gobbled it up!
Day 3
Lunch: Roasted Chicken and Orange Juice
Dinner: Carbonara Fettucine (Remaining chicken, ham, mushrooms) and Orange Juice
Before we hit the Motorway, we dropped by supermarket to get a roasted chicken for our lunch. After driving about 2 hours, stomach growled. Stopped at a carpark and start gobbling the chick down! Hee.. I tackled the thighs, friend tackled the breastmeat. Very good partnership here..! Hahaha!!! Btw, chicken's cheap and tasty!
Dinner at Port Campbell was at 9pm. We quickly packed our daypack and left our luggage in our boot (Shh.. Haa!), went to our room, put our stuffs and went to the lovely HUGE kitchen to cook.
We didn't finish our lunch so we used the oil from the chicken to fry the remaining of our button mushrooms. Added that oil to the water to boil our Fettucine and we had a HUGE plate of Carbonara Fettucine filled with mushrooms, remaining ham and chicken. It was YUMMY but a little too much for a late dinner.
Day 4
To-go Lunch: Chips
Sit down Lunch: Fish and Chips
Dinner: Chunky Beef soup and 4 eggs
On our way to the Grampians, we WERE searching for food BUT couldn't find any. All we saw, along our way was houses. I asked my friend, do you think we can just knock on their door and ask for food? Hahahaha!!! Well, thank God we had chips and nachos so that became our on-the-way-fill-stomach type of lunch. When we arrived at Halls Gap, we decided that even if we were not hungry, we better eat something. Got into this US-drama-looking quiet restaurant and got a plate of Fish and Chips each (which tastes a little hmmm... too fishy for my liking).
At Grampians, we lodged ourselves at Tim's Place and opened the can of Chunky Beef soup. Cooked the 4 eggs we got with compliments from our previous backpackers. It was yummy! Amazingly, we eat our eggs the same way. I adore the yolks. :P
Day 5
Lunch: Ice cream, remaining chips and nachos
Dinner: Ready made fried rice (thumbs down) and DIY Japanese creamy soup (thumbs up!)
Snacks: Nachos
Returned to Melbourne City. On the way back, we didn't feel like eating. Somehow, personally, no mood for food like Fish and Chips. So after our short trekking trip, we had an ice cream each and the drive back, we finished our remaining chips and opened our packet of nachos.
At City, we went to grocery shopping and bought stuffs to cook for the remaining days.
We had cravings for rice so we got ourselves a packet of ready-made fried rice. I put in a little too much water and the rice was a little too soft. Then again, even if the water was of a good amount, I do not quite like the taste of the fried rice - too much garlic. The packet of DIY creamy soup was good. We threw in carrots, mushrooms and potatoes for our carbo and it tastes really nice!
Conclusion: I am very asian. Hmm.. or am I very Cantonese? I love soups!!! Haa!
Day 6
Lunch: Round bread + ham and coffee
Dinner: Kangaroo steak + Diana's sauce topped with corn, mushrooms, carrots.
Snacks: Cheese and nachos
That's how simply we settled lunch. :)
Somehow, the Kangaroo steaks were really cheap so we went for it. Side dishes were carrots, corn and mushrooms. Pan frying the steak and mushrooms with butter was very nice. Fatty maybe. But nice. Our supply of orange juice never seem to run dry. :P
Day 7
Lunch: McDonald's Angus and Quarter Pounder burger. It was YUMMY! The beef was so juicy.
Dinner: Beef steak + Black Pepper Steak sauce topped with corn, mushrooms, carrots.
Snack: Remaining cheese, nachos and Brown Brother's white wine
Finished up the remaining Fettucine too! Only thing wasted of the entire trip was half a chunk of butter. :P
Day 8 (return home)
Breakfast: McDonald's Hotcakes and remaining Orange Juice
Lunch: McDonald's Grand Angus small meal
Dinner: Singapore Airlines
That's about it! All in the name of saving money and having fun, we cooked! Friend and I decided "If we can do it in Oz, we can do it in Sg." Will definitely do so.
List of food stuffs purchased for 8 days:
1 bottle of 4 litre water
2 bottles of 3 litre orange juice
2 bottles of 1.5 litre Coke
1 bottle of 330ml Coke
3 bottles of red bull
2 bottles of white wine
2 bottles of Tasmanian Beer
2 packets of Kettle chips
1 packet of Nachos
2 packets of microwaveable Lasagna
2 bottles of Leggo's cream sauce
2 basket of sliced button mushrooms
200grams of shaved ham
2 round bread
1 Double Brie cheese
1 Brie cheese
1 can of Chunky Beef stew
1 packet of DIY Japanese creamy soup (from Singapore's Daiso)
4 eggs (Free)
3 potatoes
4 corns
1 packet of ready-made fried rice
1 packet of Diana's sauce
1 packet of Black Pepper Steak sauce
1 packet of Kangaroo steak
1 packet of beef steak (Too bad the Rump Steak was not on sale)
2 McDonald's lunches
1 McDonald's hotcakes breakfast
1 Vietnamese Beef Noodles from Mekong at Swanston Street
1 plate of Big Breakfast (Omelette, mushrooms, avocado, bread, etc)
2 Fish & chips
Day 1
Lunch: Vietnamese Beef Noodles @ Swanston Street
Dinner: 2 packets of microwaveable Lasagna
Snacks: Double Brie, Penfolds White wine, Chips
Whilst waiting for Wen to arrive, I made my way to the supermaket to settle dinner. Bought a packet of chips to snack and 2 packet of microwaveable lasagna.
Wen arrived, rested and we made our way to the city, with only one goal in mind - Check out if Mekong, the Vietnamese restaurant @ Swanston Street is still in operation. That would be our late lunch! We were absolutely delighted to make our way in, looked at how physically, there isn't much changes. Yet, I was sort of amused that orders are taken from PDAs. The waitresses saved the trouble from shouting the out loud. She doesn't even have to walk to the counter to place our order.
Anyway, lunch was GOOD. The noodles tastes just as good as 8 years ago. It went so so well with the Vietnamese iced coffee. To 'die' for. Haa! Then we went to the supermarket to get some drinks (juice & wine) and cheese.
Dinner was settled via the microwave - 2 packets of lasagna.
Returned to the room to chat over double brie and white wine. Slept really well.
Day 2
Lunch: Big Breakfast (Omelette, mushrooms, bread, avocado, etc)
Dinner: Carbonara Fettucine with ham and mushrooms
Snacks: Remaining chips and 2 Tasmanian Beer (yucky!)
Slept till I decided I need to go toilet pee. Hee! By the time we set off, it was already about 1030am, I think. We took a slow stroll to St Kilda's beach. I felt that I have been to Melbourne 3 times and yet never been to the must-go St Kilda's flea market. The weather was getting quite scorching so we stopped by to purchase a bottle of coke at a rather steep price. Prior to the flea market, we decided that our stomachs were calling out to us so we stopped by for brunch - Big Breakfast.
After St Kilda's beach, we went to Queen Victoria Market and got 4kgs of nuts! On hindsight, if I knew, IF I knew that I would be going to stay at the backpackers opposite QVM, I wouldn't have bought the nuts so early! Gosh! Lugging 4kg of nuts back to Prahan, Chapel Street was hellish!
Anyway, we were SO hungry after all the lugging so we had quite an early dinner, 7pm. Early because sun sets only at 8pm. Haha!!! Made Fettucine in Creamy Carbonara sauce. We added about 100gms of shaved ham and load of fresh button mushrooms, a MUST.
Now you see it. Now you don't! Yup! I gobbled it up!Day 3
Lunch: Roasted Chicken and Orange Juice
Dinner: Carbonara Fettucine (Remaining chicken, ham, mushrooms) and Orange Juice
Before we hit the Motorway, we dropped by supermarket to get a roasted chicken for our lunch. After driving about 2 hours, stomach growled. Stopped at a carpark and start gobbling the chick down! Hee.. I tackled the thighs, friend tackled the breastmeat. Very good partnership here..! Hahaha!!! Btw, chicken's cheap and tasty!
Dinner at Port Campbell was at 9pm. We quickly packed our daypack and left our luggage in our boot (Shh.. Haa!), went to our room, put our stuffs and went to the lovely HUGE kitchen to cook.We didn't finish our lunch so we used the oil from the chicken to fry the remaining of our button mushrooms. Added that oil to the water to boil our Fettucine and we had a HUGE plate of Carbonara Fettucine filled with mushrooms, remaining ham and chicken. It was YUMMY but a little too much for a late dinner.
Day 4
To-go Lunch: Chips
Sit down Lunch: Fish and Chips
Dinner: Chunky Beef soup and 4 eggs
On our way to the Grampians, we WERE searching for food BUT couldn't find any. All we saw, along our way was houses. I asked my friend, do you think we can just knock on their door and ask for food? Hahahaha!!! Well, thank God we had chips and nachos so that became our on-the-way-fill-stomach type of lunch. When we arrived at Halls Gap, we decided that even if we were not hungry, we better eat something. Got into this US-drama-looking quiet restaurant and got a plate of Fish and Chips each (which tastes a little hmmm... too fishy for my liking).
At Grampians, we lodged ourselves at Tim's Place and opened the can of Chunky Beef soup. Cooked the 4 eggs we got with compliments from our previous backpackers. It was yummy! Amazingly, we eat our eggs the same way. I adore the yolks. :P
Day 5
Lunch: Ice cream, remaining chips and nachos
Dinner: Ready made fried rice (thumbs down) and DIY Japanese creamy soup (thumbs up!)
Snacks: Nachos
Returned to Melbourne City. On the way back, we didn't feel like eating. Somehow, personally, no mood for food like Fish and Chips. So after our short trekking trip, we had an ice cream each and the drive back, we finished our remaining chips and opened our packet of nachos.
At City, we went to grocery shopping and bought stuffs to cook for the remaining days.
We had cravings for rice so we got ourselves a packet of ready-made fried rice. I put in a little too much water and the rice was a little too soft. Then again, even if the water was of a good amount, I do not quite like the taste of the fried rice - too much garlic. The packet of DIY creamy soup was good. We threw in carrots, mushrooms and potatoes for our carbo and it tastes really nice!
Conclusion: I am very asian. Hmm.. or am I very Cantonese? I love soups!!! Haa!
Day 6Lunch: Round bread + ham and coffee
Dinner: Kangaroo steak + Diana's sauce topped with corn, mushrooms, carrots.
Snacks: Cheese and nachos
That's how simply we settled lunch. :)
Somehow, the Kangaroo steaks were really cheap so we went for it. Side dishes were carrots, corn and mushrooms. Pan frying the steak and mushrooms with butter was very nice. Fatty maybe. But nice. Our supply of orange juice never seem to run dry. :P
Day 7
Lunch: McDonald's Angus and Quarter Pounder burger. It was YUMMY! The beef was so juicy.
Dinner: Beef steak + Black Pepper Steak sauce topped with corn, mushrooms, carrots.
Snack: Remaining cheese, nachos and Brown Brother's white wine
Finished up the remaining Fettucine too! Only thing wasted of the entire trip was half a chunk of butter. :P
Day 8 (return home)
Breakfast: McDonald's Hotcakes and remaining Orange Juice
Lunch: McDonald's Grand Angus small meal
Dinner: Singapore Airlines
That's about it! All in the name of saving money and having fun, we cooked! Friend and I decided "If we can do it in Oz, we can do it in Sg." Will definitely do so.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Melbourne Itinerary
I didn't realize that I have been away from cyberjournalling in this blog for so long (beside the last entry on my trip). Been busy juggling with a couple of stuffs. Three major events would be my boss leaving for her own country, closing my department and preparing for a wedding - mine. Haa.. (Don't mind this blog. It's gonna be LONG cause I'm just transferring things from memory to words)
After my training with NICA (National Institute of Circus Arts), I spent 8 days free and easy in Melbourne City and further down south. A friend came over from Sydney and all we had on hand was a car rented for 4 days 3 nights and an itinerary that heads us to Great Ocean Road. After Day 1, the rest of the itinerary is empty.
Yupz! And so, we collected the lovely Toyota Ascent on Monday. It was lovely! It's an auto car! I forgot how great it was to be driving an auto car. My blackie's on manual gear and it's most troublesome when there are jams! Anyway! Yup! We got our car from Hertz @ Franklin St and thought "Why don't we make enquiries to stay at a backpackers in the city?" We pop into one beside Hertz and it was only $2 above the cost of the existing one we were staying at. Yay! & we thought that staying in the city would have been a huge difference. Well, apparently not. I was SO glad to be out of Back of Chapel, for various reasons. :)
Before heading towards GOR, we went back to pick up our luggage and to cancel our reservations (upon return) and made our way to Safeway & Coles (2 largest supermarkets in Oz). Our plan was to stock up our food storage so that we can have sufficient food for 1 lunch and 2 dinners. (I will have another entry on our meals)
Navigating the GOR wasn't tough other than the winding roads and giving way to tailgating vehicles. It was totally free and easy so we did quite a slow-enough drive and stopped whenever we wanted to. We decided to skip Torquay and head direct for Apollo Bay, stopped by Split Point Lighthouse. When we finally arrived at Apollo Bay, we were undecided. To look for accommodation first as it was already 4ish pm? Or to enjoy the scenery of the 12 Apostles. We decided - Accommodation. However, the one place which we went to has its owner away so we drove off. I forgot how we made the discovery but we were astonished to find that Apollo Bay was not where the 12 Apostles were. Ok, I sound really silly here because any map would have told us that the 12 Apostles is at Princetown. Don't ask me what made 2 of us even think that Apollo Bay is it! Nonetheless, we laughed and we moved along another ~100kms more.
With more winding roads, less ocean scenery and one koala walking along the road, we arrived at the 12 Apostles lookout at about 7ish, I think. That was a total of 292km traveled in total! That was almost almost about the mileage I clocked in Singapore on ONE busy day!
Click click click and there goes my camera. At this stop was also where I found that I am lacking in space on my SD card! Thankfully, I have done my backup so can happily delete the photos. I realized that whilst everyone was busy taking shots of the scenery, I was busy taking photos of the irritating flies that bugged me each time I was out of the car, taking photos of people. I love candid shots. Oh yes, I have made another discovery on myself! I am more interested in taking photos of people than photos of nature. I love to capture "That moment!". I love expressions through eyes, through smiles and laughter. I love those crow lines beside the eyes. The look, a cuddle, a hug.
Now, this is where the highlight of the day/night came in. We stayed at the 12 Apostles for the sunset WHICH was at 8:30pm. Time just flew us by. We did not realize that it was already 8:30pm. Like mentioned, our itinerary mentioned nothing of accommodation. We really didn't know where we would be making our stop so we thought we would enjoy being slightly more adventurous. So yes, we were late. 8:30pm sunset and we reached the nearest town - Port Cambell close to 9pm. Other than the restaurants, we thought we had to sleep in the car. We went to the first motel and woah!!! It was $100, $30 more than our budget per night! Best, we can't cook in a motel. We cannot not cook! We bought food to cook! Well, even if we didn't buy food to cook, we were too broke to eat in any of those atas-looking restaurants. We were asked to make a 5-sec decision. We looked at each other, almost knowing the one thought in our mind - What if this was our last chance at an accommodation? Well, I guess we decided to trust that God will provide. We said our thank you and we left, frantic. Haa! Drove to a backpacker with no one around. Called the number, flew to an operator who wasn't around. Went to another motel and apparently, it was in partnership with the previous motel. Bumped into a Swiss couple and they too were looking for accommodation. We found solace!! We hopped opposite the road to ask a hotel and was told that they were running on a full house BUT, they recommended us to a new hostel - Port Campbell Hostel - that was just round the corner (which we thought was a dead end!) as they may JUST have space.
We had such a warm welcome at Port Campbell Hostel. The place was HUGE. The receptionist was still around and they had a double room for us!!! It was $5 above our budget but it has all we wanted! Wonderful toilets/showers. Fantastic cooking equipments. Lovely dining area. And oh! Why was the welcome warm? The guy at the reception offered us 4 eggs! What awed me was God's providence in all of this. You see... We arrived on 9 Nov. The hostel was opened on 8 Nov!!! God must have, MUST HAVE, gone way ahead of us.
The dinner was goooooooood. Really really truly good... Took our shower and went to get something off the car. What was supposed to be a 5-min take-and-go became a stroll. We were awed by the stars in the sky. We stood there amazed for awhile. That night, we slept very well and woke up the next day - still with no plans in mind. Although, I must say that if the trip to the Grampians can be done within a day, we would do it. Haa! So that was just what we did after breakfast - We asked the reception. She said it can be done in 4 hours. Sounds good! So off we went!
We stopped by a place called Port Fairy, as recommended by the receptionist. She told us that it was a lovely place to swim but guess what? The water was freezing! However, we both enjoyed just dipping our feet into the clear blue water and admiring the lovely skies and enjoying watching families.
After Port Fairy, we got kinda lost. We thought we had to turn right into Expressway B140. However, the map we had wasn't clear. B140 was another Freeway. We kinda made a few U-turns and decided to turn into C178 towards Hamilton. ~200kms, passing lots of farms, stopped by for one ice cream break, lots of chips in our stomach and we reached Halls Gap at about 3:30pm. The weather was SCORCHING hot! After the fish and chips that we had, I felt faint from the heat so instead of roaming around, we decided to look for accommodation. Thankfully, there was an information booth at Halls Gap so we took the easy way out and asked them for directions. Found a backpacker that has one last room - for us! - and it was $5 lower than our budget! Seriously, pause for a moment, it just has to be God. Previous stay was $5 above budget. This stay was $5 lower. In total, we were right on DOT!
The sleep was wonderful. Again, I wanted to go to the car to grab my pen and was once again stunned by the twinkling stars up in the sky. This time, it seemed nicer cause the place was darker and I thought the stars looked as if they were bigger, maybe because we were in mountainous areas. The one thing I really miss seeing is stars. Singapore is too cloudy. It hides all the stars. Then again, Singapore is too well-lited. Stars can't be seen all that well. The vastness of it all is always breathtaking in my sight. If I could, I would photograph it down. If I could, I wish the night would be longer. (Hmm.. maybe that's why I love winter. The days are short, the nights are long.)
Next day, it was back to the city time - boring. Prior to returning back to city, we decided that since we were already at Grampians National Park and that the mornings are USUALLY not full-blasted hot yet, we can trek a little. We decided to go for The Balconies and the McKenzie Falls. My advice - NO Grampians in summer! Hahaha!!! I have to say that the view was okay. Yes, spectacular in its own ways but the weather was a tad too scorching for my liking, really. I was also surrounded by dried up trees. The colors were off, things looks dull. Fogginess seemed smoky. McKenzie Falls was a better choice for me cause it's water!!!!! We walked down to enjoy the feel of water next to skin. It was fantastic! Well, the walk back up nearly "killed" me. Makes me wonder why am I so weak. I do exercise! Hmmmph!!!
ANYWAY! After conquering the Falls, it was already nearly noon. For me, I just wanted to stay in the car and not walk anymore. Hahaha!!!! And so, we made our way back to Mel City. Even if we had wanted to extend another day (which I did thought of it since I do not like being in a city), I better be practical and know that we really didn't have anymore $$$$$$$$$$$$$ for car rental AND petrol. Haaaa!!! This time, the route back was very easy. North-East towards Ararat then East towards Ballarat and finally Melbourne City. We didn't really want to stop midway, don't ask me why. We two very feeling-driven people just didn't feel like making stops that day.
After 892km over the few days, after spending so much time looking at nature, farms, fields of greens, skies of blues, clouds of whites, I really hesitated being in the city, filled with people. I'm funny la... I love observing people. Yet, I struggle with having loads of people around. Well, needless to say, nothing too happening with the remaining days spent. Bought quite a bit of nuts and chocs and toys for family, friends & my P3 kids (funny how I started always not wanting to buy anything for anybody and I ended up buying nonetheless).
It's funny really.. On Friday when I woke up, I went "Yay!! It's Friday! I am flying home tomorrow!" And when I woke up on Saturday, I went "Huh? I am flying home today? Gosh!" No, I was not dreading home. I was dreading NOT knowing what to do before I take off at 5pm. :S I hate waiting.
Ok, post is way too long. I doubt anyone who survived here would have understood my itinerary inside out. Thanks for reading though. Haa! This entry is more to retain my memories... :D Next would be our menus.
Before heading towards GOR, we went back to pick up our luggage and to cancel our reservations (upon return) and made our way to Safeway & Coles (2 largest supermarkets in Oz). Our plan was to stock up our food storage so that we can have sufficient food for 1 lunch and 2 dinners. (I will have another entry on our meals)
Navigating the GOR wasn't tough other than the winding roads and giving way to tailgating vehicles. It was totally free and easy so we did quite a slow-enough drive and stopped whenever we wanted to. We decided to skip Torquay and head direct for Apollo Bay, stopped by Split Point Lighthouse. When we finally arrived at Apollo Bay, we were undecided. To look for accommodation first as it was already 4ish pm? Or to enjoy the scenery of the 12 Apostles. We decided - Accommodation. However, the one place which we went to has its owner away so we drove off. I forgot how we made the discovery but we were astonished to find that Apollo Bay was not where the 12 Apostles were. Ok, I sound really silly here because any map would have told us that the 12 Apostles is at Princetown. Don't ask me what made 2 of us even think that Apollo Bay is it! Nonetheless, we laughed and we moved along another ~100kms more.
With more winding roads, less ocean scenery and one koala walking along the road, we arrived at the 12 Apostles lookout at about 7ish, I think. That was a total of 292km traveled in total! That was almost almost about the mileage I clocked in Singapore on ONE busy day!
Click click click and there goes my camera. At this stop was also where I found that I am lacking in space on my SD card! Thankfully, I have done my backup so can happily delete the photos. I realized that whilst everyone was busy taking shots of the scenery, I was busy taking photos of the irritating flies that bugged me each time I was out of the car, taking photos of people. I love candid shots. Oh yes, I have made another discovery on myself! I am more interested in taking photos of people than photos of nature. I love to capture "That moment!". I love expressions through eyes, through smiles and laughter. I love those crow lines beside the eyes. The look, a cuddle, a hug.
Now, this is where the highlight of the day/night came in. We stayed at the 12 Apostles for the sunset WHICH was at 8:30pm. Time just flew us by. We did not realize that it was already 8:30pm. Like mentioned, our itinerary mentioned nothing of accommodation. We really didn't know where we would be making our stop so we thought we would enjoy being slightly more adventurous. So yes, we were late. 8:30pm sunset and we reached the nearest town - Port Cambell close to 9pm. Other than the restaurants, we thought we had to sleep in the car. We went to the first motel and woah!!! It was $100, $30 more than our budget per night! Best, we can't cook in a motel. We cannot not cook! We bought food to cook! Well, even if we didn't buy food to cook, we were too broke to eat in any of those atas-looking restaurants. We were asked to make a 5-sec decision. We looked at each other, almost knowing the one thought in our mind - What if this was our last chance at an accommodation? Well, I guess we decided to trust that God will provide. We said our thank you and we left, frantic. Haa! Drove to a backpacker with no one around. Called the number, flew to an operator who wasn't around. Went to another motel and apparently, it was in partnership with the previous motel. Bumped into a Swiss couple and they too were looking for accommodation. We found solace!! We hopped opposite the road to ask a hotel and was told that they were running on a full house BUT, they recommended us to a new hostel - Port Campbell Hostel - that was just round the corner (which we thought was a dead end!) as they may JUST have space.
We had such a warm welcome at Port Campbell Hostel. The place was HUGE. The receptionist was still around and they had a double room for us!!! It was $5 above our budget but it has all we wanted! Wonderful toilets/showers. Fantastic cooking equipments. Lovely dining area. And oh! Why was the welcome warm? The guy at the reception offered us 4 eggs! What awed me was God's providence in all of this. You see... We arrived on 9 Nov. The hostel was opened on 8 Nov!!! God must have, MUST HAVE, gone way ahead of us.
The dinner was goooooooood. Really really truly good... Took our shower and went to get something off the car. What was supposed to be a 5-min take-and-go became a stroll. We were awed by the stars in the sky. We stood there amazed for awhile. That night, we slept very well and woke up the next day - still with no plans in mind. Although, I must say that if the trip to the Grampians can be done within a day, we would do it. Haa! So that was just what we did after breakfast - We asked the reception. She said it can be done in 4 hours. Sounds good! So off we went!
We stopped by a place called Port Fairy, as recommended by the receptionist. She told us that it was a lovely place to swim but guess what? The water was freezing! However, we both enjoyed just dipping our feet into the clear blue water and admiring the lovely skies and enjoying watching families.
After Port Fairy, we got kinda lost. We thought we had to turn right into Expressway B140. However, the map we had wasn't clear. B140 was another Freeway. We kinda made a few U-turns and decided to turn into C178 towards Hamilton. ~200kms, passing lots of farms, stopped by for one ice cream break, lots of chips in our stomach and we reached Halls Gap at about 3:30pm. The weather was SCORCHING hot! After the fish and chips that we had, I felt faint from the heat so instead of roaming around, we decided to look for accommodation. Thankfully, there was an information booth at Halls Gap so we took the easy way out and asked them for directions. Found a backpacker that has one last room - for us! - and it was $5 lower than our budget! Seriously, pause for a moment, it just has to be God. Previous stay was $5 above budget. This stay was $5 lower. In total, we were right on DOT!
The sleep was wonderful. Again, I wanted to go to the car to grab my pen and was once again stunned by the twinkling stars up in the sky. This time, it seemed nicer cause the place was darker and I thought the stars looked as if they were bigger, maybe because we were in mountainous areas. The one thing I really miss seeing is stars. Singapore is too cloudy. It hides all the stars. Then again, Singapore is too well-lited. Stars can't be seen all that well. The vastness of it all is always breathtaking in my sight. If I could, I would photograph it down. If I could, I wish the night would be longer. (Hmm.. maybe that's why I love winter. The days are short, the nights are long.)
Next day, it was back to the city time - boring. Prior to returning back to city, we decided that since we were already at Grampians National Park and that the mornings are USUALLY not full-blasted hot yet, we can trek a little. We decided to go for The Balconies and the McKenzie Falls. My advice - NO Grampians in summer! Hahaha!!! I have to say that the view was okay. Yes, spectacular in its own ways but the weather was a tad too scorching for my liking, really. I was also surrounded by dried up trees. The colors were off, things looks dull. Fogginess seemed smoky. McKenzie Falls was a better choice for me cause it's water!!!!! We walked down to enjoy the feel of water next to skin. It was fantastic! Well, the walk back up nearly "killed" me. Makes me wonder why am I so weak. I do exercise! Hmmmph!!!
ANYWAY! After conquering the Falls, it was already nearly noon. For me, I just wanted to stay in the car and not walk anymore. Hahaha!!!! And so, we made our way back to Mel City. Even if we had wanted to extend another day (which I did thought of it since I do not like being in a city), I better be practical and know that we really didn't have anymore $$$$$$$$$$$$$ for car rental AND petrol. Haaaa!!! This time, the route back was very easy. North-East towards Ararat then East towards Ballarat and finally Melbourne City. We didn't really want to stop midway, don't ask me why. We two very feeling-driven people just didn't feel like making stops that day.
After 892km over the few days, after spending so much time looking at nature, farms, fields of greens, skies of blues, clouds of whites, I really hesitated being in the city, filled with people. I'm funny la... I love observing people. Yet, I struggle with having loads of people around. Well, needless to say, nothing too happening with the remaining days spent. Bought quite a bit of nuts and chocs and toys for family, friends & my P3 kids (funny how I started always not wanting to buy anything for anybody and I ended up buying nonetheless).
It's funny really.. On Friday when I woke up, I went "Yay!! It's Friday! I am flying home tomorrow!" And when I woke up on Saturday, I went "Huh? I am flying home today? Gosh!" No, I was not dreading home. I was dreading NOT knowing what to do before I take off at 5pm. :S I hate waiting.
Ok, post is way too long. I doubt anyone who survived here would have understood my itinerary inside out. Thanks for reading though. Haa! This entry is more to retain my memories... :D Next would be our menus.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Melbourne Trip - Training at NICA
I received a call from boss in June asking if I was interested in attending a course, Train the Trainer via Circus Arts, in Melbourne. That - of course - truly was an understatement. I have always been in awe of circus arts. Seriously, gone are the old days perception of Circus where it's all about animals and clowns. Yes, there are still the flying trapeze, tight rope, etc. What intrigue me is Social Circus where Circus Arts is simply a platform, a medium to outreach to people who are hurting, who have been hurt badly. Circus gives people a sense of confidence in being in control of their bodies, which probably may have been battered so badly. It also give people the sense of "Yes I can do it!". It cultivates discipline and increases the importance in their lives. There would be a percentage of kids/youths who may perform badly in terms of academics but maybe be kinestically inclined and one does not need to know how to write and read in order to participate.
So, June, July, August, September, October and you have no idea how long that 5 months had been before I could fly! In all honesty, going through the training was exciting. More exciting was the fact that I could stop work for awhile. Yup, it has been quite a journey at work for me, constantly fighting against something that I can't put my finger on. There were frustrations and inadequacy which no matter how I flick it off, it won't go away. Personally, there were also some changes in life which I had to grapple with. Nothing major but somehow, I was somewhere in life where I feel I was slightly thrown off balance. Maybe a bit too much of work and stuffs thus too little time for a pause.
I planned for a little more than just the training. I extended another week in Melbourne. The training jolted me up a little. For one, I realized that I have forgotten what Fun is like. The entire training was conducted without the need for notes. We were told that Thursday would be a boring day of dry stuffs but that night, I wondered - what was dry? In replacement of notes, the training was conducted via games to bring out topics like Ethics, Outreach, etc. Personally, I also get to experience what's it like to push through challenges through Circus, feeling accomplished somewhat. We had the chance to have a go at tight rope, foot juggling, trampoline, flower stick, juggling, diablo and even simple warm ups. I get to experience, first hand, what's it like to be in total control of my own body, knowing that it's the upper body that I have to control when doing tight rope, lower half of the body I have to control when doing foot juggling, where the centre of gravity of my body is when I jump on the trampoline, how to flip myself over when doing a jump, etc. I was able to understand what this ability to control can be like for a battered wife or an abused child or even a youth who is rejected in school. Personally, I marvelled at how silly I can be when it come to games. Often, I forgot how fun really is like. A lot of times, I tend to be in control of myself, be careful of what I say, be wary of the people around me, be wary of how it may perceive to others, etc.
One other thing I observed of myself is my natural ability to be shy and yet, loves to put myself in challenging situations. Basically, there were only 2 asians in the training, colleague and myself. Seriously, I am just naturally quiet. I never really know how to make or initiate conversations, especially in a group. I do feel intimidated, somewhat. However, given me a one-to-one/small group conversation, I do fine. I can talk until the sun sets. It's interesting also how open a book I was. A few classmates came up to me after the course commending that I was very brave. They shared that they could tell I was very shy and was interested to know why did I even put myself through the challenge of being in the course. It offered myself quite a new perspective. To me, it was usually "Just do it. If fail, then remedy. What can go wrong anyway?"
The adventurous part came after the training. I had a friend who was on a work trip in Sydney so she flew down to Melbourne on Saturday to meet me. Wonderful gesture cause she could have saved the money, save the trouble and return to Singapore. People often say that you can experience 4 seasons in Melbourne in just ONE day. They were SO right. The first week, we were SO SO SO cold. I needed my hooded jacket up my head, I needed leggings underneath my jeans, I needed to protect my neck. It was so so cold. Following week, I needed sleeveless and shorts. Literally, the lesser the better! And so, we rented a car for the road trip to Great Ocean Road (GOR) and beyond on Monday. Sunday was just free and easy spent at St Kilda's beach. I shall blog the road trip in another entry.
Friday, October 02, 2009
Beliefs
After 4 years as a social worker, hmm... I am feeling a tad purposeless. For the past 3 years, I worked with the belief that a child should not be living in an institution for long term. The child should be returned back to his natural environment as soon as possible. Of course, 'as soon as possible' means that there will be a huge amount of work to be done with the family members.
There are various reasons why a child is taken out of his home. In general, 1) Home is not safe; 2) Child not safe with adults; 3) Respite for caregivers. I strongly do believe that whether it's (1), (2) or (3) or any other reason, work with the family to empower and strengthen them is so very important. The minute the child is in an institute, workers should be looking at his discharge plans. If not, the child will just slowly drift away into the institutional system. They will slowly adjust the living in an institution, they will slowly drift apart from his parents/extended family/guardians/etc and root himself in the institute. When rooting takes place, easily family members might hands off, hands down and give up.
I often likened a child's emotional growth to that of a slow boiling water. You won't know it's boiling until a long time later. What I am talking about is the repercussions of the effect of staying in an institution. The child grew up in his natural environment (despite the poor condition), got plugged out of it and enters a beautiful place. Child is then safe. Often, the work is stopped here - child is safe - all is happy. Looking a tad further, though child is safe, work is still very necessary with the family - parenting skills, befrienders, cleaners, volunteers, routine, structure and what have you. Unless that environment is improved, no way can the child be returned.
Well, that is still my belief & that made my work at the residential institution I am working in very happy, very satisfactory (despite the tears and pain). However, my belief has been very much challenged these days. I do not want to explain too much in detail but after 4 years, this mission has been challenged by various bodies. I do feel a great sense of disappointment. I feel the pain of the child. Many children, honestly feel the pain of being pulled away from their family, even if it's for their safety. They still long for them, cry themselves to bed. I am NOT saying that I don't want the children to be safe. For some cases, the child NEEDS to be out of the family. I am, however, advocating that more work is needed with the family so that their child can be returned to his own family. Else, the growing phase is a pain to bear - searching for identity, great sense of independence but no sense of belonging, sense of generosity questionable.
*sigh* all that is out, all that is said, all of the above is not a one size fits all for all cases. Every child is unique, every family is special thus every method ought to be individualized.
For now, I need to re-frame myself.
There are various reasons why a child is taken out of his home. In general, 1) Home is not safe; 2) Child not safe with adults; 3) Respite for caregivers. I strongly do believe that whether it's (1), (2) or (3) or any other reason, work with the family to empower and strengthen them is so very important. The minute the child is in an institute, workers should be looking at his discharge plans. If not, the child will just slowly drift away into the institutional system. They will slowly adjust the living in an institution, they will slowly drift apart from his parents/extended family/guardians/etc and root himself in the institute. When rooting takes place, easily family members might hands off, hands down and give up.
I often likened a child's emotional growth to that of a slow boiling water. You won't know it's boiling until a long time later. What I am talking about is the repercussions of the effect of staying in an institution. The child grew up in his natural environment (despite the poor condition), got plugged out of it and enters a beautiful place. Child is then safe. Often, the work is stopped here - child is safe - all is happy. Looking a tad further, though child is safe, work is still very necessary with the family - parenting skills, befrienders, cleaners, volunteers, routine, structure and what have you. Unless that environment is improved, no way can the child be returned.
Well, that is still my belief & that made my work at the residential institution I am working in very happy, very satisfactory (despite the tears and pain). However, my belief has been very much challenged these days. I do not want to explain too much in detail but after 4 years, this mission has been challenged by various bodies. I do feel a great sense of disappointment. I feel the pain of the child. Many children, honestly feel the pain of being pulled away from their family, even if it's for their safety. They still long for them, cry themselves to bed. I am NOT saying that I don't want the children to be safe. For some cases, the child NEEDS to be out of the family. I am, however, advocating that more work is needed with the family so that their child can be returned to his own family. Else, the growing phase is a pain to bear - searching for identity, great sense of independence but no sense of belonging, sense of generosity questionable.
*sigh* all that is out, all that is said, all of the above is not a one size fits all for all cases. Every child is unique, every family is special thus every method ought to be individualized.
For now, I need to re-frame myself.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Thought of the day
When adults are in control, being totally ready for acting up behaviors and handles children with a LOVING firm hand, children can be guided properly. Societal problems goes way back to upbringing and family support so when our family unit is strong, there is a high possibility of a better world!
Now that I have the theory, I better remember to put thoughts into action!
Now that I have the theory, I better remember to put thoughts into action!
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Expect the Unexpected
"Expect the unexpected and you won't get too surprised when the unexpected visits you." I heard this so many times...
... and I wished I had remembered the above statement when all these changes begin to surround me again. Haa! Tiredness sets in, wondering when will there be a longer peaceful break between the changes. Getting irritated and short-tempered also become more of a norm. (please forgive me if I snap!)
Yet, amidst the tiredness and reluctance to accept changes, there still is this part of me that bears a tinge of excitement for the unknown.
Nonetheless, life is still a journey and I am convicted not to be brought down by circumstances but be strengthened by its process.
... and I wished I had remembered the above statement when all these changes begin to surround me again. Haa! Tiredness sets in, wondering when will there be a longer peaceful break between the changes. Getting irritated and short-tempered also become more of a norm. (please forgive me if I snap!)
Yet, amidst the tiredness and reluctance to accept changes, there still is this part of me that bears a tinge of excitement for the unknown.
Nonetheless, life is still a journey and I am convicted not to be brought down by circumstances but be strengthened by its process.
Friday, September 04, 2009
Faith
I haven't been feeling at my top-est form these days. I shall not explain or describe too much about the frustration and anguish until I can put a finger to it.
Till then, I am just gonna hide God's word in my heart. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1"
From Dictionary.com, the word Sure comes many other words like Free from doubt, Reliability, Confident, Worthy of confidence, Stable, Unfailing, Never disappointing, Unerring. From Certain comes Inevitable, Bound to come, Established as true, Fixed, Definite.
So come what may, storms, typhoons, I am seated firmly and definitely on the Rock, my God, stable & established. It will pass and hope is there waiting.
I have been listening to too many Cantonese songs, making me feel too Mel.. So I reverted back to some uplifting songs. Nothing like Amazing Grace to lift me up. I had blogged an entry on Kam Ning before and here's the version of the performance I watched on Channel 5, 5 April 2009. Am on repeat mode.
Till then, I am just gonna hide God's word in my heart. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. - Hebrews 11:1"
From Dictionary.com, the word Sure comes many other words like Free from doubt, Reliability, Confident, Worthy of confidence, Stable, Unfailing, Never disappointing, Unerring. From Certain comes Inevitable, Bound to come, Established as true, Fixed, Definite.
So come what may, storms, typhoons, I am seated firmly and definitely on the Rock, my God, stable & established. It will pass and hope is there waiting.
I have been listening to too many Cantonese songs, making me feel too Mel.. So I reverted back to some uplifting songs. Nothing like Amazing Grace to lift me up. I had blogged an entry on Kam Ning before and here's the version of the performance I watched on Channel 5, 5 April 2009. Am on repeat mode.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Preparation
I did not realize that my last blog entry was 25 July, exactly a month ago. I would believe that this is probably the longest time I have been away from blogging.
Life has been pretty hectic. I have just taken on a new role at work that will take place officially only year end. Currently, I am preparing to take up the role year end (and I am already so so close to pulling my hair out). Personally, Geo & I have started preparing for our wedding next January.
I remember when I was young, my parents will often remind me "Fail to plan, plan to fail". If I fail to plan for the future (be it a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly or even a 5-year plan), I am, in actual fact, digging my own grave.
In July, when our wedding date has been decided, I started to 'work' on the preparation work planning ahead with knowledge that my co-worker will be on leave in August, Geo is on course in August, I will be on attachment half of September, away from Singapore half of November, staff shortage whole of December. I am so thankful - really - that we started our preparation early because right now, wedding plans is right at the back of my mind.
Taking on the new role has been most reluctant for me. I am a runner when it comes to any leadership roles. I do believe that when the need arise, I am able to lead. However, I have lots of fear when it comes to leadership. I have been running from this for nearly a year already. I feel like I have been like Jonah, running here and there but only in circles. It may sound bad but yet, on the other hand, this one year has helped me in preparing my heart, observing what is needed to be done to fulfill this role.
Preparation is a huge word in my dictionary. Preparation involves planning. It involves the unseen - future. Preparation is tiring. Preparation is tedious. Preparation is absolutely needed. I recalled Jesus' life. When his earthly mother told him to perform his first miracle, Jesus asked why did she involved Him and that His time has not yet come. When Jesus came to earth, He already knew what was to come and his 33 years of ministry on earth was to prepare the way for us to heaven. So, preparation is a very biblical process!
So... yes, life has her challenges for me. However, I am very thankful that each day, I can breathe in the air God provided. He gives me no more and no less. He is my sufficiency.
Life has been pretty hectic. I have just taken on a new role at work that will take place officially only year end. Currently, I am preparing to take up the role year end (and I am already so so close to pulling my hair out). Personally, Geo & I have started preparing for our wedding next January.
I remember when I was young, my parents will often remind me "Fail to plan, plan to fail". If I fail to plan for the future (be it a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly or even a 5-year plan), I am, in actual fact, digging my own grave.
In July, when our wedding date has been decided, I started to 'work' on the preparation work planning ahead with knowledge that my co-worker will be on leave in August, Geo is on course in August, I will be on attachment half of September, away from Singapore half of November, staff shortage whole of December. I am so thankful - really - that we started our preparation early because right now, wedding plans is right at the back of my mind.
Taking on the new role has been most reluctant for me. I am a runner when it comes to any leadership roles. I do believe that when the need arise, I am able to lead. However, I have lots of fear when it comes to leadership. I have been running from this for nearly a year already. I feel like I have been like Jonah, running here and there but only in circles. It may sound bad but yet, on the other hand, this one year has helped me in preparing my heart, observing what is needed to be done to fulfill this role.
Preparation is a huge word in my dictionary. Preparation involves planning. It involves the unseen - future. Preparation is tiring. Preparation is tedious. Preparation is absolutely needed. I recalled Jesus' life. When his earthly mother told him to perform his first miracle, Jesus asked why did she involved Him and that His time has not yet come. When Jesus came to earth, He already knew what was to come and his 33 years of ministry on earth was to prepare the way for us to heaven. So, preparation is a very biblical process!
So... yes, life has her challenges for me. However, I am very thankful that each day, I can breathe in the air God provided. He gives me no more and no less. He is my sufficiency.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Master
Today is declared Dogs-grooming day! Each time I send my 2 dogs for grooming, along will come Abu..! Hee!
Today, Abu's owner was caught up with something so mummy and I went to pick 3 dogs up. It was havoc! It was messy (without Abu's owner)... Previously when Abu was at my place, it was him who bullies Sparkle, knowing that he has his backing of his owner. Today, Abu's all alone in a non-familiar environment and the only 靠山 (backing) is the famililar me. Sparkle, the smart one, seeing that Abu's all alone, bullied him. I believe there was a tinge of jealousy from Sparkle sharing me. Normally, only Sparkle would be sleeping on my bed. Today, I allowed Abu up my bed. Sparkle refused to let it go and made sure he come up as well. The thing about these two malteses is that when they sleep, they really sleep. HOWEVER, when disturbed, they get really alert and agitated with each other. So Abu was happily sleeping, Sparkle disturbed him and he woke up. I had to finally break the fight by putting them one on each side! Sparkle on left (and as I am writing this, he is at my foot) and Abu on my right, then, both slept till Abu's owner returned.
After the whole incident, I felt that ultimately, 一山不能藏二虎. There can't be two tigers living in a mountain. One of them, somehow, would have to reign over the other. Just like when Sparkle came in to my house, Spanner's position as the ONLY dog was taken away. Likewise, when Abu came today ownerless, it felt as if HIS position as the ONLY dog allowed in my room and on my bed is taken away.
The situation brought me to the song "Lord, I will bow to you". It's a very nice song. Lyrics are simple and truly, I cannot serve more than one master.
Today, Abu's owner was caught up with something so mummy and I went to pick 3 dogs up. It was havoc! It was messy (without Abu's owner)... Previously when Abu was at my place, it was him who bullies Sparkle, knowing that he has his backing of his owner. Today, Abu's all alone in a non-familiar environment and the only 靠山 (backing) is the famililar me. Sparkle, the smart one, seeing that Abu's all alone, bullied him. I believe there was a tinge of jealousy from Sparkle sharing me. Normally, only Sparkle would be sleeping on my bed. Today, I allowed Abu up my bed. Sparkle refused to let it go and made sure he come up as well. The thing about these two malteses is that when they sleep, they really sleep. HOWEVER, when disturbed, they get really alert and agitated with each other. So Abu was happily sleeping, Sparkle disturbed him and he woke up. I had to finally break the fight by putting them one on each side! Sparkle on left (and as I am writing this, he is at my foot) and Abu on my right, then, both slept till Abu's owner returned.
After the whole incident, I felt that ultimately, 一山不能藏二虎. There can't be two tigers living in a mountain. One of them, somehow, would have to reign over the other. Just like when Sparkle came in to my house, Spanner's position as the ONLY dog was taken away. Likewise, when Abu came today ownerless, it felt as if HIS position as the ONLY dog allowed in my room and on my bed is taken away.The situation brought me to the song "Lord, I will bow to you". It's a very nice song. Lyrics are simple and truly, I cannot serve more than one master.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Once upon a time.....
..... at least about 6 years ago, I was traveling along Great Ocean Road in Melbourne and was in Kangaroo Island, Adelaide. I was especially mesmerized when I was at Kangaroo Island, the simplicity of life.
Then, I had a dream. I commented to my friend "If I have a farm, I want a pair of sheep, a pair of chickens, a pair of goats, a pair of ducks, a pair of lambs, a pair of whatever. Then I will plant some crops. So each time I eat something, all I have to do is to go to my farm and see what I have..."
It's a dream very far far far away. Heehee.. Buying the land alone is already a cost I wonder where to pluck money from. Where to have that farm is also the next interesting question.
Well, thanks to Facebook, at least I get to own a 'farm'. Hahaha!!!! Yes, I have been farming and totally enjoying it.
Then, I had a dream. I commented to my friend "If I have a farm, I want a pair of sheep, a pair of chickens, a pair of goats, a pair of ducks, a pair of lambs, a pair of whatever. Then I will plant some crops. So each time I eat something, all I have to do is to go to my farm and see what I have..."
It's a dream very far far far away. Heehee.. Buying the land alone is already a cost I wonder where to pluck money from. Where to have that farm is also the next interesting question.
Well, thanks to Facebook, at least I get to own a 'farm'. Hahaha!!!! Yes, I have been farming and totally enjoying it.
Friday, July 17, 2009
No.. It's a grapefruit! No la, it's an orange! No no no...
After dinner, mummy excitedly went to grab an orange, choosing 1 out of the 3 which she bought. She commented that it's Sunkist orange (so must be very sweet). Yet, she said that she ain't sure why it smells like grapefruit. Nonetheless, she brought it to where I was (washing the dishes) and started peeling.
As she peeled, it started to look like a grapefruit to me. The flesh was red and it does smell like a grapefruit. Mummy, however, insisted that the signboard says that it's orange and it's Sunkist brand, how can it be grapefruit.
We shared the grapefruit, each half. It was sour! By the time I reached the last 2 pieces, I had to pour some sugar over it. Refusing to believe that we got "cheated", I went to the other 2 so-called oranges to check. They were stamped with Sunkist logo and it smelled like grapefruit.
After that episode, I thought to myself. Life is as such. I was really expecting a sweet and juicy orange (craving) but I was thrown with the truth of a sour grapefruit. Often times, we get little surprises like these in life. Things may not go our way. Our lives could either be placed on a hold because of a sour grapefruit or it could move on with a dash of sugar!
As she peeled, it started to look like a grapefruit to me. The flesh was red and it does smell like a grapefruit. Mummy, however, insisted that the signboard says that it's orange and it's Sunkist brand, how can it be grapefruit.
We shared the grapefruit, each half. It was sour! By the time I reached the last 2 pieces, I had to pour some sugar over it. Refusing to believe that we got "cheated", I went to the other 2 so-called oranges to check. They were stamped with Sunkist logo and it smelled like grapefruit.
After that episode, I thought to myself. Life is as such. I was really expecting a sweet and juicy orange (craving) but I was thrown with the truth of a sour grapefruit. Often times, we get little surprises like these in life. Things may not go our way. Our lives could either be placed on a hold because of a sour grapefruit or it could move on with a dash of sugar!
Sunday, July 05, 2009
Thanksgiving!
Quick post just so that when I look back, I can smile when I read this post.
Today was Streetwise Run Day! Today was a rainy day! Today, I bathed under the sky and it was such a wonderful feeling.. (although the aftermath of it was a very very cold journey back to the Home). Nonetheless, I had to blog this happy day!
1. Beyond Social Services being so big, me being 'trapped' in an ulu place in Singapore, far away from my other colleagues, I always enjoy organization-wide events like this. I caught up with my ex-office colleagues. It was nice just laughing and jesting around. Some who are already mothers brought their children and it was such a ball!
2. While waiting for our bus to arrive, I walked over to speak to my colleague and this fat & cute 7 year old boy (who doesn't know me) saw me walking over, stretched out his hand for mine. He took my left hand, intertwined his fingers with mine, brought it to his lips and he gave it a little kiss! Then he looked at me eyes opened wide and everyone went "Wah..... the other hand leh!" Then he got all shy and walked away. What caused him to do that, I do not know. Maybe I look too pathetic in all-wet clothings!
3. Thank God for Deborah who came, ran, got wet and lent me her slippers cause I was more than drenched.
4. Have I ever shared that the first time I cleaned shit and backside was at my Home? I thank a little girl who gave me this opportunity and somehow, the toileting, the teaching of ABCs, the fetching to & fro has cause me to love this girl deeply. Thank God for a better home environment, she returned to her parents last year. She is always in my thoughts, often in my prayers. Sometimes, I will wonder 'Does she remember me? Is she living a better life?". Today, I met her again! When she saw me, she walked straight up to me, took my hand, pulled me down to her level and gave me a tight hug. I love this girl. Indeed.
5. After the event, I reached Tampines just in time to meet Mummy and Carol. They had a wonderful dinner and was waiting for me to choose my gift. Thank God for family!
6. Speaking of family, last night, I had a wonderful time with my extended family. It was my little nephew's birthday, my cousin's son.
Laughters.
Honestly, it was something I really miss over the years. Remembering when I was very young, 5 or 6 years old maybe, my mum and her sisters will organize stayovers at company bungalows. Carol and I will really look forward to those times cause it means the beach, sand and fun! It means meeting cousins again! As we grow older, such get-together times grew lesser.
Technology have really progressed. Before, we compete whose sandcastle is higher. Now, my little nephews compete who can complete which level for PSP. I feel that gone are those days where we laugh through physical play. We wrestle, we feel the sand.
Nonetheless, I thank God for my cousin Michelle who arranged for this family gathering.
A bungalow party in 1984. We were standing in front of daddy's car.
Celebrating my gong gong's birthday at my 6th aunt house. Other than weddings, birthdays are quite the best time for gathering.
My cousin Audrey's daughter! Such lovely unique look. I enjoy seeing her play bubbles.
Cousin Audrey and Cousin Ee Cheng. Can spot them from the above 1984 photo?
Ah yes, I 'stole' Carol's crocs slipper! Not mine. :P
Cousin Ee San. She's really the best! She links us all up all the time.
YEAH! Birthday boy!
Generation 1
Generation 2 and 3
I do have quite a huge family - a social capital I never thought I had and now, I thank God for them!
Today was Streetwise Run Day! Today was a rainy day! Today, I bathed under the sky and it was such a wonderful feeling.. (although the aftermath of it was a very very cold journey back to the Home). Nonetheless, I had to blog this happy day!
1. Beyond Social Services being so big, me being 'trapped' in an ulu place in Singapore, far away from my other colleagues, I always enjoy organization-wide events like this. I caught up with my ex-office colleagues. It was nice just laughing and jesting around. Some who are already mothers brought their children and it was such a ball!
2. While waiting for our bus to arrive, I walked over to speak to my colleague and this fat & cute 7 year old boy (who doesn't know me) saw me walking over, stretched out his hand for mine. He took my left hand, intertwined his fingers with mine, brought it to his lips and he gave it a little kiss! Then he looked at me eyes opened wide and everyone went "Wah..... the other hand leh!" Then he got all shy and walked away. What caused him to do that, I do not know. Maybe I look too pathetic in all-wet clothings!
3. Thank God for Deborah who came, ran, got wet and lent me her slippers cause I was more than drenched.
4. Have I ever shared that the first time I cleaned shit and backside was at my Home? I thank a little girl who gave me this opportunity and somehow, the toileting, the teaching of ABCs, the fetching to & fro has cause me to love this girl deeply. Thank God for a better home environment, she returned to her parents last year. She is always in my thoughts, often in my prayers. Sometimes, I will wonder 'Does she remember me? Is she living a better life?". Today, I met her again! When she saw me, she walked straight up to me, took my hand, pulled me down to her level and gave me a tight hug. I love this girl. Indeed.
5. After the event, I reached Tampines just in time to meet Mummy and Carol. They had a wonderful dinner and was waiting for me to choose my gift. Thank God for family!
6. Speaking of family, last night, I had a wonderful time with my extended family. It was my little nephew's birthday, my cousin's son.
Laughters.
Honestly, it was something I really miss over the years. Remembering when I was very young, 5 or 6 years old maybe, my mum and her sisters will organize stayovers at company bungalows. Carol and I will really look forward to those times cause it means the beach, sand and fun! It means meeting cousins again! As we grow older, such get-together times grew lesser.
Technology have really progressed. Before, we compete whose sandcastle is higher. Now, my little nephews compete who can complete which level for PSP. I feel that gone are those days where we laugh through physical play. We wrestle, we feel the sand.
Nonetheless, I thank God for my cousin Michelle who arranged for this family gathering.
A bungalow party in 1984. We were standing in front of daddy's car.
Celebrating my gong gong's birthday at my 6th aunt house. Other than weddings, birthdays are quite the best time for gathering.
My cousin Audrey's daughter! Such lovely unique look. I enjoy seeing her play bubbles.
Cousin Audrey and Cousin Ee Cheng. Can spot them from the above 1984 photo?
Ah yes, I 'stole' Carol's crocs slipper! Not mine. :P
Cousin Ee San. She's really the best! She links us all up all the time.
YEAH! Birthday boy!
Generation 1
Generation 2 and 3I do have quite a huge family - a social capital I never thought I had and now, I thank God for them!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Taare Zameen Par (Like Stars on Earth)
Watched my first Hindi movie today. Initially I was appalled when boss talked about this really wonderful Hindi movie but thought better keep an open mind.
I was glued to my seat!
A few things I took back home with me:
I was glued to my seat!
A few things I took back home with me:
- Perspective: The world is what we make out of it. A few months ago, a grandmother told me that her grandson was not scared of cockroaches when he was young. However, his mother screamed at the sight of it and since then, the boy was scared. The child grew up free of fear, however he was taught a new perspective.
- A child has the ability to spin new dreams. Do not destroy it. Build it up!
- It is easy to hurt a child. It is not easy to undo the pain inflicted.
- 5 uneven fingers make up a whole hand! Nothing is ever perfect in this world. It is how we want to work hand in hand with imperfections.
- Also, punishments and consequences will NOT be effective if we do not know the root of the problem, the meaning behind the behavior. E.g. Fever is a symptom to tell that something is wrong with your body. Fever is never the root of the problem. Likewise, a misbehavior is a symptom of a pain somewhere.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Humbility
Yup! You did not read wrongly - Humbility!
I was chatting over lunch with a friend and she blurted out the word 'Humbility' and I nearly spitted my drink out. Whatever word was that boy!? It's a combination of the words Humble and Humility. Gosh.. I was thinking, how much more humbling can that be?
Humility, in my opinion, is tough. I led discussion during CG last week and of all, I chose to speak on Paul's life, a life of humility. The verse that caused me to feel small was 1 Corinthians 9:19 "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible." Gosh..! Reminded me that the very reason why I am in a Social Service organization is to be a servant to man, to serve man. Yet, how very often, am I humble enough to wash their feet?
Anyway! After Hong Teck's sermon yesterday, I decided to take out all my dad's records. As I was flipping through it, the desire to get a turntable increases. I grew up loving Carpenters, Theresa Carpio, Cliff Richard, ABBA, Paul Anka, Francis Yip. My friend teased "You are a 60 year old woman in a 30 year old body!!"
*R.E.M.I.N.I.S.C.E*
I was chatting over lunch with a friend and she blurted out the word 'Humbility' and I nearly spitted my drink out. Whatever word was that boy!? It's a combination of the words Humble and Humility. Gosh.. I was thinking, how much more humbling can that be?
Humility, in my opinion, is tough. I led discussion during CG last week and of all, I chose to speak on Paul's life, a life of humility. The verse that caused me to feel small was 1 Corinthians 9:19 "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible." Gosh..! Reminded me that the very reason why I am in a Social Service organization is to be a servant to man, to serve man. Yet, how very often, am I humble enough to wash their feet?
Anyway! After Hong Teck's sermon yesterday, I decided to take out all my dad's records. As I was flipping through it, the desire to get a turntable increases. I grew up loving Carpenters, Theresa Carpio, Cliff Richard, ABBA, Paul Anka, Francis Yip. My friend teased "You are a 60 year old woman in a 30 year old body!!"
*R.E.M.I.N.I.S.C.E*Sunday, June 21, 2009
A blessed life.
The yearly adults' church camp came and went. It was one of the most interesting camp, in my opinion. Moving officially to Hopekids ministry caregroup, most of my friends from my caregroup attended the Hopekids Camp so I was alone without a caregroup. This year's camp was themed Heroes.
I left the camp with plenty of blessings. I am blessed with a group who adopted me during this camp.. Blessed with journey mercy traveling on my own.. Blessed with time to catch up with an old friend.. Blessed with time away from Singapore, a good retreat with friends and self.. Blessed with a job that I can return to and thus can eat all I want and what I want and buy what I like.. Blessed with the rhema word of God that I brought home with.. Blessed with love, grace and mercy from the One above.
I returned from the camp fully convinced with Jeremiah 17:8 (KJV) - For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
Didn't take much photos.. Just a few..
Just to show how amused I was the entire day!
Geo was on the line or sms almost the whole day!
Revamped my home to make it homelier. :P
Went cycling at East Coast Park.
My breath was taken away when I saw how simple life could really be for some.
After dinner, we thought we would Wii before we have our bath. The weather these days is TERRIBLE!
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Spanner's just bent on getting his toy!
I left the camp with plenty of blessings. I am blessed with a group who adopted me during this camp.. Blessed with journey mercy traveling on my own.. Blessed with time to catch up with an old friend.. Blessed with time away from Singapore, a good retreat with friends and self.. Blessed with a job that I can return to and thus can eat all I want and what I want and buy what I like.. Blessed with the rhema word of God that I brought home with.. Blessed with love, grace and mercy from the One above.
I returned from the camp fully convinced with Jeremiah 17:8 (KJV) - For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.
Didn't take much photos.. Just a few..
Just to show how amused I was the entire day!Geo was on the line or sms almost the whole day!
Revamped my home to make it homelier. :P
Went cycling at East Coast Park.My breath was taken away when I saw how simple life could really be for some.
Yesterday (Saturday), I asked mummy casually "Mummy, you cooking tomorrow?" and she replied "If you are coming back for dinner then I will cook lor." It hit me then that I want to cook for my mummy.
After dinner, we thought we would Wii before we have our bath. The weather these days is TERRIBLE!.jpg)
Spanner's just bent on getting his toy!Sunday, June 07, 2009
Doodlings
The past week was quite a feat for me. It started out with staff retreat on Monday and Tuesday. I saw crayons and pens and I can't help it but draw (it's whiling away time and er.. trying to digest how the retreat went).
On Monday, I reminded myself that there is ALWAYS light in the tunnel. It is just a matter of how do we get to 'see' that light. Sometimes, it could be just myself being so fearful that I am the one not letting go and shutting my eye. Sometimes, all it takes is just for me to keep walking and while walking, skip, sing, jump. I will get there. Key word that came to my mind was to keep persevering.
On Tuesday, 2nd day of retreat was kinda in a 'I-wait-for-you-you-wait-for-me' mode. Moods were still low, faces were still dull (for a lack of a better word). Don't ask me why I drew a tree and flowers but as I was trying, I kept telling myself 'Life can be so much more fun! - if only one person makes a tiny effort.', 'Life can be colorful! It can be.. It's how I want to color it.'
Tuesday's retreat didn't exactly have a closing because I had to be excused to manage a case. So from Tuesday all the way to Friday, I was hyped up over this case, losing sleep - wondering on hindsight, what could have been done to salvage; wondering how to move on; wondering what is really in the best interest of the child and family.
Thank God, time DOES NOT stay still. It moves. Finally Friday came and I felt like a burden off my shoulder - in a way.
This morning, I was sharing with my mummy of this case. She listened with intent and asked appropriate questions. I had a short afternoon nap and I went off to meet Geo at his g'ma's wake. While driving, I started asking myself 'Why do I want to be a social worker?'.
Why?
Do I genuinely love children?
Do I feel so so compassionate?
Why?
Do I feel like I can change the world?
I began to recall what my big boss said before 'If you want to feel-good, please don't be in this job. This job is NOT for you to feel good. This job is for you to render practical help. However, more so than ever, many are in this line so that they can feel good. Tell me, who doesn't feel good helping others?'
Am I just waiting for someone to tell me 'Good job, well done!'?
Am I waiting for some kid to tell me 10 years later 'Sandra, thanks for being part of my life. You have helped me so much! I am a changed person because of you!'
God reminded me then 'Do my work. It's my glory, not yours.' No doubt, I can get carried away easily. Recently, I also felt myself becoming more and more cynical. As I look back at my past photos, I began to miss those days where I feel I had more energy, more joy, more strength, more vibes. I am reminded that I have been relying plenty on my own strength and wisdom. I have not yet committed utterly unto God. I have not yet place my trust in Him.
I ask again 'Why do I want to be a social worker?'... I believe strongly that as I remain tight to the vine of love of Christ, people around me will be able to see it. To set eternity in my heart is to do my best in setting eternity in the hearts of others.
On Monday, I reminded myself that there is ALWAYS light in the tunnel. It is just a matter of how do we get to 'see' that light. Sometimes, it could be just myself being so fearful that I am the one not letting go and shutting my eye. Sometimes, all it takes is just for me to keep walking and while walking, skip, sing, jump. I will get there. Key word that came to my mind was to keep persevering.
On Tuesday, 2nd day of retreat was kinda in a 'I-wait-for-you-you-wait-for-me' mode. Moods were still low, faces were still dull (for a lack of a better word). Don't ask me why I drew a tree and flowers but as I was trying, I kept telling myself 'Life can be so much more fun! - if only one person makes a tiny effort.', 'Life can be colorful! It can be.. It's how I want to color it.'
Tuesday's retreat didn't exactly have a closing because I had to be excused to manage a case. So from Tuesday all the way to Friday, I was hyped up over this case, losing sleep - wondering on hindsight, what could have been done to salvage; wondering how to move on; wondering what is really in the best interest of the child and family.
Thank God, time DOES NOT stay still. It moves. Finally Friday came and I felt like a burden off my shoulder - in a way.
This morning, I was sharing with my mummy of this case. She listened with intent and asked appropriate questions. I had a short afternoon nap and I went off to meet Geo at his g'ma's wake. While driving, I started asking myself 'Why do I want to be a social worker?'.
Why?
Do I genuinely love children?
Do I feel so so compassionate?
Why?
Do I feel like I can change the world?
I began to recall what my big boss said before 'If you want to feel-good, please don't be in this job. This job is NOT for you to feel good. This job is for you to render practical help. However, more so than ever, many are in this line so that they can feel good. Tell me, who doesn't feel good helping others?'
Am I just waiting for someone to tell me 'Good job, well done!'?
Am I waiting for some kid to tell me 10 years later 'Sandra, thanks for being part of my life. You have helped me so much! I am a changed person because of you!'
God reminded me then 'Do my work. It's my glory, not yours.' No doubt, I can get carried away easily. Recently, I also felt myself becoming more and more cynical. As I look back at my past photos, I began to miss those days where I feel I had more energy, more joy, more strength, more vibes. I am reminded that I have been relying plenty on my own strength and wisdom. I have not yet committed utterly unto God. I have not yet place my trust in Him.
I ask again 'Why do I want to be a social worker?'... I believe strongly that as I remain tight to the vine of love of Christ, people around me will be able to see it. To set eternity in my heart is to do my best in setting eternity in the hearts of others.
Friday, June 05, 2009
The Great Pretender
5 years ago, my lecturer told me "The theme song for Social Workers is 'The Great Pretender'". I could never fathom what she meant. Now, I can make sense of it.
Today, my colleague asked me "Sandra, 2 years ago, you had the choice to choose to remain where you were or to be transferred to Residential Service right? If you were given the choice again, what would it be?" My immediate reaction was "I would choose to remain put."
I think as much as I always think of the residents first (whether they would be traumatized or not), I have come to realized that I am in the state of trauma myself. For the past month, each time my phone ring, I will be 'fearful' like "Gosh! Is it work again?" I have come to a point whereby the calls and smses I received are mainly work.
Crisis work is honestly, tough. Hard work and heart work. No wonder sometimes I seemed to feel my heart racing faster. In times like these, to be frank, I just wanna take flight. Haa! But holding on and ensuring that I keep close to God or God close to me.
Good night from the Great Pretender.
Today, my colleague asked me "Sandra, 2 years ago, you had the choice to choose to remain where you were or to be transferred to Residential Service right? If you were given the choice again, what would it be?" My immediate reaction was "I would choose to remain put."
I think as much as I always think of the residents first (whether they would be traumatized or not), I have come to realized that I am in the state of trauma myself. For the past month, each time my phone ring, I will be 'fearful' like "Gosh! Is it work again?" I have come to a point whereby the calls and smses I received are mainly work.
Crisis work is honestly, tough. Hard work and heart work. No wonder sometimes I seemed to feel my heart racing faster. In times like these, to be frank, I just wanna take flight. Haa! But holding on and ensuring that I keep close to God or God close to me.
Good night from the Great Pretender.
Monday, June 01, 2009
What have I been doing the past few weeks?
De-cluttering
I spent long hours de-cluttering my room. I finally packed my CD-roms, my art & craft materials, my notes from school & church, my clothes especially.
I threw and threw and threw away things, especially my clothes. In the previous few years whenever I pack my room, I would look at something and can't bear to give it away. My guiding principle then was "If I can't give it up, just keep it." This time round, my guiding principle "Is this thing going to be just another white elephant in my small room?" With this, I realized that I can throw/give/sell many things away. *Anybody wants clothes?*
De-cluttering my physical mess is therapeutic. As I pack, as I clear the mess and rubbish, to me, it's a very symbolic way of re-starting my life, doing a F5 and refresh. As I clear, I think and I reflect.
Today, I entered my room feeling very good. My room is warm and inviting. Everything seems new in my room. Neat.
I spent long hours de-cluttering my room. I finally packed my CD-roms, my art & craft materials, my notes from school & church, my clothes especially.
I threw and threw and threw away things, especially my clothes. In the previous few years whenever I pack my room, I would look at something and can't bear to give it away. My guiding principle then was "If I can't give it up, just keep it." This time round, my guiding principle "Is this thing going to be just another white elephant in my small room?" With this, I realized that I can throw/give/sell many things away. *Anybody wants clothes?*
De-cluttering my physical mess is therapeutic. As I pack, as I clear the mess and rubbish, to me, it's a very symbolic way of re-starting my life, doing a F5 and refresh. As I clear, I think and I reflect.
Today, I entered my room feeling very good. My room is warm and inviting. Everything seems new in my room. Neat.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A lovely God
For the lack of words, this is a beautiful video.
These days, I have been thinking about Jesus' charge to us - All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of age.
These words are spoken by Jesus to his 11 disciples and from there, we are where we are now - people who know God, people who loves God, people who bask in God's love, people who knows what forgiveness is, people who experience compassion. I was just thinking, if not for the 11 disciples, where would I be now? If they had not taken the charge of Jesus seriously, would I have known Christ?
Back to where I am now, I am in a X-road where I am seeking for direction, simply if I should call it quits in my job or to continue. For the past 3.5 years in this organization, this thought visits me once in a while. It comes and go. Each time it comes, I seem to pray more (Haa!). Nothing wrong with where I am now really. Just that each time I feel stretched, I feel inadequate. Then I'd pray. Pray I did, peace I didn't feel and so, I often took on the challenges and stayed and the cycle continues.
The process might not be an easy one (cause it is indeed easier to just throw in the resignation letter). However, I did learn a thing or two.
有一位神 (There is a God)
讚美之泉 Live 實況錄音 – 香港伊利沙伯體育館 Live Worship
有一位神 有权能创造宇宙万物
There is a God, He has created the everything in the universe
也有温柔双手安慰受伤灵魂
Yet, He is has a pair of gentle hands to comfort and sooth our pain
有一位神 有权柄审判一切罪恶
There is a God, He has every authority to judge every sin (scary)
也有慈悲体贴人的软弱
Yet, He is compassionate, caring and understands our every weaknesses
有一位神 我们的神
There is a God, He is our God
唯一的神 名叫耶和华
There is only one God, His name is Jehovah
有权威荣光 有恩典慈爱
He is mighty and He is the light. He is kind and compassionate.
是昔在今在永在的神
He is the past, He is our present and He is forever our God.
These days, I have been thinking about Jesus' charge to us - All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of age.
These words are spoken by Jesus to his 11 disciples and from there, we are where we are now - people who know God, people who loves God, people who bask in God's love, people who knows what forgiveness is, people who experience compassion. I was just thinking, if not for the 11 disciples, where would I be now? If they had not taken the charge of Jesus seriously, would I have known Christ?
Back to where I am now, I am in a X-road where I am seeking for direction, simply if I should call it quits in my job or to continue. For the past 3.5 years in this organization, this thought visits me once in a while. It comes and go. Each time it comes, I seem to pray more (Haa!). Nothing wrong with where I am now really. Just that each time I feel stretched, I feel inadequate. Then I'd pray. Pray I did, peace I didn't feel and so, I often took on the challenges and stayed and the cycle continues.
The process might not be an easy one (cause it is indeed easier to just throw in the resignation letter). However, I did learn a thing or two.
- Growth is never easy. I was the only child for 2 years then on my 3rd year, I learned what is sharing my daddy and mummy with this other person called my Sister. Then, I remember when I hit puberty, I had to go through the pains of ugly breakouts and I wished there never ever was this thing called Puberty! And when I hit an older age of adolescence, I go through the pains of getting into a relationship and having my heart broken and I wondered why people ever loved. When I had my first job, the pains of giving the fruits of my labour to my parents and again, I wondered, why people ever marry. Then there are the thousand and one decisions in our daily lives we have to make. Yet thinking back, these somewhat painful yet lovely experience has nurtured me. In every job, there is also a growth chart. We will start out like a baby, then youth, adolescent and then adulthood. I could call it quits but when I go to another organization, it's just the same process I have to go through again.
- I learned that I have not sought God enough. I admit it - I am so human that I want to escape. I don't want leadership. I just want to be a normal person receiving 'orders', do my work and that's it. I don't want to fret about staff matters. I don't want to fret about management issues. As I started my wailing, I began questioning what is my purpose in life, God's purpose for me. I can't say that there is a sudden exclamation of 'Eureka!' in my life BUT I am slowing down my pace, taking a step back, having a breather and pray. During CG yesterday, SF said this so true "We are not natural leaders so all the more we have to seek God." Words rang and ringing now!
- I've learned that There IS a God. A God who cares for every part of my life. For the past week, my iPod is on the repeat mode for the above song. It has been ministering. Lyrics below, translated to the best that I can.
有一位神 (There is a God)
讚美之泉 Live 實況錄音 – 香港伊利沙伯體育館 Live Worship
有一位神 有权能创造宇宙万物
There is a God, He has created the everything in the universe
也有温柔双手安慰受伤灵魂
Yet, He is has a pair of gentle hands to comfort and sooth our pain
有一位神 有权柄审判一切罪恶
There is a God, He has every authority to judge every sin (scary)
也有慈悲体贴人的软弱
Yet, He is compassionate, caring and understands our every weaknesses
有一位神 我们的神
There is a God, He is our God
唯一的神 名叫耶和华
There is only one God, His name is Jehovah
有权威荣光 有恩典慈爱
He is mighty and He is the light. He is kind and compassionate.
是昔在今在永在的神
He is the past, He is our present and He is forever our God.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
A time for everything
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven;
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from from his toil?
I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
He has made everything beautiful in His time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
Yet another verse that I keep dear to my heart is from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 that encourage all of us to be joyful always, to pray continually and give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
God's plans for us is always one that is for us and not against us. It's always one that has the intention to love us. I hold fast to the promise that as long as I continue to choose to be joyful always, to pray and to give thanks in all circumstances, God is with me. He didn't promise us smooth lives but He did promise us His presence.
Like the prayer of Moses, "Lord if your presence doesn't come with me, I will not go. So Lord, lead. I submit."
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
What does the worker gain from from his toil?
I have seen the burden God has laid on men.
He has made everything beautiful in His time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-11
Yet another verse that I keep dear to my heart is from 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 that encourage all of us to be joyful always, to pray continually and give thanks in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
God's plans for us is always one that is for us and not against us. It's always one that has the intention to love us. I hold fast to the promise that as long as I continue to choose to be joyful always, to pray and to give thanks in all circumstances, God is with me. He didn't promise us smooth lives but He did promise us His presence.
Like the prayer of Moses, "Lord if your presence doesn't come with me, I will not go. So Lord, lead. I submit."
Short entry
Woke up to a dripping nose and aching body today. Woke up to Sparkle's backside on my face too.
Today is the start of my spring cleaning. The last I did it, it took me 1 week. I think this time, it's going to be more than a week.
And yes! Announcing the arrival of my 3rd godson, David. I can't wait to see him.. But I think I better do it the week after. Let my nose stop dripping first.
Nights.
Today is the start of my spring cleaning. The last I did it, it took me 1 week. I think this time, it's going to be more than a week.
And yes! Announcing the arrival of my 3rd godson, David. I can't wait to see him.. But I think I better do it the week after. Let my nose stop dripping first.
Nights.
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