Essence of life

Reflection occurs when light bounces off an opaque object
Refraction occurs when light goes through a transparent material

When I was younger during my polytechnic days, if autobiography composition was still required for us, I often wished I was light.
I find light very intriguing.
Light could actually “bend” when it passes through a transparent material (water) and it could actually reflect back to me. It’s like it’s alive!
Do you remember those times when we watch movies of those trapped in an island? To get help, all of a sudden, they found a mirror and with that mirror, they try to capture the sun to REFLECT back to attain help.

As I am doing my reflection for 05, I ask myself “What have I not attained in Yr05 that I NEED help from the Lord in Yr06?”

After much thought, one thing that I am asking from the Lord for in Year 2006 is likened to that of Jabez.

1 Chronicles 4:10
“Jabez cried out to the God of Israel, "Oh, that you would bless me and enlarge my territory! Let your hand be with me, and keep me from harm so that I will be free from pain." And God granted his request.”

What is the territory that I want to be enlarged in 06? Deep within me, I think I desire to be enlarged in the area of building relationships and a greater heart for people. With a heart, there should be no lack of motivation. Not that I have no relationships in 2005 but looking back, I think I could have done more to walk an extra mile. There were tears and even times of despair but I noticed, instead of overcoming it, sometimes, I might have gotten into the state of “Ok, I give up.”

As I reflect, God brought me back to my first few memory verses that I have memorized.

1 Thessalonians 5:16
“Be joyful always”

When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. I pray for a larger heart and a greater capacity to love. The essence of life IS relationships.

I came back from a BBQ session with a surprised lamp that my dad bought for me. All of a sudden, my room is so cosy. Prior to this lamp, all the lights I have in my room is white light. This is the first warm light. Man... Even my dear Elmo looks so enticingly warm & friendly!!



And whilst packing my Christmas gifts, I noticed a trend.



Noticed the trend? It's ALL PINK!!! Let's see when I can actually use it... I believe it'll come in handy one day!!

Mel through and through...

Felt a little need for some “tests” to chill out so I did this test today from http://oneishy.com/personality. It’s a test based on the 4 personalities – Melocholic, Choleric, Sanguine & Phlegmatic. Those who have read Tim LaHyle’s book “Why do we act the way we do” should have known what are these personality types all about.

After 4 years, I’m still a Mel/Chol/Phleg.
I know for sure, somehow, I will never be a Sanguine.



One of the very obvious strength of a Sanguine is them being talkative, cheerful and bubbly. Those who know me, you’ll know I am not. :)

The test doesn’t seem to be a surprise to me after all.
I always feel that I am a mixture of a Mel, Chol & Phleg, which sometimes, I felt that I am such a rojak. My Mel will see me being oversensitive at times and sometimes, I can get a little too rash AND frank. However, the Phleg side of me will help me control my emotions and rationalize things. Sometimes, when I get too laid-back, my Chol will then tell me that it’s time to get things going and get things done.

We each have our unique personality – there’s no doubt. However, whatever personality I have, I have also learnt over the years, never to be controlled by it and use it as an excuse like “Ya what… I am a Mel thus I get moody easily.” But rather, I have learnt that it’s even wiser to control our emotions and be led by the Word of God.

Frontline

Drifting in and out of sleep last night unsure of why I can’t get to sleep. For sure, I remember I did say an “amen” before I sleep but guess what? I woke up at 3:39am feeling tired yet awake. I felt as though as I didn’t sleep a wink. Perhaps the hot tea & bubble tea I had with a friend who came over took effect. Or perhaps, I was too excited over the chat on MSN about birth of my friend’s baby. Or perhaps, I was too excited after I receive news on my research topic. Perhaps, perhaps and more perhaps. I drifted back to sleep awhile later at 4:24am and was woken up abruptly by my alarm clock.

Lately, I read in this Magazine where it speaks about putting oneself into another shoes. Today, my colleague and I were talking about an email telling us how to improve ourselves as frontline staffs. Many times, as a consumer to a shop, when I am angry with a sales assistant, I will often tell myself “its ok. She had a long day serving customers. Let’s not scold her.” I will just keep quiet and leave the shop. However, just last week, I had a bad encounter with a staff at a jewelry shop and he got me so mad that I “sort of” told him off as politely as I could about my displeasure.

That’s the difference. Now when I am in the frontline, I understand how feedback could do us help. Yet on the other hand, I get irritated when my staff or even I get scolded straight front without even trying to understand the situation. Many times, I will vent out words like “Can’t they just put themselves in my shoes?”

I realized over the years, it’s just too difficult to put oneself in another shoes without grace and mercy. We are usually quick to point out faults or anything that doesn’t flow in line with our own agenda.

Moving ON!

Literally in a blink of an eye and 2005 will be over. The mad rush of Christmas is just over. It seemed as if it was just yesterday that we met up for discussion for the Christmas decorations but it is already past a month or two? This year Christmas has been the most meaningful one thus far.

Christmas has always given me a feeling of warmth and love. Not overlooking that Christmas IS a time where we celebrate Jesus’ birthday. Whenever people ask me which holiday you loved most, I will always answer – Christmas whether or not I am a believer of Christ. It’s always a homecoming season, a celebration, a warm dinner, hugs & kisses and even smses from friends from distant land.

This year, I am also glad that I summoned all my courage to invite my friend to come for the service on Sunday. I was real glad that she enjoyed the service especially the drama. Kudos to the drama team, director and all! I shan’t write too much on the Christmas services. Tiger and many others have written about it. :) But one thing I must say is this. I was SO happy on Sunday! Cause I had the time of my life taking care (or is it playing?) of Nic! *sigh*... I asked Tiger how old is he and he told me that he's not much older than Nic. *I WONDER*!!!



Anyway, yesterday we had a time of thanksgiving and affirmation for our CG at Beng’s place. First thing we did when we arrive was to rush to the Christmas tree, put our presents and started our chat. We had potluck and MAN! I forgot to take photos of all the wonderful food we’ve cooked! We chatted, joked and laughed lots. For a moment, I just sat back in quietness and enjoyed the conversation that’s going on. For THAT moment, I really wished I had my video cam. I was imagining God being that invisible guest at our table looking at us, enjoying our conversation & laughing along with us.

When it come to the affirmation time, Beng had a HARDEST time of his life (I think). Being the first GUY to share, his words were VERY carefully monitored by the sisters in the CG. E.g. “Most of the time, she’s very nice.” For this a reply will storm out from us – “MOST only? Are you sure MOST?” Poor Beng… But he did the guys a favor by “setting” a standard I guess… Hee… And brother, you are GREAT! =) I'll post some pictures when I got hold of it... ;)

Well, at the end of it all, I must say, close or distant, long or short time spent, CG has been such a great part of my life. I love them all and they have been part of my learning curve. I can’t imagine how lonely I would be if not for the fellowship of the brothers and sisters in the church.

I have this habit at year-end. Every year-end, I will flip through my pages of my journal and then I will look through my goals. After that, I will set new goals. Now, I am putting on my thinking cap and am waiting in anticipation of the New Year. Lots of changes, lots of excitement. LOTS of learning!

Family

Home is the theme to the message of the Christmas message. Looking back, this year’s Christmas has been very meaningful to me. It’s been a long time that I have spent time at home FRUITFULLY.

To begin with, I took leave yesterday so that I can spend my entire day completing my gifts. However, my personal agenda didn’t come true because I spent the entire day helping my parents & sister with their stuffs. Got the time to actually chat with them too.

The day ended off with a scrumptious dinner together with my sis’ boyfriend and my ex-housemate from Brisbane. Even my vain dog, Sparkle, joined in the fun with his party hat that was made by my dad. ;) After a full dinner, we sat to watch whatever that’s on the TV then we went on to open up our gifts. I was sure glad to see the “glowing happiness” on my dad’s and mum’s face yesterday. It’s not the gift that matters to them but all of us being at home to spend time with them.



Oh… Forgot to mention that Christmas is my sister’s birthday too. :)

Family. Indeed it WARMS my heart to hear the word family.

I took nearly 2 weeks to prepare my heart to tell my dad about my resignation (for my studies) for fear that he will be angry. However, I was SO surprised that he took it so well that he even assured me that it's ok. Assured me that I don't have to give them (parents) money. Assured me that I don't have to help out in some financial loans. At the same time, my sister (who was against my studies) also slowly supported me and even assured me that she can still support financially. Just concentrate on my studies.

That's family.

Starry Starry Night

Now, it’s time to share a little of our Christmas “Starry Starry Night” event last Saturday. Heee… Gonna be a long blog cause I am a little “lor soh” today. I need to take a brain-break from my own stuffs and do some.

That Saturday was a mad rush for me. Something cropped up at work that required my attention. Thereafter, I grabbed a cab down to YWCA. It really makes me boil that whenever I need a cab, there’s nowhere in sight. But when I don’t need, it’s everywhere. The cab driver was real friendly and was concern for me cause I have to pay ERP. Well, THANK God, I saved my dollar cause I don’t have to go through the ERP gantry. But it was quite costly leh! A whopping $16 just to get to town from the East. I made sure I took a train home no matter how tired I am.

I reached there a little late but managed to catch James, my co-emcee, to practice our script. After awhile, we were interrupted by an office call on my side. After which, we practiced our individual CG performance. It was a long while later that we remember we forgot we were halfway through the script. I must say, though, even without the script, there was the “mo qi”. (But sometimes, we were both stuck for words!) I can’t say it’s the best I have emcee-d but it was the one that I enjoyed the most! I remember the first time I emcee-d, I was wearing a red cheongsum. Felt like a waitress.



Moving on, Guessie went first on “stage” (cause there’s no stage) with 2 songs. “It’s a long Journey” by Corrine May and “If we hold on together”. After which, we introduced Tze Wei & his team to lead us into a time of games. I don’t really know what’s the game all about cause all I did was to rest by the side and chatted with James while the others enjoyed.



Starry Starry night is about “Seeking Talents through performances”. We had 6 items by 3 groups but there were awards to ALL groups. Basically, ALL are stars and talents.

My group’s mime went first. Everyone was busy acting, moving the props, making sure all props are up and I was at the “backstage” (which is just made up of a whiteboard) switching on and off the lights, do a few phone ring tones, and ring the alarm clock. It was an AMUSING mime I must say! There were a few props missing here and there but after the whole thing, I had SO much fun! Rather, WE had so much fun. What I loved most you ask? I think I love the whole mime. (Not because it was written by me) But I remember when I wrote the script, I was overwhelmed with all the various roles that I have to juggle in my life. A daughter, a worker, a friend, a colleague and what have you. Many times, we search for “approval” and “love” but many a times, we forgot that we always “want” but we didn’t give. Things are there. It’s just a matter of perception, a matter of attitude towards things.

Tze Wei’s group did a “Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do” musical glass performance. Man!!! Pamela has such sharp ears. You know? It’s that type where you pour water into a glass to obtain a musical note. They even managed to do the music to the song “starry starry night”. After that they acted out a story on a “Travelling Star” (Ok… The name was given by me.) It’s about how this star brings “luck” to its owner. Great acting from all I must say!

The Josh’s group did a drama on 4 angels wondering what gift to give to the Lord Jesus Christ. Every angel has a gift to give except one little angel . In the end, she gave her heart. Impressed! Another item that the group did was the puppet show. I love the song but wished there were more actions to it. Heee…. :)

Yeah… I forgot ONE more item and that’s my group’s dance item. In all honesty, I can’t tell my left leg from my right leg that day. SUDDENLY, I forgot my dance steps! Perhaps one sneeze too much. Too tired. I missed a few steps but overall, I enjoyed the dance.

In the end, we were awarded “The most coordinated” prize for the dance (I wonder why) and our mime was awarded the 2nd prize. I love what my CL said. She said that the prize is ours. She thanked us for the hard work that was put in and that she really appreciates us for making it happened. I truly know what she means. It’s not about the scriptwriter. Neither is it about the music or the voice behind it. It’s not about the actors and how well everything runs. It’s not about the prize either. It’s really about teams working together. Teamwork. I truly feel that if one of us didn’t put our heart into the mime or even the dance, none of it could have happened. Teamwork. Simple word with a GREAT meaning behind it.

Speaking of teamwork, I have spoken so much about emcee-ing, the games and the items performed. Let me now focus on the “behind-the-scenes” scenario.

Lots of effort has been put in by Lay Hong and her team. When I reached YWCA, I was awed by the deco done by them. It REALLY stands out from the other rooms. I guess if I am a visitor, I would really be very touched. By the time I reached there, “carpets” and rugs has already been laid on the already-carpeted floor with cushions all over. I feel like I am going home. :) What I really like was the silver and gold dangling stars that were hung from the diffusers. Not forgetting a lovely tree with various forms of balls loaned by my friend. I am always a “supporter” of decoration. It brings out anything you wanna bring out. It is the first stop that will capture the heart of people. (Well, at least, that’s what I feel)

Then, there is Eugene behind a pillar playing music on the CD player. How could Christmas be without Christmas Carols??? Hee… I have been brought up in a family where my parents love music. When young, I watch old musical movies, play records, piano, etc. And I remember my house will always be filled with music. If not for my awful piano playing, there’s always the record player (forgot the name of it). So I always feel that it’s a GREAT job putting music. It creates THE atmosphere!

I don’t wanna forget the staff who has rendered so much so much help! We sort of miscalculated the time and dinner was served a little too late. James & I decided then to get the banquet manager, if that’s his appointment, to serve earlier. Man! They REALLY work fast! And without complain a smile and a VERY good service. I truly appreciate them!



Teamwork. Yup! Everyone plays a part! Cliché but true. *wink*





Nighty night…

Beyond Words

Today, I wrapped many boxes of chocolates and gave them out to the co-tenants and my staff at my clinic.
Today is also the day that my colleague came back to the clinic taking a break from her project at another clinic.
I was very much comforted by her presence cause I miss her so much.

I am real glad that she's back today cause she helped me with the closing of the clinic whilst I rushed west for an interview with a Social Service agency.
I would believe that this is the FIRST time I am going for an interview without any certs and I didn't bother to dress up in suits and heels. THANKFULLY!

When I arrived there, I was pleasantly surprised to see the place in one of my fav colour - ORANGE!
Well... I like it cause it's bright and cheerful!
However, I was appalled by the attitude given to me by my interviewer. At a certain point of time, I really did wanted to just give up and say "Bye". Felt a little demoralised I must say. However, I am real thankful that he got in another person who was SO much nicer. SO much more people-oriented I must say. Very gentle, very kind. He was the one who directed me to my interviewer.

Blah blah blah goes the interview but it was a pretty casual setting and I find myself engaging in a chat more than an interview.

I shan't go into details of the interview.
All I know is - Out of 24 hours in a day, this 30mins interview cause my brains juice to RUSH!

Oh ya!

To DARLing, Esta, Junming, Yanz, my blood test report came out well.. :)
Some mild vascular defect. But no big deal a cause to worry so THANKS for you prayers!

Cheers!

In God I trust

Today I had a nightmare. I dreamt that my family and I were clinging on to our lives on the wing of an airplane. (I presume it was a real small airplane cause I could see my mum & sis on the right wing when I was with my dad hanging onto the left wing)The setting was in the night and the wind was very strong. Clouds were above me cause I could feel the pitter-patter of the rain. As I looked down, I see small little houses.

Suddenly, I heard a voice asking me LET GO and I was like “HUH?!”. Somehow, I managed to convince with shouts and screams to my dad, mum and sis to let go too. When I let go, I gripped my dad’s hands real tight while we were trying to reach out for my mum & sis. (Think I am doing some sky diving thing here) But I remember I saw a picture of a sea. THEN I start to question “How can it be sea when I saw LOTS of houses?”. And I furiously prayed in the spirit.

Right. And I woke up. I don’t know if I got saved. I don’t know if I survived. I only know I relied on that voice that asked me to let go.

I woke up with a BAD headache.

Headache got worse when I realised that my practicum starts in January 9th. And due dates March 29th. In all logic, I cannot imagine HOW I am going to complete my 400 hours. Work OT also not enough. Worst of all, I realised now that though I have gotten my bonus, I cannot resign till Jan 1st else I have to pay my company back and I sort of need my bonus to pay fees.

Ah well, just when I thought I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, I realised that very much like my dream, I have to exercise faith in the One who has brought me through so much ordeals already. When all logic fails me, God is bigger than my logic. What is one more ordeal to Him? Everyday when I head to town, I will always see this sign after Eunos station by this company called Index Cool. It says “In God we trust”. I am always comforted when I see it.

In God I trust.

1 Peter 2:9

I was doing a little quiet time in my office this afternoon through the Breakthrough booklet. This morning had a real real bad encounter with a few patients and I know that I simply need time alone during my lunchtime.
Interestingly, today’s prayer point is from 1 Peter 2:9. It hit a chord in my heart, as this was the verse that was prophesized over me by one of the CL in my Unit.

I remember this verse impacted me greatly then. “For you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” Back then, I was feeling a little skeptical. You know, humans being humans are always cynical! And I was feeling a little like a cynic! Well, this verse came strongly and was reminded greatly that no matter where I run, God will always call me back. And when God call me back to Him, I belong to Him. He is the one who called me out of darkness and no longer am I bonded to anything cause I live in the light now.

Today, I pray that one day, I may be the vessel, the instrument, a middle person, to lead someone out of their darkness into His wonderful light.

*yawn* As the day is ending and am awaiting for my clinic to be closed, I can’t help but savor the quietness of this clinic.
Feeling the buzzing sound around the ear cause of the silence suddenly seem to be an enjoyment...!
Can’t help but feel myself blending into this “rat race”. Everywhere is fast paced. Even patients are demanding for faster & efficient service. Fast & Efficient are the KEY words that I, in this rat race, have to take note of.

Was just sharing with a friend of mine that lately, even during days when I am home, I am not resting. I am catching up with things that are left undone due to things that have been taking over its priority. Not sure if you know what I’m talking about here…

Looking your way!

During those days when I was in the polytechnic, my faculty was situated at a “hilltop”. Sometimes, I will walk up the slope through the side gate. And sometimes, I will walk through the main gate up a less gradient slope, pass the other faculties like Business, Accountancy.
Getting to school was a real hectic one I remember. When I was staying at my old place, I have to walk 15mins to the bus stop. Then walk another about 10mins up the slope to my tutorial room or lecture theatres.

8am lesson is my MOST dreaded lesson because I will have to plan backwards and minus away the travelling time, I have to still wake up at 630am! So if I do wake up at 630am, I am only left with 15mins to bath, comb hair, look good and then get out of my house.

What really left my mouth gapping is when I reached school and I see gals from other faculties already dressed to the nines with make up…
I usually find it quite amusing cause I hardly even have the time to brush my hair lest talk about putting on make up.
My guy friends will usually like to go through Route 2 cause got pretty gals to bowl over. And they will always ask me “Sigh… You ah! Must learn like them la!”
I gave them my dagger stare and said “I am good already!” though I was just clad in berms and T-shirt.

I guess keeping my face free from make up has been part of me already.
No one has really seen me with make up unless they go for weddings together with me. Sometimes, I find myself looking like a “painted cat” when I do put on make up. Haha!!!

I was actually reading the news from ChannelNewsAsia this afternoon and saw this article that got me go “hmmmm….”
“Plastic surgeons see 20% more patients during festive seasons”
I feel that lately, looking good has become quite an in-thing.
There are shows on being slim, making over, looking good.
Sometimes, I wonder – Isn’t it sad that in reality, there are many who feel inferior when they are with the “perfect” look.
But again, what is a perfect look?

Meet ups....!

December = Christmas = End of Year = Reflections = Evaluation = Planning = Bonus = Birthdays = Gifts = Time Packed!
Usually by end of Nov, I would perhaps have my list of presents ready.
However, for this year, it’s a little bit different.
The list is not yet even halfway ready!
My schedule for this year seemed to be “packier” than last year or even year before last.

The month of November and December has seen me packed with training and meetings at work.
After being trained, I have to come back to my clinic to train the rest.
I feel quite ding-donging. Sometimes, I don’t even remember whether am I on duty at clinic or supposed to be in another clinic for training!

At the same time, end of the year is usually THE time for meet ups – the ONCE a year type of meet ups!
Over the past couple of weeks, I have been meeting my old friends from Poly, Uni & Hope Brisbane.
Can you imagine the “hoo-ha” when we met up?
Minus away the hugs (Cause primarily, we Asians are shy), questions were thrown all over the floor!

The meet up with my Polytechnic friends is like a session of “Mummies & Daddies” catch up.
My friend wanted to bring along his kiddo and that got me SO excited!
However the bad news is she can’t come. Well, next time!
Though the kiddo didn’t come, it doesn’t mean we don’t have “Parents” talk!
We talked about the Education system, OUR growing up years, Media impacting lives, Diapers, etc.
I simply can’t contribute much about the diapers part since the ONLY hands on I had was 2 weeks back! My FIRST time changing a diaper & it’s the VERY advanced PULL up type so how difficult can it be?

Just the weekend that just passed, I met up my Brisbane friends at Parkway Parade.
Poor Edward who came along was bullied by 5-sharp-tongued gals!
We questioned him till he blushed! Thankfully, he is very good-natured!
It is amazing how time & NS can change a person. One year ago, he looked so boyish. One year later, we were awed by his handsome, hard & well-defined face.
We are still the crazy gang. Though the memory of Brisbane is slowly fading, the friendship that we share still goes on strong. Nothing changed.
We have a fun time exchanging presents and opening it up.

I shared with mummy about how time really flies.
When I was a kid about 3-5yrs of age, I remember my mum will always bring me & sister to dinners/lunches to meet her friends.
I felt at this moment, it’s NOW our generation to bring OUR kids (not that I have) to meet our friends!
Gosh… Time flies!

I took a break and went to JB yesterday. Sort of needed to be out of Singapore, have a good time with my friend and THOUGHT I could do some shopping for myself.
After seeing the stuffs, I still can’t bear to part with my cash.
I don’t wish for the time to come when I am jobless (IF I am jobless) next year then realized that “Aiya! I shouldn’t have bought this & that!”
Ok… Some say I am a worrier.
Some say I am a planner.
Whichever can be true…! Haha!! I am quite a little of BOTH!
Neber mind! There will be NEXT YEAR! Haha!!!!

Now, I can’t wait for next Sat’s Unit event. Seeing a lot of our friends saying Yes to our invitation. And with the Christmas deco up in church already, I am already feeling the Christmas mood!
Oh… Speaking of that, it’s time to put MY Christmas tree out in my living room!
Anyway, I have yet prepared my Emcee speech.
I REALLY hope that this time, I won’t blush again.
And I really hope that it will be more successful than 3 years back!
Haha!!!
I must say, looking back, I have grown a TINY WITSY WEENY bit braver, stronger and calmer in respect to speaking in crowds.

That’s my life the last couple of weeks in a NUTSHELL!

Below are a few favourite photos I’ve grown to love over the weeks.


This star has captured my heart totally! I find myself looking forward to seeing him weekly. Amazing things how kids can capture anybody’s heart.



This is the LONG awaited photos from last year’s meet up. All of them are my churchmates from Brisbane.
Now, am waiting for this year’s photo. Hmm… I wonder do I have to wait till next year!