Taare Zameen Par (Like Stars on Earth)

Watched my first Hindi movie today. Initially I was appalled when boss talked about this really wonderful Hindi movie but thought better keep an open mind.

I was glued to my seat!

A few things I took back home with me:

• Perspective: The world is what we make out of it. A few months ago, a grandmother told me that her grandson was not scared of cockroaches when he was young. However, his mother screamed at the sight of it and since then, the boy was scared. The child grew up free of fear, however he was taught a new perspective.
  
• A child has the ability to spin new dreams. Do not destroy it. Build it up!
• It is easy to hurt a child. It is not easy to undo the pain inflicted.
• 5 uneven fingers make up a whole hand! Nothing is ever perfect in this world. It is how we want to work hand in hand with imperfections.
• Also, punishments and consequences will NOT be effective if we do not know the root of the problem, the meaning behind the behavior. E.g. Fever is a symptom to tell that something is wrong with your body. Fever is never the root of the problem. Likewise, a misbehavior is a symptom of a pain somewhere.
  

Humbility

Yup! You did not read wrongly - Humbility!

I was chatting over lunch with a friend and she blurted out the word 'Humbility' and I nearly spitted my drink out. Whatever word was that boy!? It's a combination of the words Humble and Humility. Gosh.. I was thinking, how much more humbling can that be?

Humility, in my opinion, is tough. I led discussion during CG last week and of all, I chose to speak on Paul's life, a life of humility. The verse that caused me to feel small was 1 Corinthians 9:19 "Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible." Gosh..! Reminded me that the very reason why I am in a Social Service organization is to be a servant to man, to serve man. Yet, how very often, am I humble enough to wash their feet?

Anyway! After Hong Teck's sermon yesterday, I decided to take out all my dad's records. As I was flipping through it, the desire to get a turntable increases. I grew up loving Carpenters, Theresa Carpio, Cliff Richard, ABBA, Paul Anka, Francis Yip. My friend teased "You are a 60 year old woman in a 30 year old body!!"

*R.E.M.I.N.I.S.C.E*

A blessed life.

The yearly adults' church camp came and went. It was one of the most interesting camp, in my opinion. Moving officially to Hopekids ministry caregroup, most of my friends from my caregroup attended the Hopekids Camp so I was alone without a caregroup. This year's camp was themed Heroes.

I left the camp with plenty of blessings. I am blessed with a group who adopted me during this camp.. Blessed with journey mercy traveling on my own.. Blessed with time to catch up with an old friend.. Blessed with time away from Singapore, a good retreat with friends and self.. Blessed with a job that I can return to and thus can eat all I want and what I want and buy what I like.. Blessed with the rhema word of God that I brought home with.. Blessed with love, grace and mercy from the One above.

I returned from the camp fully convinced with Jeremiah 17:8 (KJV) - For he shall be as a tree planted by the waters, and that spreadeth out her roots by the river, and shall not see when heat cometh, but her leaf shall be green; and shall not be careful in the year of drought, neither shall cease from yielding fruit.

Didn't take much photos.. Just a few..

Just to show how amused I was the entire day!
Geo was on the line or sms almost the whole day!

Revamped my home to make it homelier. :P

Went cycling at East Coast Park.
My breath was taken away when I saw how simple life could really be for some.

Yesterday (Saturday), I asked mummy casually "Mummy, you cooking tomorrow?" and she replied "If you are coming back for dinner then I will cook lor." It hit me then that I want to cook for my mummy.

After dinner, we thought we would Wii before we have our bath. The weather these days is TERRIBLE!

Spanner's just bent on getting his toy!

Doodlings

The past week was quite a feat for me. It started out with staff retreat on Monday and Tuesday. I saw crayons and pens and I can't help it but draw (it's whiling away time and er.. trying to digest how the retreat went).

On Monday, I reminded myself that there is ALWAYS light in the tunnel. It is just a matter of how do we get to 'see' that light. Sometimes, it could be just myself being so fearful that I am the one not letting go and shutting my eye. Sometimes, all it takes is just for me to keep walking and while walking, skip, sing, jump. I will get there. Key word that came to my mind was to keep persevering.



On Tuesday, 2nd day of retreat was kinda in a 'I-wait-for-you-you-wait-for-me' mode. Moods were still low, faces were still dull (for a lack of a better word). Don't ask me why I drew a tree and flowers but as I was trying, I kept telling myself 'Life can be so much more fun! - if only one person makes a tiny effort.', 'Life can be colorful! It can be.. It's how I want to color it.'


Tuesday's retreat didn't exactly have a closing because I had to be excused to manage a case. So from Tuesday all the way to Friday, I was hyped up over this case, losing sleep - wondering on hindsight, what could have been done to salvage; wondering how to move on; wondering what is really in the best interest of the child and family.

Thank God, time DOES NOT stay still. It moves. Finally Friday came and I felt like a burden off my shoulder - in a way.

This morning, I was sharing with my mummy of this case. She listened with intent and asked appropriate questions. I had a short afternoon nap and I went off to meet Geo at his g'ma's wake. While driving, I started asking myself 'Why do I want to be a social worker?'.

Why?

Do I genuinely love children?

Do I feel so so compassionate?

Why?

Do I feel like I can change the world?

I began to recall what my big boss said before 'If you want to feel-good, please don't be in this job. This job is NOT for you to feel good. This job is for you to render practical help. However, more so than ever, many are in this line so that they can feel good. Tell me, who doesn't feel good helping others?'

Am I just waiting for someone to tell me 'Good job, well done!'?

Am I waiting for some kid to tell me 10 years later 'Sandra, thanks for being part of my life. You have helped me so much! I am a changed person because of you!'

God reminded me then 'Do my work. It's my glory, not yours.' No doubt, I can get carried away easily. Recently, I also felt myself becoming more and more cynical. As I look back at my past photos, I began to miss those days where I feel I had more energy, more joy, more strength, more vibes. I am reminded that I have been relying plenty on my own strength and wisdom. I have not yet committed utterly unto God. I have not yet place my trust in Him.

I ask again 'Why do I want to be a social worker?'... I believe strongly that as I remain tight to the vine of love of Christ, people around me will be able to see it. To set eternity in my heart is to do my best in setting eternity in the hearts of others.

The Great Pretender

5 years ago, my lecturer told me "The theme song for Social Workers is 'The Great Pretender'". I could never fathom what she meant. Now, I can make sense of it.

Today, my colleague asked me "Sandra, 2 years ago, you had the choice to choose to remain where you were or to be transferred to Residential Service right? If you were given the choice again, what would it be?" My immediate reaction was "I would choose to remain put."

I think as much as I always think of the residents first (whether they would be traumatized or not), I have come to realized that I am in the state of trauma myself. For the past month, each time my phone ring, I will be 'fearful' like "Gosh! Is it work again?" I have come to a point whereby the calls and smses I received are mainly work.

Crisis work is honestly, tough. Hard work and heart work. No wonder sometimes I seemed to feel my heart racing faster. In times like these, to be frank, I just wanna take flight. Haa! But holding on and ensuring that I keep close to God or God close to me.

Good night from the Great Pretender.

What have I been doing the past few weeks?

De-cluttering

I spent long hours de-cluttering my room. I finally packed my CD-roms, my art & craft materials, my notes from school & church, my clothes especially.

I threw and threw and threw away things, especially my clothes. In the previous few years whenever I pack my room, I would look at something and can't bear to give it away. My guiding principle then was "If I can't give it up, just keep it." This time round, my guiding principle "Is this thing going to be just another white elephant in my small room?" With this, I realized that I can throw/give/sell many things away. *Anybody wants clothes?*

De-cluttering my physical mess is therapeutic. As I pack, as I clear the mess and rubbish, to me, it's a very symbolic way of re-starting my life, doing a F5 and refresh. As I clear, I think and I reflect.

Today, I entered my room feeling very good. My room is warm and inviting. Everything seems new in my room. Neat.