Expressions

Geo's birthday today so we went out last night. Reminisced a little, reflected quite a lot, talked until we were bored. Thus, we decided to dramatized our little outing with some expressive photos. Hee! Guess which look I love zeeeee most??

The Gift

As much as I have decided not to blog till next year, my mind was filled with the after thoughts from the Christmas Service - The Gift.

At the end of the service, the Gift was unwrapped. From the breathtaking Filipino choir to the awesome drama to the heartfelt preaching by Ps Jeff to the heartwarming conversation between Ps Jeff and Edmund (I think that's the name) to the song presentation, the Gift was unknowingly unwrapped.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

The Greatest Love, The Greatest Gift, The Greatest Life.

I do not know about the rest but there were several moments in the entire service that I was at the brim of tears. After some years as a Christ believer, I have come to understand and fathom and know that there is NO perfect church, there is NO perfect caregroup, there is NO perfect situation, there is NO perfect sermon, there is NO perfect program. However, there is a perfect man who gave up His Kingship to come down to earth to die for an imperfect me.

Yup, I am convicted. Convicted that it's Christ that I am focused on.

Is it Christmas today???

"Is it Christmas today?" This was what I told my friend today!! I really thought it was boxing day! I guess I must have left my monkey brains somewhere.

Time flies and really without me knowing. Too much has happened & too lazy to blog. Can only say that 2008 has been REALLY great! Just some photos to feast the eyes.

I have not been really involved at home this year when it comes to the Christmas decoration. Sis & mum put up the tree. Mum origami-ed her santa claus. The ONLY gift that's not bogus is the HUGE white one for my parents.

I have had wanted to drive down to Suntec City for our Christmas service but was advised against it! Totally agreed! My eyes were so tired that I think it would have been dangerous driving. :)

@ The Rock Auditorium on Christmas Eve. Theme was The Gift. In its simplest way, the message was delivered, the gift was unwrapped. A simple verse: John 3:16. What better way to celebrate Christmas! Dropped teared at different point of time.. I am thankful for the production team and whoever has a hand in it! Kudos!

Was at Family Service the next day (Christmas Day), helping out at Hopekids. Man!!! 4-12 years old were all hosted at America Room. That was the first time I saw America Room at its MAX!!!!

I love this most!! I asked for their BEST smile and here it is. :) Amazing ways on how kids can brighten up my life. Oh!!! Chern Han overheard a conversation between May Ann (his eldest sis) & me. I asked May Ann "OooOh.. Are you VERY tired? You have been yawning." Chern Han looked up at me, tugged my arm and said "I am also very tired." I was amused. :P

Yupz.. If you have noticed by now, I have finally chopped my hair. Next month would probably go shorter. See how... :D

Merry Christmas!!

Freedom

For the last 3 years, I have often blamed myself for allowing my work life affect my personal life. You know, emotions from work will, more or less, spill over into my own personal life. My close friends (Geo inclusive of course) had been through tears & laughter with me whenever I share about my work. It often end up in celebration or a good hug to tell me that things will be fine.

In today's meeting, boss said this "Everyone experience pain in life. Normal people feel pain. Therefore, pain is normal. Pain will stun a person's ability. In this line of work when we deal children in pain, we will be emotionally involved too. E.g., If I take in half of ones pain, he is lessened by 50%. Then I go to another person to take in half of the pain, his pain will be lessened by 50%. Soon, I will be carrying a lot of pain from them. Therefore, in this work, whilst the children feel pain, we will feel the pain also. Therefore, we really need to support one another." After his 'speech', tears welled up slightly because I felt I am not that abnormal after all.

Words from my boss still rings today "Everyone experience pain. Normal people feel pain. Therefore, pain is normal. Pain will stun a person's ability." Really, who doesn't feel pain? Pain from the lack of proper childhood, pain from being rejected, pain from a break up with first love, pain from unrequited love, pain from the lack of confidence, pain from the lack of family, pain from the lack of proper attention. I do believe strongly that what we go through in life determines who we are as an adult. The only factor that could help us be freed from the pain is God.

After 3 years, I have come to a conclusion that no matter how much I can pump in my help to a child or adult, no help is greater than the help one gives himself and the best help one can give oneself is to accept Christ as their Lord. Again, it's through this I see the sovereignty hand of God over my own life. I carried pain with me for 20 over years until I decided, one day, that I am sick of being in control of my own life, I told God "Take over."

God has been good. He is still good. Christmas is coming and as I recollect my journey with God, I cannot help but be grateful. Christmas is indeed a time for celebration. A celebration of the birth of the One who saves and loves.

The power of our thoughts

My colleague shared with me his frustration in one of his self-arranged concert. One singer went to him and assured him that she can really really sing. When my colleague asked her to sing, she kinda turned it down gently until she couldn't, just awhile before the concert. My colleague was appalled because she really cannot make it. In order to have a successful concert, he has to do what he has to do - Get her out.

After that episode, he learned that when one believes that he is right, no matter what happens, it will be right. Just like the singer, she truly believes that she can sing, so she really does believe that she can sing and she was rather hurt when told she can't. Perhaps she was counting for an opportunity.

Perhaps she simply believes she can sing. We do not know for sure. One thing though, I find that our mind, humanly speaking, is very fragile, yet very powerful. Our action is determined by what we think. So if we think wrongly, our next move would be gravely wrong.

I began to question myself - What is my thought life? How healthy is my thought life? Where is God in my thought life?

Weddings

These days, I am jolting my memory a bit and doing a walk down 2008. 2008 has been a year of changes for me, at work, my life, my family. It has also been a year that I seemed to have experienced God at a slightly deeper level. I will not elaborate too much right now till I get my thoughts sorted.

However, one area that made 2008 stand out as compared to the other years is the number of weddings I attended. Ok, might not beat the record for most of you but in my very small circle of friends, I have broken my own record for the year - at least a wedding a month. 2 more upcoming in January 2009.

Holiday in Singapore

It rained when I woke up. Wondered if we could still bring the dogs for a walk as promised. Drizzled but don't really care. Armed with 2 dogs, we made our way to East Coast Park. After about 200m, we found out that we are NOT allowed pets at McDonalds. In the end, we had our breakfast at East Coast Park's CARPARK! 3 girls, 2 dogs gobbling 3 sets of breakfast down our throat. Well, we prepared a 'feast' for the dogs too.

We returned home, waited for Geo and we made our way down to Ikea. It was crowded but we were focused! 1 chest of drawers and 1 table top. Hmmm... Perhaps, we swayed a little. We made more than those purchases. I felt broke-r after today but it WAS really a day filled with fun. Haaaa!!!!

Intimacy

I was rarely sick but last weekend, I was a goner. Started with 2 little sneezes on Friday. Sneezed so badly that sleep came easy. On Saturday, I woke up with a running tap that can't be turned off. By evening, I had to pop the pill for my nose. For those who knows me will know that I totally dislike to be medicated. Ceiling spun and I slept. Next day, I was still a tad drowsy and couldn't wake up for first service so I excused myself for the second service.

The minute I stepped into Nexus, I felt a sharp pain in my gastric area. I thought 'That's it! How to survive till my night's appointment??' By the second praise song, I could not remain standing anymore. I decided to lay hands on my own gastric area and prayed to God for healing. I was praying so hard - Oh God!! Heal me!

All of a sudden, in the midst of my pain, I heard this small voice telling me "Where is your faith? Where is your trust in me?"

That was when I realized that although I was praying desperately for healing, at the back of my mind, I had my plans. I thought "Perhaps I can get someone to fetch me back home. Perhaps if I can withstand during the day, at most I get a day's MC tomorrow. Or perhaps I take a cab home & rest then in the evening, come out grab my car and attend my night's appointment." I can honestly tell you that my list goes on and on.

"Where is your faith, my dear daughter?" That jolted me up! As much I really want to have faith in God to heal me, I was making humanly plans. I then realized that there is NO way I will be healed because doubts were covering my eyes from seeing far. In order to see things with my spiritual eyes, I have to exercise faith. I have to believe. I have to stop relying on myself.

By the end of the P&W session, my gastric pains were gone (though I still look sickly due to the sneezing). A friend prayed over me after the service. Amazingly, during lunch, I could have the appetite to have rice! I could even shopped around for a pair of shoe. However, dur to the lack of sleep, I had my siesta in my car for about 45 mins before my evening's appointment.

Another milestone for me in my journey with God. I would say that this is the first time I had laid hands on myself and received healing. I am really enjoying this intimacy with God.

7 precious hours

I had a really tiring day. Yet, on my drive home, I was filled with deep emotions & tears just trickled down.

We hosted 2 siblings of a kid (of ours) in our Home today. The 2 siblings come from 2 other different institutions - of which, one's a closed institution. It was with much difficulty that we got the orphans to come together (due to protocols, rules, regulations).

We had 7 hours to play host. 7 hours to give the siblings a positive experience. 7 hours to leave a deep impact. 7 hours to give the siblings THEIR moment. 7 hours to appeal for the other 2 siblings to want to come to our Home. 7 precious hours to the siblings. 7 VERY precious hours for the Home's staff to observe and advocate.

Everything was planned. The siblings arrived at noon. We planned a tour around the Home then let the siblings have some nice time together in the kid's room. Followed by a nice lunch at some restaurant nearby. By the time lunch was over, 2 hours was over. Went back to the Home and we had some ice breaker games. We debriefed what went on during the games and we went out to the big and tall tree outside for some tree climbing (major highlight!). Ended the day with a BBQ prepared by 3 staff.

I played cheat. I grabbed more than 7 hours of their time. In total, the siblings had 8.5 hours of good time together. It was just a teary moment when my kid asked for a hug & the siblings gladly gave. As my car drove out, it was 'bye' non stop. I wound down the windscreen so that there is no barriers. I made sure I drove slowly so that I could buy more time.

If it weren't emotional for the siblings, it was very emotional for me. I was driving back & I was recollecting my day, giving thanks, did a run through, things that I could better improve, things that I could give myself a pat on my back and my thoughts were stuck at the image of the siblings hugging. Being the driver to separate the siblings was a painful job for me. As I observed the siblings, they appeared NORMAL to me (not like how monstrous reports make them sound). Yes, in that 8.5 hours, they quarreled & argued over the smallest things. I can imagine if they were living together, how rowdy things could have been. But who would in the right frame of mind, separate the 3 of them after they have lost both their parents? I am very saddened.

Being emotional goes both ways. After all that's said, I am on an emotional uproar too!!!! Today was BIG day for the kid. I am very thankful for this opportunity. I am so so glad that the siblings got to meet. I am excited to be part of this process. I felt so privileged to be part of this family's life. I am so heartened to see the siblings' love for one another. I am honestly, beyond words.

Heehee... next to being emotional and all, I am secretly very ecstatic to have experienced tree climbing! Hee!!! (This is the ONLY photo that I can share. The rest are P&C)

Punish-me-nt

A couple of weeks back, we were discussing about our Behaviour Management at one of our weekly team meetings.

Generally when something wrong is done, the flow is as such: Punishment -> Problem Solve -> Consequences -> Restoration. Some of our kids who came from the State's Home, they will be prepared that when they commit an 'offense', they will receive their due punishment; be it sit ups, push ups, star jumps, wash toilets, etc.

However, we believe that kids should be brought up as kids. Children are NOT little adults. Often, the BIG adults like me make that mistake of treating them like little adults. Already confining them in a Home is very demeaning. No kids in the right mind would love to be drawn apart from their family. They have gone through LOTS of pain which perhaps, I would never ever had the chance to experience. We believe that every relationship has a potential to blossom, given the right opportunity.

Therefore, we place relationship in high esteem. When a mishap happens (e.g. a bunch of mischievous kids played a prank on a staff and threw her clothes away while she was bathing), the first thing we were very mindful of was not to punish them. We made sure that the relationship between staff and the kids were restored. (That in essence, solves the problem) Then we sit down with the kids to ensure that they receive some form of consequences. If that is still not fulfilled then will we look into enforcing a punishment.

What then, is the difference between a consequence and a punishment? Consequences is thought through together with the kid. They accept it willingly. Two way traffic. Punishment basically is a reinforcement on our part.

Well, I am not saying that we are the BEST. Even I, struggle. So often, when a kid makes a very wrong mistake, my very first reaction is (honestly) to punish. It takes plenty of thought process to 'retaliate' the situation.

Not sure how many of you reading this entry can comprehend me but to end of this entry, my colleagues and I came up with this thought. Punishment in ESSENCE is really not about punishing but actually NOT to punish. Break up the word, you get 'Punish-me-nt'.