The Frog and the Scorpion

One day, a scorpion looked around at the mountain where he lived and decided that he wanted a change. So he set out on a journey through the forests and hills. He climbed over rocks and under vines and kept going until he reached a river.

The river was wide and swift, and the scorpion stopped to reconsider the situation. He couldn't see any way across. So he ran upriver and then checked downriver, all the while thinking that he might have to turn back.

Suddenly, he saw a frog sitting in the rushes by the bank of the stream on the other side of the river. He decided to ask the frog for help getting across the stream.

"Hellooo Mr. Frog!" called the scorpion across the water, "Would you be so kind as to give me a ride on your back across the river?"

"Well now, Mr. Scorpion! How do I know that if I try to help you, you wont try to kill me?" asked the frog hesitantly.

"Because," the scorpion replied, "If I try to kill you, then I would die too, for you see I cannot swim!"

Now this seemed to make sense to the frog. But he asked. "What about when I get close to the bank? You could still try to kill me and get back to the shore!"

"This is true," agreed the scorpion, "But then I wouldn't be able to get to the other side of the river!"

"Alright then...how do I know you wont just wait till we get to the other side and THEN kill me?" said the frog.

"Ahh...," crooned the scorpion, "Because you see, once you've taken me to the other side of this river, I will be so grateful for your help, that it would hardly be fair to reward you with death, now would it?!"

So the frog agreed to take the scorpion across the river. He swam over to the bank and settled himself near the mud to pick up his passenger. The scorpion crawled onto the frog's back, his sharp claws prickling into the frog's soft hide, and the frog slid into the river. The muddy water swirled around them, but the frog stayed near the surface so the scorpion would not drown. He kicked strongly through the first half of the stream, his flippers paddling wildly against the current.

Halfway across the river, the frog suddenly felt a sharp sting in his back and, out of the corner of his eye, saw the scorpion remove his stinger from the frog's back. A deadening numbness began to creep into his limbs.

"You fool!" croaked the frog, "Now we shall both die! Why on earth did you do that?"

The scorpion shrugged, and did a little jig on the drownings frog's back.

"I could not help myself. It is my nature."

Then they both sank into the muddy waters of the swiftly flowing river.

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Early this morning, I went to fetch a child back to the Home. I had to do that because the child made a mistake - again. Each time it happen, the dad will be frustrated and thoughts of lodging a Beyond Parental Control complaint will linger in his mind. However, driven by love, he would see the consequences of the complaint and that'll be what I'll use to counter his lingering thoughts.

Later in the afternoon, I brought the child to the father and I told the father "I brought your child down personally for you to scold. So please do it." (I do this because I have to be very conscientious that the professionals do not take over the parenting role. I have to be very aware that the child's discipline is still their parents because that's whom they will live with in future. Not me. I am nothing but just a facilitator.) The father shared that he felt betrayed by his own child, who caused a drift between his wife and him. Despite the hurt the father faced, I could still see the love he has for his child. Despite wanting so much to lodge the BPC complaint, he decided to give the child a chance again - for almost the 10th time.

Now, when things were more cooled, that was when he shared the Aesop fable of the Scorpion and the Frog. I thought it was an apt analogy. Often, we forgot what it means to be playing a game from the same team. Easily, we subtly allowed jealousy, bitterness, temptations, etc, to seep in and cause a drift within the teammates. UNKNOWINGLY, we harm ourselves instead.

Frankly, wouldn't the world be a better place if we all choose to play our minimum part in the winning team? Working together towards a better life.

Zann's birthday

Celebrated Zann's birthday at Leng's place on Saturday. Had a VERY joyous time! Eh... Not sure about the birthday girl since she was sabotaged. Hee... *wink*

Sabotaging!

"Hear me roar!!!!"

Like machiam give certificate. Hahaha!!

F.A.M.I.L.Y

My sister is back - for good! It was a last minute decision from her company for her to return on Friday early morning. She informed me on Wednesday afternoon. In our conversation, I asked her why isn't she considering to stay on in the States since she loved it so dearly and she said that my parents needed her. Jokingly, I told her that more than just my parents needing her, I need her too!

Without my sister in Singapore, I often wonder how would things be like if I am the only child? Working & taking care of my dad is indeed not an easy task, especially with the demands of my work. Thankfully, mum has retired and is home full time but still, she needs her respite. After my dad's stroke, his concept of time has deteriorate quite a bit. He would be awake in the night and sleeps in the day. I could be receiving his call on my mobile at 3am.

Conclusion? I do not like being an only child. Not because I had to take on the sole responsibility of taking care of my parents but rather, it's nice having a sibling to talk to, to quarrel with, to argue over the silliest matter, etc.

Today, I was at a girls' school and I observed 2 siblings quarreling. It was rather funny. They were quarreling who to drink from the water fountain first. The younger one said "I am younger so I drink first." The older one was frustrated and said "Why is it always you going ahead first?" They were arguing quite loudly but I thought it was very funny. Made me reminisce my days with my sister when we were young.

I do not have much memory of my childhood days. I do, however, recall, that between the both of us, I was the very quick tempered and hot tempered one. I remember she got me mad so I used my Enid Blyton book to hit her head (it's either I recalled it or I've been reminded unceasingly by my sister). Haaa!!! When we go for our Art Class, we will sometimes slip to the back of the classroom don't know for what! After school, we would 'pak kak' (conspire). We would call our parents to report safety back home then we would slip to our neighbour's house at the 20-something floor. We would enjoy scaling up the door frame and swing ourselves at the fixed bar.

Anyway, siblings will always have sibling's rivalry. There will be pangs of jealousy once in a while. There will be anger now and then. Not forgetting, there will definitely be laughter and tears. Once family, always family. No matter how angry we can be, no matter how bad the quarrel was, we always made up in our own ways.

These days, I have been thinking a lot about this relationship call FAMILY. Early this morning, I got a father calling me feeling frustrated at his son not returning home again. In his anger, he wants to lodge a Beyond Parental Control complaint. Yet, due to his love for his son, he does not want to do that because he knows that the son will spend a month of remand at Singapore Boys' Home. He was torn all because of a father's love.

Then, at the Home front, I have 3 siblings who quarrels every other few hours. YET, when the younger one is 'bullied', the eldest will ALWAYS ALWAYS stand up for her, not bothering who is at fault. For all we know, the younger sister may be the one at fault but it doesn't bother the eldest sister because to her, she just want to protect.

I guess, at the end of this entry, what I want to depict is that we do not choose our family members. Once a family, always a family. We stick together as a family, in sorrow and in joy, in sickness and in health. Serving the families serve as a reminder to me that I must treasure what I have and not to covet for what I do not have.

Next Generation

It was a bright and sunny day as I strolled my way to Guyatt Park Ferry Terminal at St Lucia, Brisbane. I plonked myself on the bench waiting for CityCat to turn downstream. Took out my book to read but I was attracted to what seemed to be a mothers support group and a group of little kids. It was an appealing sight to me. The kids were playing wildly, running up and down the ramp. The mothers just sat around, chatting and laughing. [so cool, I was thinking].

Suddenly, there was a loud sound and the girl has fallen on her butt, while climbing up and down the railing along the ramp. I thought "that's it... her mother is going to scold her." Nope, the mother just coolly swept the dust off the little girl's bum asked her "What you did was dangerous. What do you think would have happened?" The girl stared at her mother and replied "I could have fallen over into the water." "Now, run along and play but please be careful."

Growing up in Singapore, an Asian country, I often see grandmothers and mothers fussing over their little ones. It's either "You see you see!!!! It's all your fault that this has happened! See if you dare do it again!" OR "Aiyo... son ah! (or daughter ah!) Are you all right or not? Are you hurt?"

I do not have children of my own. I do, however, have 19 kids under my care ranging from 1 - 16 years old who I believe, is training me to be one in time to come. Their parents are generally around my age or a few years older. Some are even younger than me! Through my job, I figured that parenting is a life-art. Kids are placed in a Home for various reasons, generally abused, neglect or orphaned.

I often wonder what would lead to a child being abused? Are their parents really 'crazy'? Have they experienced a terrible childhood that they had to torture their kid? Are the kids really very trying? Is it all the kids' fault? Or is it all the parents' fault?

It always take 2 hands to make a noise. Likewise, it's never entirely the fault on one party. When I talk to the kids, it's often parents not making time for them or them being too fierce or them not understanding them. In general, it's always not 'my fault' but 'their fault'. When I talk to the parents, it's often their kids not listening to them, they are asking for too many things, they are not understanding their situation. Again, it's always not 'my fault' but 'their fault'.

I had a chat some time back with a friend and we were talking about the Generation X & the Generation Y. Gen X people are born approximately from 1965 - 1981, late 50s or 60s or 1968 - 1979. Gen Y are the 'products' of Gen X, from 1982 to the millennial years.

Looking into the demographic and the sociological perspective of the matter, using my own personal life, I am able to see a difference in how the economy has evolved and developed. In my time, mobile phones, internet, computers are HUGE luxury items. To begin with, technology is not advance in my era. Back then, things seemed simpler. I work hard in my studies to gain an outing to the zoo. These days, I have kids telling me that they want to work hard in their studies so that they can have a PSP (handheld game).

A psychologist passed a comment "These days, before we can be a parent, we ought to be licensed first." As the world is evolving, media playing an important role, technology improving by leaps and bounds, I really am not too sure how the next generation of the world would be like.

I really dislike it!

This is always the period of time that I dislike most. November to December.

Gosh! The number of calls I received from organizations wanting to have parties, give presents, donate to the 'poor' kids from Homes have gone from 1 call per month to more than 10 a month.

Personally, I am NOT in favor of a one-time off parties. Yes, a group of volunteers come, thinking "Yay! I can finally bring the joy of the season, bring love, bring laughter, to these kids." but seriously, how much love & laughter & joy can one-time off volunteering do?

Often times, I feel that with parties & gifts & presents gave the kids SO much fun that they will find that it's actually not too bad to stay in a Home and their own home starts to fade off in their life. I always wonder if it's a good idea to plan for too many activities for the children because in reality, when they reunite with their family, their family will not be able to provide them with so many activities - then how?

So please... for those reading this entry, if volunteering is really what you would like to do, consider one-to-one volunteering. It may benefit a lot to that one kid more than you can to 20 kids. I live by the starfish story - Making a difference to one at a time.

CG get-together

It was rare that CG could have a 'formal' get-together and Steven P's wedding yesterday gave us a great opportunity.

Missing Zann

Today, we had another outing to East Coast Park. However, the sky decided to cry and Meddy couldn't join us. We decided then since she can't join us, we will bring ourselves to her and so we gatecrash! Hahaha!!!! We had great fun playing with the kids AND be thrown into water. It was an early birthday celebration for Zann and a very late sabotage for me. Haa!!

Missing Calvin

The Emperor's three questions

One day, my boss sent me this sms "Today's a good day. What's most important? NOW! Who's most important? The PERSON you are with at the moment! What's the most important thing to do? BE CHARITABLE and COMPASSIONATE"

A few days later, he gave me a few pages, seemingly a chapter from a book of a speaker, titled "The Emperor's three questions". (Read it if you can) This story is adapted from a book of short stories compiled by Leo Tolstoy.

I was very encouraged by what it's written.

"If you need to say sorry to your partner, don't start thinking of all the reasons why you shouldn't. Just do it now. The opportunity may never come again. Grab the moment." - NOW!

Give more, expect less. The greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment.

Dying

I was planting some sunflower seeds at the Home and I found myself giving some solid advice to the seeds as I place the seed in the soil "Quick die... So as to live again. So die die die!! Quick quick quick!"

In my quiet time this morning, I was encouraged by this statement that I read "God has made his promise to us -- It was ours to claim."

You know, after listening to so many tragic stories or even experience first-hand with the families, I have also come to the point of wondering - what are we fighting for? It is so ever common to feel that "This is my rights so I will do as I please." But think about it, what are our rights? What is my right?

In the biblical sense, isn't it easier, then, to die to ourselves - so that we can see a brighter future? We already have God's promises. So, what exactly are we scared about? Why is it that sometimes, we hesitate for so long? Perhaps, it's because we do not know how to trust - to trust that God CAN give us a brighter future if we let go of our pride and rights now.

Life's too short to 'play' around with my rights too much.

Yawn Yawn & Yawn

Finally able to stop and breathe a little. Things at work has been so crazy with profile reports, court reviews, cases going haywire (& me haywire too), and more than half the time, I am tense and angry, feeling that I am a terrible manager.

One unseen 'rule' of my life is that if anyone is at fault, it's never the fault of the 'follower' but the 'leader'. It takes a good leader to have good and supportive members. I go by the 'Set an example' rule.

I do take pride in being a good executor. You lead me well, I will support you really well too. I believe in being a good support. However, now that the role has been kind of switched, I see how important it is for these 2 roles to work hand in hand. A good supporter can't support without a good leader. Neither can a good leader lead without a good supporter.

An amateur like me have lots to learn. Just learning the art of knowing when to grip tightly and when to let loose is enough to give me a headache. However, I know for sure that as I learn how to trust in God, He will guide me, lead me and teach me.

Routines

This is SO way out! Can you believe it? I step out of my car, in my daily routine, with different footwear! Usually at my driver's seat, I would have my flip flops there (for rainy days).

Whenever I drive, I have a 'routine'. Turn off the aircon, turn off the radio, turn off the engine, slip into my footwear, step out, lock the car, check if it's locked and walk off. Often, my routine is so routine-d that I have to retrace my steps and do a check a second time as I would be wondering "Eh... Did I do that?"

And so, today, I got off my car and walked to the second storey of Ikea and then wondered "Why is my walking a little off today?" Looked down and realized how silly I looked! I contemplated if I should carry on my shopping or should I return to the car. I was in quite a hurry (before going to work) so I felt that returning to my car will be wasting my time. So I thought, I'd carry on shopping and I did just that. Soon, I see stares glaring at my lovely feet. Still, I pretended it's the BEST fashion ever and continued shopping as if that IS the way I stepped out of home.

I reckon that sometimes, life is indeed as such. Sometimes, we go through the motions of life that we do not know what we are getting out of it. Sometimes, after going through one entire day, if I do not do my reflection, I may just go to sleep feeling 'empty' cause it's 'just another day', 'another routine' and that is not a nice feeling. I do not like 'routines' though everyday, I have mini-routines. Waking up, bathing, starting the car, getting off the car, driving routes, etc. (Oh! Have I shared before that my bathroom was so routine that I thought my facial cleanser was my conditioner?)

I realize how important it is to constantly have spiritual breakthroughs (big or small) to keep my relationship with God fresh. Else, it's another routine in life.

In my anger.....

We had our usual Tuesday's meeting at work today. After going through all the 'peripherals' of the Home, we went through the incident that happened over the past one week. Basically, it was an incident that occurred because 2 kids had a fight while having dinner and one of them threw a glass to the floor and ran up to look for the caseworker in charge. Somehow, no staff were around. One of our household manager (houseparent) came along and naturally questioned about the mess. One kid calmed down and helped in the portion of the cleaning. The other kid who threw the glass, came down with the caseworker and both started to clean up. Whilst cleaning, suddenly, the kid reacted and threw a HUGE drama (which I will not elaborate).

We believe in teamwork and we believe in learning from past incidents. 'On hindsight' experience are always the best learning experience one can get. We wrote down the sequence of the event and brainstormed the factors that led to the steep escalation of explosive emotions.

Many opinions were given and we finally concluded that when the 2 kids quarreled, it was supposedly to be a private affair. However, in the way they know how to manage, and in the way WE had managed it, it became a public affair. In all honesty, which kid would love living in a Children's Home with so many other children? Don't all children want the warmth of their daddy and mummy and sibling where they can quarrel in peace?

After all that's been said, we went one last round on what we got out of the discussion. Self-awareness. This has been tugging my heart for the longest time. In order to make a fair judgment, in order to render the best help, in order for a quarrel to be resolved, (in my 2-cents worth of opinion), I think it is best to be aware of ourselves. To be aware of our emotions and feelings.

Often when we (as a neutral party) try to enter into a quarrel, we make our judgment fast, we raise our voices, we stand in between as referee, sometimes we hold onto the hands and arms of the child to stop a fight and we tend to quickly assess what the problem is and dispense with the punishment. However, we often forget that for a quarrel to take place, a lot of hurtful things have already happened or said and the relationship between two parties are at stake. If (as a neutral party), we bring in our heated feelings into the already-heated atmosphere, what do we get? We get a more heated atmosphere!!

Paul said in Ephesians 4:6 that in our anger, do not sin. This is not implying that we should NOT be angry or anger is a sin but basically when we are angry, we still should not handle it in a bad way. The only way I am seeing it is that since I have every right to be angry, the only way to handle the situation well is to ensure that I am more than aware of the emotions that's hovering around the situation. This is especially true for our work in residential setting as we do plenty of work with kids with long bad care history that have led to a pain-based behaviour and this behaviour is not something to be trifled with. Handle it bad, the child would go worse. Handle it well, the child learns something.

My take-home for the day after a 4-hour meeting.

Sending

I ended my day seeing Shawn and Christine off to Chile. Our friendship has some a long way and it's heartwarming to see them both grow in the Lord. God has been good and He will always be good!

Living things

Introducing for the VERY first time, my prized canary!!! He is one ATTITUDE bird!! Can you believe it? I sat at the sofa for nearly an hour JUST to wait for him to sing. I finally decided that I needed the toilet and guess what? While I was doing my business in the toilet, he chirp!!!! When I was having my lunch, he chirped. While I was busy at the kitchen, he chirped. While I was having my dinner, he chirped. I am convinced that he is one active yellow canary with an attitude, capital A. HAHAHA!!

I did a quick count and I have 5 shy parrot fish, 1 active canary, 1 sleepy white dog, 1 active black dog, several hideous cockroaches, a few crawly lizards and some irritating mozzies. Not forgetting my mummy's favorite plants. She gets excited each time her plant got babies. A pretty lively house I have indeed!

I have to say that what keeps me excited each time I return home are my 2 silly dogs.

A queer weekend

It's a queer weekend. Friday is church service and Sunday is caregroup.

Yesterday, I had a friend over for movie, wine and "fine dining". Hee.. I prepared Brie cheese and strawberry to match the white wine she bought over. I think the wine was really solid. For the first time (I think), I slept on her. Usually, it's the other way round. Haa! We had 3 movies to watch but by the time we started on the 2nd movie, I somehow made my way to my bed and unknowingly, I fell asleep. If not for a dream (which I cannot recall), I would have probably slept throughout.

I always enjoy playing host to my good friends at home. When I was back in Brisbane, every other week, I would love to have friends over for steamboat or just a simple meal. If possible, I like to dish up new dishes. If not, I would just simply like to spend time over a movie and a drink. I always thought that nothing beats being at home.


Since Friday was service, we had caregroup today. Caregroup was a good 3 wonderful girls! Zann had to study for her exams tomorrow. Nelson made another appointment with his B thinking that today's caregroup was not confirmed. Nonetheless, I thought it was a fantastic time dining at Mussel Guys with Penny and Yanling. Oh, before that, we paid a surprise visit to Zann's place to present her with an 'Examinations pack' and a bouquet of flowers. Interestingly, she surprised us by being not at home. Her meeting for her missions trip overrun and couldn't be back home as planned.


After my CG, I met Geo for awhile before he goes to meet his CG in the evening. We shopped around Vivo City and finally, we preferred to be stationary at a spot and chatt. Conversation naturally led to ministry and we spoke about serving God for God alone. Service to God continues no matter which stage of life we are in. Mischievously, I glared at Geo and asked "Hey! You are spending too much time in your ministry. Can you please leave your ministry?". Man! I should have snapped his slightly-shocked look. Then he coolly answered me "You wouldn't one lar... If you wanted, you would have asked me long time ago." Indeed, I personally think that one should use his/her gifting to the best that he/she could to glorify God's kingdom. Ministry is almost Geo's life. Getting him to get out of it is almost like telling him that he has totally made the wrong choice in having me as his partner.



Anyway, a few hours break from home gave me some freedom to think of a solution to the 'problem' mummy and I have at home; that is to bring my dad out everyday. It is really tedious for my mum to clean the wheelchair each time she returns, not forgetting that Sparkle may have pee-d and there is that mess to clear up. Solution: Buy another wheelchair. One stays home. One goes out. Mummy bought the idea and wheelchair shopping I will go! Praying for some "Great Singapore Sale" for wheelchairs now! Any 'lobang' anyone????

Normality

With my dad's stroke, I got to see first hand what the grief process is all about. First the denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance.

If I am not wrong, my dad's passed the denial, anger, depression and bargaining stages and finally accepting his condition. With that, I noticed that he's trying to get back into the normality of how his life was before he had a stroke. Which means that he would want to go to NTUC daily at least 2 times, he would want to travel around via car to Tampines, Bedok, Whampoa or Bendemeer. Of course, when we do not fulfill that, he gets angry and these days, gets pretty violent swinging his walking stick.

NTUC is easier to fulfill but it's tiring for mummy to bring him down 2 times a day. When they return, one of my dog would probably have poo-ed or pee-d and there's clearing to do. There's also the wheelchair to clean. Already when my dad's at home, he's often needing to go to the toilet. Wanting to eat or drink often. Despite being able to stand and walk by himself, he still wants help.

For me, I try to be around as much as possible. Mummy shared despondently that she feels that dad is simply against her. Things are usually fine if I am around but once I am away, his pattern starts again. If he wants something, he has to have it. After he had it, it's peace for awhile until he got another craze.

2 weeks ago, he bugged his friend for a bird cage. After a bird cage, he bugged for a bird. After getting a $180 bird for a week, he lost interest. Today's craze is about getting sweet honeyed mango. He was bugging and bugging and in between time, angrily, I brought him out to get those mangoes.

*sigh*... Admittedly, I am not as patient as I ought to be. I am not as loving as I would want myself to be. I am so guilty of it. I get very angry because I see my mum 'suffer'. Yet, if I manage to bring myself to look at my dad, my heart breaks looking at those blue-grey eyes. It speaks of insecurity, unforgiveness and loneliness. I pray indeed that I will love my dad more for only love can motivate one in the right way.

Expect the unexpected

Do or Die? Apparently, it's neither. The judge didn't want to pass any order yesterday. Instead, they will arrange for a Family Conference.

I am apprehensive. I am, again, living in ambiguity. My big boss painted a grey picture of what a family conference could turn out to be. The facilitator chosen by the court, ain't not exactly the most positive one for the family. Although I was out with friends last night, I couldn't help but return home to 'research' on what Court's family conferences would be like and I am astounded in shock!

Objectives of these Family Conferences could include:

• reprimanding the offender
• administering a formal caution to the offender
• requiring the offender to pay compensation to the victim(s) of the offence
• requiring the offender to apologise to the victim(s) of the offence
• resolving any relationship problems between the Child or Young Person and the Parent or Guardian which will aid the rehabilitation of the juvenile
• or requiring the offender to do such other act as the family conference thinks appropriate in the circumstances

The entire process is very very punishing. It's unlike the Family Group Conferences which I had conducted before that was aimed to empower family with the help of community resources. I am saddened, truly, to know that our system is one that is punishing and not filled with grace and opportunity to give some young person hope & love. I still stand firm that the only person who could have the power to set examples for a young person is an adult. If a young person go wrong, it is highly due to the wrong decisions made by the adults in their lives. And in such a situation, whose fault is it really?

I am not trying to pinpoint whose fault is whose or play judge here. However, I am indeed sadden that with such a process, how then can the young person have the motivation to change for the better? A young person needs to be nurtured, loved and cared for, not punished.

That being said, I managed to relax a little after being uptight for the longest time in my life (I think). I got 9 hours of slumber. I woke up and reflected my yesterday and I thought that God is humorous. Just when I thought it's either one decision or another, the unexpected surface. In all our preparation, my bosses and I never predicted that the conclusion would be a family conference. Looking at it in the positive light, there is still hope. At the very least, I can assure the family that hope is still there!

I thought to myself, isn't this pretty the same with God - to expect the unexpected? Just when we thought that humankind is a gone-case with sin and all, God chose to make the most unexpected decision - to die for us. I was just thinking back 2000 over years ago, what kind of human would I be like? Whose side would I be standing on? Would I be one of the persecutors or would I be standing by Jesus? And if I were one of the persecutor, would I expect that this man would die for me? Even if I am standing by Jesus, would I expect this man to die for all sins? Like in the bible, Jesus did tell his disciples that His time is up but they thought Jesus was just talking nonsense and brushed him aside.

In the darkest of the night, Jesus was captivated by his persecutors and was hung on the cross. Even the thought of it, cringes me. But SUCH is the love of God, that He chose to do the expected thing. He could have just sat on His throne and look down in dismay but He did not. He was so compassionate and filled with love. He was so filled with kindness and grace. He gave what we did not deserve. For that, I am so eternally filled with gratitude.