Excitment!!!

I am going to be godmummy for the 3rd time!!!! I am announcing it cause it's been announced. Hee... And I am SO excited! Just praying for a healthy bouncy baby. Really doesn't matter what gender (though secretly, I wish for a little girl for me to doll up. Haa!!!)

Now, I gotta be very honest though. I am almost just a godmummy in name. Other than dropping by for visits once or twice a month, pray for them, celebrate birthdays, I really did nothing more. I am so thankful for a best friend who is ALSO very understanding despite my frustration and busyness recently (and she is also not feeling well!!!). Love you dear!

Something I have never done before......

..... is to cancel a dinner with Geo. I had to work.

A week ago, I told Geo that actually, I do have sub-points (above my core point) when I prayed for a partner last time. Not that I prayed consistently but I did tell God that above my core point, is it ok to give me a partner who is NOT working in the same line as me so that we will have more topics to talk about.

Recently, a social worker confided in me that she nearly broke up with her boyfriend because of her work. For her, she does shift so weekends are taken up. Her boyfriend works regular hours on weekdays and sometimes, because of her work, they hardly get to meet up. She shared how difficult it is to have her boyfriend understand her line of work.

Although I know that Geo was a little 'sian' that we are unable to meet, I also know that he will understand the need for me to work today, for the fact that we are in the same line, same ever busy and ever revolving organisation. Haa! I believe that God knows my portion. That said, I also do not want to take the understanding for granted. Better to treasure than to lose. Thanks dear... :)

Reminder

A friend reminded me that my 'job', my 'work' in itself is already a ministry unto God - working on the unsaved, showing compassion to those who doesn't know God.

I got to admit. I have been struggling HUGE, BIG time at work since June. By September, I was almost so sure that I have job-depression. I may, seemingly, look okay to bosses, to colleagues, to families I work with, to kids, but I know I am not okay. Alone, I can feel tears well in my eyes. I know I have struggled before. However, this time, my struggle is different. Previously, I know that despite the struggle, I still want in. This time, I have doubts of my capability, I have doubts if I really want to do it, I have doubts if I have wisdom to do it. Basically, you can say that I have doubts if I am really a vessel for God for the kids. I guess not only in a spiritual sense but I am also craving for a little bit of a normal life - have my weekends, have my nights, have a bit more time for myself (be a little selfish, you know???)

God has His own way of speaking to me, renewing me and I must say that slowly and surely, I am rebuilding my confidence and returning to the river that never runs dry. I figured that I can't get dried or burnt out if I remain near my source of water.

"He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:8

Habit

I have come to realize that I am such a creature of habits.

For the 5th time, I went to Fu Lin Yong Tau Hoo at Siglap and immediately I headed for the Cheesecake Shop for a drink and cheesecake.

I have come to realize recently that I am really a habitual person. If I go to Raffles City food court, it will be beef noodles I go for. If it's Northpoint, it will be Nasi Padang. Kallang place would be Chicken Rice. Not as if I tried everything from that food joint until I narrow down to one particular dish.

There will be a routine when I return home. The things I do, can almost be predictable. Even Spanner, my black yorkshire has a routine! When I return home, he will run to the main door and welcome me. After which, he will jump up my bed and sit upright. He'll wait for me to put my bag down, take my watch and ring out and then walk over to stroke him. He will then turn on his back and let me 'sayang' his stomach. At the word "Ok!", he will jump up and that 1-min of bonding is over between us.

Honestly, I think I do not like my 'schedule' to be disturbed. I will feel 'mang jang' (frustrated). When things are not within my control, I can feel so.... Helpless (for the lack of a better word) Yes, this bit is just the boring & routined & control-freaked me.

Out of operating theatre

Thank you all for your well wishes & smses. My car visited the day surgeon for a day and it's out of the operating theatre looking as good as new. I am suffering just a little from the after shock and am rebuilding my confidence in driving. The pain in my stomach - as my colleague said - is a result from the shock. Haa!!!!

Safe

"God, am I meeting you so soon?" - My first thought when I was swerving my car left and right, and left and right.

My 'masterpiece'

I was getting to work early in the morning before daybreak and the road was very wet. I was at a bend from TPE to SLE so I braked to slow down. I remembered vividly that I was travelling at 52km/hr (as shown on the LCD display). However, I noticed my car was slightly to the right so I tried to position is more to the left. When I turned the steering wheel to the left, ALL OF A SUDDENLY, my steering wheel came alive!!!!! I turned slightly left and it went almost a full left. I had, then, to turn it right to straighten it and it went a full right!!! It's as if I had oil in between my wheel and the road. (well, granted that it's also a rainy day). It's like ding dong from left to right for at least 3 - 4 times when I finally did a U-turn on the spot and WHAM into the wall (or whatever that's called). That's probably the rare times that one can hear me scream. In that split second, I thought that I am going to meet God soon.

For awhile later on, I was stunned. I made a call to AA to ask for towing services. Then while dialing & waiting, I calmed down a little and thought that I (my car) might not need towing. Might as well get out of the flyover first. Settled all my duties at work, got my colleague to cover me and I finally sent it to the workshop at about 5pm. The mechanic said "Wah... This is BAD!!!!" and I grimaced and forced a smile out.

My savings damage = $200. Other than that, I am absolutely thankful! For some apparent reason, I prayed for journey mercy this morning before I left.

Masterpiece

I have always gone for musicals & symphonies. Today, I went for a bass concert - The Thunder Tour - performed by Stanley Clarke, Marcus Miller and Victor Wooten.

Technicalities aside which I cannot comment, I enjoyed their performance. For someone not musically trained, the 3 bassists, 1 drummer and 1 keyboardist are SO skillful (especially the bassists!) Man! I came to a conclusion that people can communicate through music!!! Music talks!! All types of feelings could actually be portrayed through a piece. Amazing and breathtaking.

I am impressed not by their talents but how through their talents and strengths, they work as a team to create a wonderful piece. Just like in my CG or workplace, I see that as the core team work closely together, we can bring the team to a greater height. As we work on using individual strengths, build on it, the outcome can be a masterpiece!

Be Still and Know that I am GOD!

I was driving home (again) and all of a sudden, the verse from Psalms 46:10 rung out to me "Be still, and know that I am God;....." BE STILL and know that I am God!!!

Life in Singapore is busy busy and STILL busy. Ask anybody 'how's life' and 90% of the answer is 'Yeah.. Fine, been busy.'. I got to admit both arms waving in the air that that's me too! Ask me and I would probably tell you 'I am fine. Just been very busy at work that's all.'. How light that sounds heh? In actual fact, life in Singapore can get quite hectic. It is common to have meetings or projects back to back. I am in a job that requires quite a bit of travelling or in the Home itself filled with meetings or home visits. Sometimes, due to lack of time, things are arranged back to back (and in the end, exhaust myself). Haa!

I was travelling along the highway and it was jammed. I was edgy, frustrated and angry (especially after having to break a fight between 2 boys). Suddenly, a voice within me told me to be still. I questioned back "How to be still? Hello.. This is a major jam! I am tired and I want to go home.". "Be still" was the reply.

I came back to read the whole passage and this Psalms talk about the victory over a war, a deliverance. It speaks volumes about Faith. Faith in divine sovereignity, faith in divine help, faith even in natural catastrophes.

As I was driving to work this morning, I was filled with great fear (never felt so fearful before) & great great hesitation. I decided to pray and I was reminded on God's victory when the Israelites entered the promise land. In the evening, I was reminded that the only reason why a person need to be still is when a person is in turmoil, is edgy, is filled with anxiety. Isn't it contradictory that it's REALLY those moments that we need to be still-er than ever before? I guess it's God first and emotions second.

Ministered

One way one can refreshed oneself is to keep praying the truth and proclaim God's goodness - No matter whether you feel like it or not.

Yesterday when I was driving, I started praying. Although I wasn't in the mood, I wasn't able to see a big picture, I feel a little lost in focus, I told myself that I still want to pray. I didn't know what to pray so I just keep proclaiming how good God is.

I must have been ministered. Unknowingly, tears just flow. It wasn't tears of sadness. Nothing has changed. My situation is still the same. I am still unable to see a big picture, nor am I more focused. But I know something has taken place, there seemed to be a divine exchange inside my little black car.

I want to write more but I will stop here. Too much has happened to even blog about it.

To Hong Kong and back

Been to Hong Kong and back and it feels SO refreshing to be uncontactable. Although I could check my work emails, all I did was to forward it to my colleague to help me to follow up.

In February, I had already planned to visit Hong Kong somewhere end September or early October (together with Wendy. Intended to visit before she start her work placement or after her work placement). Looked at the church calendar and realized that the Leader's Conference (LC) will be held in HK and it's opened to members! Never been to a LC before and thought the whole thing was really timely. Personally, I am already feeling quite jaded and at a crossroad of deciding if I should stay on (at Residential Social Work) or to move on. So like what Hong Teck said "Drained... Need drainage" and the best drainage I have is Jesus.

The LC was quite an eye opener for me. It was warm seeing members from various part of the world coming together. I thought "So this is what it means to be a Family of God" and this is just the Hope family. Not forgetting the bigger picture of a Family of God with other Christ followers too!

I attended the workshop conducted by Michael Santoso "Moving in the spirit" and was prayed for my gastric. Praise God! I do not feel anymore pain after 2 hours! On the same evening, I also witnessed God moving and healing at least 3 sisters of their hearing impairment.

That first evening at the LC, Torche (Hope Brisbane) led P&W. I was late and seated right at the back and couldn't see the stage. However, that voice was SO distinct that I knew straight away that it was Torche. I came back to God in Hope Brisbane in 2001 and that first time that I attended Hope Brisbane, it was Torche who led the P&W. Again, that warm feeling overwhelmed me. Okay, I am Mel... :)By God's grace and timing, on the last day, I was seated beside a sister from Hope Melbourne. I was shy so was she but we were asked to pray for one another so we decided to turn to each other, break out a smile and pray we did. That prayer led to sharing and then another prayer. After the LC, I was pretty sure that God still wants me to be His vessel of love and compassion to the lost children in Singapore.

One thing that rang out to me clearly was "I have not cause I asked not.". In the busyness and the complication at my workplace, I started to take things into my hands and work based on my own knowledge and my own strength. I remember 3 years ago when I started Social Work, I kept praying for God to anoint me with love and compassion. 3 years later, that prayer just automatically stopped, forgetting that God is the head of my job and career.

I went with 2 objectives - To be refreshed & for God's direction in the area of my work. I was indeed refreshed and directed.Okay, like said, this trip was planned since February. After LC, I made my way to Lamma Island & Lantau Island & Yuen Long. As HK is HUGE, one day one itinerary is enough to tire us out. Very much want to visit Sai Kung and Stanley but time wasn't sufficient. *sigh*, I prepared 8 days of clothes for 8 days being so sure that I will NOT be shopping. Sadly, it's HARD not to shop in Hong Kong. Before we went to Lantau Island, we got to make our way to Tung Chung for the cable car/bus ride. It's at Tung Chung where most of the factory outlets were. Haaa!!! Well, I was a controlled spender so my damage wasn't all that bad.

There were little moments where I truly enjoyed myself. On the 2nd day of LC, we joined Kat's CG to 深井 for Roast Goose. On the last day of LC, Fen brought us to her aunt's place at Tin Shui Wai for another round of Roast Goose, Roast Pigeons & dim sum. Visited her aunt's place which was SO awesome! The hike at Lamma Island was breathtaking despite it's polluted & foggy environment. I enjoyed Lantau Island - Tai O for their simplicity. It was also at Tai O that I paid only HKD20 for a boat ride out to see dolphins! I am most amazed at the simple faith of the older folks like Fen's aunt and mum. I remember slurping my beef noodles and thinking to myself that when I am old, I will still choose to serve God! Well, like mentioned, before setting off to HK, I was really quite caught up in my own life - mainly work & family - that I didn't really had the time to spend with friends. So to me, this trip is also a wonderful way of refreshing my friendships with people around me.

Okay, enough said. Anything more and you would be bored. I have like 800 over photos but chosen 5 of the 'best' + 1 from Junming.

Elaine from Hope Melbourne. Looking at her gives me the vibes of temptation to chop my hair off. Haa!

Dim Sum at Tin Shui Wai

Lamma Island

Lantau Island, Tai O

Love

Lengthy.... But nice. :)

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I
know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends.
Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse.
You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and
spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling"
in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of
that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then
something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years
of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship.
Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always
welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you
nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage,
you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a
much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as
you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire
that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse
for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes
people turn to work,a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying
that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you.
You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the
expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly,
it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do
(with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your
relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and
apply the laws, the results are predictable. ..you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision".. . Not just a feeling .

Stepping into the moccasin of another person

I love Vanilla magazine. It is probably the only magazine that I will spend my money on. Well, it comes with a whole load of advertisements and product selling but it gives very down-to-earth interviews and inspiring stories equipped with refreshing quotations every other pages. It often never fail to wow me, sometimes even to tears.

The September 2008 was no exception. September is Teachers' Day so Vanilla paid tribute to the teachers and made a cover story on one teacher. I love her reply to one question:

Q: In your work today, what remains most important to you?
A: I believe everyone is gifted. And art is a wonderful way to show this........ when I teach art now, I tell my kids it's ok if they paint a tree orange, as long as they can explain their thought process to me. It could be autumn! What's important to me is that.... they know how to reflect and ask why.

I think this is a living example of letting go and giving a child to voice their opinions. There is no absolute wrong.

A child in my Home threw his temper and started using vulgarities. When he was calmed, I found out that he felt very disappointed when his family did not visit him during the weekends. When I was faced with the vulgarities at me, it is really very easy to judge, take total control and "slap" the boy with rules - "You cannot be rude.". However, am I able to step back and appreciate his thought process and behavior??????

Faithfulness

I managed to catch the show Wall-E. A show about a robot, Wall-E, who was clearing up the mess of a dying earth. Then came another robot named Eva. And oh, Wall-E has a friend, a cockroach. Eva's mission is to return to earth to find "life". Found a green leaf and she returned back to space to report that earth is ready for living again!

It's humorous and speaks volume about loving unconditionally. Actually, it's almost a replica of the story of Noah who sent a dove out to check if the flood has gone down.

Life and sustainability aside, what struck me the MOST was the faithfulness of the cockroach, the friend of Wall-E. Wall-E disappeared to space with the purest intention to save his beloved, Eva and the cockroach just waited at the same spot waiting for Wall-E to return. Gosh, what joy! I do not know what about it that touched me so but recently, I was chatting with someone and that person commented that every good things will be presented to you, so long as you are faithful.