Happiness

A week ago, I received news that a close friend is choosing the route to go on separate ways with the partner. It shook me quite a bit as I could feel the ambiguity that the both are going through. A bit of disappointment, a spoonful of pain, a tad of unwillingness and a pinch of doubt, both thinking that perhaps a separation will lead them to happiness. As much as I would have loved for both to work the issues out, ultimately, I recognize that it's a choice that the couple has to make and commit to.

Today, I had the privilege to be the wedding emcee for Mark & Lan Sim's. Their leader gave the exhortation for the couple and explained what the marriage vow is all about. As he was talking, I was thinking of what marriage meant to me. I think for two very different people to come together, it takes more than just love. Indeed, love is the very essence that kick start every relationship but not every love relationship ends up in marriage. It needs effort and a committed heart, it needs faith & trust, it needs humility and ability to say "I am sorry". Today marks a very special day where two of my friends covenanted to stay committed to each another.

Just a few days back, a child asked me "How can I be happy?".

Happiness. This is such a huge word to me all of a sudden. The pursuit of happiness is something almost in-born in all of us. When we were a baby, a milk bottle suffice and that's happiness. When we start our education, a good grade is happiness. When we work, a promotion is happiness. When we get married, an understanding spouse is happiness. When we have children and they do well, that is happiness. When we grow old and our children takes care of us, that is happiness.

Is it? Are those the very essence of happiness? What if we don't get our milk or good grades or promotion or an understanding spouse or children, do we not have happiness?

Jesus said in John 15:11 encouraging us to stay connected to Him "I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that you joy may be complete."

Thank you mummy... :)

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts.... A mother has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child. - Sophia Loren

A quote my ED sent out just now. I thought of the extend of a mother's love.

This week is the start of school and I had the privilege of staying overnight on Sunday. I woke up not-so-bright and not-so-awake on Monday morning 4:30am. Hassle the kids (6) off to the bathroom, prepared Milo, spread bread, made sure they eat fast enough, ensured uniform is straight, socks, shoes, bag, etc etc etc. Finally, grab their little tiny hands and hassle them up the bus.

I was in charge of bringing my P1 girl to her school for her first day. She was silent, though smiling throughout. However, just before she stepped through the main gate, she tugged my hand and said "Sandra, I scared.....". I had to assure her not to worry. It's going to be 6 hours at most and I will be there waiting for her at the gate. As it was her first day at school, I brought her to the General Office to find out which class she will be in. When she found out that her Social Worker, ME, was negligent, she was SO ecstatic!!! P1 classes are in the afternoon!!!!!

After fetching the girl to school, again, I went to another school to discuss about how to support another kid, A. I left the school feeling heated up thinking that if I ever want to send my children to school in future, I better have a talk with the Principal of the school first. No offense to anyone... But in that meeting, I felt that whoever the Principal, whatever the principles and values that the Principal holds on to, determines how the school is run.

2nd day, I decided to fetch A to school wanting really to support her. Not a morning person, I forced myself out of bed at 5am. After school, fetched her back.

It didn't go on for too many days and today is already the 5th day of the new term. Everyday, I have new & exciting moments.

On my way home today, I had my reflective moment and I joked with God that He is preparing me way too early for motherhood! Jokes aside, I really really thank God for my mother. As I prepared the kids for school throughout the week, I thought back of those days my mother woke up really early to spread my bread, prepare 2 half boiled eggs and Milo. I remembered there was one occasion when my mother specially took leave to cook for my meals so that I can study for my exams. I disappointed her greatly when she found that instead of studying, I had an Archie comic book hidden in camouflage of my History textbook.

Truly, such is the extent of the love of a mother and I have but a slight glimpse of it.

ACE

I attended a 3-day workshop on the Attachment Theory and the one principle that I was refreshed by is ACE - Accept, Curious and Empathy.


I realized that often when someone share their problem or issues in life with us, we tend to focus so much on the problem. Sometimes, as the person share, we may process it in our mind and very often, our first reaction is basically to react. Give solutions or think of similar incidents in our own life and thus advice based on our own victory.

*Confession: I do fall into such category sometimes, if not most of the times!*

I was reminded how people are unique and individual. I wouldn't like to be compared so I shan't compare. I would love to be heard so I do my best to hear. I would love if someone can empathize along with me, so I do my best to accept what I am hearing.

Recently, I have this new case and as I advocated strongly for the child, the parents felt unsupported because whatever is for the child, is against the parents. I nearly fall into the trap of a shouting competition when I used ACE. It worked miracles! When the parent saw that I am accepting and empathizing what was said, tension left the the situation immediately. As I got curious, the parents started to share even more than what I expected.

Listening is an art that one will never stop learning throughout one's lifetime. It's something we have to be self aware and be conscious about. I have so so so so much more to learn in life.

Choices in life

I was on Channel 5's talk show Behind Closed Doors hosted by Venetta Lopez and today's topic was on Transsexuals.

What really impressed me most was the testimony by this guy who changed his mind just a few hours away from a sex operation change. He shared that he has been a Christian for years and was battling about the Christian stand on gender change. He was led to the verse that goes something like a man is not to wear a woman's clothes and a woman is not to wear a man's clothes. He thought nothing about it cause he says that it still doesn't say clearly and directly about gender change. Just a few hours before, the verse rang in his head again and that was when he received the revelation from God. After which, he divulged that he never regretted the choice after 24 years and he has very much dealt with the inner issues. He left a challenge stating that often times when anyone feel that it could be an inborn trait, we are still left with a choice. Exercise wisdom

I am impressed by his declaration of God's presence in his life.

What if???

I am now at Numbers looking into the life of Moses and I am simply amazed. He started from a young reckless prince standing up for his own people, gave up his princehood and became a shepherd in a foreign land. He then took on the call from God despite his inadequacy, trusted in Him and allowed Him to lead.

I sat at my work meeting and as I was running through my cases in my head, I realized that there is so much I had to know in order to help the children. There is a whole range of therapies and theories that can be put into practice and it's almost impossible to find time to even do any quality reading. I would think that I actually had an anxiety attack for a moment and as fast as the cases were running through my mind, the verse stating "Be still and know that I am God" came suddenly too.

As Moses led the Israelites out, the promise of God was that He WILL be with them every second - A pillar of cloud to guide them in the day and a pillar of fire to give them light. I was almost envisioning the clouds in my mind and soon, I heard a loud thunder, jolting me back to reality.

Excursion

I felt like some excited little kid yesterday. After being together for nearly two months, Geo & I finally decided to dine out - for our second time.

Dine out to me would means that it's not rushed, it's not in between meetings, it's not time spent over 4-5 train stops, it's not like a 9pm-dinner at my place or his.


And so, I was like a little kid going on an excursion. No wonder my kids were SO excited pulling me each time I bring them out for an outing, even if it's just a medical appointment.

Recently, I have been deciding between being a Caseworker or a Care & Guidance Worker for the Home. I have more or less decided in my heart and mind but the confirmation came when my boss affirmed me that casework is my strength.

Brokenness

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken & contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. Psalms 51:17.

This was the verse that was stuck in me for the last 4 days during the Adults Camp at Shah Alam.

I went to this year's church camp totally with no set objective other than to rest. However, on my way there, I told myself that I'm not going to simply waste 4 days just resting so I set another objective - To be renewed.

Other than rest, I really need renewal from God. I felt like a runner being able to see the finishing line YET being unable to find anymore strength to move forward. I went to the camp with huge burdens. I went to the camp with a heart that's heavy.

When my roommate and I had a small "debrief" of the camp on the third night, I shared with her that it's a gradual refreshment that I received from God. We had a good laugh when she saw how "Grrrrr" I was during the first night & the radiating difference on the third day. I thank God for a friend, like her, who is able to speak into my life & correct me when I am not in the right of way.

Indeed, if there is one thing I learn throughout this camp is simply to let go of our burdens to God. Answers and solutions are not dropped down from heaven instantly but that weariness & heaviness will be lifted. A broken & contrite heart, God will never despise.

My favorite top 5 photos are:

Encouraging one another

Army of God

I FINALLY managed to grab him!

I really love this picture with Nel. Shows our best asset - High foreheads. Hee!

Camps these days are HUGE. So huge that it was hard trying to find Geo in the midst of the campers. Best part? Our rooms were just opposite one another. Hahaha!!!