See you in awhile...

*Pssst* Not that I do not want to blog. I do. However, my home PC is in ICU right now. Bye for awhile...

Mummified

So there I was standing in front of a form teacher of my girl. She asked my girl "You ready?". Girl replied yes and she said "Congratulations, you passed!" Girl was so happy, she turned & hugged me, jumped non stop, grinned from ear to ear, hugged mum.

Went over to my boy & he was crying because he was afraid to know his results. Finally after a long wait, he jumped with joy, knowing that he passed.

Today is the release of the Primary Six Leaving Examination (PSLE) results. I walked them to their school. The girl, excited. The boy, anxious. The girl walked real fast. The boy walked 10 steps, walked backward 9 steps.

As I sat in the hall awaiting for the principal to finish her speech, my girl kept turning back to make sure that I was there. I kept a smile on my face but deep inside, honestly, I was just as nervous.

After the results, sat down with them to discuss which secondary school they should go to, do all the necessary paper work, etc.

Hmm, is that how a mummy would feel?

Contrast

I was on video call with Nelson just now & that was how I was like throughout - Hand stuck to my face. Hee.. concerned, he asked me why I was so "xian" (aka bored or down). I really can't find an answer cause I am really fine. Just one of those days really. As I will be away for the weekend, I've to ensure that everything goes on fine, appointments all made, parents all called, arrangements arranged.

Anyway, my dear friend took a photo of me looking really bored. In contrast, he sent me another photo where I was happily slurping down my Mango pudding!

Lars & the real girl

I really did not want to miss this show so I went to watch it after work today. Turned out to be a highly fantastic show. (Disclaimer: By my own standard) By the critic's definition, it's a comedy. By my definition, it's really more than a comedy.

Lars' mother passed away when he was very young (or by birth). Elder brother, Gus, ran away when he couldn't handle their father & father did not seemed to raise Lars up well. When Gus returned to take over the house, Lars was already living in the garage like a family dog, as described by Gus. Introverted, heavily laden with huge emotional baggage, he grew up into a man filled with pain, unable to get close to anyone for fear of abandonment and/or loss. One day, Lars introduced his girlfriend, Bianca to his brother & sis-in-law, Karin. Only that Bianca is really a life-sized doll. With very strong encouragement from Karin & family doctor (who diagnosed him with Delusion), everyone in the town agreed to play along with him, treating Bianca as if she is a real human. Everything was staged by Lars, from Bianca having an illness to Bianca being unconscious to her death. During which, when Bianca was about to die, the community come together to share life with him, share about how losing someone is like, etc. Soon, when he was ready to let go of his own pain, Bianca died.

For me, it's a show filled with deep deep inner emotions. Letting go. Letting go is often the hardest thing to do. Your heart flutters & beat erratically, your mind is in a turmoil, you want to go left yet every part of your being turns right. Getting to sleep is hard cause something is interrupting. Soon, you drift into sleep & next day, when you wake up, you wake up to the emotion & again, it's a one day cycle.

I certainly have not gone through abandonment or a great loss but I recently learned a thing or two about letting go. "Letting go" (to me) is about looking face to face at the situation & confront it. However, then I realize that not every situation can be confronted and so, to me, it's about making the choice to tell God everyday "God, I give it to you."

*Oh*... NOTHING to worry about.. I am not going through huge hurdles in life. Hee..

Nostalgia

Music always has her way of bringing one back in time. At least, she has her way of transporting me back.

I took out my CD bag & took out one of my favorite CD to listen. It instantly brought me back in time. Memories of my past flashed me by reminding me of the various people who has walked into my life. Some stayed. Some left. Some imprinted deep footprints. Some forgotten. Some who has hurt me deeply. Some whom I have hurt deeply.

Life. She really have a whole bag filled with ironies for us. Yet, it is really through the various ironies in life that makes me who I am today.

These days, I am feeling really melancholic & deep in thoughts. The minute I took off my "working cap" after work, immediately, I went into my "deep thoughts" mode. Very soon, unknowingly, I reached home.

1 Corinthians 10:13

1 Cor 10:13
No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

It's funny how you wake up & felt as if a huge nightmare has happened. Only that, in reality, you know that when you wake up, the bugging issue is still bugging at you.

Hee... reminded me of Hong Teck's lesson - Terminating Things that Bugs you!!

Online Shopping

Here I am, 6:30am, totally awake & shopping online with Ms J at US. Shopping online is a torture really. You can see but you can't touch, you can't try. Especially also when there is an exchange rate to take note of. Best part, you simply just have to have faith in the friend buying it on your behalf.

Did overnight duty last night. Tucked 3 little ones in & found myself having to settle a spat in the other room. Finally, found my way to my fold-able bed in the 3rd room & had slight problems getting them to sleep. They were talking, blabbering, teasing & laughing. Two hours lying on VERY soft spring bed, staring at the ceiling & I still can't get to sleep. Bed too soft, back too aching. The kids somehow keep having the need to go to the toilet.

Woke up at 5:30am to get 6 kids up & about to go for the Run for Love Carnival organized by Adidas. Colleague came at 6:30am to pick them up & now, I am left with 5 little kids. Helped 3 to bathe & got all 5 to have their breakfast with much pain. Finally got them to clear the mess in the kitchen, clean their room, do their laundry & sat them down for cartoon - Mickey Mouse!! Thank God I bought some cartoons & left it in my office! Well, only 3 really like to watch cartoons. 2 went to play "bluff-bluff". Barely afternoon & I am feeling really really absolutely sleepy already. Basking in this moment of being alone in the office with no kids for awhile before I even think of lunch. I wonder if that's how it's like being a mummy.

Yesterday, I had a parent who was complaining how expensive things are getting. We are beginning to see a rise in the prices at supermarkets, food centres & things in general. It's like the rise of 2% in GST started in July but the full blown effect is like now. It's been not easy with things increasing & wages maintaining at the same rate.

Peace-Maker

One of my HAPPIEST moment
- Happened not too long ago when a professional from MCYS commended that what I was doing with my kid was actually a therapy - of which I do not know! She was surprised that I was only in my new dept for 5 months. She thought I have been working with kids the whole of my life. When she said that, I said a prayer and thank God for giving me great favor at work & leading me to a job that's in sync with my gifting.

One of my ANGRIEST moment
- Happened not too long ago also. I was very frustrated when a school is not cooperating to help alongside for my kid. It's really frustrating when the Home is doing everything they could to help a child but the school is not willing to. Schools are usually the best place to teach a child social etiquette & social norms. I was really angry - to the point of tears.

Last night, I met up with a friend at Villa Bali for a meal. Updated our current life & somehow, towards the end, we questioned each other on our most embarrassing, angriest, happiest & moment. (Hehe.. I shall NOT share my most embarrassing moment).

On my way back, I was thinking that my workplace has indeed a learning place for me. Given me last time, I doubt I will stand up & speak for myself, lest for someone. Naturally, I am really someone who is quite peace-lover, not a peace-maker.

Matt 5:9 says "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." It did not hit me till about a year back that we are called to make peace & not just to love peace.

Serving God

I was once again scanning the film negatives to jpeg pictures & I saw a few nice pictures of me and sis & ex-shepherd along with the many others of me and my church friends in Brisbane.

Suddenly, I recollected my ex-shepherd's encouragement to me before I went home (Singapore). She told me, paraphrased "God is the same everywhere. It doesn't matter where you are serving God - So long as you serve Him with all your heart and soul."

As much as I miss the times in Brisbane, I am more excited about what God has in stored for me for my future.

Perks

During this period of time, friends have commented how very blessed I am.

You see, I do have perks in my job. As my kids get blessed with tickets from various companies or individual volunteers, I really do get to go places. Recently, I brought my kids to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Singapore Discovery Centre. Today, I brought them to Wild Wild Wet. 2 days later, we got tickets to a play "You are Special" & 1 Dec, there is an invitation to Scrooge Musical. If I am not wrong, in total for the month of Nov & Dec, we have 5 parties planned for the kids.

Personally, I really appreciate all these little perks. If not for the kids, I doubt I will actually even have visited Singapore Discovery Centre. Enjoying outings is just one minor excitement in my worklife.

Another thing that really excite me are life trainings. A "judge" when kids quarrel. Once in awhile, I get to be a "stone", standing in the middle when one kid start chasing another. I do sometimes get to be the babysitter when everyone is enjoying & the little ones can't play. Oh!! For the first time in my life, I got to learn how to change diapers & even learn how I can toilet train a child. Playing a "mother" or "jiejie" role to kids has made me learn one important lesson - Setting a good example.

I've learned that a child's life is really a book with blank pages. The adults help contribute the the child's life story. Everyday is a learning day for a child. Today, a child may have done something right. If the adult caught it in time & complimented the child, the child feels good & will repeat the good deed. If a child did something wrong & the adult closes his/her eyes, then the child will interpret "O, this means OK to do.". Children always observe & learn FAST. Just a week ago, had a new young kid. Came in not speaking a word. Now, the language spoken, action displayed is that of the older kids.

I often wonder - This is work. What will life be like when I have my own kids? What kind of parent would I be? May God lead me as He is guiding me now.

P.S. I know you guys out there must be thinking what an enjoyment going to different places right? Trust me, I slept in the first half of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. I was SO tired ferrying kids, playing mummy & jiejie. Heehee... I think, it's time for some foot massage again.

Technology

WOWEEEEEee!!!! Yesterday, I "stole" my sister's webcam, set it up & had a video session with Jan. However, something was missing badly cause can see, cannot talk.

And so, today, I went to buy a cheap $7.00 mic & woweee!!! I finally decided to install Skype. Now, life is SOOOO fun... I wonder why I delayed for such a long time. Ya ya.. Jan is calling me a lazy bum now.

*Tech-idiot*

Love, Grace & Mercy

Psalms 63:3-4
"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. I will praise you as long as I live, and in your name I will lift up my hands."

I woke up feeling refreshed this morning. During today's P&W session, I thought I saw my life flashed me by & I was filled with deep gratitude. I was in awe of God's love, grace & mercy in my life.

A better person

Saw this poster lately. Thought it was a very apt reminder... :)

I do not wish for this to happen... but I am sure this is something some of my friends hear from me lately. Er, my friend, you know who you are, I will work towards being a better friend! Will meet you during your one week break...

Gifts!!!!!

Yay!! It's the holiday & I can finally do what I promised Carol to do - Blog the lovely things she bought for me from her trip to Taiwan & Bangkok. *Don't be envious* Heehee...

As you can tell, I really do not need to buy clothes for a long long long long LONG LOOONNnNNnG time. Not only was I blessed by my sister but also a friend who went for holidays. Bought me 2 tops & a huge packet of Pistachios!!!!

Er, not gonna blog too much. Holiday means to be away from my PC. Bye!!!

111

Yesterday I took 111 heading back towards Alexandra bypassing Orchard at about 11:30pm. I was gazing out of the bus & saw workers hard at work putting up the Christmas decorations on trees & buildings. This morning, I took 111 again heading towards Orchard at 10:00am. Again, I saw workers hard at work with the Christmas decorations & I wonder, again.

Every year, I look forward to the lights up at Orchard Road. No matter how much I detest crowded places, I will make it a point to be there one night just to see the light up. I love the atmosphere.

Somehow, a thought just hit me this morning - I wonder what were the workers feeling or thinking while they were working hard putting up all the deco? Do they know what Christmas is? Do they know this man called Jesus, the only reason for Christmas? I wonder.

Reaction and Reasoning

Once again, I sat at the Family & Juvenile Court wondering. Wondering how does any parent bring him/herself to lodge a Beyond Parental Control on the child.

I was questioned by a mum "Why are children nowadays so naughty?". I wanted very much to tell her straight in the face that how a child grows up is very dependent on what the adults wants to teach him. If the child's neglected at home, naturally he will look for his friends & if his friends are of bad influence, conveniently, he will adopt the bad habits.

Yet another parent was sharing with me about her child. In short, she shared her family life history. She says that she cannot control anymore. He just doesn't listen. She shouldn't have adopted him. I thought to myself "That's as good as losing a battle that could be won." Just the thought of "I shouldn't have adopted him" has negative impact on the child.

I believe in believing in people. Rather, it's not easy believing people (especially if they have done like so many things for you to not trust). However, I strive towards telling myself to believe in others & give chances. (Of course, I get disappointed many times & I get down once in awhile) but that doesn't stop me from learning how to look at a film negative and imagining all the beautiful colors the picture can turn out to be.

Over the past 4 months, I have experience early "motherhood". Children are really very observant bunch of people. Their rate of absorbing is more than that of a sponge! I learn that I have to set an example so that the kids can learn. I experienced a child getting very angry with me ignoring me. However, the child wrote a letter for me telling me why there is anger. After that, I realized that the child is just reacting because I hadn't had the time to spend individual time with him. I thought to myself - If they can react & act up to a social worker, how much more will they react/act up to their own parents/guardians. However, if we, the adults, do not know how to react to that reaction, then, we will lose a wonderful opportunity to educate & nurture them.

Gosh, there is so so much to learn about kids & with kids. So much to be joyful & cry about. So much to learn about myself as well. Life's indeed a journey.