Parent-ified

I have never felt like a parent as much as I have felt in these 2 weeks. In a way, the "pressure" of being the guardian is greater than being a parent. As a guardian, I often ensure that everything is done & that there are absolutely no loopholes. So that, I can be accountable to the parent for whatever that will/may happen to the child.

Lately, I return home wondering "How should I have handle that child better next time?", "Should I have said what I said just now?"

Learning curve is steep.

I have absolutely no idea, to begin with, how to parent a child, lest a teenager. Daily when I wake, I ask God to grant me His wisdom. I get stuck often. Teenagers being fast, I also gotta think fast. My reaction sometimes has to be fast - of which, I struggle.

Having said that, I find the process very enriching. How many singles can actually have the opportunity to learn how to be a parent? Haha!!

One of the greatest thing I learn this week is this: Sometimes, it's ok to be silent. Let the child rattle on, grouse, complain, be angry, throw tantrums, cry, whatever. It's absolutely ok to just remain silent. There actually is no need to jump in to the rescue at all times. After a while, all is forgotten and the child is back to you laughing and asking you if you want to share her chocolate. I am sure that during the child's struggle, he/she have learned something out of his/her experience too. However, I must say that it's NOT easy being silent! Thoughts of giving in flash me by all the time. My heart ached too.

I thought about it and reflected upon my own life & thought "Hey! Perhaps, that's how it's like with God too!" You know la, who doesn't cry out "God!!! Why are you so silent at this point of my low moment????" Have right? Well, I believe, God just want us to learn something with our struggle. My Heavenly Father must have ached for me too. But learn, I must.

Quoting what my leader said yesterday "We all have the different seasons in our life. However, unlike the 4 seasons, the duration of our life-season is dependent on our responses towards God."

Good night.

Perspective

I saw this little kid as one of great leadership potential.
Another saw him as a negative influence on others.
What great differing opinions.

Perspective

I see that life is about perspective.
What lens are we wearing when we look at things?
Looking at strengths?
Or deficits?

= Quoted from Heartlight =

Looking at Things Differently, by Alan Smith

A teenage boy lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the tiny lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."

It is so true that our passion and persistence in doing something will be largely determined by its value in our eyes. For example, evangelism will never be a top priority as long as you see your next-door neighbor as simply a middle-aged guy with a pot belly. When you see him as a
valuable soul whose eternal destiny will be determined by his relationship with God, suddenly things are different.

Do you see your involvement as essential?

If you see your involvement at church as simply cleaning out a baptistry or corralling a herd of 4-year-olds for an hour, you will quickly lose heart. When you see your involvement as an essential element in the building up of the kingdom of God, you will "not lose heart in doing good" (Galatians 6:9 NASB).

So, "Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth" (Colossians 3:2). Looking at earthly things from a heavenly perspective will change the value of things in our mind. And that, in turn, will change how diligently we seek to do the things of God.

---------
(c) 2007 Alan Smith . Used by
permission. This devotional was reprinted from Thought for the
Day <http://www.TFTD-online.com>.

Teared

I told myself never to tear in front of my kids (at work) but today, I can't help it. I teared two times.

Today, I brought my kids for a Children's Day Celebration party. For some very very very good reasons (which I will not disclose), two kids cried very badly. One stopped but the other just kept crying. I have never seen her cry so badly before. She hugged my waist & bawled. The tears are real & more than genuine. The tears out of her are filled with sorrow & pain. As I comforted her for a good 2 hours, in between, I also find myself tearing. I can really sense that sorrow & pain from that little one. Even as she stop crying, I can tell how strong she is, gritting her teeth through the pain.

I shared with a friend. My job has so much more to give me than I could give the job. When I look at my kids, I realized that whatever they had experienced, has matured them beyond. I feel blessed & more than blessed. I could have been that little one but by God's grace, I am not.

An Absolute Darling

She is such an ABSOLUTE darling!

Zonked.

This is what makes my job so satisfying.
Off to bed..! I am absolutely zonked out this week.
Nights!

Let me introduce all over again...

I have 2 dogs. One is Spanner & one is Sparkle. Guess who's who.


Yes, Sparkle is quite self-explanatory the white one. Spanner's the blackie. Both are doted upon terribly. Sometimes, to the extend of being spoilt.

Spanner's birthday's in 5th pr 6th Dec 99 (can't remember too well). Sparkle's birthday's unknown. Basically, he walked into my flat one day & vet said he's pretty much Spanner's age. Both are then technically about 50+ years old - human age. However, both are super active & very much making a racket at home most of the time.

I would say that when Sparkle first came in, Spanner was VERY VERY jealous. One could see that he had to do a slam dunk on Sparkle if that little white one has mummy stroking up. By and by, Spanner followed mummy & Sparkle followed daddy. It's interesting to see, even, how dogs know how to warm up to people for that needed attention.

Last Saturday, I was bitten (quite badly in my dictionary) by Spanner because he was in an ultra bad mood. I brought Sparkle out for a car drive & of all times, mummy brought daddy down leaving Spanner at home alone for at least 1/2 hour. When I came back home, he was berserk-ly barking & followed me everywhere for fear or losing me. But, I had to leave again so I left both dogs at home alone. When I returned home in the night, Spanner was moody & when I tried to sayang him, he bit me. *sigh*...

I was SO very angry & I ignored him. I refused him entry to my room & I refused to stroke him on yesterday morning. When I returned home from my run, he came out to greet me & I still refused to stroke him. Whole day, all he tried was to get me to stroke him. Finally in the night, my heart soften & gave him a hug.

When I returned home from the JUMP - Jesus U Must Praise - concert today at 11pm, I was pleasantly surprised to find 2 dogs still awaiting for me. The minute I opened the door, I heard 2 set of "tick tuck tick tuck tick tuck" rushing out to greet me. Both were jumping madly trying to get my attention, licking me all over. The minute I put down my bag, both were already on my bed waiting for me to sayang them (it has already become quite a routine). & I did. I kissed them, hugged them, sayang them & kissed them some more.

At that very moment, I just thought - I am SO sure that God enjoy it when we keep going to him. When we keep knocking on heaven's door, when we keep worshiping God, when we keep seeking Him, when we go keep adoring Him... I am so sure that He will not ever turn away from us. God is always quick to give, quick to forgive, quick to love... It's a funny analogy. However, in that moment, I just felt that.

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My first run...

I woke up this morning to rain. Rain rain rain... & it made me wonder - Should I carry on with the run later? I decided to still go for it! Basically, I pray that the rain will go to Thailand!! (Joke from Pastor PN yesterday!)

By the time the run started, the rain has already stopped. Had my first windy, cooling & lovely run today - The Terry Fox Run - at Sentosa. The 1st 1km was bad. First, there was the sand. Then, there was the upslope. THEN, there was the downslope. Thanks to the rain, the sand was wet which was ok for a run. But the downslope was rather scary with all the momentum built up.

Anyhow, I had a great run. The weather was great & cooling! Best, it's a run for a good cause - Cancer research.

Guyatt Park & a Little Piglet gift

It HAS to be the presence of my New Zealander trainers who are over here to train us that cause me to miss Brissy so much. Grrrr...

If you ask me, I have returned back to Brisbane after I graduated & the feeling is really different. Being a student there is entirely different from being a working adult. Though structurally, there isn't much changes when I went back the last time, the feeling has definitely changed. I no longer has a place I call "Home" there. My friends are no longer living together with me. I am no longer studying.

Yet, I can't deny that I love reminiscing THE moments I spent there. I miss the greeneries. I miss the simplicity. I miss having the luxury of living beside a huge river cause whenever I am in a Melancholic or frantic mood, the riverside became a fantastic place for me to be quiet & still my heart. I miss the breeze wheezing pass my face when I am on the City Cat (ferry). I miss my secret place that I hang out each time I do not want to cry at home. I enjoy having to see the City Cat go by for it is time for me to stroll to Guyatt Park Ferry terminal & await for the ferry's return. I miss fellowshipping with my housemate. Being so close, I simply pop by her room each time I feel like I need a prayer or just a simple chat. 6pm is always dinner over Simpsons. Over the weekends, I can hear the ice cream jingle from across the river. OH!!! I do miss the old lady staying beside me! Once, she asked me over to fix her stool! Hahaha!! I am really a scenic person. Give me a good scene & I will reminisce the whole day... :)

& I am definitely in a reminiscing mood. While I was in training today, I was drawing the ferry terminal near my flat. This scene (that I drew) was what was etched in my mind years ago. There was this a little girl who was playing by herself & she climbed the railing & nearly fell into the river. She ran to her mummy crying. Mummy did not scold her but held her hand & brought her back to the railing & asked her "Hey, what do you think would have happened if you had fallen in?". Little girl's answer was "I would have been scared & drown. Sorry mummy, I will not do it again."

Very gentle. Very loving. I remembered telling myself then "If that was a scene in my home country, the mother would have yelled & scolded the little girl real bad.."

Laurence Street was my abode for 2 years & I lived in the suburb called St Lucia. :) I wonder if I were to ring the bell now, who would be answering the door? Would the old lady still be there? Hmm..

Today, I came home to a "piggy" surprise!! Every year, my sister surely will buy me a little piglet in a basket. These kind of delicacies come only during the 8th month of the lunar calendar & it's known as the Mooncake festival. I am a lover of mooncake & especially the little "piglet" cause I love flour!!

Choices

I rarely buy CDs lest a Japanese CD. The last Japanese CD I purchased (above) was in 1998 at HMV Heeren for $26. Today, armed with my birthday gift voucher, I made my way to HMV Heeren again.

I walked many rounds. First CD I saw & wanted to buy was Royston Tan's 881 but I decided to walk on. Up Level 3 & Hikaru Utada's First Love (above) caught my eye. It literally called out to me to purchase "her". I was initially a tad hesitant to get First Love but after my sad loss in 2002, I decided to go for it.

I still had some $$$ left from voucher so I decided to look around. This time, I thought maybe I get myself a DVD. Nothing caught my eye until I saw "Crying out love in the centre of the world". Honestly, if you ask me, I know nuts about the show. There isn't even synopsis at the back of the cover but I love the title.

Upon payment, I realized that unknowingly, I have purchased one Japanese CD & one Japanese DVD.

Lately, am thinking of taking up short courses. Wondering if I should take up language courses? If language course, what language should it be then? I have always wanted to take up Japanese language. But in all practicality, taking up Malay would be better. Then I always thought of taking up Salsa but I lack of a partner. (Don't ask me to make friends in class & find a partner). Then again... Maybe rock climbing or abseiling level 1?

Twist & Turn

I nearly screamed at my PC (actually, myself) when I look at my roster for CG!! I know I am worship leading this week cause I swapped with my friend last week. However, I wanted to know who will the chairperson be & guess who??? It's yours truly... *grimace* The last time when I led discussion after not leading since Feb, I kinda missed several heartbeats. I wonder how many more heartbeats will I skip this time.

Today I spoke to my colleague and she asked me if I am fit enough for the dinner date on Wednesday or not. I went "Huh? What dinner date? There's a dinner date on Wednesday meh?" Either time has really stopped for me & I can't catch up or I have early signs of amnesia.

Twist & Turn then *buang* & Sandra falls down!

Time stopped

Tomorrow's 10th September, Monday. That's pretty much about how long time has stopped for me - One week.

I have been "quarantined" at home since last Sunday. I woke up only to look in the mirror & wondered whose left eye was that. Went to see the doc & was diagnosed with eye infection. Every morning, I wake up to an eye that can't be opened due to the discharge. First thing first would be to bathe.

After 3 days, on Wednesday, I found that I no longer can wake up as easily as I used to. My whole body seemed to be taken over by 2 invaders called "high fever" & "headache". Made my way to the doc again & was diagnosed with Tonsillitis.

The 2 invaders stayed on with me till yesterday & refused to budge. Sleeping in the night seemed to be a chore as the pain killer wears out by 3am. Waking up in the morning was terrible. Bathing was *sigh* a feat as I felt giddy. Soon, I realized that everything I eat goes down my throat painful & bitter. Eating then became a feat too! By & by, I ate so that I don't get gastric.

Finally after 4 days, today, I can finally see clearer & head no longer painful. For me, it's rare that I stay at home for such long period of time & it's in these moments that I re-learn again how to appreciate my family. My mum, not only was busy with taking care of my dad, took care of me too. Sister knowing I didn't work bought me breakfast. What touched me most was when my dad said "Haha!! Good la good la... San is finally smiling!"

I have to admit that ever since my dad was discharged from the hospital, things hasn't easy. I struggle between being a filial daughter & being a rebellious one. I am often angry & frustrated as he calls us (my mum most of the time) every other 5-10 minutes. When I am at work, he calls me every other hour. Patience can never be one thing that describe me & I can really flare up too. Yet, I know that my dad is most truthful now. He doesn't hide what he wants & when he doesn't want, he tells you too. When he made that statement, I know that in his heart, he has been longing to see me smile.

Well, as much as I am enjoying too much of free time the past one week, I am also excited to go back to face the challenges at work! Am praying that my left eye's infection will be totally gone by tomorrow, no, tonight!

Virus ATTACK!!!

Was down with a viral infection in my left eye last Saturday night. That's still fine. No fever nor headache nor bad pain. Just a red & swollen & very slight pain in the eye.

Just as things were getting slightly more manageable in my eye, I had to have another virus attacking my throat. Was diagnosed with tonsillitis. Not only was my throat inflamed, I had high fever too. Whole time, I was just fleeting & floating squirming on my bed. When my fever was back, I felt so so cold. When my fever subsided, I felt so so hot.

All in all, in 4 days, I saw the doctor 3 times!!! *sigh* Though I spent not a cent by staying at home, money was spent just on medications. *grrrrrr*

A week long of MC. Never had such a long "medical break" before. Well, one good thing that came out of all this is that I get to really catch up on my sleep & catch up on DVDs. Never had so much time on hand before. Heeeee.... Don't jealous, don't jealous!

Surprise!!

I brought my parents out today early in the morning & dad gave me a lovely surprise. No wheelchair! Everything was settled with the quad-legged walking stick. Praise God!