Realized that this will be the 401st entry since I started this blog. Just making a short entry to take a break for awhile. Meanwhile, I will still be uploading old photos up my Multiply site.
See you guys in a few weeks time. *ciaoz*
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Monday, May 28, 2007
Old friend
Received an sms from an old friend that surprised me. He asked me if I was all right because he hasn't been seeing me online for a long time. Chatted via smses for awhile and made an "appointment" to meet online.
We updated one another on our lives and found that both are dealing with the old age problems. Not ours but our parents and his father-in-law. Sigh.. Then I kenna scolded for not informing him about my dad. Ended the chat with a dinner appointment & the assurance that friends are forever. If there is a need, we could always go to each other.
After the chat, I didn't think too much about it and went to sleep. This morning when I woke up, I kinda "reflected" on the chat and felt that he has changed much. From the guy whom I knew during my polytechnic days, he has changed lots. I felt he humbled lots. I actually felt that his assurance is sincere. Finally after more than a decade, I felt that I could actually share and that I felt that I am listened to.
Looking forward to the catch up - Face to face.
We updated one another on our lives and found that both are dealing with the old age problems. Not ours but our parents and his father-in-law. Sigh.. Then I kenna scolded for not informing him about my dad. Ended the chat with a dinner appointment & the assurance that friends are forever. If there is a need, we could always go to each other.
After the chat, I didn't think too much about it and went to sleep. This morning when I woke up, I kinda "reflected" on the chat and felt that he has changed much. From the guy whom I knew during my polytechnic days, he has changed lots. I felt he humbled lots. I actually felt that his assurance is sincere. Finally after more than a decade, I felt that I could actually share and that I felt that I am listened to.
Looking forward to the catch up - Face to face.
Sunday
Yesterday dad wasn't doing too good thus today, I made the decision to stay at home and help mum out. One of those rare Sundays that I am not in church. Just found that it's more tiring to be at home than to be out. By 1235pm, I was totally bushed and my legs were rather sore. Mum, sis and I do not know what is happening to dad cause suddenly, his right side became painful also. Good thing, tomorrow's the medical appointment.
Come evening, I made my way to City Hall. Too tired to walk, my friend & I decided to cab our way up Fort Canning. Went there an hour earlier to collect my complimentary tickets. Got the 2nd best seats. Very close up to where all the actions were. Just that I will see more faces instead of buttocks if I managed to sit opposite of where I was. No complains though! The play was brilliantly thought up. Nicely conjured and space were creatively used. I really wouldn't mind going a 2nd time only that today is the last day of the show. *smile*
Come evening, I made my way to City Hall. Too tired to walk, my friend & I decided to cab our way up Fort Canning. Went there an hour earlier to collect my complimentary tickets. Got the 2nd best seats. Very close up to where all the actions were. Just that I will see more faces instead of buttocks if I managed to sit opposite of where I was. No complains though! The play was brilliantly thought up. Nicely conjured and space were creatively used. I really wouldn't mind going a 2nd time only that today is the last day of the show. *smile*
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Two Things
Two things that excite my life today!
Amen - Erana Clark
I was stunned that such a beautiful song is found within my iPod. Reminded that my purpose in life is really only that simple - To receive goodness and pass on goodness. Treasure found.
Listen to a sample here.
Amen
Erana Clark
Each morning I wake up to live another day
I give thanks to the Lord above
Get down on my knees and pray
For I know deep inside
That my purpose in life
Is to love and be loved
To forgive, be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Amen
Amen
I bathe in Your presence
I am carried by Your love
Over the sea of forgiveness
To the moon and stars above
Let deep down inside I'm reminded that I
Is to love and be loved
To forgiven and be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Amen
Amen
Let it be done
May Your mercy and grace
Fill every space
On earth as it is in Heaven
Love and be loved
To forgive and be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Love and be loved
To forgive and be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Amen
Amen
Listen to a sample here.
Amen
Erana Clark
Each morning I wake up to live another day
I give thanks to the Lord above
Get down on my knees and pray
For I know deep inside
That my purpose in life
Is to love and be loved
To forgive, be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Amen
Amen
I bathe in Your presence
I am carried by Your love
Over the sea of forgiveness
To the moon and stars above
Let deep down inside I'm reminded that I
Is to love and be loved
To forgiven and be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Amen
Amen
Let it be done
May Your mercy and grace
Fill every space
On earth as it is in Heaven
Love and be loved
To forgive and be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Love and be loved
To forgive and be forgiven
To blessed and be blessed
Forever and ever
Amen
Amen
Role in KOG?
I started to ponder about my role in the Kingdom of God in the area of Missions. Whilst I ponder, I decided to go back to photos - Zambia & Chiang Rai - to jolt back my memory. It's amazing how real these trips are still to me. I could still remember names, places, timeline, etc...
Matthew 28:18-20
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Matthew 28:18-20
Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
Customer Service
I was privileged to be part of a management meeting together with NCSS this afternoon & I get to understand a little more about what we do. One thing that rang in my mind was the word "Customer Service". Being a social worker for only about a year odd, I have not experienced times when my clients or people whom I may have serviced complained about me. So when I heard how complains, though small, may escalate real high, I begin to understand the importance of not only customer service but the ability to humble oneself to apologize if we, indeed, are in the wrong. I am very proud to have a superior who proclaim that she will never ever hesitate IF she had done anything wrong in the process of serving a client.
I believe, that many will agree with me, that apologizing for a mistake made is not easy. It's never easy to say "I am sorry". It requires a humble heart and an open mind. For social workers, it's easy to be high high up there. We can choose to believe that clients will always be a step lower than us. However, if we do a raincheck, perhaps, we would then realize how easy it is also to fall into the devil's trap - Pride.
Lately, I received not 1, not 2, not 3 but 5 chain emails on a durian shop that has overcharged. The original sender was obviously angry. In that email, as much as she focused on how expensive the durian was, I felt that she was obviously very angry with the shop assistant who was rude towards her and friends. That caused me to remember an incident whereby a friend and I decided to treat ourselves to durian (Not that shop that was emailed out). When we chose the durian, the assistant did not tell us how much it cost. When the price was revealed (I forgot), my friend and I had not enough cash! Can't return the durian since it's already opened so we dug out every cent, every dollar in our pockets. The shop assistant was kind and, in his rough way, very gentle. That night, I was able to enjoy the durian extremely. I believe that purchasing a durian at a high price is not an issue for delicacies. However, I do believe the real issue is the service rendered.
The email and the meeting caused me to wonder - What a difference it will be if the service rendered was good? More convicted to give my clients a service that they ought to have.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Conversation with 2 8-year old girls
E & L exclaimed "Hello Teacher Sandra!"
"You know what is my nickname?"
...
...
...
"Teacher Sandra, do you have a boyfriend?" asked E cheekily.
"Noooo....." I answered.
"But you are not young!" exclaimed L.
"How do you know I am not young?" I asked in return.
"How old are you?"
"30", I replied.
Both jaws dropped, shouted "Wah! That is old!"
"OH OH OH!!! I know!! You do not have a boyfriend! You have a husband!" E got excited, jumped while licking her spoon filled with Yami Yoghurt.
"Is it important for me to have a husband?" curious me.
"Well, my mummy is married, my daddy is married, my grandparents are married. I think you should be married too!!" E & L eagerly trying to explain to me.
While the conversation was going on, I was trying to leave actually. Tried by giving a goodbye hug. The hug failed because E noticed I was wearing a beautiful necklace and she exclaimed "HEY!! Who gave you this necklace? Your boyfriend?"
Here we go again... *smile*
A light conversation that makes me wonder - Was I like that at 8 years old? I really don't think so you know? All I knew back then was how to play Pretend with my sister.
That aside, somehow, I don't feel the stress from them as much as I feel from my dad.
"You know what is my nickname?"
...
...
...
"Teacher Sandra, do you have a boyfriend?" asked E cheekily.
"Noooo....." I answered.
"But you are not young!" exclaimed L.
"How do you know I am not young?" I asked in return.
"How old are you?"
"30", I replied.
Both jaws dropped, shouted "Wah! That is old!"
"OH OH OH!!! I know!! You do not have a boyfriend! You have a husband!" E got excited, jumped while licking her spoon filled with Yami Yoghurt.
"Is it important for me to have a husband?" curious me.
"Well, my mummy is married, my daddy is married, my grandparents are married. I think you should be married too!!" E & L eagerly trying to explain to me.
While the conversation was going on, I was trying to leave actually. Tried by giving a goodbye hug. The hug failed because E noticed I was wearing a beautiful necklace and she exclaimed "HEY!! Who gave you this necklace? Your boyfriend?"
Here we go again... *smile*
A light conversation that makes me wonder - Was I like that at 8 years old? I really don't think so you know? All I knew back then was how to play Pretend with my sister.
That aside, somehow, I don't feel the stress from them as much as I feel from my dad.
Missions?
On Friday, we had a District Missions night. It was a combination of NG7 (My new Sub District) with NG5 & NG6.
Choon Yam, my District Leader, showed the clip on Julian, Serene & Delia in Peru. Terry, who came back from Peru shared that when all else failed in Peru, the 5 of them could do nothing but only pray. God open floodgates. Ee Lee shared about her conviction in going over to Chile.
I very much could identify part of Ee Lee's sharing. She shared that over the past few years in her service to the Lord, she has always said "Ok" to missions. However, it's often stuck at just the "Ok" stage till she decided to do something about it. At that moment, I felt very challenged. Not as in a challenge to go overseas for missions. Challenge as in "What am I doing about what I have set out to do?"
It's not about being "jealous" that others are going cause Missions really start from wherever we are. It's about what am I doing about it.
Worth thinking.
Choon Yam, my District Leader, showed the clip on Julian, Serene & Delia in Peru. Terry, who came back from Peru shared that when all else failed in Peru, the 5 of them could do nothing but only pray. God open floodgates. Ee Lee shared about her conviction in going over to Chile.
I very much could identify part of Ee Lee's sharing. She shared that over the past few years in her service to the Lord, she has always said "Ok" to missions. However, it's often stuck at just the "Ok" stage till she decided to do something about it. At that moment, I felt very challenged. Not as in a challenge to go overseas for missions. Challenge as in "What am I doing about what I have set out to do?"
It's not about being "jealous" that others are going cause Missions really start from wherever we are. It's about what am I doing about it.
Worth thinking.
Friday, May 18, 2007
Decision
I have really not been myself lately. It's either due to the lack of sleep or just the lack of the know-hows.
Many has asked me "How is your dad?" and I often do not know how to give the best reply without feeling tears welling. No doubt, I am overwhelmed by helplessness which led to deep deep sense of sadness within me. Some have also told me "You can only do that much. It's really up to your dad's will."
There's a District meeting today which *frankly* I had tendencies of backing out. Lately, I have been in a DND mode. I do not wish to talk much to people (been talking too much). I do not wish to answer questions (not knowing how to answer). And more importantly, I wish to be in my room (hiding). But I do know that being alone all the time does not make matters better! Thus, I made the best decision. That is, to go.
I can't say that suddenly, it's "EuREKA!" for me or I feel suddenly refreshed. But one thing that I felt really challenged is to set aside time and make real effort to pray for my dad COUPLED with faith. Not that I have not been doing but in the midst of events, disappointments set in, faith start to be slightly blurred.
Still holding on to this promise from my 1st memory verse (in my own words): Trusting in the Lord with all my heart and I will lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways, I will acknowledge him, and He will definitely make my paths straight and lighted up.
Many has asked me "How is your dad?" and I often do not know how to give the best reply without feeling tears welling. No doubt, I am overwhelmed by helplessness which led to deep deep sense of sadness within me. Some have also told me "You can only do that much. It's really up to your dad's will."
There's a District meeting today which *frankly* I had tendencies of backing out. Lately, I have been in a DND mode. I do not wish to talk much to people (been talking too much). I do not wish to answer questions (not knowing how to answer). And more importantly, I wish to be in my room (hiding). But I do know that being alone all the time does not make matters better! Thus, I made the best decision. That is, to go.
I can't say that suddenly, it's "EuREKA!" for me or I feel suddenly refreshed. But one thing that I felt really challenged is to set aside time and make real effort to pray for my dad COUPLED with faith. Not that I have not been doing but in the midst of events, disappointments set in, faith start to be slightly blurred.
Still holding on to this promise from my 1st memory verse (in my own words): Trusting in the Lord with all my heart and I will lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways, I will acknowledge him, and He will definitely make my paths straight and lighted up.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Aged?
Was reminiscing last year's Mount Ophir trip with my colleagues. We felt that amongst the 5 of us, 2 have evidently seemed aged (maybe matured or maybe tired or maybe burdened)... The photos can't seemed to tell anything but I do know that when I look at even just a few months ago photos, I feel I've aged. I wonder is it really the looks or is it the mind.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Love in all shapes and sizes
I decided to bus my way to work today. I love the walk to my office if I take the bus. Soothing, calm & relaxing...
While walking, I saw love that comes in all shapes and sizes...
While walking, I saw love that comes in all shapes and sizes...
Sunday, May 13, 2007
My dearest Mummy...
I had a good time of crying a few nights ago and had let off some frustrations. I was doing a read up again on an article with reference to 1 Corinthians 13 and this is what I felt was impressed to me.
It's said in the bible that "The Greatest of these is Love".. Out of faith, hope and love, love is the greatest. Love is permanent and it's God's nature and character to love us. Thus when He sees sin, He grieves. He grieves because He loves us so. Faith ushers us into the Kingdom of God and accomplishes great works but it's love that conquers all. It hit me then (again) that Love is the foundation of all commandments because God is love. The first commandment that was given to us was simply to love God with all heart, mind, soul & strength.
Having Mother's Day coming around the corner, these days, I have been thinking about this thing call love. Looking at how mummy take care of daddy, I truly feel that I pale in comparison. Today's church bulletin says it all for my lovely mummy..
I truly feel with all my heart that mummy's a wife that has a heart of integrity, a character that's noble and worth more than anything and everything in the whole wide world. At least, I know my sis and I will never trade her for any other mummies..
Today, sis and I got Jan to join us for the Theatre - Phantom of the Opera at Esplanade. Last year, mummy saw the advert for POTO and came to my room whilst I was sleeping and whispered to me "Hey San.. POTO is back.." We purchased 3 tickets - Dad, Mum and me. Dad got hospitalized and we sold those 3 tickets and bought 3 more tickets for today in hope that Dad would have improved and is able to go. Unfortunately, hopes dashed. Sis and I were rather upset that parents can't watch it cause we know she has been anticipating for a long long time... (Will just have to make up with a DVD)
I enjoyed myself tremendously. I felt that I understood the play much more as compared to nearly a decade ago. Back then, the play was only a play with super nice songs. Today, somehow, I could nearly feel tears dropping towards the end. I felt very sad for the phantom - who's neither ghost yet he don't seem to consider himself human too. Someone who lives behind a mask. Insecurity, lack of confidence, want to love but dare not love... In retrospect, I do feel that sometimes, we do live behind the various masks we wear. I do feel, though, that the more we try to cover up, the more we can't hide it. *thoughts only*
Poor Jan... *tsk*.. the Phantom must have bored her.. Hahah!
Our first emotional card to Mummy dearest...
OH OH!!! I got a sms from my best friend smsing on behalf of my Godsons.. "Happy Mother's Day - fm Matthew and John"... Put me to shame cause I am one of the worst Godma any kids can have. I haven't seen them in MONTHS!!!! Not even during Matt's birthday... *SOB* I miss them lots... Really wanna a hug from them...
It's said in the bible that "The Greatest of these is Love".. Out of faith, hope and love, love is the greatest. Love is permanent and it's God's nature and character to love us. Thus when He sees sin, He grieves. He grieves because He loves us so. Faith ushers us into the Kingdom of God and accomplishes great works but it's love that conquers all. It hit me then (again) that Love is the foundation of all commandments because God is love. The first commandment that was given to us was simply to love God with all heart, mind, soul & strength.
Having Mother's Day coming around the corner, these days, I have been thinking about this thing call love. Looking at how mummy take care of daddy, I truly feel that I pale in comparison. Today's church bulletin says it all for my lovely mummy..
I truly feel with all my heart that mummy's a wife that has a heart of integrity, a character that's noble and worth more than anything and everything in the whole wide world. At least, I know my sis and I will never trade her for any other mummies..Today, sis and I got Jan to join us for the Theatre - Phantom of the Opera at Esplanade. Last year, mummy saw the advert for POTO and came to my room whilst I was sleeping and whispered to me "Hey San.. POTO is back.." We purchased 3 tickets - Dad, Mum and me. Dad got hospitalized and we sold those 3 tickets and bought 3 more tickets for today in hope that Dad would have improved and is able to go. Unfortunately, hopes dashed. Sis and I were rather upset that parents can't watch it cause we know she has been anticipating for a long long time... (Will just have to make up with a DVD)
I enjoyed myself tremendously. I felt that I understood the play much more as compared to nearly a decade ago. Back then, the play was only a play with super nice songs. Today, somehow, I could nearly feel tears dropping towards the end. I felt very sad for the phantom - who's neither ghost yet he don't seem to consider himself human too. Someone who lives behind a mask. Insecurity, lack of confidence, want to love but dare not love... In retrospect, I do feel that sometimes, we do live behind the various masks we wear. I do feel, though, that the more we try to cover up, the more we can't hide it. *thoughts only*
Poor Jan... *tsk*.. the Phantom must have bored her.. Hahah!
Our first emotional card to Mummy dearest...OH OH!!! I got a sms from my best friend smsing on behalf of my Godsons.. "Happy Mother's Day - fm Matthew and John"... Put me to shame cause I am one of the worst Godma any kids can have. I haven't seen them in MONTHS!!!! Not even during Matt's birthday... *SOB* I miss them lots... Really wanna a hug from them...
Saturday, May 12, 2007
A Beautiful Day
12-May-2007 marks Guessie and Yang Kim's big day. It also mark my "not-so-small" day. Never have I been so flustered, so lost, so scary and so many other mixed feelings. Being a wedding coordinator, it's a tough job (for me). Other than trying to look good, calm and composed, my heart was fluttering like a fish out of water. I was so afraid that something go wrong and it's a WEDDING!!! All in all, it is a beautiful day. More photos here (compliments from my "stalker", Jan.
God is Still faithful though I am faithless
1 Corinthians 10:13
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."
Thursday, May 10, 2007
牵我的手
Somehow, whenever I hear this song 牵我的手 (Hold My Hand), a Hokkien song, I get a tad sad. This song always link me to a friend whom I often see as my sharpener. Life took a few turns and changes and I hardly hear from my sharpener anymore. I guess it's sad also because this person has really been a sharpener to me, a reflection, someone whom I can see my mistakes visibly. Someone who dare to challenge me to think beyond, someone who always believes in me, someone who listens (sometimes), someone whom I hardly speak to now.
Perhaps, I am still slow in adapting to changes in life. It's been a long time that I have this feeling that there is a need to let go of a friendship. (Although I do understand the bit about "Once a friend, forever a friend") The last time I teared was when my best friend got married! Hahaha!
牵我的手
Hold my hand, my Lord
Please do not leave me
I still need to walk this road
I need you to keep me company
Perhaps, I am still slow in adapting to changes in life. It's been a long time that I have this feeling that there is a need to let go of a friendship. (Although I do understand the bit about "Once a friend, forever a friend") The last time I teared was when my best friend got married! Hahaha!
牵我的手
Hold my hand, my Lord
Please do not leave me
I still need to walk this road
I need you to keep me company
Please do not leave me
Sometimes I am scared
Sometimes I do not know how to walk
Sometimes I cannot hear your voice
Hold my hand
Please keep me company
So that my footsteps are stable and secure
Walk right up to your door
And hearing your voice
Telling me to enter your presence
Hold my hand, my Lord
Please do not leave me
I still need to walk this road
I need you to keep me company
Hold my hand, my Lord
Please do not leave me
Sometimes I am scared
Sometimes I do not know how to walk
Sometimes I cannot hear your voice
Hold my hand
Please keep me company
So that my footsteps are stable and secure
Walk right up to your door
And hearing your voice
Telling me to enter your presence
Hold my hand
Please keep me company
So that my footsteps are stable and secure
Walk right up to your door
And hearing your voice
Telling me to enter your presence
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
"J.O.Y.
.... that is down in my heart, deep deep down in my heart!"
I have known this song since a little girl and I always love it when I was young. I remember back 20+ years ago, I asked my Sunday School teacher "What is Joy?". Honestly? Seriously speaking? To be frank? I cannot remember what was the answer already. Hahaha... I cannot even remember who was the Sunday School teacher!
Now older & hopefully wiser, I believe that joy is a conviction. A conviction in believing that God is my source of Joy.
I have known this song since a little girl and I always love it when I was young. I remember back 20+ years ago, I asked my Sunday School teacher "What is Joy?". Honestly? Seriously speaking? To be frank? I cannot remember what was the answer already. Hahaha... I cannot even remember who was the Sunday School teacher!
Now older & hopefully wiser, I believe that joy is a conviction. A conviction in believing that God is my source of Joy.
Love is Patient
In the love letter that God has given us in 1 Corinthians 13, the very first description of Love is: Love is Patient.
I always thought that as long as you love someone, patience just come along with it. I thought wrong.
I gotta admit that patience has NEVER been a virtue of mine. It takes lots of courage and energy for me to say "It's ok. I love this person thus I will see past the imperfections/wrongs/etc.".
When I look at my sister and mother and best friend, I felt that I failed quite a bit in this area. Being a quick tempered person, learning how to be patient and giving takes a whole lot out of me. That said, this virtue is still one thing that I want to attain.
Praying.
I always thought that as long as you love someone, patience just come along with it. I thought wrong.
I gotta admit that patience has NEVER been a virtue of mine. It takes lots of courage and energy for me to say "It's ok. I love this person thus I will see past the imperfections/wrongs/etc.".
When I look at my sister and mother and best friend, I felt that I failed quite a bit in this area. Being a quick tempered person, learning how to be patient and giving takes a whole lot out of me. That said, this virtue is still one thing that I want to attain.
Praying.
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Going Home
Daddy's finally home yesterday after 62 days. He was ecstatic, excited and could see from his eyes how glad he was to be back home. He whispered to me in the car "My struggles are worthwhile. The wait back home is finally over..". I said a quick prayer that he will not stop struggling. It's only through struggles that he will continue to fight to conquer rehab.
It was quite a feat getting my dad in and out of car but I was real thankful that Carol's b/f was able to make it in time! Having a guy around does help quite a bit. When we returned home, the two doggies were practically all over dad especially Spanner. He was licking dad all over the face, legs, hands. He licked so much until my dad has to pushed him aside. Haaaa... For awhile, I was rather comforted as I know then that if I "disappear" from home for awhile, I will never be forgotten.
Things got a little trickier with dad at home. Gotta help dad transfer from bed to chair, chair to bed, daily stuffs like eat, wash, bathe (mummy in charge). My dad still has a little of orientation problem. Sometimes, he'll imagine himself to be still in the hospital calling out for nurses. Often, he will recall the day the stroke hit him. When it happens, his mood goes down and fear creep in. I guess the fear is real and we told him that we recognize it. However, we also emphasize that what has happened has been in the past.
For now, personal schedules are kinda set aside. Gotta start planning with sister on her timing so that we both can help elevate a little of my mum's chores.
On a personal note, there is no doubt at all that there are times when I feel extremely exhausted (or perhaps, a better word would be discouraged) despite efforts of trying to lift my spirits high. Often times, I will remind myself not to think of the tiredness cause I do believe that the more I think of it, the more tired I will be. God's timing is perfect though.. He sent a friend to send me a link. Amazing Grace (My chains are Gone). Once again reminding me - How loved I really am... And I am so sure that God's amazing grace is with daddy also. I am so so sure that God's amazing love is upon him too! I am SO sure that his strength and courage is just a prayer away! For He has said in His word "Ask and it will be given." For I know that in the past, whenever I are discouraged, God is always nearby picking me up.
It was quite a feat getting my dad in and out of car but I was real thankful that Carol's b/f was able to make it in time! Having a guy around does help quite a bit. When we returned home, the two doggies were practically all over dad especially Spanner. He was licking dad all over the face, legs, hands. He licked so much until my dad has to pushed him aside. Haaaa... For awhile, I was rather comforted as I know then that if I "disappear" from home for awhile, I will never be forgotten.
Things got a little trickier with dad at home. Gotta help dad transfer from bed to chair, chair to bed, daily stuffs like eat, wash, bathe (mummy in charge). My dad still has a little of orientation problem. Sometimes, he'll imagine himself to be still in the hospital calling out for nurses. Often, he will recall the day the stroke hit him. When it happens, his mood goes down and fear creep in. I guess the fear is real and we told him that we recognize it. However, we also emphasize that what has happened has been in the past.
For now, personal schedules are kinda set aside. Gotta start planning with sister on her timing so that we both can help elevate a little of my mum's chores.
On a personal note, there is no doubt at all that there are times when I feel extremely exhausted (or perhaps, a better word would be discouraged) despite efforts of trying to lift my spirits high. Often times, I will remind myself not to think of the tiredness cause I do believe that the more I think of it, the more tired I will be. God's timing is perfect though.. He sent a friend to send me a link. Amazing Grace (My chains are Gone). Once again reminding me - How loved I really am... And I am so sure that God's amazing grace is with daddy also. I am so so sure that God's amazing love is upon him too! I am SO sure that his strength and courage is just a prayer away! For He has said in His word "Ask and it will be given." For I know that in the past, whenever I are discouraged, God is always nearby picking me up.
Friday, May 04, 2007
Flood
I knew that I will drop tears if I read this book - Damaged. However, the knowledge was not sufficient to stop me from reading on the train.A true story that was written by Jodie's foster parent, Cathy, who took her in when Jodie was 8 years old. For the 8-year-old, Cathy was the 5th carer in 4 months! When she first stepped into Cathy's home, she was destructive. So destructive that Cathy announced to her own children that she will call the Fostering Agency that she will stop fostering. What touches me most was her children discussed amongst themselves and told Cathy that they wants Jodie to stay on despite her disturbing behavior.
When Jodie in her own childish way began to revealed to Cathy that she was sexually abused not only by her father but mother, uncle and aunt and granddads, I literally cringe and balled-up in my seat on the train. Face turn red and tears fell uncontrollably. I had to close the book and shut my eyes.
I have never read such bad abuse before. Perhaps the last book I read was Torey Haden's One Child but gosh.. this book was utterly revealing. It revealed how distorted a human's mind can be. How damaged a young girl can be for the rest of her life. It also helped me to see the other side of the social services circle. As I read, I cannot imagine HOW can one girl moved from one carer to another carer, from one social worker to another social worker, yet NOT one person noticed how disturbed this 8 year old girl was! I was so upset because the impact does nothing but ruin the entire life of a beautiful girl.
As this book was written by a foster parent, Cathy was honest enough in her book to share her disappointments towards the social worker and I completely understand how frustrating it can be. Whether the social services are good or not has no great impact on the workers but those who received the fullest negative impact are the clients and in this case, the poor forgotten child.
My boss once said "We are paid this amount of money every month to work with our clients. We jolly well work hard cause we are paid for it! When we get into this line, it's not the "high" pay that entices us but what drives us and our clients should be what drives us!"
As I was going through the child protection re-training again, I kept reminding myself to be on the alert whenever I visit my clients. As a social worker, we can be the voices behind someone who is unable to speak up. If we slack, it's not only work that is not done. It's lives that may be implicated.
I better buckle up, work hard and go forth!
Thursday, May 03, 2007
Awoken
I was NOT so pleasantly awoken by Sparkle's growl. I haven't been having good nights lately and it has been tough getting to sleep. Do not start to panic! I concluded that it's because I am transiting back to work.
Anyway, it was a rare night that I could just sleep and my beloved dog has to wake me up at 1am! Why? He just suddenly feel like playing with his toys! He's amazing really.. His bed has 2 blankets, 2 pillows and AT LEAST 8 toys...! I wonder HOW comfortable can he be? Tsk...
A little dark but up to your own imagination.
Anyway, it was a rare night that I could just sleep and my beloved dog has to wake me up at 1am! Why? He just suddenly feel like playing with his toys! He's amazing really.. His bed has 2 blankets, 2 pillows and AT LEAST 8 toys...! I wonder HOW comfortable can he be? Tsk...
A little dark but up to your own imagination.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Am old...
I really feel old. Or perhaps, right from the start, I never like loud places. My colleague was feeling really down the past few days so we thought as supportive colleagues, we could just have a chill-out event to help her relax.
We went to Timbre. Happy hour so it's a one-for-one. Open space and thankfully it did NOT rain. It went well initially coz the music was not loud. Wah.. when the house band came in, we had to shout to communicate. Best part? We sat just in front of the band. I simply cannot take it. I love the company but I hate the loudness. However, something I love seeing is a different side of my colleagues.
Anyway, in the end, my eyes gave me away. I felt SO SO SO SO sleepy. Left for home with another colleague leaving the other 4 behind to chill out.
Walking back home, I was wondering - Have I aged? Or do I simply not like loud places? On a personal note, I really enjoy just being in a quiet place to chill out and have a better environment for a chat. At least, I can listen to my friend and I can also be listened to.
We went to Timbre. Happy hour so it's a one-for-one. Open space and thankfully it did NOT rain. It went well initially coz the music was not loud. Wah.. when the house band came in, we had to shout to communicate. Best part? We sat just in front of the band. I simply cannot take it. I love the company but I hate the loudness. However, something I love seeing is a different side of my colleagues.
Anyway, in the end, my eyes gave me away. I felt SO SO SO SO sleepy. Left for home with another colleague leaving the other 4 behind to chill out.
Walking back home, I was wondering - Have I aged? Or do I simply not like loud places? On a personal note, I really enjoy just being in a quiet place to chill out and have a better environment for a chat. At least, I can listen to my friend and I can also be listened to.
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
How quick can your fingers be?
Type Type Type... Click Click Click
It was real exciting trying to type an application form REAL fast just now during midnight. Only a few days ago do I know that one can only book a ROM date maximum 3 months in advance. So, if you want 1st August, you have to try to book on 1st May MIDNIGHT!!
Just 2-3 mins passed midnight, the morning slots are gone. (But I really wonder - Is ROM open on Wednesday morning???) Anyway, a typo mistake was made and have to retype the application form again and this time, 3-4 more slots in the afternoon are gone.
So many people marrying heh? Today, I just heard a happy news that a couple decided to work hard on their marriage despite bad experiences. Figured that it does take 2 hands to make a noise. I really rejoice together with them!
Anyway... late liaoz... Just completed sending emails for a friend's wedding.. *yawn* Happy Labour Day!
It was real exciting trying to type an application form REAL fast just now during midnight. Only a few days ago do I know that one can only book a ROM date maximum 3 months in advance. So, if you want 1st August, you have to try to book on 1st May MIDNIGHT!!
Just 2-3 mins passed midnight, the morning slots are gone. (But I really wonder - Is ROM open on Wednesday morning???) Anyway, a typo mistake was made and have to retype the application form again and this time, 3-4 more slots in the afternoon are gone.
So many people marrying heh? Today, I just heard a happy news that a couple decided to work hard on their marriage despite bad experiences. Figured that it does take 2 hands to make a noise. I really rejoice together with them!
Anyway... late liaoz... Just completed sending emails for a friend's wedding.. *yawn* Happy Labour Day!
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