Indeed, we are fallible cause we are humans made up of flesh and blood always succumbing to the easy way out thus being led into temptation.
After much struggles with God, nothing is more comparable as the love that I have from the Lord than from any other human being.
THrough the church camp over the weekend, I made a divine exchange of a white cold and hard heart for a red, warm and pumping heart.
I found it.
My joy indeed is NOT in anybody... No ONE is is making me complete and whole.
When God challenged me to give up my personal emotional rights to Him, I responded.
I found joy.
As I responded, my whole burden was released from me!
I could do all I wanted to do!
I can jump and praise and dance and worship like I've never dared to over the past 2 months!!
A few things I brought back with me from the camp is:
1) Love isn't love till it hurts.
God loves us so so much that as a man, He suffered physical pain. As God, His heart broke that tore down the temple curtains. I didn't lost my first love for God.. But I lost God's first love for me. As I remember HOW He walked that Calvary, a little obedience from me is not too much to ask.
2) Brokenness.
To be broken before God is when I know that my heart has gone cold against His words and decide that nothing else matters but God alone.
3) Timing.
God to me is a Sprinter.. I always want to run away from God cause as humans, I'm frustrated why I have to obey His word and I complained that I'm shortchanged by God... And thus, I keep wanting to run ahead of God. And when I'm leading my life my own, I lost my true North Star.. I lost my direction TOTALLY. Everything in His own timing. Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial.
4) Family of God.
The Family of God is a place where no grudges are held. Where grace is given freely though there may be struggles. I looked at Penny.. Despite being a VERY difficult sheep, she still perservere on and still love me to whatever capacity she has. I look at Chung.. Despite the problems I gave her, she still accept me. I look at my CG and know that though I'm not close to all of them but I know that if EVER I'm in trouble, they will definitely be there to help me out.
As Ps Jeff prayed for Ps Ben, he teared. The pain and the struggles that the leaders (be it pastors or ULs or SDLs, etc) went through just for the church, the sheeps under them, for the souls... and Leaders are learning everyday too.... They make mistakes too...
All in all, God has shown me truly what a unconditional love.
