Voice

Geo reminded me today about what I encouraged him nearly a year back. I said that if there is a need to talk, to fight, for the benefit of the kids and parents, as Social Workers, we just have to fight for them.

Before the reminder, I was sharing that I am feeling so tired, physically. Past few months, I was literally fighting verbally. Fighting for the 'rights' of the child/guardian/parents. Often, I find myself stuck in the middle. I am generally not a fighter. I do not like to debate, I do not like to quarrel. I do feel very drained after each 'debating' session. The last time I broke down because I felt so helpless after the debate.

However, I am reminded, again, that as a Social Worker, we are the voice for the people we serve. Today, I just felt overwhelmed when a mother gave me a hug when they know that her children will be reintegrated soon. Although I did not do much, my colleague and I became the bridge for her and the community. We became the voices for her, speaking up for her & empowering her.

Sister's wedding

Carol, my dearest little-st sister's wedding just happened on Saturday. One of the most major event in the Lim family. I did not take many photos with her (I'm busy, she's busy).... Hahaha!! So this is one (out of two) of ZEE best!!!

While waiting for the groom's arrival, my dogs were entertained.


Carol's extended family. First time I met Ivan's nephews. The youngest is SO cute!

The gangster's wife! Don't play play ah!

Sisters awaiting

My lovely parents! Ain't my mother look gorgeous????!!!! My dad look almost a decade younger too! I love my parents a lot. I think I deserve them more than they deserve me. Although, I must say that after my dad's stroke, he is harder to serve but on hindsight, I thank God that through it, I learned a lot from my mum.

Look at us, tired eyes!! Pearly had a party organized for my eldest godson just the day before Carol's wedding. After which, I fetched her to my place for an overnight stay. That was a Friday. On Wednesday, I stayed over at her place so that we can prepare our emcee script. We both realized that this is her first time bunking at my place and my first time bunking in at hers. I think I would REALLY love to do it more! And the next time I bunk in at hers, I will learn how to put my godsons to bed PROPERLY! He told mummy "Mummy, Godmummy never put me to bed properly." Hmmp... I wonder how proper is proper. Hahaha!!!

This is my 2nd wedding this year. Both times, Pearly & I were involved in it. We took photos like we have never taken before! Then again, it's true that we hardly take photos last time. Hee... This best friend is definitely one of God's blessing for me. Her love for me really is one that never fails. Over the years, we have just grown to love each other a lot. Because I love her, I love everything of her!! And I LOVE LOVE LOVE her sons!!!!!! We swung by to pick up her car after the tea ceremony and found this young little handsome chap!

My prayer partner & housemate, Chantel from Brisbane... Whenever I had wanted to cry, wanted a prayer, all I had to do was to knock on her door. Cedric my dear dear dear friend & a father of a beautiful daughter and husband to one wife. Remember once when I was heartbroken. I called him & asked if he could take leave. We both went to Chinatown Point bubble tea shop. Sat there, not a word said, silence throughout but I was totally comforted.

Hsia Ling from Brisbane too! Me and her ah... Say meet meet meet but hardly will be able to meet.

The Hope Brisbane group!!!

Dinner table & I realized that Tianxing left before the photo-taking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah Heng ah, I tell you, next time my turn, you BETTER not leave so early!!!!

This one leh.. No need to introduce liao... *smile*

Itchy!

I'm no coffee drinker and I do not like to drink coffee. However, the aroma does a fantastic job in perking me up though.

Many thanks to the late nights these days, I found myself quite zombie-fied in the morning. I'll try to play the games on my mobile or read a book on the train so as to keep myself awake - for I have slept past my stop TWICE!

It is most interesting to know that for the past few days, the aroma of coffee at the coffeeshop kept calling out to me - DRINK ME!

I do not know is it a psychological state of mind but I do feel more awake after that cup of coffee. I then found myself compromising a little, each night thinking - that's fine, sleep a little later. There's coffee to help you. Part of me also does look forward to holding that plastic bag in my hand and sipping the straw.

Just for that split moment, I felt that I was an addict! I felt that I lost my ability to discipline myself. At that moment, the words from my boss rang - God has given us 24 hours and not 25. If you have used 8 hours fully and fruitfully at work, 2 hours for travelling, 8 hours to sleep, you still have 6 hours to do your personal things. How can it be not enough? You do not even need to do overtime. You just need to have very good time management skills. If you are working too much OT, then perhaps you are not working fruitfully. If you are too tired, perhaps you have too many things on your platter.

I do not know if I'm not working fruitfully or am I having too many things on my plate. I only know that my ezema has returned and it’s stress triggered.

*ItchY*!!!

Relationship

Ok, I am FINALLY blogging this.

Yes, I am in a relationship.

Most interesting comment I heard is "Ah... Musician. You'll have music for the rest of your life."

Best question asked is "Who's the lucky girl?" from his friends and "Who's the lucky guy?" from mine. We both concluded that we are both blessed that God has brought us together after some obstacles & would like this relationship to be a blessing to others.

For more inside story, get an appointment with me. HAHAHA!! Ciaoz for now!

*Yawn*

Yesterday we had a great time meeting Carol's entire entourage for her wedding. The groom came AFTER we finished our discussion. Mummy asked me today if he came to meet us on purpose to know how are we going to "torture" the brothers.

It was also a good opportunity that Pearly came out at night. Being a full-time mummy of 2, her schedule is packed to the brim. Her sons went for a party and she went for hers. After our discussion, we went shoe hunting. Initially, I thought it was her who was looking for a pair of shoes. After awhile, I realized that she was looking for a pair of shoe for me - EARLY birthday present. We couldn't find any so we made our way to Menotti for coffee. Didn't get to drink or have any dessert since their famous don't-know-what was out of stock. Well, made our way home and Pearly fetched Carol & Jan home and we both decided to continue with Teh Tarik.

The Vertical-Horizontal stripped Couple

The Entourage

A rare outing at NIGHT

Today while I was trying to manage 4 little children, Pearly called me asking me what type of heels I like. I was touched really. Yet, I was also struggling to manage the 4 children since they were fighting. Next thing I knew, she called me and told me she's on my way to my office. When she arrived, I just couldn't talk to her at all cause I had a child ran away from me. I was trying to stay really calm as I had another 3 children following behind me. It was really a good thing Pearly came cause she helped me with those 3 while I get busy with 1. After awhile, I decided to get my boss down & it was quite dramatic. That was in the afternoon. I had another same scenario in the evening. Took about an hour to settle.

When boss and I sat down to process the whole situation, he told me "Sandra, I think we have scared your friend. She looked traumatized when she saw me.". Haha!!! Well, today was the first time a friend of mine see me in action at work. Haaa!!!!

Anyway, it was more than a full-day of work for me today. When I returned home, the conversations with Pearly & the gift she got for me finally settled in. It's not only a very nice gift... but a gift that's bought with much thought as it was supposed to be all-matching. More importantly, I appreciate the effort because this girl's already very very tired yet she went out of her comfort zone.

*zonked*

When God closes a door......

.... He opens another!!!

Life has been most most most fruitful for me at work. Between my colleague and myself, we felt that this is the fun-nest part about Residential Work. Not only that it's the fun-nest. It's the most frustrating part.

Being the "voice" of the parents/guardians is a challenge. Advocating for them, speaking up for them, sharing with other professionals the change the family has gone through for the past months/years is most most most difficult. The hugest hindrance is when the professionals have a fixated impression of the "naughty" child or "irresponsible" parent which was probably 2 years ago. Getting them to see the child/parent in the current light, getting them to see that they have been changed, getting them to remove that tainted glasses over their eyes is......... C.H.A.L.L.E.N.G.I.N.G.

Like said, challenges can be the most frustrating part of my work. Yet, it's been the most fun too. Yesterday, I recalled something that was said on Sound of Music - When God closes one door, He opens another. After being turned away by a Principal yesterday because of tainted glasses, I made my way to the neighborhood area and look for other community resources. I just didn't believe that everyone in the community would reject me.

As I am typing this, I do realize that my work has helped in the process of molding my confidence. Over the past few months, I have become braver. I didn't realized that I can be quite a "debater" and speak up if I totally believe in something/someone. At the end of my reflection, I have to attribute this change in me to God. I do not think I would be successful in my little milestones if not for Him who supports me. I guess in my area of work that deals so closely with human relationships, there are times when I get really depressed & burdened. Yet, it's in times like these that I have learned how to commit this boy or girl or family to God and let Him lead my way.

Sister's back!

When you ask my sister to share with you something about her relationship with me, she would surely tell you "When I was young, my sister carried me and dropped me on my head so that's why she is smarter than me." Now if you ask her again, she have another thing to add on "My sister left me stranded at the airport!! She did not pick me up! I already told her that I will arrive on the 14th but don't know how she see the itinerary. Some more she choose to trust in the teletext than trust my words!"

Ya... My sister returned from US last night 11:55pm. I really really REALLY do not know how come I will make such a great mistake. I thought she'll return today & not tomorrow. Good thing, I live nearby the airport. Better than that, I just HAD a feeling that I cannot sleep early last night.

Anyway, had a FABULOUS time looking at the gifts she bought for me & mummy... Heehee.. Mummy say that I deserve all those gifts since I helped her a lot while she was away. But frankly, I was very touched. The gifts are not exactly cheap (although they were on discounts, factory outlets, etc) & those gifts are bought with exquisite care knowing my taste. Chatted with her then I konked out. Had HAD HAD to sleep. These days, I am like a zombie. Think I might have used too much brain juice at work. Hee...

*sigh*

I had a hard time controlling my tears in front of a parent today. The parent finally acknowledged that he doesn't want his child back. Although I knew it long time ago, I still felt my heart contracting hearing it direct from the parent.

When I walked away, I just had to drop tears. These are probably those times when I do feel like adopting everyone of them.

In the best interest of the child???

Watching this the 2nd time still does bring tears welling up my eyes.



As I searched the internet to find out more about this case, I was confused by the mountains of information presented. Some said it's the father who has a history of hitting his wife. Some said that the mother did not protect her own child. Some pointed fingers to the paternal grandmother. The final blow that caused the death of the child was by the step-father. I also started to read the visitation logs from the Social Service agency and the court documents. I truly wondered how did things go so wrong?

Coming back to where I am now, I do work quite closely with the Child Protection Officers. They seemed to stand from the "What-if" position which frustrates me at times.

Having looked at this clip & its readings & information, I do see why CPOs take on the "What-if" position cause if anything DOES go wrong in the process of having the child back to his family, whose head is on the guillotine? Yet at the same time, I do feel that as welfare officers for children, we have have have to spend a considerable amount of time with them to build relationship. One can't make any decision for the child unless they know the child well enough. Even if the child doesn't know how to speak, every action he does is able to tell you a lot. To put it simply, child abuse cases are a matter of life and death and it should be dealt with it gravely.

After all the readings & confusion, ultimately, I feel most for this child. She seemed to tangled in a family disputes. If she has a voice to speak, she'll probably tell all adults to shut up and listen to her - really listen.

Challenges & Growth

Ok, I did it. I told my boss straight in the face, casually, that I hate talking to lawyers.

Yes yes yes... My boss is a lawyer all right. He is through and through a lawyer. He talks like a lawyer and acts like a lawyer. Almost immediately with my statement, he said "Lawyers tend to be aggressive & challenging right?"

He answered my question perfectly well! I had to confess to him that I am naturally not a person who likes to debate, not naturally a person who enjoys an aggressive & extremely challenging conversation, although, I can be rather assertive for what I believe in. There are times when he put forth to me a challenge purposely (cause he knows he can bully me!) & I do get stuck even after a few tries of standing up for myself.

I guess deep within, I have to ultimately confess to him also that such conversations can leave me feeling inadequate & helpless. Nobody likes to feel that way.

That being said, I did share with my colleague also that right from the start when I had my very first interview at my organization, I had wanted to be under my current boss (although he's NOT a person with good first-impressions). As much as he challenges my inadequacy & cause me to feel helpless at times, I do appreciate that it does bring about growth in me. Hmm... But I have to say that it's tough eating humble time so often. Haa!!

Dance with my father

Last year, when daddy had his stroke, I promised him that I will dance with him if he gets well. I have yet fulfill that promise.

Room for improvement!!!

I'm back to HopeKids after a 6-month sabbatical break. I was so nervous leading games that I couldn't get to sleep till 2am on Saturday night. That is because I know that no matter how much I can visualize what's going to happen or how well the script can be, when I am up on stage, it's "do or die".

I was rather glad that the children enjoyed the game although it was a tad messy (partly due to my not-so-good instructions). And no matter what, there's always always room for improvement!!!

Joined the Tan family to celebrate Ian's birthday. *sigh*... This is still one kid I can't trick to be carried by me. I tried bribery, reward, etc, still doesn't work. But then again, today was just the 4th time that he saw Aunty San. Peace everybody!

Celebrations

Yesterday was a day of celebration for me.

1. A resident was discharged back to his family. I knew this resident for as long as I have been in my organization. It's really heartening to see the family grown resilient & strong. Sometimes when I look at this resident, I wonder, how come youths grow up so fast? Sometimes, I feel that I will lost them in the process cause friends play a bigger role in their life.

2. Celebrated a good friend (ex colleague's) birthday during our lunch time. Another colleague got her out & she thought that it was just the two of them. When she entered the restaurant, we were GLAD that she was REALLY surprised to see all of us. I really miss working with her... But life goes on!! =)

My mum came by my room and asked "Who's this? Look like you leh.."

3. Celebrated Yanling's birthday at Jerry's BBQ & Grill at Tanglin Shopping Centre. Serene brought along her Lomo camera and we had a ball of a time playing with that cam! Made me tempted to buy it too! Haha!! If you realized from the photo, we were all in BLACK (hehe.. Except for Serene) because that's Yanling's favorite color!

What leads you?

"You must be the change you want to see in others."

That's what Ghandi has said. That is also one of Beyond's Compass, I realized. Last year, boss asked me to choose one of the many Compasses that I want to work on and that was the compass that I chose "Be the change you want to see in other." In simple terms, be a living example, be a living testimony.

As Paul has set an example for the early Christians "Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ." (1 Corinthians 11:1)

Scars

‘Scars (Stronger for Life)’ by Corrinne May
Album: Beautiful Seed

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don’t want to hear them say
“You’re no good at this”

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I’m meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away
All within me
That won’t bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

Scars make us stronger for life