Regret

With the word Regret comes the word Grace.

I do something "wrong", I need the grace to forgive myself and move on. To the best that I can, I will make decisions not regretting. Even if the decision is not 100% clear, I know that somehow, just somehow, God will still see me through. (Of course, that decision is not one that is un-biblical. But you know, sometimes, when you don't hear an audible voice from God, you are just not clear?)

In the secular sense, perhaps the best I can put it is through the phrase "Prevention is better than cure". At work, Prevention work is than having to do Remedial work.

Past 3 weeks, I have been burning midnight oil trying to do remedial work. I am so angry with myself for my neglect in my casework. This is an anger which I hardly experience. Since the day I started social work, I remind myself daily that I am dealing with lives. I pray daily that God gives me wisdom. I cannot cannot CANNOT CANNOT afford to make mistakes. In all honesty, personally, I really cannot afford to make mistakes because I am not someone who goes easy on myself. My expectation on myself is much higher than the expectations I have on anybody else. I'd rather push myself than push others. I do believe that people learn through examples. Ok, I am simply just hard on myself.

I am doing remedial work. Yup, I hate remedial work. If the judge were to pass an order for my kid to be 'imprisoned' in a government institution for 2 years, honestly, this is probably my first time living in regret. As much as I know that self-blaming is not going to help the situation anywhere, I am not coping that well either. Other than working myself to the wee hours, I do not know what else I can do.

Well, had a good bawl, had a good chat with God and it's time to learn how to receive grace, stand tall and learn from this life-impacting experience. To have a tighter control of my case file. To literally look around all angles for my blind spots. To be more sensitive to the situation.