It has been such a long time that I actually came to this space to air my thoughts. Time kinda stopped for me, perhaps to grieve, perhaps to reflect, perhaps to take stock of life.
After the miscarriage in Jan 2011, Geo and I had our first spiritual retreat as a married couple. We cried, we talked, we prayed, we worship and the Lord impressed upon our heart to let go of the pain of the loss, to live a life that's loved by him and in doing so, finding His favor in our lives. The verse He gave us for the year was from Psalms 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.". And so, we embarked the year wanting to fully trust God.
On a personal note, it didn't come easy for me. I would be slapping myself in the face if I were to just simply proclaim that I no longer feel the pain of the loss of the child. Pain came when friends who were pregnant around the same time as me delivered. Pain came when I hear complains from parents of their children. Pain came when I had to attend to a client who wanted to abort her child.
Finally, I decided to do what I did before - Run away from Singapore. It was timely that I was sent overseas so I 将计就计... Extended the trip and traveled by myself. It was an amazing trip back to God.
Where was Geo in all of these? At this point of time as I am typing this away, I recognize how different man and woman can be. How Geo grieved was different from how I grieved. Through this, I saw his total dependence on God. Unlike him, I dwell more. It's one thing to say "Ok God, I let go.", it's another thing to say "I still want to hold on a little more." If there is one thing I felt most throughout was a sense of thanksgiving that in the whole matter, Geo never once felt that I was naggy, upheld me in prayers and trusted me to be on my own extended solo trip.
I came back refreshed and 2011 really started in July for me. :)
Things happened very fast thereafter. That - will be in my next blog.
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