Faith

30 weeks 

This week, your baby has reached about 40cm long. She weighs about 1.3kg, roughly the same as a head of cabbage. Nearly a litre of amniotic fluid surrounds your little one. That volume will decrease as your baby gets bigger and takes up more room in your uterus. 

Your baby's eyesight continues to develop, though it's not very sharp. Even after birth, your baby will keep her eyes closed for a good part of the day. She will respond to changes in light but will only make out objects a few inches from her face.  

Another 9 more weeks and little Faith will be out. While I was sojourning down south at Perth, getting pregnant was the last thing on mind. Thus I didn't do any tests though physically, the thought passed me by. I was extremely tired during the entire trip which I attributed it to the cold winter wind, a sudden de-stress from work, the freedom to sleep all I want. However, tiredness continued after I returned and I decided to do a check. That evening, Geo was in the church's conference practice. I did what I normally wouldn't do - call him during practice. I was so excited when the stick showed a clear positive sign! Thereafter, it became a joint decision that we will keep it hush hush because we were worried of the many "what ifs".

Fear, however, crept in 3 days later when I started to bleed. Amidst all my calmness, I feared. What kept coming back to me was the time I spent with God at Perth. Then, He clearly told me - San, I am for you. I am with you. Do not fear. Called Geo, went gynae and got one hormone jab, 2 packs of hormone pills and 2 week of bed rest.

That weekend, I didn't make it for the church conference and Geo was asked by plenty of his LG members where was I and he brushed it away intentionally and changed topic quickly.  It was finally at one point during the conference that he was convicted by God that we should step out in faith and claim that God will see the pregnancy through.

At home ground (on bed), I was also spending time with God.  I was again reminded that He is for me and with me and He will grant me strength -  Strength that no one else can give.

In his excitement, Geo smsed me of his conviction and shared that he had a very strong impression that we will be having a girl and that we will name her Faith. Faith. I love this name so much.  Thus, right from the 5th week, the little Aw in me has a name - Faith, Faith Aw.

It was a such a thin line between faith and fear. No doubt, there were slight injections of fear here and there.  There was a morning when I got so worried cause I slept so well that night! (The many nights before, I didn't sleep well because the little one was kicking me so much)... Just as quickly that fear crept in, I was quickly reminded me of the life Job.  He had everything but in a very short time, all was taken away from him.  However, Job remained filled with faith and trust in the Lord.  Then, I prayed - that all I want is the same faith that Job has.