Seasons in life

I have grown to appreciate the different seasons in life. The learning, the letting go, the healing, the pain. The adjusting to new things, the failing, the laughter, the joy, the tears.

I have come to appreciate that I don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to be weak. It's okay not to have answers to all things.

There is, indeed, a time for everything. When I was young, it was the time to absorb and rely on my parents for answers. On the reverse, as an adult with my mother now, I am taking time to appreciate how to answer her questions and fears. When I was young, I thought what it'll be like to be married. Then I went through the roller coaster rides of laughter & tears falling in and out of relationships. Now that I am married, I saw how silly I was in those previous relationships. Yet, somehow, there was this gladness that I went through the pain.

Life at work also has its season. Trained as an Engineer, I never thought how absorbed I could be as a helping professional. It is really one thing to remind myself to 'draw the line' and to really draw the line between a client and a worker. After leaving my alma mater that saw my foundational years as a Social Worker, I finally found myself slowing down & breathe. Irony of it all was that it's in this process that I began to wonder - What exactly is my capacity as a Social Worker? What is my role? Who am I as a Social Worker? I began to cast doubts upon myself on whether am I even fit to be one.

Like an orange, a few months back, I started this peeling process. A layer at a time - First the thick skin then the veins (or whatever that's called). By and by, I saw how closely entrenched in a relationship I was with the children I had worked with. What was not my responsibility, I took it all upon myself. What had gone wrong, I blamed myself. What had been right, I don't remember giving myself more than 2 pats on my own back. Humble? No... Definitely not. Digging deeper then I saw that this IS how I often manage situations in my life. First point of blame often is not others. It's often what have I not done enough, what could have been done better?

It was a humorous process how God sent his healing and answers to my questions. Now, I am more rest assured in this promise made - "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it BUT God made it grow." I am but the hands of God in my workplace. I am glad for the open doors at my current organization where I am also under the umbrella of the Christian faith.

Looking back, I think God has been really kind to me. His grace is so ever sufficient. I may have been like just bumping around but He really knows my needs better.