I got to admit. I have been struggling HUGE, BIG time at work since June. By September, I was almost so sure that I have job-depression. I may, seemingly, look okay to bosses, to colleagues, to families I work with, to kids, but I know I am not okay. Alone, I can feel tears well in my eyes. I know I have struggled before. However, this time, my struggle is different. Previously, I know that despite the struggle, I still want in. This time, I have doubts of my capability, I have doubts if I really want to do it, I have doubts if I have wisdom to do it. Basically, you can say that I have doubts if I am really a vessel for God for the kids. I guess not only in a spiritual sense but I am also craving for a little bit of a normal life - have my weekends, have my nights, have a bit more time for myself (be a little selfish, you know???)
God has His own way of speaking to me, renewing me and I must say that slowly and surely, I am rebuilding my confidence and returning to the river that never runs dry. I figured that I can't get dried or burnt out if I remain near my source of water.
"He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." Jeremiah 17:8
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