6 months old

Darling dearest,

You will be turning 6 months old soon! My goodness, where did time go to?

Mummy is suffering from sleep deprivation.  Not your fault at all.  You are teething and that caused you to be easily irritable and have difficulty drinking and sleeping.  After one week of struggling to have you sufficiently fed, we spent many weeks thereafter waking up at 12mn, 2am, 4am and 6am and finally to bathe you at 7am.

As I was traveling to work one day, I was thinking of the things piled up at work, datelines, families to meet, etc.  I was telling God that I am feeling the stresses of a working parent.  The lack of sleep, the need to perform (not for sake of performing but really, I can't go into a session feeling zombified), KPIs to meet.  I am tired.

Then it hit me how resilient you are, Faith.  It struck me real hard that it is NOT easy being a baby.  I read an article from a doctor who said that a baby grows the most in their first 12 months.  Wow! Isn't your life even more tiring? You have to learn to adapt according to our world, irritable budding teeth that leads to so many difficulties.  Constantly growing only means constantly changing. Yet through all the little difficulties, you can flash your most brilliant smile with sparkling eyes whenever I step home.

Ok, back to what you can do now!

7kg and mummy is getting those toned arms!!  You are able to flip yourself down and then *ta-da* flip back upright.  You can sit upright & ever since then, you seem to dislike lying down! Chatting with you has been really fun.  You excitedly googoogaga with me whenever we are around & only in non-crowded places.

You have started on semi-solids and mummy is having lots of fun making food for you.  So far, I have only mashed avocado for you.  I will soon be baking pumpkins for you! You are definitely loving your avos more than the boring morning rice cereal.  So, I am actually wondering if I should start boiling porridge for you.  Soon, I will need to save more money so that I can buy you fish! Thankfully, you still love drinking your milk so I am not fretting over the lack of nutrition.

I am excited at what you can do next.. But darling, do it at your pace ok? No hurry to grow up. You are young only once. :)

 

Initial stage of eating semi-solids - messy!

Outing with my beloved mummy and sis.

Adorable eyes that melt daddy and my heart.

Was stunned by the light!

Conversations

Just needed to blog this before I forget & bear with me cause my thoughts are really all over the place.

I attended a 2-day conference "A Collaborative Dance: Integrating Systemic Ideas into Clinical and Social Work Practice".

Basically a System is a set of interacting and interdependent component forming an integrated whole.  In layman terms to me, it just simply means that everybody affect somebody in one way or another.

This Dance talks about the goodness of the helping professionals collaborating with one another for the good of the family.  It could mean Counselors, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Social Workers, Therapists, etc. 

What impacted me greatly was three words - Conversations, Safe and Space.  The keynote speaker said "Have faith to do a little different from the norm and you'll see that something will definitely change." She urged us to to drop the language of deficit and change that to a language of appreciation and we will soon see the language in the meeting change too.  One workshop speaker said "In having Compassion, being Curious and mindfully Collaborative, we Create space, conversations and identity for our supervises (& clients) (& friends and family if I may add).

As I sat through the conference, I recall fond memories of my ex-mentor from Beyond.  One day, I was really frustrated with a report that I had to write of a youth.  I told him that I really want to give up! He said "Sandra, just write a report AS IF you are going to present it to the child and his family." That statement blew my mind and since then, report writing was no longer the same for me.  If I were to write to the child and the family, they really could do with one report that talks positively.  Not hiding facts but efforts made to heighten strengths.  

I do believe, really, that no one, young or old, would love to be referred to social services, counseling, etc.  It denote the need for help.  It denotes the lack of privacy.  It spell P.R.O.B.L.E.M to some.  It embarrasses some.

Just as the child could do with a well-written positive perspective of himself, everyone could do with a little kindness.  Behind every face and smile, we fight a battle.  One little change that can create a ripple effect.  Amazing.

How beautiful is life?

I have been listening to Corrinne May's latest album Crooked Lines for the past 2 weeks. Well, could easily have been 3 weeks unknowingly.  It was Crooked Lines that got me hooked unto the album.  Perhaps it's me feeling a tad melancholic or this album just unknowingly speaks into my life...

This morning as I was traveling to work, I was listening to the album, again, and realized what beautiful lyrics Beautiful Life has.

It seems like motherhood has impacted Corrinne May.  Her songs in this album is not only soulful but inspired very much by her daughter and her life as a mother.  

Likewise, motherhood has literally changed my life.  It does have its downs but everyday, the image of a smile, the chuckle, melts my heart.  Truly, a million dollar would not exchange for a moment with her. 

That aside, I wondered - How beautifully lived is my life?  These days, no matter how happy I am, the smiles on faces, there is always something that weighs me down at the back of my head.  It's like a common denominator in all fractions.  

Just as I was having this thought with the song ringing in my ear, the verse from Matthew that speaks of God's protection and providence to the birds of the air and lilies of the field sprung up.  Honestly, I do not know how much of a God thing there has been in my life of late.  Situations in life often bogs me down.  Yet, such a gentle reminder is so sweet from God.  And I know, I am not alone because He is always around.

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It's in living every moment
Like it could be our last
For our hearts are restless
Till they rest in love's caress

And the moments we remember
They interweave our hearts
Like a tapestry surrounding us
That we forget to touch

Bridge:
It's why we wake up every morning
It's why we seek each other's smile
It's why we know that it's all worth it
It's why we hold on, we make the sacrifice

Chorus 1:
It's in the eyes of a child
As you hold her in your arms
And your heart starts to beat once again
And your world is reborn
In the freshness of her song
Smile, it's a beautiful life
[ Tab from: http://www.guitaretab.com/c/corrinne-may/319683.html ]
Verse 2:
It's in the hope of the poor man
As he struggles to make ends meet
It's in the laughter of his children
As they play in the street

Don't need a million dollars
To raise a happy child
You just need a pair of loving arms
And the time to make her smile

Bridge

Chorus 2:
It's in the tears of a friend
As you finally make amends
And your soul starts to breathe once again
And the weight of the world
Falls away with one word
Smile, it's a beautiful life

Chorus 3:
It's in the touch of her lips
As she leans in for a kiss
And your world starts to spin once again
And two hearts become one
As a dream is begun
Smile, it's a beautiful life
It's a beautiful life
It's a beautiful life
It's a beautiful life

24 weeks old

Dearest precious Faith,

I am finding pockets of time to blog your growing up moments.  It has been increasingly getting tougher.  I am now working 3.5 days a week.  Whenever I return home, if you are sleeping, I could still catch some time to change out and wash my hands.  If you aren't, then I do have a clingy little baby wanting some of my time else next thing I know is a crying baby.

Finally managed to get you to sleep after an eventful day for you.  Prior to me returning home, you were wrestling with daddy.  You refused your feed.  Daddy refused to give up.  Two persistent fellows have managed to get me worried, postponed my appointment and went home.  We believe you are probably in your teething process.  You have been drooling more, biting more, rubbing your ears much more too.  To be honest, it has been quite a sight seeing you rub your ears. 

You have been one active bubbly baby.  Awake most of the time.  Alert half the time cause the other half, you are probably already feeling sleepy yet refusing to sleep.  When you sleep, if you sleep, at best is an hour.  At the minimum is 15 minutes.  Thankfully, you are a baby who keeps to routine very well.  By 8pm, you would have knocked out all the way till 7am, with probably a pat or a cuddle middle of the night.  Oh yes, not forgetting, you have also routinely gotten used to hopping unto daddy's and mummy's bed by 5am.

You are started to practice your vocal cords by screaming and yelping.  Often times, we find you talking away to your toys.  The video below shows you blowing raspberries.  You have been so obsessed with this new skill that you do it anytime and anywhere! We had a really difficult time feeding you with you trying to flip and blow raspberries all at the same time.  That goes the same to changing your diaper.  Difficult but very amused.  I have grown to ask you to cooperate with mummy when it comes to changing diaper.  Give me one leg first, I'll tape one side of the diaper.  I'll return you your leg whilst you give me the other.  Heeeee... You have begun to express yourself by stretching your hand towards daddy and mummy to carry you.  Beginning to sit soon.  For now, you managed to sit on your own for about at max, 2 seconds.

I just asked daddy what has happened over the last one month.  He said that you have learned to shut your mouth real tight when you see a milk bottle coming your way. Hee.. Jokes aside, daddy and I love to just sit by your side looking at you sleep.  You are a miracle and will always be and we appreciate all that you have taught us.  Humanly, I know that I will never have this ability to love someone THIS much if not for you.  In having you, I am able to fathom just a little what heaven is like because you taught me just HOW much God is deeply madly in love with me, just as I am so deeply in love with you.

Precious little darling, daddy and mummy loves you.

Crooked Lines

My daughter tries to draw a butterfly

With the crayons and crooked lines

And she's crying cause she just can't get it right

So I wrapped her tiny hand in mine

To guide her with her heart's design

And she smiles as her dreams take flight

Perhaps it's how it is on this labyrinth road

I just need to let him guide my soul

God writes straight with crooked lines

He takes the mess we make in life

He turns our groaning into perfect rhyme

Hidden by the veil of time

The wisdom of His love's design

God writes straight with crooked lines.

I've had days as dark as smoke
When it hurts too much to hope
& it felt like the pain would never end
Searching for answers but finding jokes
Limping along the winding road
Certain He left me all alone
When it's hard to trust that there's a greater plan
Like a child, I've gotta just hold His hands

'Cause God writes straight with crooked lines

He takes the mess we make in life

He turns our groaning into perfect rhyme

Hidden by the veil of time

The wisdom of His love's design

God writes straight with crooked lines.

It's hard to see the picture when we have got our head to the ground

But the vision is perfect from Heaven looking down

There's a reason for every detour and every scar

His mercy has always been written in the stars

God writes straight with crooked lines

He takes the mess we make in life

He turns our groaning into perfect rhyme

Hidden by the veil of time

The wisdom of His love's design

God writes straight with crooked lines

God writes straight with crooked lines.

This song tugged my heart real tight when I first heard it at her concert at Gardens by the Bay.  Recently, heard it again at church at a ESS service.  This time round, the lyrics resonated with me much more. 

In this season of my life, I am learning to let go to believe that God CAN write straight with crooked lines.  God can take the mess in our life and turn our groaning into a perfect rhyme.  He can make things right no matter how wrong things were.  He is the perfector and author of my life so I am sure it will and can happen.  Truly, like a child, I just gotta hold on to His hand.