Excited & Exhausted

That's the only 2 "ex" words that's been on my mind the whole day.

I was really excited to be back in Hopekids today. Before the service started, I started feeling butterflies in my stomach. I told another teacher "I am nervous to lead games! Haven't been doing it for 2 months!" Good thing she was very assuring. I was glad that it did not take long for the kids to warm up to me again. Especially the few that I was taking care of. I was very touched actually by a few of them asking me how am I and how is my dad.

At the same time, I am rather exhausted & I do not wish to fall ill! I just got back to work and I cannot imagine getting MC so soon. Now, we are preparing my house to welcome my dad back. Lots of nitty gritty stuffs to settle. It's only now that I realize how hazardous my home can be for a disabled. Hee...

After my dad settled in and I settled a few outstanding stuffs, I can't wait for a day to simply have some time off just for myself. For now, I will have time off for myself in bed. Nights..

Now I know.....

.... that when a red banner is hung outside a gate of a flat, a very high chance that there is a medium living inside there. I heard of it before from my ED but I never really step into one you see. In fact, when I was young, I often thought that those flats with a red banner outside depict the religion the person is inside the flat.

Anyway, I made a home visit to this place. When I saw it from afar, I went "SHIT! A medium's flat." In my head, I was preparing myself to see a whole house filled with statues of gods. Hmm.. I saw more than just the statues. Honestly, it was rather eye opening seeing the various "gadgets" there for various reasons.

Before I ended my session, I kinda quenched my curiosity by asking about the ongoings in the flat and who was the medium. My client filled me in quite a bit of juicy info that I have never heard of. Well, it's not only a curious question but I do see the need to know to understand the life of a person. Sometimes, we see a lot of things. Very rarely, we know a lot of things. Till we ask.

Anyhow, after I left the house, just said a quick prayer. I would lovingly classify this experience as a "job hazard".

Thank You

I do not know the past of every Christ follower. One thing I do know is that before anyone can come to Christ, someone must have prayed for him/her sometime, somehow, somewhere around the globe.

It was after a meet up with my client this afternoon, I said a quick prayer for my client. I prayed that one day, my client will come to know the Lord. Almost immediately after the prayer, I heard the song "Thank You" by Ray Boltz.

Each time I hear this song, I will think actually think of my Sunday School days & the day I gave my life to Jesus when my ex-tutor told me about this wonderful man. However, today when I listened to it, I thought of this friend of mine, Wilson Tang.

During my long leave, I packed my letters & cards that I had since yonder years ago. Then, I took the opportunity to go through all that was given to me. Some brought me back down the memory lane, some brought tears brimming, some warmed my heart, some cause me to understand past misunderstandings more. One letter stood right out in the lime light.

I received this letter on 4th July 1996. In the letter, he said ".....There's another thing I would like to tell you and that is I have this deep conviction in me to bring you back to God. I don't know why I felt this way, maybe it's the plan of God for letting me know you. Therefore, you may find me sometimes persistence in calling you to go to church or come for cell group. Sorry for being lor soh. But I really hope to see you back on track with God again. I will keep praying for you....."

I backslided in 1994. Came back to God in 2002. I believe in those 8 years, someone must have been praying for me.

There are indeed a few friends whom I would love to meet up again. Wilson is definitely one. Both of us went overseas on separate times and we just lost contact. A dear friend who has always stood by me when I was in my down-est most time between 1995-1997. Another would be a dear ex-colleague, Chew Foo, who told me "When you go to Brisbane, don't get too lazy to go to church ah! I will pray that someone will bring you to one since I failed to do that." For now, I wish I could call them and say "Hey! Am back to God!"

Thank you guys..!

Thank You
Ray Boltz

I dreamed I went to heaven
And you were there with me
We walked upon the streets of gold
Beside the crystal sea
We heard the angels singing
Then someone called your name
You turned and saw this young man
And he was smiling as he came
And he said friend you may not know me now
And then he said but wait
You used to teach my Sunday School
When I was only eight
And every week you would say a prayer
Before the class would start
And one day when you said that prayer
I asked Jesus in my heart

CHORUS
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am a life that was changed
Thank you for giving to the Lord
I am so glad you gave

Then another man stood before you
And said remember the time
A missionary came to your church
And his pictures made you cry
You didn’t have much money
But you gave it anyway
Jesus took the gift you gave
And that’s why I’m here today

CHORUS (repeat)

One by one they came
Far as the eyes could see
Each life somehow touched
By your generosity
Little things that you had done
Sacrifices made
Unnoticed on the earth
In heaven now proclaimed

And I know that up in heaven
You’re not supposed to cry
But I am almost sure
There were tears in your eyes
As Jesus took your hand
And you stood before the Lord
He said, my child look around you
For great is your reward

CHORUS (repeat)

I am so glad you gave

Wedding

My extended family and me hardly meet up with one another. However, somehow, when we meet, we talk, we crap, we joke and sometimes, we just go crazy. Today, we met at my cousin, Michelle's, wedding. During weddings, the same batch of cousins will usually sit together. I belong to the mid-late 70s batch. There'll be the older batch of cousins at another table. Uncles & Aunties will sit together. It's almost automatic now.

My mum come from a huge family and she's number 8. Because of this, I have a lot of cousins who are older than me. Today, one of the older cousin popped by my table and said that amongst all the cousins, only 5 are left yet married - me inclusive. Good thing, teasing did not carry on as they started to place their focus on Carol with questions like "When's your ROM?", "How did he propose huh?", etc. Heee... it's with questions like these, I love to just sit and eat. Don't talk too much!

At my table, sat 2 of my favorite cousins who are siblings. With them, sat their 2 baby girls just 2 months apart. Carol and I had a HUGE fun of time trying to grab them for photos and to play. Unfortunately, none of us had the mother scent thus both babies kept crying for their parents.

Anyway, this entry is after all about my cousin's wedding thus I shall not focus too much on the babies. Hee... When my cousin gave her speech, I can't help but drop tears at the demise of my uncle. I am sure if he is still alive, he will indeed the happiest man this evening. As I saw my cousin walk down the aisle, honestly, I cannot believe that she is married. 5 years younger than me, I always see her as a little girl. The image of a little girl has been etched on my mind for ages. However, on the other hand, when I see her walk down that aisle, I have this deep feelings that she is greatly loved by God and her husband. I am glad and I rejoice together with her. They both presented to us a Jacky Cheung song - a song that brought them both together. My cousins and I were in awe at how well she could actually sing! Hee.. The irony of it all was that the song was sung in Cantonese. Still remember how hard it was for her to speak Cantonese when she was younger.

Photos for viewing. =)

Family Portrait

Actually, to confess, I kinda miss having my daddy at home. When I was meeting my friend at the shopping mall near my house for a short catch up, each time I look out of the window pane, I seemed to be able to see my dad walking in his slow pace, swinging a plastic bag containing something that he'll buy. Could be a packet of tidbits or something for the house.

It has been 7 weeks and despite frustrations, I am really glad to see my dad improving. Past few days, he managed to do some exercises and is able to help my mum bring him from bed to chair or vice versa.

As for me, I was astounded to know that in just a week and half, it'll be May. I can't believe how fast time flies. It's going to be mid year soon! Gonna go back to work the coming Monday and frankly, I'm rather fearful. I have already been "warned" by my colleagues of the changes at work & my increased responsibilities. I have been using this last week of leave to prepare myself mentally. In fact, I was greatly blessed by sermon delivered by Ps Jeff's last week hit home for me when he spoke about fear. Am reminded again that God is my courage and my tower of refuge. Do not fear for the Lord is with me.

Home VS Work

Had training at work last Friday morning. In that training, we had 8 role plays portraying 8 different lives. At the end of the training, ED asked what did we take away. I almost blurted out "I can't wait to get back to work..."

I know.. Grass is often seemed greener on the other side. Many have told me to treasure what I have now - ability to stay at home. Some have told me that they envy me for being able to stay at home. Some told me that I finally had the opportunity to understand how they feel being a homemaker!

Well, honestly speaking, I really really do enjoy and appreciate the break that I had. It has allowed me to single-mindedly help take care of my family. Not just my dad but to run errands for mum and together with my sister, my mum's load is very much lighter. It has also helped me appreciate what has been going on in my house. Being a working person in my household, I often relied on my parents with alot of things like which type of rice/oil/soap powder/stuffs, which cloth is to wipe which floor, laundry, cooking, walking & feeding dogs. The 5-week stay at home has helped me to understand and appreciate my parents' job at home more. And oh.. Guess what?! Being a homemaker is really not easy leh... I can't seem to find spare time! And I actually thought that I will have more spare time since I am on leave. You could tell by the fact that I am so tired even to blog the past one week! Haa! *tsk*

With my dad's stroke, I have also re-prioritize my life thus many decisions I make now will be discussed with my mum & sister. Learning to put family first has always been my weakness actually because since young, I have been very outdoor-ish. Parents often say that my home is actually a hotel. That has been quite a source of many past quarrels. Hee... *smile*

After all that's said and done, as much as I love having the flexibility of time, I have to admit that I do still miss work. (And also cause I know I have to go back to work! I do not grow money on trees.. *hee*) At the same time, I do miss working with my clients. I miss "fighting battles" with colleagues. Upon reflection, I really give thanks to the Lord for I have always been blessed with good working colleagues, environment and superiors. Never once, I felt compelled to vie for any positions or even credibility. Some friends are amused when I share with them how much I feel like wanting to go back to work.

Ultimate conclusion? There will always be pros and cons in whatever situation we are in. I do not think the grass is greener on the other side. It's simply greener on places where you bother to water. Cause either way, when I am at work, I miss being at home. When I am at home, I miss being at work. Best thing to do is to do the best wherever we are. (I try!)

Anyway, no matter what, I am going to enjoy this one last week break at home! Got a list of things to settle for home before life gets busy when I get back to work.

Anything to be envious about?

:)

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain. People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

What Do People Envy About You?

Perfect Song

Last week's worship song in church - In Christ Alone - was at the perfect timing. Not only was it a nice song but it's a song that minister deeply in me. Each time I feel powerless, I feel drained, I feel lonely, the song never fail to minister to my heart. Together with the song is a ministering verse from Isaiah 40:31 "but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Brian Littrell - In Christ Alone
From the album WOW #1's

In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

Chorus:
In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

Chorus

Holiday Eve

Yesterday, I was very touched when mum, sis and Jan decided to wait for me for dinner. When I was in the hosp, I smsed mum and told her to go ahead with dinner first coz I can't leave yet due to some reasons. Mum said "Wait 4 u". When I went home, then I realized that she ate an ice cream cone cause she was hungry!

I had a GREAT dinner!!! Being a holiday eve, Carol cooked her one-time-off porkchop with my favourite char-fried brown crisp onions, broccoli, potato salad (THE only thing I contributed) and pasta!! Yumz Yumz!! (I didn't mention the soup coz it's not nice. Don't buy Select Clam Chowder. Heehee..) The porkchop taste REAL good after being marinated for a good 3 days! Unfortunately for those reading, Carol says it's too tough a job. No more pork chops!! *Sob*

After a full meal, we relaxed for awhile before heading to Siglap for a "kopi" session. None of us had coffee though. 3 teas and 1 Muddy Mud Pie. Carol was absolutely disappointed cause she thought it was the brownie with Ice Cream type. I kinda like the combination of the Choc/Coffee ice cream though!

In the "kopi" session, I was listening to my Carol's interview woes. How "mean" the interviewers could be, how tough & cruel the Engineering line could be. "tough" cause it's a tough job and "cruel" cause you can't climb fast and far. As I was listening, I felt an overwhelming sense of relief that I am no longer in that line. Since graduation, I never thought how I could build a career which I have absolutely no interest in (my fault totally for choosing a wrong course). Of course, in the process of switching my career, there were umpteen times when I felt guilty cause I was under the "Papa-Mama" fund when I did my Bach. What use, honestly, is a good bach honors when it's not used? But all said and done, I truly love what I am doing now. Pay may not be as sky high but it's absolutely sufficient for living.

At the same time when I was listening, I also felt a sense of how de-motivating someone can be when an interview went bad. Before deciding on a career switch, I went for quite a bit of interviews. Often times, I found myself stuck and lack of confidence. When I stepped out of the room, I will always reflect and regret! "Aiya! Why did I answer in this manner? Aiya! Why didn't I think of this answer just now?" After awhile, I told myself I have choices to make - Either to live in regret and have the scene replayed in my mind over and over OR to learn from my mistakes and never let it happen again. I believe our mind and our thought-life is VERY important. Think positive, we will act positive.

ANYHOW, in my recollection, other than my Ozzie days, I think in Sg, yesterday was one of the rarest times when I had a "kopi" session with Carol and Jan; especially with Carol. Ironically, how close in proximity we may be but how far we could be due to different priorities and lifestyle. I absolutely enjoyed last night! We decided to NUA at coffee-club! We really NUA refusing to go home. After that, we took a car drive at the ECP service road. On the way home, mum called Carol and told us that Sparkle was waiting for us to be back home. That was er... 12:30am? He was at the door awaiting to welcome us...!

In all, it was a good time spent with family and friend.

Happy Good Friday!

Gift

Sometimes, it really doesn't matter how ugly the gift may seem to us but if the receiver love the gift, that's what matters most is it?? Hahaha!!! For me, I am often stuck in a dilemma when I shop for a gift - Should I get it in a design that my friend like or should I get something I like?

Life is indeed full of choices! What to have for breakfast, lunch and dinner? Should I bathe now or later? What time should I have my dinner? What time should I pop by the hospital today? Should I sleep just a little while more? Should I take the train or the bus?

Today, I am blessed by a colleague who gave me a book entitled "Celebrating Hope" by the Singapore National Stroke Association (SNSA). In the book are real life stories of stroke survivors and caregivers. As I was on my way back home from training, I opened up my gift (in a crowded train) like a little gal and started reading excitedly. Then it suddenly hit me that my previous lecturer is the President of SNSA. She was a great influence in my life back then. She appeared in an article in IMPACT magazine on how God has been her healer and comforter when she was struck by Stroke. I was embarrassed when a few train riders started staring at me. Then I realized that "Oh! I teared.." Some stories in it is really touching. It helped me understand and prepare me for what is ahead. It helped me appreciate my dad and thank God more.

I feel that as much as caregivers' life has taken a drastic change, nothing is worse than the victim of Stroke. It affects the entire life. For some, they may even have to go back to the basics of learning how to crawl! I have had seen it happen to a friend of around my age and I see how upset he had been and how frustrating it could be as the recovery is slow - Very slow. I think, my dad would have more or less go through the various stage of emotions too. For the past 5 weeks, I really wanna commend on how well my dad fought for his life despite all odds. He has fought a fierce battle and he is still fighting and I really commend him for that! I would believe that for his age, it is a tiring battle. Yet, he chose NOT to give up. And guess what? He told me "There is no doubt that you are praying for me." an answer to my statement "Daddy, don't worry, friends and I are always praying for you."

I believe that God's hand is definitely in it! Keep up daddy! We are with you in this!

Psalms 34:8 "Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."

Bonding with Sparkle

I am quite well-bonded with Sparkle since my dad's hospitalization. He has been sleeping with me every other night. On nights when he doesn't, I do miss having a 3rd party on my bed. Feels empty without him beside me. Unfortunately, he is very hard to tame. Each time we leave the house, we will NOT be surprise finding him pee-d around a few "standard" areas in my house. It's almost as if he is acting up, showing us that he is angry that we left him and Spanner at home. :(

Opposite Attracts!

I can never understand why there's this term "Opposite attracts"? Yet, I see it quite evident in my own life. At least, I can say that for my friendship with my best friend all the way from my Secondary School days. She is also my godsons' mummy.

In our conversation last week, we finally came to a conclusion and agreement how VERY different we are! Ok.. Not that I didn't know though.. Heehee.. Anyhow, it was because of my dad's hospitalization that I see her more often. And it's because we see each other so often, it makes us even more aware of each other. As we both are quite "busy" people with our own individual lives to lead, it's rare that we meet up. Perhaps once in 3 months? In fact, I think I have not visited my godsons since 6 months ago! *sigh*

I have been asked sometimes, by friends and recently by sis, why is she your best friend when you both are so different? We are from different churches, we like different things, we agree that we have different taste in men (heehee), our lifestyle is very different, we can never travel together (either one of us will "die") and often times, we agree to disagree. In fact, I remember we quarrel away our time when we were classmates. For awhile, we were quite out of touch due to a huge disagreement (all thanks to my fault).

However, it's through all these differences and separate lives that I am so assured of her friendship in my heart and my friendship in hers. It's almost as if I am just SO sure that if there is anything that happened to me or my family, I can always turn to her. And I do know that the feeling is mutual. Somehow, it's a confidence that I do not know when or how it started.

I wonder now.. Who's the south pole and who's the north? Heehee...

Why we need to listen?