Entering into the 4th week since my dad's incident and I was reflecting how life has been for me for the past 4 weeks. 4 weeks and so much has happened YET, so much has not happened. To me, time seemed to have come to a standstill for me (and mum agreed).
Due to the care of my father and a change of lifestyle for my family, I stopped serving in HopeKids for awhile. In order to spend more time in the hospital in the night with my dad previous weeks, I did not attend CG too. At the same time, to help motivate my dad through the phase of rehab, my family came to the decision, together with my approval, that I should take a month of unpaid leave.
How I feel? Lost. Very lost. It's like I lost the bearing in my life. I just do not know how to better explain my feeling other than the word "Lost".
Last week, I thought I was at one of my lowest peak. I did not feel like reading the Bible. I felt discouraged. I felt alone. I felt helpless. I felt mentally and emotionally sick. I asked God frustratedly "What is happening Lord!?" Breaking into tears seemed quite easy and I often cry out to God. Often which, though, I will feel this calmness within me.
In my mind, the picture of an ocean kept coming to my mind. In that picture, the ocean was vast cause I see nothing around. Not even a lighthouse. It was very very stormy, very choppy. If I were on a boat, it would have rocked 45deg. YET, I saw someone in the middle of the stormy ocean totally calm and not struggling. That was the calmness. The promise of God of never forsaking me.
It's easy to get tempted into sorrow or depression. However, we ought to remember that there will always be opportunities within a crisis. Opportunities meaning things that I can be thankful for. I believe God's timing is incredibly impeccable. Looking back on this journey, there is really so much to be thankful for. 2 most important. Family getting close. Friendships developed.
1 comment:
Jia you!
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